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Old Foofelah fails to notice the silence falling; she is in the middle of a long diatribe to no one in particular about the sad state of the modern Licktoads. "When Foofelah was a girl, Teeter Chair was twenty mans high. They was cutting hole in Moot House roof for it to stick through. In my day, if Chief goblin talked directly to anyone, they fell down dead! Some exploded. Sad day for Licktoads when they didn't listen to Old Foofelah about this Chief."
"Where Fat Slorb? Fat Slorb so fat it is being not possible that he is being hiding. Fat Slorb!"
Just now remembering about one of their newly found trinkets, Reta pulls out the perfectly well drawn map. She giggles. Old Foofelah looks at the map curiously. "You is good girl, Reta, to be bringing map. Map is showing where Shinyhat Lizardloving tribe is hiding. You is been getting this from Kettlehead?"
"Kettlehead is not even being here! Kettlehead is slowest!"
"Ha!" Old Foofelah gloats. "That is not being lots of toads. That is being one toad. Girl goblin and blue goblin and other goblins have one, two ... more toads! Old Foofelah is winning bet! Loptop is to be apologizing to Old Foofelah."
The crowd of goblins parts at Poog's shout, revealing at its center Loptop, Old Foofelah, and Rempty. Loptop is trying to prod Old Foofelah into the marsh, while the ancient goblin angrily resists. Loptop looks gleeful and Rempty proud, but as the trio in the middle sees the no-longer-whelps arriving, Rempty's wide mouth drops open in confusion, Loptop scowls, and Old Foofelah triumphs. "See? See? Old Foofelah was telling you girl goblin and blue goblin and other goblins was coming back. Reta!" she goes on in a harsher tone. "You is having toads?"
"" Old Foofelah shrieks, leveling an accusing finger at Loptop. "You is cheating! You is filthy Lizardloving Shinyhat traitor, and you is cheating!"
"Wait," Old Foofelah says, looking around suspiciously. "Where is being Kettlehead? Should not Loptop be saying rules to Kettlehead at same time?"
"You is no longer whelps!" Old Foofelah scolds. "You is finding you's own food now, not having food carried to you in buckets." Fortunately, most of the Licktoads are sleeping late after the no-longer-whelping festivities, and the young goblins have no trouble grabbing handsful of food out of pots along the way as Old Foofelah hectors them toward Loptop. "Loptop! LOPTOP!" she shrieks, whacking the bole of a sullen-looking tree with her gnarled stick in emphasis. "Is being morning! Girl goblin and blue goblin is ready to find toads ... and also other goblins," she grumbles as an afterthought.
"Wake up!" The morning begins not dissimilarly to previous ones for the young goblins, except this time it is not Loptop shouting at them and rattling the bars of the whelping cage but Old Foofelah shrieking and wakening them with a kick. "Be waking up, no longer whelps! You is not Licktoads yet, and you has many toads to bring back quicker!"
"Does Ol' Foofelah know what Zarongel's favorit weapon? Poog wants to smash stuff with that."
"Of course Old Foofelah knows," the goblin sniffs. "Is dogslicer, like all goblin heroes carries. You is not finding one just lying around ... but Old Foofelah knows where to find darts. Then, if Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many is trying to eat you, you is throwing darts at Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many and maybe you is not getting eaten. You is getting eaten, you is not coming back with toads before Kettlehead." She frowns direly. "If Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many is eating Kettlehead, then he is not coming back with toads." She cheers up considerably at the prospect. "What about fire? You know where Chuffy get fire?" "Fire is in fire pit," she replies. "But you is not carrying fire in hands or in pockets! Goblins can be using special fire-stick that doesn't burn up fast, but you is having to be getting it from Fat Slorb." Her face squinches up like a dried apple to indicate her distaste for said Slorb. "Darts is in Skrumpnettle's house. Skrumpnettle is stupid; she is not even knowing box of darts is there, but you will be having to trick her to take it away ... or just scare her. Skrumpnettle is weak and easy to scare ... but you is only no-longer-whelps and not very scaring to see." She looks at them doubtfully.
"Loptop will be helping them because he is filthy stinking cheater," Old Foofelah states with certainty. "But you is not to be worrying, Reta, because Old Foofelah is to be helping you ... and blue goblin and other goblins," she adds as an afterthought. "Old Foofelah is knowing where is weapons and shield you can be using in dangerous swamp."
"Is bet!" Old Foofelah nods firmly. "If girl goblin and blue goblin and other goblins is getting back with more toads faster, then Loptop is apologizing to Old Foofelah in front of Licktoads and saying how sorry he is for not respecting Old Foofelah and admitting to being Lizardloving Shinyhat traitor."
Old Foofelah responds with a rude noise. "Kettlehead is not finding toads faster than girl goblin." She jabs her walking stick at Reta. "Girl goblin almost as pretty as Foofelah when Foofelah no-longer-whelp. Almost as clever, too. Kettlehead is not finding toads faster than blue goblin." She jab her stick at Smuz, who flinches quickly, having no idea what is going on. "Blue goblins is extra-good at catching animals. Old Foofelah was blue when no-longer-whelp," she suddenly decides.
"What is Loptop saying?" Old Foofelah demands, tugging at her long, hairy ear. "Why is Loptop disrespecting oldest Licktoad? Old Foofelah is remembering when Loptop was whelp hunting toads. Was coming back with lizard! Lizards is not toads, Loptop! Maybe Loptop is filthy Shinyhat Lizardloving spy!"
"Loptop!" the old goblin snaps. "What about Kettlehead? Is he also not having to catch toads? Old Foofelah is seeing shiny hat but not seeing toads. Maybe Loptop is secret spying traitor for Shinyhat goblin tribe?"
"Girl goblin almost as good as Old Foofelah when Foofelah was whelp," the ancient goblin can be heard to remark to anyone who will listen, "only Foofelah knocked own head clean off shoulders."
Reta's attention is caught by the cackling, old goblin and she listens intently to what she is saying as she lines up with the others whelps. she calmly asks. "Of course is real!" the old goblin snaps.
An ancient-looking goblin, watching with malicious alacrity, cackles. "Many ways to die in swamp," she chortles happily. "Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many eat many goblin babies. Vorka also eat many goblins. Marsh full of dogs and horses; they eats many goblins. Many ways to get eaten in swamp!"
The goblin tugs at her ear, scowling. "Old Foofelah cannot hear when short Longshanks mumbles," she complains.
"Fat Slorb not terrifying," she replies with disgust. "New Chief only keeps Fat Slorb around to talk to goblins so they don't fall over under New Chief's words. Unless you mans can be talked to death, mans have nothing to fear from Fat Slorb. New Chief...." She hesitates. "New Chief says he has mighty bow, can shoot mans dead from a mile away." She clicks her tongue. "Old Foofelah has never seen this, and Old Foofelah was there when New Chief was borned! Old Foofelah said to leave New Chief in swamp and try again, but no one listens to Old Foofelah. Sad day for Licktoad tribe. Old Chief rode wild pig with tusks and skewered Longshanks on his spear. Got six mans on his spear before stopping to pull them off. Old Foofelah seen it!" She chuckles in appreciation of the image.
When Gilfroy has repeated his message in a louder voice, Old Foofelah draws herself up in a dignified manner and turns her beady eyes evilly on the others. "Old Foofelah has no slicer! Old Foofelah cannot slit throats! Old Foofelah cannot even reach throats ... except for two short Longshanks," she amends.
The goblin is on her feet and wary now, after Walthus' little rope adventure, her eyes darting back and forth uncomprehendingly as the people who broke into her home decide her fate.
The goblin begins to shriek and kick up a ruckus as the strange invaders speak amongst themselves in their foreign tongue and then walk toward her with rope and malign intent.
When Gilfroy shouts the translation of the Warden's question, she cackles. "Old Foofelah can tells you where to find new chief. Longshanks is to be following wall that way." She jabs her finger to the east. "New chief is in Moot House." She sighs. "Would have been easier to find in old days. When Old Foofelah was girl, Teeter Chair was thirty mans high. Had to cut hole in Moot House roof. Licktoad village was full of sound of exploding goblins. Sad day for Licktoads when they do not listen to Old Foofelah about new chief."
"Why is Longshanks not killing new chief?" Old Foofelah demands angrily, frustrated with the party's unorthodox goblin-village-attacking tactics. "Must kills new Chief, then Longshanks get map. Oh, and must be killing Fat Slorb too. Fat Slorb might also be having map."
When he has repeated his offer in a louder voice, the goblin glares at him again suspiciously. "Old Foofelah is not having map. New chief is having map." Her expression brightens into something almost like a smile. "Has you Longshanks been killing new chief?" she asks hopefully.
The old goblin narrows her eyes at the gnome, either with malice or because the sunlight is bothering her again. "Licktoads have map. Map leads to treasure. But bony men follow goblins back to Licktoad village. Goblin heroes put up brave defense!" She puffs out her sunken chest. "But cowardly new chief is afraid of bony men. He gives away treasure Licktoads rightfully found. We owns map; we owns treasure!"
Old Foofelah snorts in derision. "That Poog's idea. He say Zarongel protect us from the bony men if we kill dogs to him. Old Foofelah say Poog is dog-loving Birdcruncher traitor, but no one listens to Old Foofelah."
"Bah!" She spits on the ground. "New chief stole treasure of bony men. Old Foofelah warned new chief, but new chief didn't listen. Sad day for Licktoads when they doesn't listen to Old Foofelah." She shakes her head sadly.
The old goblin scowls and tugs at her long ear. "Short Longshanks should not mumble when he speaks to Old Foofelah," she grumbles, although her tone quickly reverts to a pathetic whine. "Old Foofelah cannot hear when Short Longshanks whispers." When Gilfroy repeats his question at a shout, she replies, "What trouble could Old Foofelah cause? Old Foofelah has no dogslicer." She spreads her hands to show that she is unarmed.
As the doorway fills with more onlookers, they block the daylight coming through, and the goblin dares to uncover its eyes a little bit and blink at the intruders. It is the oldest and most decrepit goblin anyone there has seen, although it does seem to be unarmed except for a walking stick lying next to it on the ground. As Melon said, the interior of the hut does stink of rotting food overlaid with a strong cloud of cheap perfume.
Bibbo and Tucko didn't yell loud enough for Old Foofelah to hear what they said, but she saw them mumble something that made her audience laugh at her and turn away. Laugh at her! Old Foofelah! The oldest goblin ever! Burning with anger, she points her finger at Tucko. "You hasn't seen fireworks up close enough yet, goblin," she mutters.
Finding herself, against all odds, once again still alive , Old Foofelah crawls to her feet and decides to even old scores and add to the general confusion. "Birdcruncher traitor try to kill Licktoad Chief!" she shrieks to the rubbernecking goblins. "He bring disguised dog right into Licktoad settlement where he can pet it and walk it on string! And then he light fireworks and destroy Licktoad Moot House and Teeter Chair! Only Old Foofelah's brave actions save Licktoad chief!"
Old Foofelah demonstrates the techniques that have assured her longevity thus far by focussing solely on getting herself out alive.
"What new chief say, Reta?" Old Foofelah asks, looking up at him suspiciously.
The multitude of goblins singing is loud enough for even Old Foofelah to hear. Smiling in self-satisfaction, she nods and waves to the crowd, gratified that she is finally getting the respect she is due.
Old Foofelah follows the group crankily, keeping a wide distance from Poog and his deadly aura of Zarongel.
"Bah!" Old Foofelah comments. "When Old Foofelah was girl, Licktoads burned horses alive, on whole fleets of ships. Watched them burn and then drown."
"Reta, what dog-loving Birdcruncher traitor say?" Old Foofelah demands. When Reta relays the message, Old Foofelah scowls at Pussl. "That just what dog-loving Birdcruncher traitor would say when he is found out. Old Foofelah is watching you, Birdcruncher traitor. And your little dog, too!"
Old Foofelah turns her beady little eyes on Pussl suspiciously. "Birdcruncher traitor is trying to kill Licktoads and steal fireworks for traitorous Birdcrunchers!" she sounds the alarm. "Not enough they take Rusty Limbbiter, now they is wanting fireworks, too!"
"Goblins kill frog now!" Old Foofelah snaps, not liking the way it's looking at her now that it sees her. The Zarongel-puppet will pay for making her waste her magic drink before all the animals were dead....
With an uneasy look at the cleric, Old Foofelah realizes she is going to have to take an active role in this battle or be taken out by collateral damage. Moving quickly down the southern wall of the cabin, she points at the frog over Chiggo's once-again-prone body. "You dies quick, froggy, before Zarongel kills us all."
"Ha, ha," Old Foofelah chuckles. "Now frog is after Reta's girly bits. You is catnip! Still not as pretty as Old Foofelah when she was girl."
As the negative energy washes over Old Foofelah, she clutches at her shriveled little heart, afraid death has caught up with her at last. When she finds that she is in fact still alive, she jumps up in anger and screams at Poog, "You keeps Zarongel away from Old Foofelah! Old Foofelah has defied the gods longer than any other goblin!" She opens her mouth wide in a shriek that quickly grows so shrill no one can hear it -- except, apparently, Poog.
"You has already eaten last goblin, Vorka," Old Foofelah tells her. "Old Foofelah was there when Vorka was born. Vorka had potential, not like new chief and dog-loving Birdcruncher traitor. And now Old Foofelah here when Vorka dies," she says matter-of-factly.
Old Foofelah climbs up onto the chest of fireworks and has a seat. "You is not needing to come to this sad end, Vorka. Should have welcomed Old Foofelah. Licktoad tribe has new useless chief you could have eaten. And Fat Slorb, too." She sighs, from her perch. "If only you is showing Old Foofelah more respect."
"Tsk, tsk" Old Foofelah clucks. "You is rude, Vorka. You is not welcoming Old Foofelah into your house. You is always thinking you is better than Old Foofelah, Vorka. Old Foofelah knows." She shakes her head disapprovingly.
Old Foofelah strolls unconcernedly into the cabin of the boat. "I is remembering you, Vorka. Is you remembering Old Foofelah?" she asks politely, as she moves down the southern wall of the cabin and begins poking through the cannibal's belongings.
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