"Bah!" Old Foofelah comments. "When Old Foofelah was girl, Licktoads burned horses alive, on whole fleets of ships. Watched them burn and then drown."
Chiggo thinks this is a grand idea, and once the horse is moved, he'll light his torch and start breathing gouts of flame at the damp, bog-ridden ship.
And gouts of flame.
And more gouts.
Chiggo is starting to look a little winded.
Chiggo then says, gasping for air, "Chiggo think this work better if fire priests help. Pussl go light Vorka hut on fire, Poog and Zarongel light back part on fire. Chiggo keep lighting middle."
As Chiggo continues breathing on the boat, making it burn brighter and brighter, Reta gets caught up in Old Foofelah's story. She dreams of how magnificent that would be as the boat before her burns even brighter. Returning her attention back to the boat, you can see the flames reflect in her eyes at the fantastic sight.
Pussl looks at Reta as though she's nuts. "Pussl don't drag dead horse."
He does help out with setting the ship on fire, however, after ordering Stink to stay a safe distance from the ship.
The fire begins to spread, slowly engulfing the ship. The lower deck is the first to fully alight. As the flames reach higher, the upper deck bursts aflame as well. The flames dance in the sky in numerous pretty patterns, crackling away. Eventually there is a loud crash as the upper deck collapses into the lower and the rigging falls away with a spectacular smash sending sparkling cinders flying through the air.
Chuffy enjoys the fire for a while before leaving for the tribe.
Seeing as Chuffy is already leaving, and his master plan to lure Pussl onto the boat and burn him alive was thwarted by the fact that the ship is way more flammable than he first thought, he contents himself with watching the boat and the druid for awhile before turning to Reta and saying, very authoritatively, "Okay. We go back now."
Poog minds leaving the burning ship at this time - he's well entranced and misty eyed as he sees the flames lick and flick higher and higher. "Zarongel, greatest of goblin gods! Behold offering we bring! Give Poog - most devoted - more power to bring more fire in your name!" Realizing that he'll be left behind if he doesn't start moving, he gets his gait on and runs along with zippy speed, catching up a few moments later.
Seeing as Chuffy is already leaving, and his master plan to lure Pussl onto the boat and burn him alive was thwarted by the fact that the ship is way more flammable than he first thought, he contents himself with watching the boat and the druid for awhile before turning to Reta and saying, very authoritatively, "Okay. We go back now."
Reta shrugs as she turns and heads toward camp with the rest of them.
Pussl sighs and sends Poog a look of such disappointment. They wouldn't have to be listening to Barking Dog bark the whole trek back if it weren't for Poog.
Shaking his head, he orders Stink to scout the path ahead.
Old Foofelah follows the group crankily, keeping a wide distance from Poog and his deadly aura of Zarongel.
The journey back to the Licktoad village is just as long as it was out to the ship, but it is uneventful this time. As you enter the village, the other goblins come out of their huts, eyes widening as they see the fireworks you're carrying. After a moment they begin to cheer and sing.
We be Licktoads! We make raid!
Put the longshanks to the blade!
Burn them up from feet to head,
Make them hurt, then make them dead!
Cut the parents into ham,
Smush the babies into jam,
All the rest in pot get stewed,
We be Licktoads - you be food!
As they sing, they begin herding you all towards the Moot House to see Chief Gutwad.
The multitude of goblins singing is loud enough for even Old Foofelah to hear. Smiling in self-satisfaction, she nods and waves to the crowd, gratified that she is finally getting the respect she is due.
Pussl holds up one of the rockets for the crowd to see, showing his teeth in a vicious grin while Stinker stalks at his heels, snarling and growling at anyone who comes too close.
Chuffy doesn't like all the attention. More than once as the group is being ushered to the moot house, he has to stop himself from dropping the fireworks and cutting someone.
The goblins follow the heroes all the way to the Moot House and several even try to follow you inside. However, Slorb stops them and commands them to wait.
Inside, Chief Gutwad sits in the Teeter Chair, which itself sits precariously on top of a semi-rotted crate. It seems someone has been trying to make the Teeter Chair just a little bit taller.
Chief Gutwad smiles broadly at you as you enter. "You be true Licktoad heroes! You bring back fireworks!" His gaze falls on Old Foofelah. "You also bring back old bag. This not so good, but we forgive. Now, you tell me of your adventures." He leans back in the chair, which wobbles unsteadily, almost toppling over, so he quickly leans forward again and waits for someone to speak.
"What new chief say, Reta?" Old Foofelah asks, looking up at him suspiciously.
She scratches her head and shrugs.
Her eyes going wide. She thinks a moment, She reminds them. She concentrates, again thinking of what happened next. Again concentrating. She giggles and then claps. Thinking about that a moment, then shrugging, She giggles again, her attention turning to Chiggo. After a time, she eventually realizes it's gone quiet and looks around, remembering she hasn't finished. She demonstrates and then laughs. She continues to laugh. She throws her arms out as far as she can to explain how many boats. She throws it down on the ground for all to see.
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Pussl gets so angry at Reta's tirade that the only thing that stops him from killing her on the spot is the need to hold his hands over his ears.
Stinker, sensing his anger, begins to growl in Reta's direction, fur standing stiffly from its neck.
Pussl steps forward. "Pussl and Stinker kill Vorka while Barking Dog," he gestures at Reta, "tries to mate with Chiggo. Pussl and Stinker also kill Long Legs Eats Goblin Babies Many while Barking Dog break her weapons. If not for Pussl," he claps his chest hard with a hand, "no goblin live to return except for Old Foofelah, who is too ugly to kill."
The chief's eyes narrow as he looks back and forth between Reta and Pussl. "This no time for arguing!" he snaps in his deep, loud voice. "You be goblin heroes! You act like goblin heroes and tell real story!"
Pussl shakes his head. "Is real story! Heroes fight Long Legs Eats Goblin Babies Many. Long Legs Eats Goblin Babies Many die when Stinker bites it. Heroes find ship with Vorka and fireworks. Kill Long-Legs That Kick Goblin Heads and kill Dog. Pussl and Stinker kill Vorka while Old Foofelah scream at Poog and Chigga and Barking Dog mate on floor. Pussl also save Chiggo and Barking Dog by shooting fireworks at Dog."
His brow wrinkles. "Pussl thought dog already dead. How did dog almost kill Chiggo and Barking Dog? Maybe they NOT kill dog. Pussl surrounded by bad liars."
Stealth:
"Bah!" Chief Gutwad says exasperatedly. "It no matter! You be heroes. Maybe Pussl be best hero. Maybe Reta. All that matters is we have fireworks! Now we can--"
He stops at a sudden flaring sound. Reta is the first to smell fire, but the rest of the goblins quickly smell it too. And see it. "Who light fireworks?" Chief Gutwad says and looks to the door just in time to see Chuffy smile and slip out. He looks back at the fireworks.
Slorb is already scrambling to get to them, but the first fuse reaches its end the first firework explodes into action, lighting other fuses as it does so.
Chief Gutwad screams as the Teeter Chair topples over while Slorb runs in panic for the door. The rest of you scramble for the door, too, as the Moot House erupts with bursting fireworks. It would be a very pretty display if it weren't for the fact that you are all right in the middle of it.
Poog runs in circles, like several other goblins, trying to avoid the fireworks by sheer force of energetic luck. "haaah! hahahaha! ouch HaHAH!" Eventually he decides to fall prone and lurch to the crate of fireworks and drag it out of the building - figuring that turning them off will be futile and not a suitable offering to Zarongel in any event.
Chiggo, closer to the door than Pussl, gives the obnoxious druid a hefty shove towards the exploding fireworks before ducking out the door.
Bullrush attempt: Should be enough to move him up to 10 feet.
Pussl stumbles forward as Chiggo shoves him, and reaches for his spear, chucking it at Chiggo before he can get out the door.
Stinker, meanwhile, goes into a spitting rage and launches himself at Chiggo.
Edited because my original plan didn't make much sense.
Old Foofelah demonstrates the techniques that have assured her longevity thus far by focussing solely on getting herself out alive.
Poog, finding it too hard to maneuver the flaring and exploding collection of fireworks, opts to simply push it over, hiding himself behind the bottom end of the toppled box, while the open end spews fireworks with reckless abandon. "Great Zarongel protect Poog! Poog is bestest servant of all and hero to Licktoads. He deserves it! Hail Zarongel!"
Chiggo shoves Pussl and dives for the door. Pussl's spear flies beneath him, but the dog/rat/thing leaps at him, opening a hash in his throat with his teeth. Chiggo goes down again!
Reta seeing Chiggo fall again because of the Birdcruncher traitor, She says as she grabs Chiggo and drags him out of the hut. She states as a matter of fact to no one.
As Reta drags Chiggo from the Moot House, Chief Gutwad barrels over top of the unconscious goblin as he runs outside. Gradually the rest of you stumble outside as the fireworks continue to pop and explode in a sort of fiery symphony.
The rest of the Licktoad tribe have come out of their homes and are watching the symphony, a look of awe on all their face. The climax comes when the roof of the Moot House blows off, and the remaining fireworks shoot into the air, lighting up the sky.
"Chiggo never gonna get Reta's girly parts if Chiggo dead." She states as a matter of fact to no one.
As Chief Gutwad comes out Chuffy is there to meet him. He stabs at him with the Gorge of Gluttons.
"Him try to kill heroes. The heroes kill Fatwad."
Stealth:
Gorge of Gluttons:
to hit damage
Chuffy's attack on Chief Gutwad misses. The chief glares at him. "You definitely not get to marry my daughter," he says, then hurries off into the crowd of goblins.
"What? Him have daughter?"
Reta giggles at Chief Gutwad running away from Chuffy, as she's still holding Chiggo's hand, stopped at the moment from dragging him along with her everywhere she goes. She shrugs as she giggles again. She giggles yet again. She starts back again, dragging Chiggo along. Pausing a moment, a thought crossing her mind, Reta bends down and places her hand under the top of Chiggo's pants, lifting them up, peeking. "Nope. Chiggo's squishy bits won't work like that." She says as a matter of fact in her "quiet" voice, as she lets his pants snap back down and then resumes dragging him to her hut.
Poog pokes out his head from the previously brilliantly lit building. "Is it over?"
"Him have daughter?"
Reta overhears Chuffy again, seeing how her dragging Chiggo has slowed her pace down dramatically. A thought then pops into her psychotic little mind. She moves over there to him as she puts a bit more oomph into pulling Chiggo. She thrusts Chiggo's hand out for Chuffy to see who she's talking about.
"Of course him have daughter!" Slorb says, coming up beside Chuffy. "Gupy Wartbits is most eligible goblin in whole Licktoad tribe. And you not marry her!" He sticks out his tongue at Chuffy and then turns to look at Chiggo. "Not him either. She marry me!" With a laugh, he runs off.
Finding herself, against all odds, once again still alive , Old Foofelah crawls to her feet and decides to even old scores and add to the general confusion. "Birdcruncher traitor try to kill Licktoad Chief!" she shrieks to the rubbernecking goblins. "He bring disguised dog right into Licktoad settlement where he can pet it and walk it on string! And then he light fireworks and destroy Licktoad Moot House and Teeter Chair! Only Old Foofelah's brave actions save Licktoad chief!"
The other goblins look at Old Foofelah, then at Pussl, then back at Old Foofelah.
"Just Old Foofelah being Old Foofelah," Bibbo Eatsdirt says.
"Yeah, nobody listens to Old Fool-felah," Tucko Missingear adds.
The other goblins laugh and turn away.
The other goblins look at Old Foofelah, then at Pussl, then back at Old Foofelah.
"Just Old Foofelah being Old Foofelah," Bibbo Eatsdirt says.
"Yeah, nobody listens to Old Fool-felah," Tucko Missingear adds.
The other goblins laugh and turn away.
Bibbo and Tucko didn't yell loud enough for Old Foofelah to hear what they said, but she saw them mumble something that made her audience laugh at her and turn away. Laugh at her! Old Foofelah! The oldest goblin ever! Burning with anger, she points her finger at Tucko. "You hasn't seen fireworks up close enough yet, goblin," she mutters.
Reta glowers at Fat Slorb. Then another thought comes to mind. She concludes as she stares at Fat Slorb walking away all uppity like. The thought of destoying Slorb gaining momemtum the more she thinks about him. She pulls her dogslicer out and points it in his direction. She remains looking straight ahead as she turns her eyes toward Chuffy, still pointing her dogslicer, a sinister look upon her face if there ever was one.
"Okays"
Chuffy pulls out a bottle of yuck juice and forces some down Chiggo's throat.
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Reta's eyes go big as she didn't realize Chuffy had a curative on hand. Her smile widens. She helps Chiggo up. She scolds as she points her finger at him. She tells him, her dogslicer out.
She then notices Poog. That line of reasoning making perfect sense to her.
As she makes plans to begin to leave, she remembers something. Seeing Old Foofelah getting into some type of commotion with Tucko,
She then turns to Chuffy and Chiggo. She salivates as an insane plan is forming. She again lowers to her "whisper" voice. "Okay, Chuffy, Chiggo. Reta will find Fat Slorb cause Reta good finder. Reta will 'stract Fat Slorb, then Chuffy be sneaksy and come up behind Fat Slorb and cut him. Chiggo help Reta 'stract Fat Slorb, while Chuffy be sneaksy. Reta think that goodest plan." She giggles.
"Chuffy like plan." He slinks off into the shadows.
Stealth:
Pussl stares at the other goblins, his lower lips curling down in disgust. "Licktoad goblins stupid. Come, Stinker. We let stupid goblins kill each other."
He leaves the chaos of the village to return to his hut in the wilds with Stinker at his size.