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If anyone would be willing to take a look, I've added another section to my character page, which I titled "A Day in the Life". It's Lemor working for the professor, and I'm not confident that my ability to write dialogue is very good, so I'd appreciate any feedback. It's kindof long, but hopefully it's also interesting enough that it doesn't feel long. Hopefully also it gives a good sense of Lemor's voice and how I will write the character, that's what I'm most interested in.
Just because past outcomes don't affect future outcomes does not mean that the odds of killing three bears in a row is better than the odds of killing one bear cubed. It would, however, mean that had a character killed three bears in the past, they would still have a 40% chance of successfully killing a bear in the future. Anyway, I've modified the section where Lemor loses financial support from his parents to make it clear that the was not cut off, and that it's actually a bit more complex than that. I don't think Lemor's behavior is reasonable, that is, I don't think it's what most people would do, but I do think it is realistic, since it's true to his character. Anyone else want to look over what I've got? I'll do my best to reciprocate.
Sure that the game isn't meant for realism, although if it was a human could easily kill a bear. However, I tend to be of the opinion that you should shoot to avoid things that are unlikely in preference of things that are more likely when it doesn't make a big difference, since the burden of suspension of disbelief shouldn't really be on the reader. Again, in my opinion. If as you suspect it's 40% to win, killing two bears is is .16 and three is .064, so it's not super likely that he's casually wrestling bears to death, although not impossible, especially if he has allies. Anyway, bears aside, that's actually not what I had intended to convey, Barret, so obviously some revision is in order on my part, thanks for the help.
Interesting Barret, I can definitely see that, which portions of the backstory convey that most to you? Are there other key aspects? Additionally, do you feel that I'm made mistakes writing wise? Were transitions too abrupt? Does it feel like every action taken was reasonable and no one acted stupidly? Reading over what you've got, I'd say that you should focus on writing more. What's life like as a barbarian? How does Barret get along with his family? Does he have friends? Has he killed anyone? I would just use one section to write about Barret's childhood through his connection to the professor and on, not break it up into multiple parts. Also, from a realism standpoint I don't think humans can fight bears without weapons and succeed, and it's very difficult for humans to fight wolves without weapons and succeed, and when we do often we come out of the exchange down on limbs. The game isn't meant to be too close to reality in this way, but I still have a tough time believing your character could fight a bear with no weapons and consistently win like your backstory suggests. Real humans have an easy time killing bears, but we do it by throwing spears, not by trying to wrestle them. Daniel Valiros, I read over what you've got and it looks like a decent start. I would focus on the lower level of my writing if I were you, some of the sentences are a bit confusing to read and there seem to be a few grammatical mistakes which in places make it a bit tough to follow. My suggestion is that you read it out loud slowly or get someone else to read it out loud while you listen. I'll also say that the part about the townsfolk being ignorant seems to come a bit out of nowhere, and I don't really understand what the ignorance and paranoia of the townsfolk had to do with his mother's death.
Thanks for the complements. I mentioned that they were afraid Lemor wouldn't fulfill his potential and tried to push him to be the best he could be, but that's about it. If you had to describe Lemor, how would you? I want to see what I got across. Anything you want me to keep in mind if you'd like me to take a look at your own submission?
You're welcome. I know it seems small, but it definitely made a big difference reading things through, because the pictures are so important for identifying characters.
I've updated Lemor. He's now a human, his backstory has been revised, and he's been leveled up. I've not updated the equipment section yet, I'll probably do that tomorrow. Probably going to change some more stuff around and revise the backstory again before the deadline. If anyone would like to read my backstory and offer suggestions, that'd be appreciated, and in return I can offer my own feedback on your backstory. I've done that sort of mutual review before and found it quite helpful. I've also read through the gameplay so far, which I found enjoyable. I like your use of different aliases, GM, and enjoyed the theme music where it was quite a bit.
I made this character for another Carrion Crown game for which I was not accepted. I've got a few questions. First, what are you looking for in submissions? What aspects of the character are most important? I wrote this character with the following things in mind: 1) A compelling, interesting story was more important than an accurate picture of the character's personality. 2) I only had six paragraphs to write my background, which is a bit lower than I would have liked. 3) High writing quality was very important. I imagine that with three players already, there are other considerations. For one thing, I imagine it makes my character's mechanical abilities substantially more relevant, as they should mesh well with the group. Likewise, if my character's personality seems substantially at odds with others in the group, that might influence your decision making. Please let me know what you think and, if you like, take a look at my character as written.
Congratulations to the 6, good luck.
You should remember to copy it before you hit submit so that if it gets eaten you don't have to rewrite it over again. The Emerald Duke: Changed a few lines in both places you mentioned, should make a bit more sense now. I'm probably also going to add a physical description if you'd like to check that out. If I were you I'd try to write the bit about pride in his father into the backstory. The part about the duel as well, and maybe the part about the knowledge. That way things aren't open ended and your character is nice and clearly defined in the eyes of someone who just reads the backstory. I meant put some extra white space in there, your paragraphs are not too big. I'm going to put up a physical description in a bit, I'm sure it could use a once over.
Turns out that bated breath is actually abated breath, which is pretty cool. I swear I'm not trying to bait a negative reaction by pointing out the etymology of the phrase. I'm actually not, that previous comment seems like the sort of thing someone would say sarcastically, but it was too hard to resist the lure of a good pun. Lure? As in bait? I would go for a thesaurus at this point but instead I'm going to go for some sleep. Good luck all. The Emerald Duke: I've been trying to move very heavy things, talk to extended family members, and wander around in the woods a lot this weekend. It seems, however, that if I just wait until after midnight, none of those things are too distracting any longer. My intelligence might be a bit lower than normal, so uh...keep that in mind. My backstory has been revised somewhat, and I'd be glad if you gave it a look. As for what you've done, some thoughts that are not well organized. That last line is a nice closing and I don't think you should change it. I'd like to know why Marius feels consoled by the fact that his father won the duel. I can figure it out pretty easily, but I'd like it if you told me. Someone else might disagree. You should probably break up those paragraphs a bit more. I wasn't really expecting you to say that the old man seemed larger than life. Maybe it'd be better if you showed Marius's impression of the professor when you talk about the jobs they did together or the knowledge they shared, instead of later. The sentence "Had his father lived to old age, Marius might have been able to enter the academy himself." feels like it's missing something. I think that might be intentional since it's a transition. Four minutes is a long time, even if the master's being real cautious because his opponent's using a sharp sword, four minutes is still a really long time. Why does Marius learn the specific information that he does from the professor? Why does he care about how to tell what's valuable and what's junk? You should probably feel free to ignore some portion of this post. Thanks for your help and good luck getting chosen.
The Emerald Duke: Just going to go through this in order, since that's easy and it's getting late. That makes sense and I'll do that. Do you think I can combine the fifth and sixth paragraphs? Seems reasonable. If he's spending a lot of time practicing then he's probably skilled enough even at a young age. I would acknowledge it though, perhaps with a line about he was always the young lad trying to impress his elders or something like that. That's an interesting note. Historically it was really important to always pretend to be ready to defend your honor with a duel, but it was actually very rare to fight someone with the intention of one of you dying, since that tends to carry a high risk of one of you dying. Mostly in real life what would happen is that someone would threaten to duel but back out for some reason, or their friends would hold them back so they wouldn't look bad. When firearms were common, the standard practice in a duel was for both people to fire into the sky, since neither of them wanted to die, and that was considered suitable to satisfy honor. But enough about real life, that situation you described seems plausible enough to me. Just make sure that it's in your backstory. What would he do with the rest of his day? If he's practicing for four hours a day, which is a lot, and he spends another hour on his sword, which I think is moderately superfluous, there are still a lot of hours left in the day. Does he go drinking a lot? Romance? Have many or few friends? Any other hobbies? Just a few questions that come to mind. It's sensible enough, but I still have some questions. First, about what he wants. Does he want to get people to recognize that he's fulfilled their expectations, that is, he's as good as his father, or does he simply want people to recognize that he's a gifted individual? There are subtle differences. And does he want the Swordlords to accept him as one of their own or does he want to prove to them that he's better than they are? Again, there are differences. Perhaps he wants different things from different groups? Second, about the obstacles. What does it take to get into the academy, and why hasn't he already been accepted? Is it because he's afraid of rejection or because they simply don't think he's good enough? Or does the academy work only on an invitational basis, and he's first got to prove himself? Whatever your answers, make sure they end up in the backstory. This has been a good exchange so far.
The Emerald Duke: Those are good enough reasons. To some extent Lemor might just be fleeing the money after all, as you put it. I'm not currently sure if it's a good or bad thing, I'm going to look into it, but I'm glad you brought that to my attention. I like that suggestion about the debts piling up, everything about that makes sense, and I'm probably going to be incorporating it with very few changes. Do you think that if I included more details about Lemor living in Magnimar before the jump into first person it would work, or should I just stay third person narrator? I like the structure of things as they are now with the most important part of the backstory being emphasized by being different in style, and I'm interested in having Lemor talk, but if you don't think it works then I'll consider cutting it. Probably going to end up with him just being born wealthy and that's that, since it's simple. Simple is good, Lemor's got complexity elsewhere. Thanks again, this has been helpful so far. Now on to Marius. I've got a number of smaller things first, so I'll just list them out. You've listed him as wearing studded leather armor. There's no real problem here, aside from the fact that the leather portions of most historical sets of armor which included leather were boiled and functioned like a hard, inflexible plastic. And also that putting studs on soft leather won't actually make it any better at protecting you, but will make you better at impersonating a biker if that ever comes up. I feel obligated to point this out. One thing I notice right away is that Marius is 14 at the funeral and it's "about that time" that he is first employed by Lorimer. Not impossible, but that does seem a little young. Why would the coward bother poisoning his sword if the poison was slow acting? It didn't kill Marius's father for two weeks, so presumably it would have no effect on the results of their fight. And why would a coward challenge a swordmaster in the first place, particularly over just "some perceived slight"? You say that the professor rewarded him with "gold and insight into the world and the way it works". What is this insight? Does it have big effects on Marius? Finally, I have two big observations. First, I'm not quite sure how much time Marius is spending on these expeditions, but if he started when he was 14 and he's 22 now, that's 8 years to fill. What's he been up to for most of that time? Has he been working as a blacksmith crafting weapons, trying to make his fortunes? Has he been spending the gold Lorimer's given him? There's a lot you can do here, but I'd be interested to know what else has been going on in Marius's life. Second, I'm going to copy paste from the GM for a second: Tell me why I should be invested in the character's past, and you can show me how he looks later. As far as having a beginning, middle, and end, the beginning and middle is definitely necessary, but the end may be yet to come, especially if you want some part of it to be incorporated into the campaign. The biggest factor in getting considered is if I can find something in the background to sink my teeth into and work into a story later on. It's my intent to make every character feel involved in the plot and in the party. I'm not super invested in Marius's past. I know that he worked hard for a long time, and that he was well under the thumb of both his father and Lorimer, but I don't get a sense of action from him. What does he want? See if you can write a simple sentence which sums up what your character wants and then ask yourself what obstacles exist that prevent them from getting what they want. This is what making an interesting and dramatic character is all about. For example, Lemor wants people to accept him for who he is without alienating them. He has a hard time getting this because he doesn't really know who he is, and has no idea how people will react to him. I hope that's not to vague, and that I can be as helpful to you as you have been to me.
The Emerald Duke: Thanks for the responses Emerald Duke, if you have any questions or concerns about your own backstory I'll try my best to answer them. Here are the reasons why I had Lemor grow up in a wealthy household: 1) He's not used to being short on money 2) They were able to hire teachers and provide a good education 3) It provides a reason why he didn't invite the other children back to his own house All of these are key aspects of my character, which I might perhaps highlight more. If it's not particularly believable, is it more believable that his parents would have left him with their wealthy and affluent friends? But then there's the question of how they got the affluent friends once again. Perhaps Lemor is simply born into a wealthy family of halflings? That seems somewhat out of place for Riddleport, but perhaps it's better than a mysterious friendship between his ill fated parents and people with lots of power and money. I do like that he's part of an adopted family, since I want Lemor to feel alone, and he'll feel more alone if he's more separated from his family. On the other hand, I don't think he'd care very much that they aren't his real parents or siblings, so that's not really worth much. I think the best solution is simply that he's born to a wealthy family, and wealthy halflings in Riddleport isn't a big deal, and that's probably what I'm going to go with, let me know if you think there's something better or more creative you can think of and I'll see if I can adopt it. There's one other thing in that first comment that sticks out to me. You mention that Lemor's parent's wealth is something you think he's fleeing from. I didn't want to create that impression with my writing and if I have I can do better, could you point me to the passages which indicated this to you? I don't feel that Lemor was fleeing anything, just that he hoped there would be better things for him elsewhere. There wasn't a whole lot for him in Riddleport and he was too young to try to make his own way in life, so he decided that he would go somewhere new. And once he got there, he found himself free from his old habits and routines which allowed him to pursue what he was genuinely interested in, until that turned sour for its own reasons. On to the second comment you made. About that section: was the jump from detached narration to present tense speaking was too abrupt? I can set it up more if it is. I certainly don't want anything about the part to seem weak, and I'm going to have to revisit that at least once more. We know that Lemor grew up with money, and that he had private tutors much of the time, so he would 1) be used to repaying debts and 2) be used to respecting authority. I don't know how I can emphasize those things more, but they play a big part in Lemor's sense of duty to the professor. Dutifulness is a characteristic which I want to convey overall as well, so if it wasn't there I'll need to try to put it in more. Originally I conceived of the scene as Lemor talking to himself in front of a mirror, just like an actor rehearsing for a monologue. Only I wanted to also convey the sense that Lemor was used to talking to the mirror, by the conversational tone and his own recognition of what he was doing, which would highlight much more how depressed and lonely Lemor was at that time. This in turn would give greater importance to the purpose that the professor gave him. I chose not to set the scene as Lemor speaking to the mirror for two reasons. The first is that it's simply hard to set a scene effectively and include a full monologue in a single paragraph, and the second is that I felt that I had already emphasized how alone Lemor felt. The way I see it there are two options, option one is to rewrite the scene as Lemor talking to a mirror, highlighting strongly his despair, the second is to change it entirely. If you think that it's possible I could sell it without changing it entirely, let me know, otherwise I'll have to be creative. Your thoughts are very appreciated, thank you. I'll be happy to look over your character if you'd like, although not tonight as it's already past 1AM, and anyway I'd like to have some specific questions from you to look for. I hope this post wasn't too long and rambling, you can rest assured that I've taken your feedback to heart and even if it seems like I'm trying to defend what I've already written I will be making substantial changes based on your suggestions. Thanks again.
Is no one interested in a mutual review of our characters? We'd both end up with more polished submissions, seems like a great thing to do to me.
I've finished a slight revision of my backstory and have modified my stats to reflect the revisions, and now feel that my character is close enough to finished to be read through and commented on. Will you at some point be energetic enough to review my character and let me know the answer to a few questions? You might just think that it's up to me to answer these questions for myself, and it is, but any feedback I can get would be welcome. These are listed in order of importance: Does my character look complete? Is there anything obvious that's missing or that I seem to have overlooked? Is the stat block in line with my backstory? Does a particular skill or trait stick out as not being a part of my character? Do you like my character? Do you feel that the backstory is well written? What are suggestions for improvement? Obviously a lot of this will be opinion, but I'd like to have an opinion other than my own to compare to. Additionally, I would be thrilled to exchange feedback with any other applicants. Let me know if you'd like to do that.
It doesn't seem rambling, given what you just said I'd say the answer to my question would be a yes, although I might lose out over that ranger for other reasons, even if my writing were better. Those reasons would likely be that I don't look to be good for a horror campaign or that you think I'd stop posting. I'd advise that you look at a little bit more than just the number of games a person is in. If a person is in five games and it looks like they've put a lot of effort into posting in each one several times every day for the past year then I would think that would be a sign they would be very likely to put a lot of effort into posting several times each day in your game. I would guess that you were already thinking along those lines, however, and simply do not have time to do such thorough perusing for so many people. In any case, you'll have more time no matter what if I stop writing now. Hope you get well soon.
I've completed a first draft of my backstory, and will likely revise both my backstory and build at some point this weekend. I do wish I could write a lot more, but it's probably for the best that I don't. Looks like there's a lot of interest, which good to see. I was going to ask a question about how balanced a party you wanted but you already answered that. How much of a factor is that? If my writing is great, my character is interesting, and I'm in competition with three other great 3/4 BaB 6/9 spellcasters, will I have good odds over the Ranger who has worse writing?
That was indeed helpful, I'm glad I asked and hope you get well. I might have more questions in the future, but now I feel good about writing my character's backstory down in a way that will make sense to you.
I posted once before on this thread with the username Gaurwaith, with a few questions. I've got more questions. First, do you have a preference for past or present tense, and would you like us to use the first or third person? I personally am of the opinion that any combination of those things is viable in a play by post, but prefer to write in third person present. Second, how comfortable are you with content such as profanity, innuendo and similar? Is it okay occasionally in moderation, prohibited altogether, allowed with no exceptions, or something else? Third, would you like me to try to describe my character or try to tell a story focused on them? This is important, and will affect how I format the fluffy parts of what I write. I am not necessarily asking about show vs tell, I am more interested in if you would like narrative and a sense of beginning, middle, and end. Will that influence your decision making? Finally, what level of optimization are you looking for? You wrote that you think that if the challenge is taken out of the game, the fun is as well, and so clearly there must be some intent to challenge us. This seems to indicate that attempts to make our characters strong and able to overcome these challenges is desired, and thus that optimization can to some extent be encouraged. Further, I like my character intensely, and want them to be very good at things, and so to that end I would like to make them powerful. Finally, my character themself wants to have control over things, and so would strive to make themselves powerful. For those reasons, I am interested in making my character as powerful as I can reasonably, and if two options both express my character well, I will always choose the more powerful one. On the alias page you can find the first draft of my crunch. The equipment section is rather detailed, and I would appreciate it if you let me know if you have problems with anything I have listed there. This is a reused alias, since I don't want to continue creating aliases if I don't have to, and the character is vaguely similar. You can ignore my previous posts if you like. If at some point you decide that you would like to sample more of my writing and get a sense of how I behave in the play by post format, I suggest you check out the two characters I am still running in campaigns, whose alias names are Tomorbataar and Grok the Wronged.
Looks like I made a few mistakes. Onni's CMB and CMD are both 1 too high, and I didn't list a heavy steel shield in his inventory, the profile page has been edited to fix this. Anyhow, a writing sample. There's a quote from Martin Luther King's biography, and the first two lines from a song in The Fellowship of the Ring. PbP Sample:
I need a horse. No, probably not. I can't really ride, I suppose, so maybe I should learn first. Can't be that hard though, and I really don't like having to walk through the uncivil lands between towns. You know what though is that I do, I do like walking, I get to sing the old walking song to myself. Plus the bandits are never anything a little magic and a little killing can't solve. A little killing...dammit, I shouldn't be killing people. Okay, what have we here. Onni slowed his pace and glanced around. He was in a largish village, with a wooden palisade and all, which sat right on the East Sellen River. The sun was beginning to set, but it was still early enough that many would still be working. Which meant the inn would be empty. It had a sign in the front with a picture of a wild boar that looked to be about to fall over, and fading writing on the read "The Wandering Boar". Okay now, time to have ourselves a long delay. I'll need to make a strong impression on this innkeep so he tells me whatever work's about. Let's see... Onni adjusted his sword so that it was more visible, put up his hood, and tried to look dangerous. He chuckled faintly to himself, as though he was used to laughing on his own. And I'd better think of something to say that'll make me sound tough. Oh, okay, brilliant. This famous, great orator trying to stop the pogroms a couple hundred years ago, nobody here'll have a clue he ended up being killed. Plus it's a great line. What are you waiting for then? Onni pushed open the door, making sure to flap his cloak dramatically as he slid past a table, showcasing the bow and arrows on his back. There was nobody else in the room. Right, naturally. Suppose I'd best go back outside then so I can do that nice entrance again. It was a nice entrance. Onni heard a noise within and slipped back outside, careful to close the door quietly. He rummaged through his pack and took out a small mirror and used it to peer through the window. Eventually he saw the inkeep walk in and set down a tray full of cutlery. Onni pushed open the door, making sure to flap his cloak dramatically as he slid past a table, showcasing the bow and arrows on his back. The inkeep looked up, slightly surprised, and then spoke, Greetings, traveller, what can I do for you? Hot meal and a room for the night would be nice, and I've got a rather important question for you inkeep. Hope you don't mind in the asking, but I've been thinking in my travels that a man who will not die for something is not fit to live. Onni paused a little and smiled faintly, regarding the man. And so I have therefore taken upon myself a great undertaking, I have decided to rid these lands of their troubles. I should therefore like to ask you if there is any work that must be done here, of whatever sort, danger is no worry for me. I don't think he recognized the quote, that's good. And it looks like he's not so sure what to think of it either. Maybe I should've waited a while longer; he'd want to agree with me more if it meant looking brave in front of his mates. Ah well, he's liable to help me anyhow. Indeed, the man was liable to help, and wondered why the elf hadn't simply sat down, slammed a few silvers, and said "looking for work". He therefore responded with a slight hint of incredulity in his voice, There's plenty of work for folk who don't mind danger down the river, pirates and that as harry the stray merchant, and no lords men willing to help, so the merchant's've set a bounty. I thank you superlatively for that advice. Now, I believe that somewhere in this establishment there must be some rather fine ale, and I shall start with that, and with whatever meal you've at the ready for such folk as myself. Indeed muttered the inkeep as he served a rather large mug, then retreated to the kitchen. Onni's elven ears faintly made out something about "Damn idiot travelers". He frowned slightly to himself, then smiled. Oh well, suppose I am an idiot after all. Now then, what have we here? Onni moved himself to an out of the way corner and sat down to drink, humming to himself. Hey ho to the bottle I go, to heal my heart and drown my woe.
I was going to make it longer and have him ask for a ship, and then quote John Paul Jones, but there wasn't any other compelling reason to go on. Besides, I think this gives the idea of Onni well enough, though perhaps I'm wrong. Onni wouldn't mind being a Ruler, but would certainly prefer to be a Consort, thus negating the need for him to do quite so much boring work and allowing him to be more of a face. Perhaps a bit easier would be the position of Viceroy, which Onni would also enjoy. Councilor is another position Onni would like to fill. So there's my second character, perhaps mechanically a better fit. He is another secondary arcane caster, and the Bard spell list is an okay one. He is also a mediocre archer, and ranged damage support is another thing that would benefit your party. Furthermore, you have two characters and an eidolon who like to mix it up in melee, and this means that bardic performance is quite good. I hope to have the privilege to join a group such as this.
And here's that elven bard. I'll write a PbP sample later. Crunch:
N Male Elven Bard 2 Init +5; Senses Low-light Vision; Perception +6 AC 19; Touch 13; Flat-Footed 14; (10 +4 armor, +2 shield, +3 dex) HP 2d8+4=16 Fort +2; Ref +6; Will +2 (+2 vs enchantment; +4 vs bardic performance, sonic, or language-dependent) Immune: Sleep Speed 30 ft Space 5 ft; Reach 5 ft +2 Longsword (1d8+1 19-20) +4 Composite Longbow +1 (1d8+1 x3) Statistics Str 12, Dex 16, Con 12, Int 12, Wis 8, Cha 16 Base Atk +1; CMB +3; CMD 15 Feats: Point Blank Shot Skills: Perception +6; Perform (Oratory) +8; Bluff +8; Artistry (Literature) +6; Lore (Poetry) +6; Knowledge (Arcana) +6; Knowledge (Aether) +7; Knowledge (Nobility) +6; Knowledge (Religion) +6; Use Magic Device +7; Spellcraft +6 (+8 identifications); Stealth +4 Racial Modifiers +2 Perception; +2 Spellcraft identifications Traits: Reactionary, Forlorn Languages: Common, Elven, Celestial Combat Gear: Composite Longbow +1, 43 Arrows, Longsword, Chain Shirt, Spell Component Pouch Other Gear: Backpack, Trail Rations x5, Waterskin, Wineskin, filled, Wineskin, empty x2, Journal, Pencils, Hemp Rope, 50 ft, Bedroll, Blanket, Change of Clothing, Shaving Kit, Perfume, Flint and Steel, Soap, 60 Platinum Coins, 2 Gold Coins, 18 Silver Coins Spells Known
Versatile Performance: Can use Perform (Oratory) in place of any Diplomacy or Sense Motive check.
Background:
There are a great many things that I fear. In style dire, furious lash of the storm That beats my face, yet it can disappear: When remotely hid flame my heart does warm. Yet with firm roof and fast friends I shall choke,
Great is that terror lies ahead of me,
Had best start talking sense, it’s not wise to waste my time. Onni looked shocked, as though he had heard the worst of all insults possible. Right, so you just keep it up if you’re interested in living out on the streets. His father paused, wavering between leaving to justify the statement that his time was valuable and staying to relish the look on his son’s face after his rude interruption. Onni, however, was already recovering. I wonder if he’s noticed anything unusual… Onni glanced around. His room was still quite tidy, his bed made and no clutter on the floor, that was how he had always been taught. Any break from his discipline would be punished. The chest at the foot of his bed had contained many things in its long life, nearly as old as Onni it was. It had contained his first books, before he had gotten one and eventually many bookshelves, and his first writings had been stored there. When he was studying archery he had always kept his bow on its rack, next to his sword, but his arrows had been relegated to the chest. He used to keep a candle there as well, so that when his father would lock him in the chest he could carve on the inside of it. He carved all sorts of things, at first in an act of defiance he just drew a line. Then over that line he wrote his name. Eventually he began to carve his poetry into the chest, sewing his creative achievements into that hellish place and turning it into his own remote little cave. When he learned how to make light using magic he had stopped leaving the candles. Magic had been his other technique to turn bad into good, and he had made several friends at the academy. He would be leaving them behind. He would, however, be taking what was in the chest now: a change of clothes, a quiver with forty three arrows, a backpack with trail rations, soap, a few of his favorite books, a fresh journal, a shaving kit, some rope (he had read an old tale where one of the characters always wanted rope), his bedroll, a blanket, three different containers of wine, only one container of water, another container of coins, and his perfume. He had placed each item there over the course of the past week, making sure to bring everything he thought would be necessary for his trip into the wild, the only thing which he could not get was flint and steel. He didn’t know how to use flint and steel anyhow, and he could never justify buying it to his father. Onni was also planning on bringing his sword and his bow. He looked over at them now, and the sword was what prompted his next action. I got a new sword, by the way, paid the blacksmith using my earnings from the library. It has an inscription that you’ll want to hear. Without waiting for a response he stood up and drew the sword from its rack. His father started, Put that away, I don’t have time for this, I have entirely too much work to do- It’s inscribed with a special- His father struck him across the face, and he tasted blood. Before he had been wavering, barely able to push his words out in the face of his father’s disbelief and disapproval. Now, suddenly, he was firm, steady and unshaking, and loud enough that if they had any neighbors they would have heard. I stand here now, alone is my small form
His father had frozen at the sound of his voice, and with a terrible calm, Onni impaled him with his sword. Onni Sulo grew up an immigrant to the city of Restov, and for much of his long childhood he was happy. He took a fast interest in libraries, reading the old tales that nobody else had the time or patience for. Within their pages he found lives and meanings that interested him greatly. He always wondered about the kings in the tales, and felt that they often made careless mistakes. What he was always most interested in, however, were the simple words, and a unique arrangement of words or twist of meanings could always make him smile. So it was that he became a lover of poetry, and as he began to read poems he had shown some magical talent. The academy had welcomed another elven mage, for many of the best wizards had come from that race. But quickly they came to see that he was not a typical wizard. He did not need to spend many long hours pouring over spell books, indeed, this was rather useless to him. Instead his magic came from a place of creativity and inspiration. While a page of incantations carefully chosen held some interest for him, it held no meaning as the poems which first prompted his magical endeavors. Meanwhile, beside his magic, he trained in swordplay and archery, after the manner of his people. He was stronger and much faster then most. After many long years, his father, who possessed no magical talent himself, had become a respected member of the guard. His father was a rather good fellow, quick in his emotions and in his actions. They tried to have a second child, and in birthing his mother died. After that his father was different. He began to drink heavily, to get into fights at work, and later, at home. Onni endured this for a long time, until he didn’t. After leaving his home town he took to a life of wandering. He couldn’t find buyers for his work far from Restov, and had difficulty begging for coin while dressed in his rather fancy clothes. He therefore began to hang around taverns, reciting popular stories and looking for any odd jobs he could do. He learned much, worked little, and traveled far. Eventually he began to turn a bit of a profit, and that was when he arrived at Oleg’s trading post.
Description and Personality: Onni is quite attractive. His body is well toned, but he’s rather small. His movements are quick and efficient enough that even when he performs complicated tasks they appear easy. He has long fair hair that always appears aesthetically tangled. His chin is slightly curved, and though his jaws are wide and long, they are not so wide as his cheekbones, which are high. A prominent brow and dark eyebrows sometimes cast his eyes into shadow, and the darkness under his eyes accentuates this. His irises are emerald, and framed by a limbal ring despite his one hundred years. These eyes, young though they look, hold behind them a long well of experience. At times when he does not know he is being watched he looks slightly forlorn, but when his gaze is turned to another it has a fierce intensity. He is dressed in a light traveling outfit, with a long, hooded cloak. Others have always been drawn to these good looks, and regard him with some interest. This has convinced Onni that he himself must be interesting, and as a result he behaves as though he is. Some call this arrogance, others like it, but Onni doesn’t care what others think about that particular aspect of his personality, for he knows that it makes him feel motivated. Indeed, Onni is rather depressed, and however intense and motivated he may appear to others, it is feigned. He is sometimes too trusting, and this makes him trustworthy, such that others believe his lies with a fair degree of regularity. The truth, however, is that his lies are not for others. They are for him.
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