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"I certainly hope this is nobody's last meal!" Wizzlefarb pipes in, upon heearing the newcomer's odd wording. "Don't get me wrong, this is a fabulous feast," he raises his wine glass towards our hostess, "but I certainly hope to meet with all of you again many times in the future." With that the gnome, keeps his goblet raised, and waves it vaguely towards the entire assembly, as if toasting you all.
A well dressed gnome with bright blue skin and wild green hair sticking out in all directions enters the banquet hall. He smiles brightly and greets everyone he sees. "Avelina, lovely lady, it's so nice to meet you at last!" The gnome climbs on to one of the chairs, and uses that as a step to stand up on one of the tables, comedically kicking things out of his way as he goes. "If it's stories of the triumph of good you want, I can certainly help with that. My name is Wizzlefarb." "I don't know how many of you know my reputation, but I'm more of a jokester than a fighter. I heard the Silver Crusade wanted to make the world a better place, and I was so impressed by such a noble goal that I joined up immediately. But my idea of making the world a better place is by spreading laughter", he smiles and gestures comically. "I'll leave the demon smiting to you knightly types, and just help out in a 'support role'", he makes air quotes with his fingers on that last part. "On my last mission for the Society, we were sent to explore the ancient tomb of some-guy-who-died-thousands-of-years-ago. You've heard of him, right? Yeah, we've all been there. Pathfinder missions." He rolls his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. "So it turns out there were some dastardly murderhobo tomb raiders there. Besides us, I mean." He gives the audience a wink. "We would have been happy to split the profits with them. The Society wanted the knowledge from the place, and these guys were just looking for loot, so we probably would have paid them cash for their half of the treasure, and delivered the ancient thingamabobs to the Society. But these villains were intent on killing us and taking it all." "So they ambushed us with a wall of fire spell while we were in a narrow hallway, hitting every member of our party before we spotted them. Then before we had much chance to react, their flamethrower followed that up with a fireball, which knocked half our team unconscious. It looked bad for our side." "So there we are, burned and down, expecting another Fireball any second to finish us off, and I had an idea. While our druid and rogue pulled the unconscious cleric out of the flame wall, and woke him up so he could channel heal the group, I decided to use the univeral language to talk that evil woman out of blasting us again. Laughter!" Wizzlefarb waits for the snickering to die down. "Yeah, that's right. I told her a joke so funny that she was laughing too hard to throw another fireball. Well, ok, it wasn't so much a joke as the verbal components to a hideous laughter spell, but hey, you can't argue with the results!" "In the end, my spell kept her busy long enough for us to heal a little, and our front liners to get up there and surround her. The good guys emerged victorious, the ruthless bandits were defeated, and we all made it home alive! Well, our group's barbarian actually died, between all that fire and the enemy rogue skewering him with a sword, but we all chipped in to get him raised from the dead and restored to full health. So he made it home alive, too. He just made a quick side trip to visit Pharasma on his way back to the Lodge." "Of course, there are too morals to this story." "First, DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE BARD!!!" he yells at the assembled Pathfinders. "And second, laughter really can solve a lot more of the world's problems than most people realize. So take a little time to spread some laughter and joy every day." With that, the gnome takes a bow, and climbs down from the table.
"I weaponize my intimidate checks with Blistering Invective. But I'm a magic casty little gnome, not a big bruiser like some people. I also comedize my intimidation with Versatile Performance and perform: comedy. So I literally set people on fire by insulting their mothers." "The big down side is that I can't insult them as well if I don't know their language, so I'm constantly learning new languages. I learned Terran just so I could tell an earth elemental, 'Hey boulder balls! Yo mama was a cubic zirconium!'"
A blue skinned gnome with wild green hair wanders in and starts babbling too quickly for anyone else to cut in. "Hi all! I'm back!!! Been a while - been away on some missions. Lots of excitement at the Grand Lodge in Absalom, and also a trip to Katapesh. I love big cities like those! Lots of people to meet and entertain." At this point, he pulls out some juggling clubs and starts juggling, and continues talking without missing a beat. "Katapesh was interesting at first. I haven't been back there since that time Grandmaster Torch..." He pauses briefly, and gets a thoughtful, unhappy look on his face. "Well, let's not dwell on that. Torch used to be an ally, and that's what counted at the time, right?" "But this time in Katapesh, I got another crack at visiting the huge marketplace there. Lots of fun. And I got a year drained from my life, which was exciting." He nods vigorously at this disturbing revelation, as if he truly enjoyed the experience.
"You mean I won't be the only prankster in the Society any more?" asks a small, blue skinned gnome with green hair sticking out in all directions. "I don't do that combat maneuver stuff, though. I mostly just make fun of enemies, first to demoralize them, then to mock them, so they can't concentrate on what they're doing in fights."
"Remember that Mocking people only works if they understand you, so be sure you have the Gift of Tongues" "and learn as many languages as you can."
"Apsu sounds interesting. I can respect any good god, and those who worship him. I'm not so much into the whole law and order thing, though. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I'm just not as gung ho about codes of conduct and righteous living as many of the Silver Crusaders." "I want to make the world a better place, just in my own way. Which for me, mostly means spreading some laughter and joy, rather than going around smiting evil like a lot of these guys. Like when I'm back here in Absalom between missions for the Society, I always visit Auntie Baltwin's Home and entertain the orphan kids."
A small blue skinned gnome, with green hair flying out in all directions overhears and jumps into the conversation. "I don't know why people judge others that way. That's very rude. Personally, I'd love to look at your jewelry. I don't really have any money to buy it, but I like looking at pretty things, and I like to think I'd be able to spot good craftsmanship, but I'm no expert like I'm sure you two are."
Edit: Rolled low, so Wizzlefarb doesn't know much about Apsu. So much for bardic knowledge. "So you're both priests of Apsu? I know the name, and that he's a dragon god, but not much else. What's he like?"
"Thank you, friend. I'll toast to that!" The gnome takes the offered mug, and raises it to the assembled Crusaders. "To Mendev!!! May their country stay demon free forever!" He takes a drink, then hoists the mug again. "And to the Silver Crusade! And the rest of the Pathfinder Society! May we help drive the demons from this world, help the orphans, spread some laughter, or whatever else our particular specialties are to help make this world a better place for all people!"
A blue skinned gnome with bright, green hair sticking out in all directions wanders in, looks around, and rolls his eyes. "No wonder the rest of the Society thinks Silver Crusaders are all a bunch of boring stick-in-the-muds. This is how you all celebrate a major victory in Mendev? With solemn oaths and renewed declarations of loyalty?" "WHERE'S THE PARTY???" the gnome yells. "Come on, people! Lighten up! We won! At least for now, and at least this battle. Take a moment to congratulate yourselves and each other, and savor the moment. You can go back to being solemn and boring when you prep for the next battle." Wizzlefarb goes around the room shaking hands and patting people on the back (when he can reach) as he says this. "I know my own recent trip to Mendev was fairly successful, though maybe not a complete success. We weren't exactly fighting demons, though, unless you count that tiny little one, but I figure any demon smaller than a little gnome like me isn't worth counting", the gnome chuckles at this. "But we saved the lives of some innocent folks, and made some new friends among the locals in Mendev, so that's a pretty good job, as far as I'm concerned. So YAY ME!" he yells the last part. "And I didn't even have to draw a weapon once to do it. Not all of us Silver Crusaders are holy, sword wielding paladin types. Some of us wield words more effectively than weapons." Everyone in the room actually does feel oddly more courageous as he gives his speech, and you realize he's using bardic magic to inspire courage in the assembled Crusaders. "That and magic, of course. Speaking of which, I highly recommend a scroll of Glitterdust as a great way to deal with invisible enemies, if you know how to cast it. Even if you don't, buy the scroll and hand it to whatever arcane spellcaster the Society happens to send you out with on your next mission. The fact that I had one really helped my team a lot during one recent mission."
If you ever find yourself trying to carry out some prank on the Venture Officer at the briefing, or allies of the Society, then you need to rethink your career, since you won't get picked for future missions (ie your PC becomes unplayable). "Hey! I resemble that remark! Just because I've tied Ambrus Valsin's shoelaces together once or twice doesn't mean I'm a bad Pathfinder. It just means I have a sense of humor." "Most of my teammates thought it was funny. And I always help finish our missions, especially when it comes to talking to folks about stuff. I'm really good at that."
A blue skinned gnome with wild green hair flying out in every direction wanders in and catches the tail end of the conversation. "Just got back from Mendev myself. I've never been somewhere so violent before." He shakes his head, sadly. "It's not even like we were there hunting demons or anything big like that - we were mostly just interacting with the locals in a small, mostly human town. But living in a region like that, even the common folks are paranoid and surprisingly bloodthirsty in seeking justice. It's very sad." His mood seems to lighten as he adds, "I was glad I was able to perform for them to cheer them up some while I was there, and help solve a local mystery before too many more innocents were hurt."
A blue skinned gnome with green hair flying in every direction greets the newcomers. "Hiya! I'm Wizzlefarb. Welcome to the Silver Crusade. Don't let the overly serious do-gooders scare you away or anything. Some of us who want to make the world a better place also know how to have fun. In fact, helping people have fun is my primary means of making the world a better place." He smiles proudly, and turns to address Gwenfrewi directly. "Well, you certainly don't have to worry about me smiting you. The only time I've ever attacked an enemy in combat, my weapon was a curing wand. Works great against walking skeletons, and I find that's a great way to make sure I don't accidentally hurt an ally in battle." He giggles a little, then turns to Rhialla. "Ah, another new recruit from the Lantern Lodge. Nice to meet you." "So how is Amara Li? Have you seen her since she closed down the Inner Sea branch of the Lantern Lodge? I worked with her once in Absalom, on my very first mission for the Society, but I haven't seen her since, probably because she was busy returning to Tian Xia, and I've never been there."
"I'm not strictly a healer, but I can relate to that. I can't see myself battling demons, either, but if I'm ever sent to the World Wound and find myself face to face with them, I'll insult them to their face, distracting them and making them less deadly to my fellow Pathfinders. And, of course, using my wide knowledge to help my fellows find the best weaknesses to pursue on the enemies. But I can also help some with the healing - bards can use heal sticks, after all." "But as for free time, I do think some of you need to learn to relax. While I can respect wanting to go out there and do good in the world - that's why I joined the Silver Crusade, after all - you can't be on task 24 hours per day. Yes, making the world a better place frequently involves defeating the forces of evil. But you also need to admit that sometimes just having fun and spreading smiles to those around you is also a useful way to make Golarion a better and happier world. And really, that's what I'm best at." With that, the brightly colored gnome pulls out some juggling clubs to entertain the crowd.
"I'm just messin' with ya. You need to lighten up! Here, let me buy you a drink." OOC: Wizzlefarb is a bard with the gnome-only Prankster archetype from Advanced Race Guide. He actually uses Perform (Comedy) with his Versatile Performance in place of Bluff and Intimidate, and I put a lot into pumping it up, which is why it's at +16 at level 3. I put him into the Silver Crusade to play against type a bit. He's chaotic good, and he joined the Crusade to make the world a better place, but his idea of doing that has more to do with spreading laughter than smiting evil.
The gnome starts laughing hysterically. Turning to Zervania, he says "I was just messin' with them. Did you see the fear on their faces when they thought there was actually an inspection?" Turning back to the rest of the crowd, he shouts, "Just kidding, everyone! Welcome to all the new Crusaders. Everyone grab a drink - this round's on me!" "By the way, Zervania, your shoelaces are untied."
"OK, all you new people to the Crusade, line up for inspection!" barks a 3 foot tall, blue skinned gnome with wild, green hair, wearing a chain shirt and a crossbow and quiver full of bolts strapped to his back. Seeing the new people delay, he continues, "Come on now, we don't have all day! MOVE IT!!!"
If your Sense Motive breaks that bluff: He's pulling a prank on the new guys, not really lining them up for inspection.
I love a good prank, but I don't know if I'd do something to really harm a person's reputation that way, unless he was a really bad man who totally deserved it. I usually stick to more harmless pranks, like sneaking under the Venture-Captain's desk during mission briefings to tie their shoes together. Or telling people, "Your shoelaces are untied. Just kidding! Shoelaces haven't been invented yet!" I may be a prankster bard, but I'm also a member of the Silver Crusade. I just don't get into all that honor stuff - I'm a good guy, but rules were made to be broken!
The Silver Crusade? Militant? Nah... I'll admit there's lots of paladins who go around trying to find more evil to smite, but that's only part of it. We're just trying to make the world a better place. Our leader may be a paladin, but she's as interested in helping orphans as smiting evil, which I think is quite nice of her. As for myself, I'm more of a performer than any sort of destroyer of evil. I like entertaining the kids at Auntie Baltwin's Home when I'm back in Absalom between missions. They like me, too, since I'm about their size. Though I did take down a walking skeleton one time, ironically using a wand of Cure Light Wounds as my weapon. But in 6 missions for the Society, that's the only time I've ever even attempted to damage an enemy. Mostly in battle, I just distract our enemies with insults or occasional magic, and sometimes heal my allies. But I made it clear when I joined the Silver Crusade that I'm not the type to follow any sort of code or get caught up in honor or glory or any of that. I just want to spread some laughter to make the world a happier place. And they seem fine with that. I may be wilder than the average Crusader, but they say I've got a good soul, and that's really all that matters.
His earlier conversation concluded, Wizzlefarb looks around at the assembled Crusaders. "All the holy warrior types talking about swords and smiting things is kinda boring. Sure, it's great that you do that stuff. I'm all for making the world a safer place. But you don't have to be obsessive about talking about it all the time. Lighten up!" "This place is getting dull. Time to go tease the Lantern Lodge and Shadow Lodge members about their lodges closing, and see if any of them want to come over here."
"I thought they used the same word as "peel", like banana peel for all clothes. Which is a bad sign now that I think about it... " "Well, their word for 'shoe' does literally translate as 'foot peel'. But remember, there are smaller, clothes wearing species that speak Draconic, as well, such as kobolds. So the words for these things are a necessary part of the language."
LOL "Good answer! Obviously, I'm just messing around." But then he thinks for a second and continues, "Well, the draconic language has words for 'shoe' and 'lace' that are used to describe things worn by other species, since dragons rarely wear such things. Though it's pretty funny to think about a big ol' dragon trying to put shoes on!" Wizzlefarb starts laughing at the thought of it.
A small, blue skinned gnome with wild green hair looks back and forth between Kuro Poe and Selena, then approaches and tells the tengu. "So the deaf girl can read lips, but I doubt if she can read beaks", he chuckles. "You'll probably have to stick to paper and pen if you want to talk to her." Wizzlefarb waves to Doyle and Conan, and greets them in Draconic, "Hello, friends!" He points to the raptor's feet and says "Your shoelaces are untied", and waits to see if either of them looks to see what he's talking about.
The Disappeared and Fortress of the Nail:
"Oh, she exists, last I heard. We found out she was framed for treason against Cheliax, and where she was being held. I heard there was a rescue mission to go get her, but I wasn't involved in that one. OOC: I haven't played Fortress of the Nail yet, so what litle I mentioned in the spoiler above is all I know about it.
OOC: You're heading into heavy spoiler territory. "Err... I'm not Chelaxian, but I was involved in the Pathfinder Society's investigation into all this, so I can probably fill in some of those blanks."Spoilers for the initial mission briefing in The Disappeared:
"Apparently, the Chelaxian government suddenly started claiming that Zarta Dralneen never existed. Like they'd never heard of her. Didn't know what Ambrus Valsin was talking about when he asked about her. It was very weird, so he sent some of us Pathfinders to investigate." "Don't ask how or where we investigated. That part may still be a secret. We were told not to tell anyone. In fact, maybe I've already told you too much. I should probably stop talking now. I've been told I talk too much."
"Heehee. Yeah, that would be pretty funny," says a happy looking gnome with bright blue skin and green hair, grinning at that prospect. "Hi, Skad. My name's Wizzlefarb, and I like the way you think!" "I'm pretty good at sneaking, too. Gnomes are small and easily go unnoticed by bigger folk, even when they're as handsome as me!" He poses like a model, obviously not taking himself seriously, and just joking around. "If ya need a hand carrying the stolen goods when you sneak in to retrieve them, let me know. Or I could be the distraction. I'm a stand up philosopher by trade, which means I'm good at entertaining a crowd, making them laugh and all. But you're right that we should bring some extra muscle just in case. From what I've seen on Society missions, these things have a tendency to go downhill quickly, and I'm more of a lover than a fighter."
"WWWHHHHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Wizzlefarb screams in delight as he holds on for dear life to the velociraptor running around outside. OOC: Wizzlefarb has 14 intelligence and the gift of tongues gnome racial trait that lets him learn 2 new languages for every rank in linguistics, so he's already up to 9 languages at level 2, including draconic. Having heard Doyle talking to the creature in draconic, Wizzlefarb does the same, babbling rapidly as they run around the yard. "So you understand draconic speech, eh? That makes you the smartest dinosaur I've ever met. Come to think of it, you're the only dinosaur I've ever met. But I'm pretty sure most velociraptor's don't understand any type of languages, so you must be pretty smart for a dino." Knowledge (Nature): "So do you give people rides a lot? I seem to be riding on others a lot lately. Just last week, I was on a Pathfinder mission where we found ourselves in water that was as tall as I am, which is about waist high on the humans and elf. So I ended up riding on the shoulders of one of the stronger humans in our group for a couple of minutes until we got out of that wet mess." "Is your halfling friend a druid or something that can communicate with you? And can you speak back, because this is an awfully one sided conversation so far. My name's Wizzlefarb. What's yours?" The gnome finally stops talking as the dinosaur returns to Doyle inside, and Wizzlefarb climbs off his back. He waits expectantly for the raptor to answer his question, and when he doesn't, Wizzlefarb continues talking to the dinosaur in draconic. "Well, thanks for the ride. That was fun!"
A small, blue skinned gnome with wild green hair wanders in and notices Doyle's sign. "Oooh... dino rides!!!" Wizzlefarb looks around and realizes people are expecting him to say something about his faction. "Oh yeah, I agree with the others. The Silver Crusade is cool. What's could be better than trying to make the whole world a better place? I know most Crusaders have a well deserved reputation as holier-than-thou stick in the muds, but we're not all like that. Personally, I just try to make the world a little better by spreading laughter around." Satisfied with his little speech, the gnome turns back to Doyle and the dinosaur excitedly. "So can I get that ride now? I've never ridden a dino before!"
1. Why are you a Pathfinder? I just want to see the world, playing pranks, performing comedy, and spreading laughter all over. This seems like a good way to travel the world without having to have enough money to hire bodyguards. :) 2. Do you have a name and surname that is not ripped straight out of existing Earth mythology or popular culture? Have you ever heard of anyone else named Kelladorf Wizzlefarb? 3. Which nation did you grow up in? How did this nation influence you? I've always been a wanderer. I've lived in quite a few gnome villages, but also lived with taller races. I think this has made me very cosmopolitan, and helped me learn a lot of languages. 4. What do you look like? What are your wearing? How does this vary when you’re stalking through forests, sewers, deserts or in glittering cities? I have blue skin and wild green hair that sticks out in all directions. I usually wear a chain shirt under my brightly colored clothes. When adventuring, I also bring along a buckler and crossbow, for protection. 5. What do you love? (Treasure and experience doesn’t count) Laughter! I love laughing! I love making others laugh! Even if I sometimes have to resort to magic to get them to laugh against their will... 6. What do you hate? (Unclear and irritating darkness level rules don’t count) People with no sense of humor. I mean, sometimes I play a perfectly harmless prank on someone, and they pull out a weapon and threaten to gut me with it. Everyone else is standing there laughing, and I usually offer to buy my targets an ale afterward to show that it's all in fun, even if they don't get angry. But some people just don't know how to take a joke. 7. Which other Pathfinders (PCs) do you rely on for teamwork, survival and butt-kicking? Do you have a bro? a mentor? a father figure? maybe a rival? I'm still new to this whole Pathfinder thing. Haven't been on a mission yet. I hope they send me some place fun soon! 8. How does your race influence your views? Are you a stereotype of a certain race? How are you different from most humans/elves/gnomes/orcs/tengu? I'm very different from other gnomes. I have blue skin and green hair. I've known other blue skinned gnomes, and other green haired gnomes, but I've never met a blue and green gnome like me. And I'm the best joker around. Sure, other gnomes can match my enthusiasm, but I'm really good at making people laugh. Better than anyone. Yet sometimes, after one of my jokes, some human or elf or dwarf with no sense of humor will roll their eyes and say something like "Typical gnome". I don't get it. I'm a much better joker than most gnomes, so how am I typical? 9. What are you afraid of? Do you have any phobias or worries? I have this recurring nightmare that I'm performing the gig of a lifetime. Like telling jokes for a king or queen or caeser or something. And I bomb. I mean really bomb. Not only does nobody laugh at my jokes, but I say the wrong thing and accidentally insult the big boss, so they order the guards to kill me for whatever it was I said wrong. It's different every time. Sometimes there's this queen who keeps yelling "Off with his head!" 10. What is your most treasured possession? My sexy good looks. *raises eyebrows suggestively, then bursts out laughing* No, really, my sense of humor. And my collection of joke supplies. *starts rummaging through a pouch* You've got to see some of this stuff...
A blue skinned gnome with wild green hair wanders in, smiling pleasantly and looking around at everyone in the room. "Greetings, Pathfinders! The name's Kelladorf Wizzlefarb." Pointing at Ninevrisei Startree's feet, he tells her, "Your shoelaces are untied", then continues to stroll into the room, not even looking back to see if she fell for his lie. After a moment, he turns back to her. "Just messin' with ya", he says with a wink and a smile. "So this is the Silver Crusade. I hear you guys are kinda the goody two shoes of the Pathfinder Society." "I joined the Society mostly so I could see the world, and spread some fun to people all over the place. I just figure the world would be a better place if everyone would lighten up and laugh a little, ya know?" "It looks like the Society's divided into a bunch of factions that are all serious, with some worshiping devils, or out for profit, or continuing their ancient national rivalries. Too serious for me. Like I said, I think they all need to lighten up." "So then I hear that you Crusader types just want to make the world a better place. I like the sound of that. Like I said, I just want to spread some joy and laughter, ya know?" "But that also means I'm not exactly the greatest at the whole smiting evil thing. I'm more of a lover than a fighter." He winks. "Ok, so I'm more of a laugher than a lover." He smiles at his own self-deprecating joke. "I've got a crossbow and dagger in case of emergency, but that's not exactly my forte. Little gnome, big bad guys... you see where I'm goin' with this?" "So I guess I can join your Crusade, as long you don't mind that I'm not exactly gonna be the one spilling the most blood in the fight against evil. I'm more about talking to people, getting them to laugh, and helping everyone get along." "But I have my own conditions if I join you, too. I know there's a bunch of paladins and holy cleric types in this Crusade. I can respect that, but I hope you don't expect me to start living up to some holy code of conduct or something. I've never really been big on that sort of thing. Rules are made to be broken, especially if I can get a laugh out of it. As long as no one gets hurt, right?" "And I'm sure not gonna promise not to tell any lies. Most of my lyin' is just little jokes, like the shoelace thing earlier. But sometimes, inventing your own truth can be the best way out of a bad situation. That's just sorta who I am. I get into and outta trouble five times a day. As long as nobody gets violent, it's all good." |
