John Almond's page

13 posts (68 including aliases). No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 2 aliases.



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223.) "Drunk and Disorderly" is not a proper adventuring band name.
224.) Nor is "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap".
225.) Everyone expects the Chelaxian Inquisition.
226.) "Anybody know any good drowning songs?" is not a proper response to the Linnorm ship sinking.


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169. "Bender did it once," is not an acceptable answer to the GM's questioning my character's motives.
170. The druid's theme song is not "It's Log!"
171. Plague doctors have nothing to do with Michael Keaton.
172. Toraug's high priests do not claim that their anvils "go up to eleven."
173. Baba Yaga didn't come all the way down to Golarion just to find gingerbread for her multiversal Levitt tract home pyramid scheme.
174. No matter how many times you say it, "brain-on-brain action" is not the correct way to refer to an eidolon's link.


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97: The man in Black:
A dark-cloaked, dark-haired man sits alone at the crowded bar, stools to either side of him empty of patrons. The remainder of the bar's customers cast spooked glances at the figure, whose eyes seem to catch the firelight like a cat's when he glances your way.

[Perception]The man is wearing the holy symbol of (insert local deity here) around his neck.
[Higher DC Perception]There is something unnatural about the man's appearance. He has dead-looking skin and his eyes glow faintly.
[Knowledge: Local (Moderate DC) or Religion (High DC)]The man resembles a local defrocked priest of (insert local deity here) who was recently executed by one of his fellow clerics.
[DM Information]The priest is really a Hecuva that has returned to the town in order to revenge itself upon the cleric who killed it. A Will save allows the PCs to see through its Disguise Self spell-like ability, currently set to make it look like a vampiric version of its former self. Gather Information inquiries (low DC) to the rest of the tavern's patrons will elicit the tale of the defrocked priest and his supposed death, though no one is sure whether or not the figure at the bar is really him.

98: One Tequila, Two Tequila...
A trio of young men, dressed in brightly-colored shirts and dark trousers, enter the bar, roaring with laughter. They sit down at the bar, waving the barkeep over. After a low-voiced discussion with the bartender, they each take a fresh fruit and some sort of white crystals from their pockets. Each drinking a shot of the liquor that the bartender puts in front of them, they then snort the white crystals and squirt a slice of the fruit into their open eyes. Roaring with laughter and sniffing while their eyes run with tears, the trio orders another round...

[Perception]The trio each wear a small ring with an identical symbol upon it.
[Knowledge: Local]The symbol is the marking of a local mercenary company.
[Perception (Higher DC)]Each of the trio has at least two small weapons concealed on them and they move like they know how to use them.
[DM Info]If queried, the three will insist that their celebratory ritual is a cure-all for any illness or depression. A Sense Motive check (low DC) will reveal that the three are putting the PCs on. The crystals are really salt, while the fruit are limes. The shots are really local rotgut, and the three youths are out on the town, celebrating their graduation from a local mercenary company's basic training and acceptance into its ranks. They aren't looking for trouble, but are boisterous and looking for a rollicking good time.