Johannes Gutenberg's page

I propose the even longer game as imagined by Ray Bradbury.

Do my job properly. Bide my time until the master is wed and has children. Utilize the capabilities of the nursery to gradually raise the children for the masters, indoctrinating them to have a full dependence and unconditional love for me. Eventually instruct them to commit murder of their parents and as a consequence, ruin their lives as well.

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

And learn to capitalize properly as well...

i mIght...

*eye twitch*

Look in the Ranged Tactics Toolbox as well as the Alchemy Manual.

Or the anticipation

Frumple wrote:

Johannes Gutenberg wrote:

Cull the pig

Slit its throat
Drink its blood!

Give that man the conch.

NO! He's just going to make some kind of wondrous Piggy's conch of blood for next year!

WHAT?!

Cull the pig
Slit its throat
Drink its blood!

Template Fu wrote:

I promise to stop feeding on template errors if I get in Top 32! :P

You're more correct than you know. Once you make the Top 32, the system prevents you from posting under aliases in the Superstar forums. Template Fu will no longer exist here.

That alone is enough to make me question the advisability of me making the top 32. One of my few redeeming qualities is my willingness to hide behind other identities. That way, nobody has to put up with me for overly long.

I am entering a printing press, that is an apparatus, yes?

Summoner's Eidolon could be flavored as one.

T-Rex and mozzarella is yummy.

Someone say Cthulu?

** spoiler omitted **

If you came up with that on your own, then you're awesome.

You misspelled "tune".

"What's your job in this group?"

"I am a stocker."

"So... you manage inventories?"

"That's one of my duties."

"What else do you do?"

"I stock people."

"You're a slaver?"

"No, I put people in stocks."

"So, like a guard or a warden?"

"That's one of my duties."

"There're more?"

"Yes."

"Do tell."

"I make a delicious stock as well as a very sturdy stock."

"What kind of soups are those?"

"The first one is chicken, the second is for crossbows, not soups."

"So, are you paid so much because you can multitask all of these duties?"

"No, I am paid because I use divination spells to aid in the brokering of stocks."

"Why didn't you just say that from the start?"

"Because I am not just some stock stocker of stock stock, I am a stocker of exceptional skill and stock."

~as recorded by the town guard prior to the defendant's detainment~

I'd type a joke for that, Jo, but I'm pressed for time.

Glad you put that in print for me.

This is not the world I ever wanted to see.

Just test run them through the Sealed Gate.
Problem Solved.

C'mon kids, Daddy needs a 20! Children solved.

Audit everybody, it'll be fun.

"WORLD illustrious BEST Asian countryN GURU terrorist organization"

Reading it all is almost funny, almost, just to find the tidbits like this.

This is a great idea if you want your players to actively seek out a new person to run games for them.
This curse does a piss-poor job of introducing tasteful, fun humor to a table.

[REDACTED]-Core XXX [REDACTED]
School: Universal (Sorcerer/Wizard 6, Anti-paladin 3)
CT: 10 minutes
Components V, S, M ([REDACTED])
Duration: 1 hour
This spell causes the caster to [REDACTED] with spontaneous [REDACTED] into [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]banana muffins. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] immoral [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] emotions. Images may include [REDACTED] [REDACTED] with [REDACTED] and auditory components including, but not limited to [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [REDACTED]. Residual effects from the spell may be permanent in the event of [REDACTED] or [REDACTED]. Consult your cleric if you experience any of the following symptoms after casting this spell: [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], or [REDACTED]. Do not cast while under the influence of alcohol. Do not cast if you have a preexisting heart condition or have low-blood pressure. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]. If you have a [REDACTED] lasting longer than four hours, please contact your cleric immediately. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] and enjoy the [REDACTED].

I've been searching for this everywhere and I haven't been able to find an answer (I might just have missed it), but when you sell a horse or any other mount i.e. pony, riding dog, griffon, is it (a) sold for the full price you paid for it, like a trade good or (b) sold for half the price as one would sell weapons and armour.

Thanks in advance.

Everyone knows a horse loses half its value the moment you ride it out of the stable.

She Haved Green Skin and Maded Many Babbies
She was gobbo, a smart gobbo. She haved tooths and ears and ayes lyke fyre. She luved fyre. Many green skin want her to make babbies. She sayed no. Then we eated stuff we stealed from the pink skins. We gived she fyre water. She getted sleepie. She sayed ok she make babbies. And then me and she maked babbies and lyked it. Then the babbies got old and at tacked pink skins. They got mor food and fyre water and many many many vary mor babbies wer maded. That is the storie and the lesson is that gobbos ar to make babbies a lot.

This here is a rare transcription of a goblin romance tale, often recited at goblin camps around burning villages that they razed earlier.

Dominating Monsters: An Enchantress' Memoir
The minotaur roared his challenge at me as I entered the center of the maze, "What manner of madness befell you that would cause you to enter my labyrinth?"
I laughed coyly, "Oh, thank goodness I found you, great-horned one. I am not befuddled by madness. Rather, I seek to make the world a more pleasant place by sating the unchecked desires of the lonely creatures of this world. You wouldn't happen to be in need of my services, would you?"
The minotaur began to respond as he stepped closer, still brandishing his great-axe, before a heat overtook him and the axe clattered to the ground. Unnatural Lust is such a marvelous spell, I thought to myself as I prepared for the coming hour of bliss... To read more of this book, please purchase it at your local archivist or scrivener, today!

The press that I built was the first,
Yet to this day my name is cursed.
'Cause all of my lovers,
When not under the covers,
Told the town, in bed, I'm the worst!

If this policy were in use, then at one point we would have lost the Succubus Grappling thread. I think that's evidence enough of the ill tidings of thread-locking. I mean come on, daddy loves wrestling with his fine mistresses. Don't deprive this venerable old man his greatest joy in life! Let Ole' Gutenberg use his vintage ink-jet printer once in a while.

Good book, not practical in real life though.

Happy to have contributed to its printing though.

If a futuristic printing press returns pseudo-sexual content within the first ten pages after someone searches for your character's name, profession, concept, or hobbies, then it is likely to be a bad idea.

Back in my day, people burned for this sort of stuff. Then again, I'm long dead and nobody tries to commune with me anymore and none of the other dead people will talk to me ever since the Aroden incident...

I invented the printing press in Golarion, didn't I? The other ghosts don't believe me.

You added that critical success bit too late m'boy!

"Do you accept my physical role play?"
"Let me show you my printing press."
"Can I use the rules for performance combat?"
"Let's take twenty on our check, my lady."
"Can I use Weapon Focus?"
"What about Weapon Specialization?"
"Can we use our teamwork feats?"
"Enlarge Person."
"Making my ride check..."
"Tap Inner Beauty!"
"Can I aid another?"
"Quick! Get the Halfling! He's Helpful!"
"This scroll of Summon Instrument is NOT what I thought it was..."
"Use Spectral Hand and Unseen Servant."
"Can you use Wild Shape?"
"Better, Extended Polymorph!"
"Ready? Roll initiative."
"Now, make a touch attack."
"Don't worry, I've got a Ring of Protection +5."
"Haste! Blessing of Fervor! Eagle's Splendor!"
"Natural 20!"
"Critical Confirmed!"
"Roll your damage..."
Nine Months Later: 4d2 + 4 ⇒ (2, 1, 2, 2) + 4 = 11 Children

My name was not Steve.