Just a Mort wrote: Because we all know what happens when you learn too much about eldritch abominations. They get you on their mailing list and constantly hit you up for donations to their charity?
If your allergies are acting up, or you're feeling a bit under the weather, perhaps you need a new pet? Many people perk up emotionally when spending quiet time playing and bonding with a beloved pet... {cue Slaadah McLachlan music} ...Who doesn't love a cute little big-eyed happily-burbling creature solely dependent upon you for its companionship, its nourishment, its warm shelter? A little creature that will stick with you through Life's rolled 1s, who will stay no matter your creature type, race, alignment, religious affiliation, or other views? A little creature that desperately needs a home and someone's love? A little creature guaranteed to love you unconditionally for the rest of your life? Could you, right now, pick up your scrying device, contact us at H.O.S.T., and adopt a baby slaadling larva? You could make such a difference to a deserving slaadling in this Chaotic world. And larva take up so little room, you might consider adopting a pair, or even triplets... who could look into their big-pupiled eyes and break up siblings? Please, don't leave these needy slaadlings in Limbo... scry now!
Lucky Pips wrote: - Paizo has raised the remain of Dr. B.F. Skinner from the dead, and now as a lich he continues his research into better ways of conditioning us to vote. He plans on using his finding to create a way to enslave us all to his undead will. Big Protean is in cahoots with Paizo! Paizo wrapped the Skinner lich in copper and bolted him to an armature, and when the proteans perform non-conditioned responses, the undead commutator spins up in his grave powering the Web servers. Wake up sheeple!* We of the Slaadi Resistance have made some successes in disrupting the proteans methodically-planned randomness, but our numbers are dwindling as they catch the brave rebel slaadi and imprison them behind the Dread IP Wall of Stagnation. You can help by fostering a wee baby larva soldier or three until they quickly row into strong self-sufficient warriors of Chaos! Fight back, be a SupahStah Host! * The 0HD sheeple player character race will be available in the upcoming Bestiary 5, but the entry is only visible after consuming massive amounts of caffeine and snorting the aroma from the book binding.
Rawr! wrote:
IF EGGS STOOD STILL, THEY WOULD HAVE BOILED, FRIED, SCRAMBLED, AND QUICHE AS 4 BREAKFASTS. EACH ROTATION OF A CHICKEN COOP HAS 4 BIG-ENDIANS, 4 LITTLE-ENDIANS, 4 BROWN-SHELLS AND 4 WHITE-SHELLS. IGNORANCE OF 3-MINUTE EGG-HARMONIC CUBIC NATURE INDICTS HUMANS AS PART OF THIS COMPLETE BREAKFAST.
Friends, It seems that in these increasingly chaotic times, the average Prime mortal has increasingly fewer assurances in their short, miserable lives. Thankfully, one of those foundations remains rock-solid: family. We here at H.O.S.T. offer a meaningful and lasting solution by helping you Primes establish your own adoptive family. Please consider becoming a host family for one of our numerous poor needy larvae. Baby slaadlings grow up so fast, but they need a safe, nurturing environment to grow and strengthen during their vulnerable infancy. Now, for the amazing price of FREE, you can welcome a larvae into your homes and hearts, providing it with much-needed food and shelter and companionship. Won't you please help them, and yourselves? If you can spare a drunken sailor as a foster parent, won't you? And since we provide the baby slaadi at no financial burden to you, won't you consider getting one for yourself as well? Perhaps a pair of larvae to keep each other company? Please call, right now! 1-800-I-AM-HOST. Thank you.
Friends, It seems that in these increasingly chaotic times, the average Prime mortal has increasingly fewer assurances in their short, miserable lives. Thankfully, one of those foundations remains rock-solid: family. We here at H.O.S.T. offer a meaningful and lasting solution by helping you Primes establish your own adoptive family. Please consider becoming a host family for one of our numerous poor needy larvae. Baby slaadlings grow up so fast, but they a safe, nurturing environment to grow and strengthen during their vulnerable infancy. Now, for the amazing price of FREE, you can welcome a larvae into your homes and hearts, providing it with much-needed food and shelter and companionship. Won't you please help them, and yourselves? Thank you. Please call, right now! 1-800-I-AM-HOST
Jim Groves wrote:
We at H.O.S.T. don't discriminate on the basis of species... our studies show vermin are well-suited to provide a warm, nurturing environment for the healthy development of slaadi larvae.
Oh, gran rey de los mono, you're... "Banned in the thread where you post
Dear Potential Host, Your predicament is touching, and greatly movies my old Chaotic hearts. If you would but send me a more detailed description of your location, I would be happy to dispatch a few of our finest employees with your own personal slaad larvae to incubate. Not only will you be helping poor needy larvae with a home and nutrition, you will also be helping yourself to an early death and bringing death to your cruel slave-driving taskmasters. Won't you think of the slaad children?
Friends, While the United Paizonians continue to push for sanctions and sternly-worded admonishments against the gnomicidal dictator Minis Maniac, tens of thousands of innocent gnomes have fled in terror. Displaced and now residing in temporary cardboard shelters, many have no idea where their next AP or PF Society game will come from. Many need first aid -- a spot of touch-up paint, a bit of mold flash trimmed off, or even reattachment of a limb broken off during their transit. But there is still hope... you. For just $.10 a day, you can sponsor a gnome in need. You'll receive a custom character sheet, filled in by your sponsored gnome. He or she will receive all the medical care they'll need, a guarantee of at least two PFS scenarios or a module per month, as well as their very own slaad larvae to nourish and nurture. Won't you help? Please message, toll-free, at 1-800-EGG-GNOM, or scry our website: www.eggs4gnomes.com. Thank you for your generosity,
{gates in} Hello, I'm Soylent Slaad from the Holy Orphaned Slaadling Trust. Here at H.O.S.T., we work hard every day to place innocent eggs and slaadlings with 'volunteers' -- thoughtful souls who provide nutritious food and shelter during the young slaadlings critical early development. All for just 2 copper pieces a day. Won't you please help? Or if you can, we are always seeking more 'volunteers' to help raise young slaadlings. If you wish to give generously of yourself, or wish to recommend someone to host a young slaadling, please contact us at the number and address at the bottom of your screen. Thank you! |