It seems that in these increasingly chaotic times, the average Prime mortal has increasingly fewer assurances in their short, miserable lives. Thankfully, one of those foundations remains rock-solid: family. We here at H.O.S.T. offer a meaningful and lasting solution by helping you Primes establish your own adoptive family. Please consider becoming a host family for one of our numerous poor needy larvae. Baby slaadlings grow up so fast, but they need a safe, nurturing environment to grow and strengthen during their vulnerable infancy. Now, for the amazing price of FREE, you can welcome a larvae into your homes and hearts, providing it with much-needed food and shelter and companionship.
Won't you please help them, and yourselves? If you can spare a drunken sailor as a foster parent, won't you? And since we provide the baby slaadi at no financial burden to you, won't you consider getting one for yourself as well? Perhaps a pair of larvae to keep each other company?
Please call, right now! 1-800-I-AM-HOST. Thank you.