"Everybody is running with their choke out"
"Its like a monkey F@&#ing a football"
"Another #%/^ing goat rodeo"
"It's like trying to herd cats"
"(This) sucks wet farts out of dead pigeons."
Since there's a marked ignorance of the classics...
"Yo mamma!"
Who you calling ignorant of the classics, Willis?
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"Jesus Christ on a bicycle!"
"That takes SKILL!"
"Praise Allah!"
"Can you say that into the microphone, please?"
"Person X doesn't know Person Y from Adam."
"It's okay, I'm a doctor."
"FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"
"*disguised as a coughing noise* B+++$@%@! B~*!$*#$! B&*~*&~!!"
"He doesn't know his ass from page 8!"
Ain't no party without a porta potty.
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It’s been five(ish) long years, and I could probably fill an entire page with new phrases. One, however, that I’ve seen used more and more in recent days….
“It’s been a minute.” Seems to often be referring to an amount of time (typically much longer than a minute) since you’ve last seen someone or done something.
For me, that applies on many levels.
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I have an Australian Shepherd. Whenever anyone says they're thinking of getting one because: "Your dog is so beautiful" I say:
"So's a coked-up supermodel with a switchblade and a Ph.D. You don't invite her to live on your couch."
"This is not what Josiah Bluetooth had in mind!"
Said whenever a Bluetooth device refuses to function properly.
"By Tolkien's bloated appendices!" - General expression of surprise, inspired when I threw out my back trying to reference my copy of the Lord of the Rings series for notes on the phonetic pronunciation of the Angerthas script while creating a dwarf merchant NPC (having just finished a five-hour-long research session into medieval economic theory).
Something tells me I put much more effort than I need to in the creation of my characters...
"Welp, it swallered its own ass."
"I've got eefus of the blowhole."
"Spinnin' like the button on a sh*thouse door."
"Crazier'n a sh*thouse rat."
"You couldn't hit a bull in the a$$ with a bass fiddle."
"Runnin' faster'n a scalded monkey."
"Well, f**k a duck."
"F**k me runnin'."
"On him like a chicken on a June bug."
"Meaner'n a cross-eyed snake."
"Madder'n than a wet hen."
"Grinnin' like a 'possum eatin' sh*t."
"If you had what you want and I had a feather up my a$$ we'd both be tickled."
Can you tell I grew up in a very rural area of my state? LOL
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"Incompetent sh*theel." (a dismissive description of another)
"Well, that sure narrows the hell out of your life." (in cases where someone had expressed something they won't do or try)
"My deterioration continues apace." (a response to "how are you doing?")
"I could complain, but who'd listen?" (ibid)
"Living the dream. One of these days I'll wake up, and then I'll be in trouble." (ibid)
"If you ever hit/shoot/stab me with that and I find out about it, I'm going to be very annoyed." (a not-at-all-veiled critique of the physical strength or material potency of a weapon or individual)
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I had a friend who used to say "Any time you're feelin' froggish, you just commence to jumpin'". :-)
I had a friend who used to say "Any time you're feelin' froggish, you just commence to jumpin'". :-)
Our variant of that is "If you're feeling froggy". The "commence to jumpin'" part is new to me, but I love it.
I recently heard a guy use the phrase "a whole lot of sailboat fuel" to mean "nothing."