You...that's my favorite line from my favorite movie. I'm gonna have to buy Iron Gods now. You rotten bastards. (I was probably going to buy it anyways)
Numeria...come on Paizo staff, you know it would be awesome. I want to play Ko-nan the techno-barbarian. Either that or a campaign set in Alkenstar that borrows heavily from the "Knights of Cydonia" video. Barring that, a romp through the planes would be fun.
As someone who actually liked the recent Conan remake, I think I'm reasonably qualified to judge the merit of bad movies. There were a few elements of the previous D&D movie that were good. Casting a Wayans was not one of them. I hope they endeavor to make it a little dark - push that PG-13 rating as far as you can, and don't assume that D&D is kiddie stuff. And for the love of all that is holy, no talking dragons that sound like Sean Connery. Am I hoping it will be good? Good enough? Yeah. Am I expecting it will be terrible? Yes, yes I am.
Fireday, 15th Pharast 4711
The din of clanking dishes, metal tankards and voices resonates throughout the Rusty Dragon tavern in Sandpoint on a busy Fireday night. All of you have made your way to Ameiko’s establishment, and the rumors have been swirling all night. Merchant caravans and travelers are being ambushed on the Lost Coast Road, and the signs seem to point to an emboldened and aggressive foe – goblins. These goblins have become unusually courageous, and reports of pyrotechnic displays in the night sky seem to hint at why. After the troubles with goblin attacks many years ago during the Swallowtail Festival, and remembering what those events wound up leading to, the authorities are taking the threat seriously. However, the city watch under sheriff Belor Hemlock has always been a lean operation, and the word has gone out that the old ‘goblin bounty’ has been reinstated. It seems that enterprising adventurers are needed to confront the threat of the goblin tribe in Brinestump Marsh. Just three nights ago, a group of adventurers entered Brinestump, but they have not been heard from since. Given the Rusty Dragon's reputation for catering to adventurer types, it's no surprise that all of you have wound up here on a Fireday night, with the intention of finding some like-minded individuals to venture out and aid the town of Sandpoint.
The storms come/from five directions/seeking the last/in distant lands
Minkai prophecy, author unknown I am looking for players who would like to take part in an online play by post game using the Jade Regent adventure path. Ever since this adventure path was published, I have been looking forward to running it as a GM, but I haven’t had the opportunity to do it with an actual group yet, or found the right schedule to get everyone together at the same time. I have experience both running and playing in play by post games, and they can be a perfect opportunity for new players to become more familiar with the Pathfinder game, as well as for folks who don’t have a lot of free time in their schedules for tabletop gaming! I am always welcoming of new players, and am willing to help anyone who wants to jump in! I would like to do all six volumes of Jade Regent, hopefully with the same players. So be aware, this may be a long-term game. Hopefully I can demonstrate that I am willing to see this through all the way to the end, but it may take several months to get there. If you have the endurance, then let’s give it a shot! About Me and My Approach to GMing Play by Post The format of play by post means there has to be some adjustment when compared to a tabletop session. I tend to emphasize narrative and role-playing over combat – yet I still think combat is a crucial part of the game. My job as a GM is to facilitate the pacing of the adventure and combat, and do it in a way that is exciting for the players involved. I also like to write descriptions of the action and environments the PCs find themselves in, and nurture relationships between PCs and NPCs. In short, I like to do play by post games as interactive fiction with the game mechanics forming the framework in which to tell the story. With all that said, I make great maps and icons for ‘grid’ combat, and put a lot of work into the games I run to make them an enjoyable experience for both me and the players! Now here’s my standard disclaimer. If you like to create power builds, min/max, or otherwise like to metagame, then I am not the GM for you. There’s nothing wrong with playing the game that way, it’s just not the way I like to approach it. However, if you like creating ‘themes’ or ‘concepts’ for a character first, then building the character and their stats around that initial idea, then this is absolutely the game for you. I want characters and players who want to work together to solve problems and win combats, not folks who want to solo the adventure. Your relationships with the other PCs and NPCs are of greater importance in this adventure path than most, and I would like to see the emphasis placed on how you see your character developing as the story goes on. This doesn't mean you can’t optimize your character build, it’s just less of a priority with me. Character Creation Races – any of the Core Rulebook races. Races and content from the Advanced Race Guide and other sources may be allowed on a case by case basis.
If you would like to submit your character for consideration, please include a summary with the following information: Character’s Name and a description of what they look like.
Optional information: Why you would like to play in this campaign! The recruitment thread will remain open until the 24th of February. Please let me know if you have any questions. Good luck!
Mukluk charges forward trying to plant his slicer in Vorka's ugly maw.
Mukluk knocks out several of her sharpened teeth and his cut makes her too wide grin even more horrible. Nergul fires a crossbow bolt that strikes Vorka in the chest. A strange looking dog appears when Snorg waves his sword, which doesn't strike anyone as strange except maybe Vorka, who doesn't appear to even notice it behind her.
The summoned dog was the last thing Vorka expects, since she thinks all animals love her, and it leaps at her throat, tearing something vital away.
Gurgling blood from her huge mouth and ruined throat, Vorka emits one last "ACK!" and slumps to the floor dead.
As you look around and marvel at the wonderful fire that has spread all around, you see the worg you encountered earlier emerge from a smoldering crate in the corner. "Follow. Way out and Vorka treasures this way." He disappears down a hole inside the crate, which looks like a tunnel of some sort.
Vorka doesn't rise to Mukluk's taunting, but she is clearly enraged. Nergul and Snorg hack away at the rickety platform holding Vorka aloft, and Snorg succeeds in smashing one of the structural timbers, while Nergul's bolt smashes a cross member...the entire structure starts to creak and give way, weakened by goblin hacking and shooting, as well as the burning fires.
Ekklub stares at Vorka with her creepy gaze, and Vorka feels a fell power weakening her. Seemingly unable to concentrate right now enough to cast any complicated spells, Vorka pulls a big, barbed sharp looking object with feathers on the end of it, aims, and throws it at Mukluk....
The dart hits Mukluk square in the forehead, and he yelps. Vorka feels the structure giving way and spider climbs down to the ground level, her red eyes reflecting the burning flames, giving her a demonic visage.
Mukluk again whacks the frog, but it isn't down for the count yet. Still clinging to life, it gets ready to retaliate. Unfortunately, the burning bat swarm is now in a panic, attacking everything on the ground level.
Multiple bat bites push Lord Longtung over the edge into oblivion, and he expires with a wistful croak. Snorg really, really tries to hit something, but between the swarm, Ekklub slinging rocks at him, and the smoldering ship, he seems like he's finding it hard to focus on anything except the spectacle of it all. His swing goes wide, and he spins in a neat little circle. Nergul, his cheeks puffed nearly to the point of bursting, exhales another massive gout of sulfur and fire at the swarm. Fire Breath A burst of flame incinerates the swarm, except for a single remaining bat, which flies up through the ship and out through a hole in the roof. Vorka emerges from the smoke on the second level, and has evil intentions all over her ugly face, baring her teeth, she screams. "ACCCCCCKKKKK! Stupid, stupid gobs set Vorka-home on fire, kill Vorka pets, kill poor Lord Longtung...ACK ACK! Vorka put heads on spikes in pit, let you rot, pee on you and laugh forever. You probably taste terrible! KILL YOU! KILL YOU ALL! She looks to be drinking a potion. This is your chance to put the horrible goblin cannibal down for good, and take her stuff. She's still on the second level, but the floor looks like it is deteriorating fast. A good thunk from a weapon maybe, or maybe taunting the horrible goblin?
Mukluk stabs the frog in the eye, and it belches out a croak of pain. It doesn't look like it has much fight left at this point. The swarm descends in a swirling mass and is now in the midst of the ground floor combat.
Snorg still can't seem to quite get the hang of the new weapon, and takes a chunk out of a smoldering floorboard instead of the giant frog. Nergul spews a gout of flame upwards into the swarm, and a great cloud of fire and sulfurous odor erupts toward the swarm overhead.
Nergul catches the edge of the swarm, and incinerates a few of the bats, which fall to the floor as crispy, smoking, carcasses. Ekklub hurls a sling bullet at Vorka, but it sails low. The giant frog tries feebly to bite back at its tormentor, Mukluk.
Vorka laughs uncontrollably and seems to be jumping up and down in glee as she watches the bat swarm descend. She conjures a flame in her hand, and hurls it at Nergul...but it has the undesired effect on incinerating more of the bat swarm before it reaches him.
Cursing, she stamps her foot...and falls through the floorboards to the second level!
The damp nature of the ship seems to be keeping the flame spread to a minimum, but smoke will start to be an issue in another round or two.
Snorg charges forward at the giant frog, but is a little too zealous in his enthusiasm, and barrels right past the frog, his new weapon still feeling a little unfamiliar at this point.
Nergul, his eyes bulging and smoke wafting from his nostrils, spews a massive gout of flame out of his mouth from the potion he drank.
"AHHK! You not cook Vorka, Vorka cook you!" The sudden burst of fire has the added result of immediately igniting the Desnan candle Vorka was attempting to light and fire at your group, however. In addition, many of the dried plants and debris in the chamber are now on fire, in addition to some of the floor and surrounding areas of the second level. It know smells like burning weeds and wood, and Vorka seems to smolder as if her skin were made of bark.
The Desnan candle explodes as Vorka drops it, showering everyone with harmless pretty colorful sparks. Ekklub gives the frog the evil eye, and it attempts to resist.
The frog still seems to be frowning from the gash in its head and the strange goblin magic. It attempts to grab Ekklub with its tongue.
Vorka climbs straight up the wall like a spider and continues to move to the third level.
Snorg and Mukluk make their way through the door to Vorka's chamber with no incident (it seems to be unlocked and thankfully, no traps are triggered). Nergul and Ekklub follow at a reasonable distance As you look around, you see what used to be three floors, now all in a state of rot and disrepair, going all the way up to the top of the cabin on the deck of the ship. Each level is about 25 feet square by ten foot high. Standing on a makeshift balcony on what used to be the second floor, is one of the nastiest looking goblins you've ever seen, and that's saying something. Her mouth is much too wide for a goblin's head, and the grin she displays reveals what looks like filed down teeth resembling tiny knives. She is covered in rags and bits of stained cloth with some glimpses of boiled leather showing she is armored beneath. Topping it off is a pointy leather hat which does not seem to fit at all, but somehow stays on the goblin cannibal's head. As you approach, Vorka screams in a raspy, terrible and shrill voice. "AHHK! Snotty goblins come from Licktoads to test Vorka! Vorka will suck your bones and eat your eyes! Get out of Vorka-ship-home! AHK! Lord Longtung will knock you out, and then Vorka will cook your skins and meats and feast for weeks! ACk! AcK! A giant frog hops out of the darkness on the ground level. Vorka cackles from the second level, and then coughs repeatedly. She seems to be fumbling with something that is throwing off sparks...
You all descend into the belly of the shipwreck without incident.
As Mukluk takes a look around, he sees large pots on a stove, with half-cooked goblin limbs sticking out of them. The burlap sack on the table contains the head of an unfortunate goblin with scribbly writing all over his face. He seems familiar... However, before you can make the connection, a pair of evil looking red eyes emerge from the darkness of the doorway to the north. It suddenly...speaks, in a deep growling baritone. "Vorka not like swamp goblins in ship. Vorka make deal with Ur, Ur watch ship below, Ur get to eat bone insides and guts." "Ur like this deal. You die now." A large wolf-like creature approaches slowly, it's teeth bared and dripping with saliva. It's bigger than any dog you've ever seen.
As Snorg sticks his head down into the belly of the ship, there is evidence of a stairway that once led down into the galley, but it is far too dilapidated to use now. It may have been damaged in the initial wreck, or just rotted away from disuse. There are various dead rodents, snakes, and birds that have been nailed to the walls. You can smell a cooking pot cooking some kind of meat or stew, and a ramshackle arrangement of stove pipes has been hung from the ceiling with tar-soaked rope. If the ship weren't so damp and rotten, it probably would have burned to the framing with the way the stove piping and cooking cauldron have been rigged. The center of this area has a long dining table, with many goblin skeletons seated on the benches. They've been held together with sticks, twine, and wire. Someone has placed them so they look like guests at a feast. A burlap sack sits on the table among the broken plates and tankards.
Nergul's bolt hits the chest of the charging dog - as it gets closer, you can see a flopping, spittle covered, scab and sore encrusted oversized tongue lolling out of its mouth. It yelps loudly, but continues to charge forward towards Nergul, closing the distance faster than Nergul can move back. Mukluk takes a swing at the other dog with his very appropriate weapon.
...and barely misses the charging animal as it moves toward Ekklub.
Nergul deftly sidesteps the dog's attempt to bite him.
Ekklub is far too quick for the clumsy charge to connect, and the dog goes right past her, but quickly wheels. She steps back and quickly tries to focus to call on some goblin magic.
Scabtongue and Tickletooth slump into a magical slumber. Buttbiter however, decides to bite something else for a change, and attempts to do it to Snorg.
Luckily, Snorg's pieced together mail manages to stop Buttbiter's teeth from sinking into his posterior.
The wasp nest ignites easily before too many of the wasps inside can escape and sting any of you.
The main deck of the shipwreck is cluttered with objects both natural and artificial. Thick swaths of leafy vines grow over the deck, and shiny green patches of algae and moss grow where the vines do not. The central cabin's roof has a wide edge, creating a canopied walkway along the ship's sides. A flight of steps leads up to the roof of the main cabin, the entrance to which is blocked by a door decorated by a large number of rodent and bird skulls. A smoking stovepipe chimney extends up from the ship's highest point above. You hear a low growling coming from somewhere. Then, the sound of a sliding wood window, and a gravelly goblin voice shouts "Little goblins come to my ship in the marsh/Little goblins that taste pretty harsh/Salt and pepper and everything's fine/On goblin flesh Vorka will dine!" "Sick them! Make them sick! Scabtongue! Tickletooth! Buttbiter! Get them!" Three feral dogs come rushing from three different directions, one from around the left side of the cabin, another from the right, and one, that was um...biting its hind quarters until it sees you.
Mukluk still seems a bit shaken and a little bit shocked by the giant spider sneaking up behind him. He swings wildly and misses. Nergul however, comes charging forward - zig zagging around the spider's legs and sinking his blade deep into the lower part of one of its front legs. The spider rears up in pain. Mixly pulls out a sling and hurls a rock at the spider's head.
Mixly's shot sails true, and hits the spider in one of its insect eyes. It scuttles around to face the new foe, but instead quickly focuses on the tall goblin slicing at it's legs.
Nergul deftly avoids the spider's attempt to bite him.
Mixly almost bails off Squealy Nord, but shows amazing tenacity and not falling all the way off. She is able to somehow slide around and get back up onto the back of the angry piglet.
The hooting and hollering dies down as Mixly nimbly jumps from the piglets back and quickly scurries out of the fenced in area. Slorb presents her with the Dragon Brew Gourd.
The goblins stumble around aimlessly, trying to find one of the sneakiest and stealthiest Licktoad goblins. After ten minutes of no success, Neklub starts to get angry, and starts clubbing the other goblins who are looking for Nergul. In the fracas, one of the goblins manages to grab the cudgel, and uses it to bash Neklub's face. Neklub is knocked out cold, and the game seems to have turned into just "Be Clubbed" which seems to suit everyone just as well. Later, as you make your way back to the festivities, Slorb presents you with the Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good. "Who put Neklub in charge of Hide or Be Clubbed?" he says to no one in particular. "She terrible. At least she got clubbed."
Nergul - The large female goblin with enormous eyes comes up to you. "Sometimes in Brinestump, nasty monsters try to eat you. Sometimes you fight, sometimes you die. Better to hide than to die! Maybe come back with more goblins, set big monster on fire maybe?" she says, nodding emphatically. "Licktoads know how to hide - you big hero now, you hide good? Neklub not think so. Neklub dare you to hide so we not find you! If we find you, get clubbed! Much fun for us - maybe not so much for you if no hide good." Neklub pulls a huge wooden club from behind her back. "Hide or Be Clubbed! Hide or be Clubbed!" Other goblins take up the chant, including the chief, who is banging a piece of wood against the Teeter Chair. Slorb proclaims "If no goblin finds hero in swamp, hero gets magical Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good from chief! Well, at least loan you ring." As you rush off into the marsh, the goblins all cover their eyes, and count to various numbers, 10, 12, 8, eleventy, toesies, so on. Some of them start singing as they come after you, and you can hear them even as you are hiding. "Hide or be Clubbed is best goblin game/You hide or get clubbed, we smash in your brain!/If you hide real good, we won't whack you with stick/and maybe get ring that let you climb real quick!
Yumuk, the goblin cook and his entourage, are all suitably impressed by Mukluk's disgusting display. They laugh and chitter until Slorb approaches, holding aloft a "fancy" looking dogslicer. "Truly Mukluk has shown that he will do stupid - I mean brave and having courage things for Licktoad tribe. Chief says you can use this slicer, called Gorge of Gluttons, in your very important quest for explodey fireworks! Don't lose it and bring back, or Gorge of Gluttons will cut your big head off! Not realizing this makes no sense, Slorb hands over the slicer to Mukluk. The assembled goblins "ooh" and "aah" until somebody (maybe Mukluk) lets out a loud belch, and they scatter, laughing ecstatically.
You watch as a goblin with a dirty, stained apron takes a gigantic wooden ladle and dips it into the barrel holding the Feel Good Headache apples. He ladles out what looks like some very ripe hard cider into four battered tankards, making sure a nice fermented (probably rotten) apple is floating in each cup. He sings a little song as he serves up the drinks. "Goblin heroes drink, drink, drink/Drink so much can hardly think!/Eat the apples core and all/For Bad Luck Begone Festi-val!"
"The Number of the Beast" Iron Maiden
OK, only sort of kidding. How about something more classical? From Berlioz's Requiem, I think. Berlioz also wrote something called The Damnation of Faust, which seems appropriate as well. |
