Ernest Kalthet's page

"Venture-Captain, I'd say it functioned admirably, though I'd be worried about any interaction of Extraplanar Space Overlap issues. Has that been tested?" Ernest is handed a note from a runner, informing him that VC Dreng has "broken his front door again." Ernest looks none too excited to fix his door again (read: he lost his keys somewhere). He sends the runner back with an affirmative.

~~~

After the meeting, Ernest sheepishly gives Snouts a bag to hold and presents him to Eadie as if he were some kind of baby. "I, um, uh, want to, uh, apologize to the, uh, Semisecret Cabal of Womanhood and, uh, to you for, uh, being, um, awkward. I am willing to pay the requested reparations from, uh, you mentioned earlier. There's 10 gold for ice cream and other deserts. Snouts loves them, and he's been good lately, and, uh, you like him, so, uh, I, uh, figured you'd, uh, like to use him as a, uh, food b-buddy."

will: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (8) + 5 = 13

He tries to make eye contact with only a minor success and notes, "I have official business. I just wanted to say 'I'm Sorry, Please Don't Assassinate Me' better, but I can't attend any socials. Hopefully Professor is enough of a pig to take my place..."

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"Wait wait wait wait!" Ernest exclaims, fumbling to try to "help." "You're losing the Rose District!"

aid: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4

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Snouts oinks some things at Ernest, who seems unhappy at the porkball about the info.

He looks to the Joh, "I guess one of the people downstairs is capable of lockpicking with plant pieces. Maybe they're also pretty good at dextrous things; how good are you at this kind of stuff?"

"Oh man, I wish I had bought an autonomous Cartographer, like they did in the Echoes of Everwar collection..." Ernest says.

Ernest chronicles the places on the map as he remembers. "Wait! Would anyone downstairs that we rescued be better at this? What if we all try to remember what this looks like so that we'll be able to piece together what's going on?"

He turns to the Gnoll, "I'm guessing you don't know where stuff was, but did you see the map before it got all borked up? We might need need you as a reference if you did."

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"Aah! N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no! That's not it at all! Sorry! I, uh, just, uh I can't, uh, talk to, uh, ladies real, uh, real well! If you, uh look like a, uh, dude it, uh, helps my, um anxiety issues..."

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Ernest awkwardly congratulates the better student; "Oh! That makes sense, yeah! I'm not sure how a pirate know about stuff that deep in a city-- ah! Not that I'm saying pirates are dumb, just that the stereotype of pirates implies dumb. Ack, not that you look like a stereotype of any ki--"

Fortunately, Ernest is cut off from his current worry by book presentation. "Um, uh, I'm still not, uh, it's uh, easier if you have the, um, the helmet on, 'cause I still haven't found an alchemist for my, um, practical research into, um, into that, uh, problem..."

His tirade cut off with the magic of literature, Ernest translates what little is truly there. "This is Kelish, dialect of the people of the Qadiran people, both of which descended from the the Kelish Empire which... Oh, right." He leafs through a few pages. "Looks like shorthand for some of the Absalom activities she was looking into. Like, probably not even half of them."

He continues to read, finding nothing else of note. "Also, yes, this wax could be used for the common spells known as Ghost Sound and Sculpt Corpse, though if you mushed them all up, Transmute Blood at Acid and Cauterizing Weapon could use them as well. Probably more than that, but, uh, yeah." Ernest returns the book, still "attempting" direct eye contact with a 40% success rate. "I think she just used then for the tack thingies and whatever they meant. May as well bring them back with us."

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geo: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (12) + 11 = 23
local: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (2) + 11 = 13
nobility: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (5) + 15 = 20

did I use my shirt reroll?: 1d20 + 15 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 15 + 3 = 21

Snouts cannot hit DC 28; 25 on Nobility is the highest possible result.

"These are all over the place! I... I don't know who half these guys are!" a very panicked Ernest yelps.

Did you give up Lore Master, Joh? {Or never have it because I forgot you have more Ranger than Bard? Oops} Coupling that with a shirt "reroll" might be needed, do ho ho.

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Ernest studies the map thoroughly and pokes both him and his pig (once he eventually returns) with his Infernal Healing wand.

Edit in blue

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I always also enjoyed the "chuck fuse grenades into the pit" tactic, though I think I don't have any on this character. Alchemist fires would also work; you can use Ernests if you don't want to use your own.

Ernest will step up to the map and see if anything's been ruined by the gnolls in respect to what its purpose was. "If, you, uh, want to go into the pit, then, uh, I can make it so you fall slowly. You might want to back up from the spiked one so you don't fall in, though."

Spiked Pit counter: 2/6
Regular Pit counter: 1/6
Added Letters to the pits to ID which is which.

Nice; that's more accurate than my bit. So, I'll then...

Ernest interjects with a Feather Fall as an Immediate Action to prevent Captain Helpless from becoming Mortal Kombat Uppercutted-off-the-stage-into-spikes-Fatality'd. "Ah! Sorry! I'd dismiss it, but I can't!"

Iggy still takes 2d6 (possibly 8 from his first two rolled Fall damage dice, should our DM choose to simply use that or rule that it is only paired with the standard falling damage and negate it) and begins Dying again from his new damage. That's the only damage he'll be getting from that, though, since I think he has to be climbing to take any further damage.

What rule is that? I'd assume you could do two spells, since you could cast a quickened, then a regular spell, I think?

Quickened explicitly allows itself past the 1-per-round (which is why it's suuuuuuuuper.) Looking up citation now...

http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/combat.html#cast-a-quickened-spell-swift -action

Cast a Quickened Spell

You can cast a quickened spell (see the Quicken Spell feat), or any spell whose casting time is designated as a free or swift action, as a swift action. Only one such spell can be cast in any round, and such spells don't count toward your normal limit of one spell per round. Casting a spell as a swift action doesn't incur an attack of opportunity.

This is the only time this limitation is mentioned, I believe. EDIT: Ha ha, I guess it IS mentioned more than once!

For the falling ally (who does indeed slide into the pit, though as if they had a Dexterity score of zero from the Unconscious/Helpless bit {I think it's essentially a luck thing at that point}), a Feather Fall is specifically prepared. However, I can't recall if Immediate spells have to count towards your previous or next turn for purposes of the "1 spell per round" limit.

Though the first two d6 of what you rolled still happen, because that's the spiked pit...

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CL 6, so 30 feet. 3d6 ⇒ (4, 6, 4) = 14 fall damage and prone (barring feather fall), since this isn't a controlled fall.

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Unsure of Dwarven placement; I suppose I'll guesstimate. One square north would be optimum for my purposes.

Ernest moves 30 farther in, erring towards the south-er side of the room (positioning himself preferably in a spit that won't destroy the map if she fires another Bolt.

He'll drop another Pit (of the unspiked variety, DC 20) under her. Maybe with her square as the southwest corner of the 10x10.

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Best of which is that Ernest was 4 (slow), so August didn't end his turn next to the pit after it was conjured. It does add a warning to Ernest's turn, though.

Note that if you end your turn adjacent to the pit, you need to make a Reflex (DC 21) with a +2 bonus to not fall in yourself. If you've got a good Reflex or are feeling particularly Kuthite, then feel free to take a dive.

"Don't, uh, don't stand next to that for too long! It's slippier than it looks!"

Er Ref: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18
Sn Ref: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9

HP shorthand: Ernest/Snouts: 54 - 5 = 4927 - 5 = 22

Ernest avoid most of the bolt while Snouts is scraped (though is quite good at evading things as it is, so isn't affected quite as hard.) Ernest grows back his tinyized miniature shovel and casts Spiked Pit (DC 21 Reflex to move to nearest edge square of the way, 20 feet deep at CL 5) at the casty-bad. If she's flying obviously, then he'd instead target the other gnoll.

Snouts full-retreats as far as possible from the combat.

int: 1d20 + 7 + 8 ⇒ (4) + 7 + 8 = 19
I own a Taldor T-Shirt! (*** reroll): 1d20 + 7 + 8 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 7 + 8 + 3 = 26

"Oh, no way; that's super helpful! Th-thanks!"

"...Algorn Desmire... Don't know the second, Jacquo Dalsine... Must be the missing letters or something?..."

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Only two? Piggy, I am disappointed.

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"Okay, my guess is 'Khisma'," Ernest tells the guardian.

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Knowledge minimum + Chronicle Reference: 1d20 + 11 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 11 + 2 = 24

Ernest digs out a book, a secondary printing of his adventures. "Uh, lemme think; It was, uh, and this isn't a guess," he notes to the genie, "Khisma, I think it was? The guy mentioned some kind of brother of hers, but I'm not sure if it was Classic Faction Politics or what..."

"The lady who killed that guy when I dragged a half-orc off a bench! You don't remember?!? Do you even read the reports when I ask you to double-check them?!?" Ernest paces in a little circle. He speaks to the host, still clearly worried about some invisible assailant. "Okay, um, Mr. uh, Mr. The Enlightener. I have, a, uh, theoretical, so to, uh, so to speak. Say, in theory, your master's room had a mirror. Would you be able to confirm or deny the existence of said mirror?"

Ernest regains a look of fear, a bit more permanant this time as he darts into the room to look upon his piggy with a mix of fear and frustration. Losing all veneer of calmness, he pours out quick amounts of dialogue at his familiar. "WAIT WAIT WAIT, we're here for the Pasha al'Jakri?!? Why didn't you tell me that, Snouts?!? Venture-Captain Valsin had to have said something about that! She's a double-S class threat wanted on her count of assassination! And she's on a blood vengeance quest thing still?!? That whole incident with her sister that was just a HUGE misunderstanding that resulted in the seismic shift of an entire faction! It said so in all the reports! What else aren't you telling me?!?"

planes on outsider: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (3) + 11 = 14

"Uh, no, I'm good, thanks..." a bedraggled Ernest lies about being hungry, still avoiding actually entering the room except to make eye contact with the outsider. "I was wondering, though. Uh, what do you know about that, um, ring you mentioned?"

Diplo?: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (12) + 11 = 23

Kn (nob): 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (11) + 15 = 26 Ernest attempts attempts to identify any crests or noble's origins after stringently attempting to avoid entering what is clearly lady's room.

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Tele-Pasha

Ha ha, the irony that this is one time that having not played a character through their career in 3 seasons could pay off...

Ernest asks one thing, but leaves the more personal discussions with his respective party members. "Why not just come with us and keep a safe distance?"

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"Oh! Uh, yeah, definitely." Ernest stumbles around in the chest, looking for all his various equipment while Snouts searches for food on the Gnolls (possibly sniffing for if they count as food now.)

"Um, uh, Miss, um, Lore; this is Korshad. He's, uh, looking to, uh, reaffirm h-his faith, I suppose is a-aah a way to put it."

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Ernest, after stowing with his bag of butter and other components, will cast Grease (DC 18) beneath the two gnolls to try to knock them over!

"Just yell if there's anything you want Snouts to deliver over to you!"

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Oh, well then an action redaction if I can (assuming Snouts and his "smarter than the dumbest of Pathfinders" Int of 8 can escape on his own. He shares skill ranks, so he does have Disable Device.) His biggest drawback is are his cute and useless pig arms.

Ernest, if Snouts can free himself, just moves to the chest and grab a spell component pouch while the porker pushes at the latch.

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The other familiar can come and go from the cage by being smaller if I recall correctly, yes? You might want to have him help you equip some items you don't use actively, Joh (though you're at spell component pouch stage already.)

Snouts steps (as a move action; not a 5') adjacent to the bars and readies to move to the chest to acquire the Butter Bag! His fat snout, shoved through the bars, is more than enough contact space to Shift (the Teleportation school power) the both of them 5' south! More importantly making Snouts a cage-free animal! He moves next to the chest!

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"Aah - right away ma'am!" Ernest nearly falls over out of fright, having finished his spell, eked a mass of monkeys into existence, and silently reestablishes his fear in the opposite gender.

Chimps pour out from a point in space at which he gestures, avoiding damaging anything but the hyena-like people! They engulf the front two foes, since I think the other is too far for a 10ft swarm.

They do provoke from movement (I think that isn't removed in Swarm Traits) but take half-damage from weapon attacks. They have 22hp, for the GM's convenience.

On the plus side, they do 2d6 ⇒ (6, 2) = 8 points of damage, attempt to steal (or disarm) something shiny with the rolls below and force a DC 14 Fort save vs Distraction (with the additional effect of deafening for a minute if they fail.)

left target steal/disarm: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (14) + 11 = 25
right target steal/disarm: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (12) + 11 = 23

Meanwhile, Ernest double-moves closer to his captured piggy. Can't edit map from mobile, but I think I covered all my general movements/actions.

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Expecting the door to be gone next round, Ernest begins making chimp noises and dancing in a small circle! The dance generates circles at his feet that are obvious signs of spellcasting!

Begin 1-Round cast of Mad Monkeys. Confirmed to need no material component; just Verbal and Somatic (since I'm not divine.) They can understand my commands, so I'm going to ensure no actual people are harmed in the duration of this spell.

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What is my Line of Sight status concerning the not-yet-destroyed door? I would presume standard "can't see through it" until it's destroyed, but I figured I'd ask.

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If I'm reading it right, they're only approaching, so the door might need some more forceful opening. Even though objects can't be crit, at least heavy blades use a chopping kind of motion, so it'd at least make sense to actually work.

Ernest panics a little, leaving him very distracted to act while he attempts to think of a cool one-liner regarding figs.

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Ernest will back away from the door in an attempt to ease the crowd. "Alright, but, uh..." He continues in Kelish for a semi-secret facet to the meeting.

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Ernest allows himself to be stopped if someone more judgmental of character notices it's a bad time to start the infiltration plan or get another member for it.

"I think, uh, there's someone in the building you need to talk to. She should be able to judge the best here as to if your actions make you unqualified for priesthood. I think your, uh, redemption time could be really, really soon, but we'd have to go talk to her now, like, before they leave." Ernest looks around the door, particularly for a keyhole and figures out if this door lock from the outside with just a bolt or with a key. If there's a keyhole, Ernest will see if he can see through said keyhole at all, for purposes of Teleportation School's Shift ability.

Diplomacy (request): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (6) + 8 = 14

“Welcome! I am Korshad, Korshad Satevis. Overseer for ... Meanwhile you should get some rest and we can begin your lessons in the morning. As the proverb says, ‘When the day is hottest, even the busy must rest and wait.’”

The placement of his porcine partner bothers him noticeably, though he'll simply take to getting on better terms with the cellmates nearby. Namely via stroking the biggest ego in the room. He goes to sit on one of the empty beds, "So, uh, you sure know a lot. What else do you know stuff about?"

Diplomacy: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (15) + 8 = 23
Kn (R): 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (6) + 9 = 15 @That parable, any specific religion? I have all other knowledges if it's something else to ID.

Weird, I thought forced marches worked like starvation, in that you couldn't just CLW it away. The more you know!

Ernest fort: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8 snouts fort: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (16) + 6 = 22

Ernest, fatigued, thinks back to his lessons in maintaining Egorian levels of secrecy. He huffs out slower dialogue than normal, breathing heavily between words. "I... Uh... I learned... About... My... Right to... Remain... Silent... Except in... A... Court... Of... Infernal... Law..."

"Maybe the gnolls are right... I need that headband to not be a fattycakes... Or maybe I never really wasn't..."

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sense mot ern: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8
piggyception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (17) + 5 = 22

Ernest rests his merchandise while Snouts remains naturally perceptive (even without magic backing his skills.)
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"Eeyah! I-I-I've been trying to work out, but, uh, I guess it hasn't taken, I suppose..." he notes when assessed for food quality.

During the outing, Ernest will attempt to speak with Kelmin (in Kelish) to see if they know anything about this mirror or anyone that looks like the Pasha. He'll try to be subtle about it, though isn't exactly skilled in that department.

diplo: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (6) + 8 = 14

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Just one note from one of the above posts:

Ernest will have his 10gp miniature shovel shrunken for easy access Pit spell power.

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"Sounds about right. That said, a headband of this wealth is likely not in the ballpark for anyone indentured and I'm no good at either lying or actually being an appraiser. At best, I could be a scribe or something, but the only times I had to lie, I just let Lin do it or broke vases. If they ask anything directly, I'll probably crack."

"That said, I have no qualms on being locked up for the benefit of the Society. I-in the short term, of course."

"Syrsly?"

"Oh! Uh, I didn't say anything. Certainly nothing about the mass kidnapping scheme something the Worldwide Organization of Women have been trying to keep quiet, enacted to prevent contractual multigenerational marriage arrangement oaths from being broken before partner assignment." Certainly nothing, uh, nothing about that. Because that, uh, doesn't exist. Totally."

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He responds to his familiar in Taldane, this time remembering it can understand him normally. "Yeah, but your tiny pig arms are adorable and useless for that. Remember that time with the Spaghetti Trap?"

GM: Is this a contested check for purposes of T10 or a DC?

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"Locks are pretty easy. Not as easy as traps, but, uh, yeah. Then if nobody can do it for me, I can just be locked up normally. It's what Mother said they'd do to me if I talk to girls anyways, so I should maybe start getting used to it."

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Ernest will have his 10gp miniature shovel shrunken for easy access Pit spell power. All other gear that aren't animals, his mostly unused spear, and the big camping tent will be chest'd.

He, however, continues to look worried. "Uh, how long are we going to be, uh, on-site? I kinda need my headband to be on for a day if anyone needs me to do magic traps. Or even really notice anything." Headband ranks are perception; I'll repost unless we find a workaround.

He looks to the animal companion, then to the pretend slaver headmistress. "I don't need Snouts around for any casting purpose, but I don't want to leave him behind; I think he'll eat my couch if I leave him alone. Could, uh, did you want to watch him? The, uh, glasses aren't prescription; he doesn't need them if you want some other disguise for him." He looks over the pig after undisguising him, "I mean, you could put tusks on him or something to be more boar-like; he is as big as you or just pretend like he's one of those showpigs-"

"Ech, wait! I didn't mean to say you're fat like a pig! You're not like a pig in any way! Except the generalities of non-outsider creatures in that you have to eat, breathe, and sleep. But not, uh, in a pig-like manner. You're totally not-big at all. Ah-but not in an 'offensive to small people' kind-of-way. You're adequately-sized for a gnome female. Ack! I'm not trying to be sexist, weightist, and racist! I'm totally not thinking about you like that! Ech- Not that that's impossible and I'm saying you're hideous or something, but I'm, uh, um, uh... I'm not."

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Ernest nods at the sailor lingo as Snouts abandons his verbal picket line to eat peanuts and later a whole day's ration. "Yeah, I drove a boat once. We were pirates."

"Oh, uh, I'm Ernest Kalthet, Certified Pathfinder Field Agent. I, uh, make holes in stuff. Well, more the ground. Not people. Well, I mean, the one kind of pit can put holes in people. I don't, uh, want to put holes, i-in people directly. I just, uh, make holes that sometimes make holes themselves. Not, like, a hole-in-a-hole; nobody's done that yet better than "mundane pit in a magic pit". Extradimensional metaphysical laws are kinda unbreakable, except in a Bag of Hold- Oh wait, that reminds me. Is anyone an Alchemist?" He only now sees Snouts is about 1/4th the way through the ration. "Wait! He's already eaten twice today!"

Perceptions listed are for Ernest and Professor Snouts (who DOES ferry spells sometimes. He saved a half-orc once with Infernal Healing, because 1-round cast times are suck. Coincidentally, that was during that whole, uh, Dalsine Affair that the Pasha is known for.

• PFS #22357-15
• Day Job roll: Craft (Traps) +2 on day jobs: 1d20 + 22 + 2 ⇒ (12) + 22 + 2 = 36
• Initiative (E/PS) +0/+1
• Perception (E/PS) +14 (+1 vs traps, +2 if within arms reach of pig)/+11

Ernest returns a singular, confused-sounding snort to respond.

Spending 14k on upgrading headband; skill associated is 1 is Escape Artist 2 is disguise: 1d2 ⇒ 1. Escapewiz it is! Goldchk: 17967 - 14000 - 2250 = 1717

Ernest, a Osirian/Chelish guy of about 20 years, sports a paler skin tone than most Osiriani while still retaining their facial structures. He is a somewhat tall man of a standard, mildly-athletic build. He carries with him a backpack of gear, has a set of wands with an imprint of the Osiriani royal scarab embedded in it located on his belt.

"Ah! I'm late! I'm sorry!" He announces, moving too quickly and having to reflexively jump around things and likely almost knocking over some inattentive pathfinder were he unable to teleport inherently. 1 use of school power used cinematically.

He makes his way into the room, a little out of breath. He speaks in a panic, "Do-don't repeat yourself, Lady Darchana; I'm sure the Professor can tell me what we're supposed to do. I, uh, I do want to apologize again."

Given that we have a 2h Fighter already and Luisila's half-vote, (barring any major objections) I'm going to dig through all the gm credits Ernest is probably sitting on and get everything kosher. Looks like we lack Knowledges, Arcane, and traps anyways. Plus Turg was 9th anyways and I thought this was a 5-9 for some reason.

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Ernest recollects his thoughts. "I'm sure he's not offended; I accidentally dropped him once in a vase once and he wasn't even that mad! Thanks for the concern, though!"

"I'd like to think I'm decent, though..."

"To answer your questions, uh, a sasquatch is a large, hair-covered humanoid, often found in the forests of very nearly illegible stories, and very, uh, blurrily described. Very, uh, smelly, if I recall." Ernest references a duplicate of a Pathfinder Chronicle, "About three-ish years back, though, one emerged from the forests of Andoran and declared in his grunty communiqué that he wanted to learn to read the signs near his home. Fortunately, Venture-Captain Hamshanks found him before the circuits of circuses and shipped him Almas University after getting an education visa."

"But, uh, in short, this pretty much kinda means that, uh, he owes the Society, so he's teaching people his language!"

The Additional Resources page added a bunch of languages as available with Linguistics, including Sasquatch, Mi-Go, and Elder Thing.

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