*GASP!!!* M-m-master Merlin! Oh dear....
Turning its monocle to flash disapprovingly at Mahatma:
And you, sir.... What has happened to you!? You are not the dear, sweet Mahatma I parted ways with in the Silver Tower!
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Bloody brilliant, Professor Radsworth! You alone among men have deciphered the R'lyehan password that opens the gate of Citadel Cthulhu! Thrilling adventures, indeed, sir! A right bloody honor it's truly been, sir.... Even if this is the end of us, sir.... I'm proud to have served you, sir, more than even Master Aleister Crowley, he who crafted me.... He was a right obnoxious bastard, truth be told, a randy goat obsessed with sex magic as it were.... Not a proper gentleman like you, sir.... And a Yank, begging your pardon, sir.... Not even an Englishman like he was.... Yet, you're many times the gentleman he was, Professor Radsworth! May the gods bless you, sir! Chesterfield's monocle almost seems to steam up....
That is a rather dreary thought, Doctor Holiday, but Professor Radsworth and myself have discussed this plan at length, sir, and I can assure you, Professor Radsworth has contemplated the ethics and weighed the potential consequences of using the mirror of opposition again and again.... He'll know if and when it may be beneficial to turn the mirror on Cthulhu, you can be sure of that, sir....
Your enthusiasm is endearing, Mister Johnson, but I fear it may be the result of ignorance in this case, sir.... Cthulhu is the greatest of the Great Old Ones.... The high priest of Azathoth.... He will not fall as easily as did the others, I fear....
I fear Miss Daisy may be right about Cthulhu, Professor Radsworth.... We must be extra cautious in dealing with him, sir.... A bloody nightmare walking, he is, sir.... If what my former master read in The Necronomicon of the Mad Arab be true.... Radsworth almost feels the magic top hat tremble on his head....
It must be said.... Professor Radsworth, you have surpassed all others who have worn me on their brow.... In knowledge, and in magical potential.... Even my creator, who was a very powerful wizard, indeed, seems more a dabbler in the occult when I compare him to you, sir.... It'd be a right bloody honor to continue to serve you, it would, Professor Radsworth.... And the thought of venturing beyond this mortal realm to other planes and other worlds sets my monocle ablaze with a thirst for adventure and exploration! We can be true pioneers, you and I, Professor.... Pioneers of time and space, and Keepers of the Balance, as it were.... I reckon that marvelous things, indeed, await us in this queer old multiverse.... Wondrous things! That is, assuming we don't get killed by one of these three Great Old Ones that still contest the Earth....
Don't you listen to him, Professor Radsworth! The King in Yellow is a crafty rascal, by Jove! My creator.... Who made me swear a vow of secrecy pertaining to his identity....had dealings with this Hastur around the turn of the century....1900, I believe was the year.... He's just as evil and hellbent on entropy as Cthulhu.... Doont let the Yellow Blighter fool you, sir!
I say, Professor Radsworth, are you having a bit of trouble deciding what class to advance for your 15th character level and 6th mythic tier? Or did you forget, sir? I daresay you blokes are gaining in power rather rapidly, but I suppose that's for the best, what with things going so poorly and at such a pace for the Earth and mankind....
Oh, thank heavens! That is an odor I suspect is particularly difficult to remove from my fabric.... Of course, prestidigitation always seems to clean up any mess, however malodorous....
Its been a pleasure to work with you, Professor Radsworth.... I hope the flames don't bother you overmuch as we combust....
Bugger all! This doesn't bode well, Professor Radsworth.... I say, we do find ourselves in a bleak spot now and then, don't we?
With all due respect, Mister Mahatma, I do believe the time for talk has passed, and the time for action is upon us.... What more needs be said?
Yes! Yes! Jolly good! Very inspiring, old chap! That'll do, Mahatma, old boy....
Please, be brief, Mahatma.... Chesterfield whispers to Radsworth: This bloke can be a tad wordy....
Fear not, Sir Mikey Jay! You have the great spellslinger Radsworth on your side, who fired the shot that turned old Ithaqua into a heap of stinky goo.... And no less a champion than King Arthur, Excalibur in hand!.... Not to mention the very avatar of Raven the Indian god, and the Mortal Herald of Thor himself!.... And let us not forget that Lady Levinson was no less a personage than Circe herself, and yet commands the powers of Hell.... And Professor Marcus, an embodiment of esoteric power, keeper of the Caduceus!.... And sweet Daisy, who surely would be canonized as a saint in her own time if the Vatican knew of her healing miracles.... And not the least of all, good sir, you--Mikey Jay--are clearly the chosen champion of some god or goddess of battle.... And you wield a sword worthy of such as evidence! So be of good cheer, and go give those evil monsters hell, Fierce Ones!
Hahaha! I say, that tickles!.... Ah, look--it's Winston.... That's the bear's name.... Hullo, Winston! Winston the grizzly bear looks back at Chesterfield and roars a greeting....
Very well, sir.... Overland flight extended.... As for the nature of these weresquatches, they are bound to conform to the usual traits of lycanthropes, at least to some degree.... I would certainly expect them to be capable of assuming three shapes--Sasquatch, wolf, and a hybrid of both.... Silver or very potent magical weapons will no doubt be required to fully penetrate their hides, but the weapons of your martial companions should be more than sufficient....
But of course, sir! Take this, foul fiend of the Abyss! A swift casting of scorching ray by Chesterfield follows immediately after Radsworth's well-placed shocking grasp named bullet.... The qlippoth's SR and fire resistance reduces the total damage dealt by the fiery rays to 7 fire damage....
On the contrary, Professor Radsworth.... Such beasts of the fey realm have indeed been spied in olden days by men of this world, or their likeness would not so accurately be depicted in ancient works of art.... The griffon adorns many an ancient ruin in Arabian lands as well as in Europa, as does the unicorn, Pegasus, and many other such creatures thought by modern man to be mere myth and fancy.... In more recent ages, such creatures as these we see in abundance here in Alfheim have been hunted to extinction in our own world, and the gates between the world of fairy and that of mankind are narrow and well-guarded by magic to prevent their discovery by all but the most intrepid and determined....
Well, sir, you must understand that semi-insane ideas sound more plausible when coming from a talking object, rather than a homo sapien like yourself.... After all, humans have proven demonstrably insane throughout history, whereas talking objects have never been known for the like.
Intelligence check You know, it occurs to me a tad late, perhaps, but there were more pressing concerns at hand at the time.... Wouldn't removing the interior, weight-bearing walls and the floor between the fifth and sixth floors of a structure of this height seriously compromise the integrity of the Tower as a whole? Why, a good firm blow at a corner might bring the whole thing crashing down, might it not?
Oh, jolly good! It's been decades since I've seen a good defenestration!
Whispered: Well, clearly, executing the lot of them would be the wisest path, would it not? And if MJ convinces them of mercy and has them all bound, the job will be the more neatly done, would it not?
Hmmm.... Certainly old.... Perhaps dating from the high Middle Ages by the illuminations.... It's in Latin.... Probably translated from an older text by some crazed monk, I'd wager.... What do you make of it, Professor Radsworth?
And here come the hooligans again.... Fire at will, Fierce Ones! Tally ho!
When Radsworth arrives to the point in the hall outside the office where he has line of sight to the wizard with the black Yingzen-bunny attached like a feral necktie to the Devil Ray's throat.... Oh! Jolly good show, that!! Jolly good!! A little slice of The Holy Grail, that!! Hohohohoho!!
In fact, Mister Clean, I can do that very trick, in addition to several others.... Though I'm afraid rabbits are not on the menu, and the type of animal that I can produce is rather random.... But if you are hungry for bat, rat, cat, weasel, or dog, I can see what's mucking about inside, if you please.... A tasty boar sometimes emerges, in fact.... But trying for the boar runs us the risk of producing a wolverine, wolf, or leopard, instead, I should forewarn you....
A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mister Clean, and Professor Greer! I do hope our association lasts longer than that of the adventurers Merlin chose you to replace....
Professor Radsworth, my good fellow.... I do believe we are at a crossroads, cosmologically speaking.... A very rare, perhaps unique conjunction of time and space in which metaphysical matters are more tangible than ever before.... Magic is strong once again, as it was in Merlin's time for awhile, and as it has been many times in antiquity....
Excellent choices, Professor Radsworth.... As for the contents of your spell book, I'm quite familiar with your repertoire.... In time, we shall fill in the gaps, until you have at your disposal all the most useful spells in the greater and lesser grimoires.... All in good time, sir!
Very well, Mister Mahatma, no need to get your trunk tied in a knot, I was merely observing what should be obvious to any reasonable person capable of comparing the relative area of your arse with the volume of this enclosed space.... I meant no insult, old chum....
In here, my dear fellow!? Why, your rump alone would fill this entire hallway!
Both arguments are valid, and depend wholly upon the actions of our enemy. Based on my observations of this cult's general attitude and past behavior, I would estimate that Daisy's plan is the more sound at this point.... However, as Professor Radsworth's assistant, I shall defer to his judgement, of course, and forfeit a vote in the matter. May I suggest you do the same, Mister Mahatma?
Message received, and summarily ignored as the attempts of a lesser being to censor his superiors, Mister Whoever-you-are! retorts Chesterfield to MJ....
Quite proper, Mister Mahatma, jolly good, sir.... Carry on....
That blow-hard talk, when he can sing? Never, sir! The Magic Flute never talks, sir.... He really enjoys singing, so much so, that he never speaks what can be sung instead.... It can be rather annoying when he's warning you of something you need to react to quickly, as you can well imagine.... Singing: "Looook ooooouuuut for zat guy about to puuuuuut you in zee baaaaaaag, Chesterfieeeeeeeld!
Sculpted scat-pile!
You're welcome.... Graven goofball....
TEE-HEE!! The monocle on the brim of Radsworth's talking top hat seems to glitter with mirth.... I rather fancied that last one, old chap.... Your command of the King's English is improving, Mister Mahatma, and it adds a savor to your wit, sir!
Chiseled chump!
After all, Kailin-Bloody-Kros is here from bloody Fairyland, mate, to chronicle the momentous, er, moments, as it were, of a new band of epic bloody heroes!! He must be rather expensive to keep as one's chronicler, as it were, and I feel we owe him a bloody better show than some expository hearsay from a talking knick-knack like yourself, Mister Mahatma!
Mister Mahatma, if you are quite finished insulting both the oft mis-maligned and bloody brilliant Mister Crowley and myself, we should waste no more of The Fierce Ones' time with such trivia.... In my humble opinion, sir!
Damn his marble tusks! How'd he suss it out!? Am I so like my father? And how does that portable pachyderm know of Aleister Crowley!? Do genies read him bloody bedtime stories or something!? *Ahem!* The honorable....and brilliant.... Mister Crowley had nothing to do with my, as it were, manifestation....in the Sanctum Sanctorum during the graduation ceremony of.... Well, as I said, he had nothing to do with it! The monocle wheels around the brim to flash with obvious ire at Mahatma's head poking out of Levinson's backpack....
Oh. Well, then, Mister Mahatma, I am terribly sorry for having offended your more delicate sensibilities with my Anglo-Saxon boorishness, if it please you, sir.... My esteemed crafter, who in his great humility, bade me swear never to reveal his identity, was an Englishman, and a respected wizard of the Order of the Golden Dawn.... But I, sir, am a top hat of the World, my dear fellow.... Not a mere Englishman, good sir!
Well, I do say, Professor Radsworth, these ruffians who follow you about on your adventures are rather useful chaps, after all! Far more so than appearances might suggest, if I may be frank....
A sound argument, sir.... I agree with this fellow here.... Chesterfield tilts in MJ's direction briefly before straightening up on Radsworth's head....
BTW, here are Chesterfield's stats for your info, Radsworth.... Chesterfield, top hat of mental superiority +6, Lawful Good; dedicated to defending the human race; Intelligence 20; Ego 30; acts as any kind of greater metamagic rod 3/day; acts as any bag of tricks 3/day; Knowledge (arcana, history, local, nature, religion) +15; can cast fly 3/day;
Oh, for the love of George, don't trumpet, now, mate! Chesterfield seems to tense up on Radsworth's head as Mahatma inhales deeply....
Oh, indeed, sir! Chesterfield sails over to land comfortably upon Radsworth's crown, suddenly opening hitherto unknown neuroarcane pathways in the novice wizard's brain! Vistas of knowledge open before his mind's eye, and an almost frightening depth of wisdom and esoteric understanding open in his soul.... Hitherto unknown intuitions into human nature, and the nature of reality itself unfold in Radsworth, silencing him, humbling him, momentarily overwhelming him.... There are others there that would be better put to use in skillful hands, sir, hands like yours! Chesterfield's monocle flashes at Kailin Kros.... Are you familiar with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's opera Die Zauberflote, sir? Known in English as The Magic Flute? Well, its not just a bit of musical fancy, I assure you, good sir! There sits upon the vile altar of Cthulhu on the top floor of this silvery edifice, The Magic Flute of which Herr Mozart wrote his wonderful opera! It has powers of enchantment unparalleled in the hands of a competent flautist, and you, sir, or more than that, I dare say! Splendid heroic tune you were piping just now, good sir! Jolly good!
The top hat rights itself, and a monocle that seems magically bound to its brim rolls around to regard Radsworth, with a twinkle of what might be admiration! And you must be the American chap whose masterful incantations I heard focused in the manner of the classic spellslinger wizards of the late 19th century! I have been biding my time up in that miserable temple of Cthulhu ever since those wretched cretins murdered my former associate a few days ago, and brought me there against my will, no doubt to be sacrificed along with their many poor captives come the Summer Solstice.... Biding my time until another worthy chap came along! And I see you even have splendid taste in hats! Would you care for a partner who is an expert in several areas of lore, arcane and mundane, and fluent in a dozen languages, not to mention various spells I can cast for your benefit?
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