I just thought you were a kobold.
Vhe don't judgze here. Ahz lonk ahz yhu kheep up zhe produktivhity, yhu can be vhatever yhu fheel yhu are.
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Believe me, if I could've figured out how to spring-load Monkey Santa behind the books, I totally would have. Why didn't I pay attention in Booby Traps 101?! WHY?! Yur teacher vhaz clearly a hack. Any zhtudent who vhaz not payink attenzion in a proper trapz dizcuzzion zhould hav been uzhed az a dhemonztrazion!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Spoiler:
Narrow strip-shaped pressure plates that stretch across an entire hall, tied to vents in the ceiling that dump water to put out torches. Make the water septic if you want to add disease saves to the mix.
Rube Goldberg-esque triggers that rattle stones through narrow channels in the walls. No real direct damage, but the constant noise and echoes created can give the impression of an incoming large trap, disguise the movement of kobold troops into positions, or muffle the source of murder-hole arrows or other trap effects. Or just make the PCs paranoid. Rubble or trash chutes at regular locations, easily tripped by kobolds in the area pulling on strings or slapping pressure points on the walls. Dumps stones or debris or junk behind them, possibly striking a PC in the fall area and certainly blocking the way for pursuit and slowing PCs down. Concealed floor vents/trapdoors containing captured creatures - tamed or summoned - openable from the other side of murder-holes or spy tunnels, allowing monsters to pop out from unexpected locations, possibly right into the middle of the PC party. Soft floors that survive kobold passage, but anything heavier will collapse under the players' feet, dropping them into something nasty - bug hives (ant and spider swarms are good starts), filthy water, pointed rocks, rusty spikes, good old pit trap, some monster's den, some monster's mouth, etc. etc. etc. Oozes. Put appropriate oozes concealed everywhere. Firey oozes in flammable liquids. Metallic oozes hidden in treasure. Dark oozes hidden in rocks and rubble. Have kobolds show up carrying bits of rock salt for seemingly no reason - it's how they keep the things manageably sized. And if the PCs can figure that out, it might give them a nice little bonus. But don't make it obvious. ;) Slimes and molds can work in this niche as well. Kobold War Roomba. A tiny construct made of scrap metal, driftwood, twine, spiderweb, and sheer kobold tenacity. It rumbles along silently, poking anything it encounters with the bits of pointy, rusty metal sticking off every surface, and scoops up any pieces of debris, stone, trash, etc. it encounters and launches it at invading PCs with a miniature catapult (treat as a sling or crossbow?). Skunk-in-a-trunk. I mean, need I say more? Fool's Gold. Kobolds leave out a pile of junk disguised as precious gems, loose coin, bits of raw ore or precious metal, or other items. Heck, have a shaman cast Nystul's Magic Aura (I presume this still exists in 5e, I hope?) on some of it to make it detect as magical. Then either use the pile of "loot" as bait, or hide something nasty inside it. False Dragon. Kobolds carve out a section of tunnel or stone to resemble a dragon. Blowing through a bullhorn to make it roar, using alchemist's fire or similar items/spells to produce its breath weapon, using long poles ending in rakes or barbs or bear traps to simulate claws and/or bites. Lodestones embedded in walls. In close quarters, metal objects - weapons and armor especially - get pulled towards the walls by the magnetism, possibly imposing a penalty on attacks and/or AC.
Now is the time to put my plan to steal the sun into action
The King Eternal In Green The only way to keep him dead is to prevent the spring from occurring Workink on it!
Zhere is NOHZHINK wronk wizh watzchink your enemiez ztumble through zhe vhonderful gauntlet of trapz undhk defenzhez you hafh laid out vhor zhem and gainink muzch entertainment vhrom zheir zhufferink. It iz zhe practikal vhay to deal vhiv vhone'z voes.
...then there was the attempt to enter the kitchen. <approving nod>
At leezt people know vhat we are. Koboldz are world reknown for our trapz and our ztrategiez. Yhu, vhatever yhu are, whu rememberz yhur kind at all? Yhur exploitz? Yhur culture? Yhur ztrategiez? Vhat even are yhu? Zome zhing vhif yhur brainz zhowing. It haz probably moztly rotted by now.
One of my personal faves is a heavily locked and trapped door... with a wall on the other side. So much tantalizing curiosity... all for naught. *takes notes*
Do yhu hav a ... problem with koboldz?Do you want kobolds Tacticslion? Because this is how you get kobolds!Wait! Avatars? They're developing sentience! Wait, we have to try to reason with them! *forcecage* Yeah, nize try. Yhu don't get to be zhe chieftain wizhout learning to be zuzpizciouz. Let'z zee juzt why yhu are zo eager to be elzewhere. *flies away to safe vantage point*
Do you want kobolds Tacticslion? Because this is how you get kobolds!Wait! Avatars? They're developing sentience! Wait, we have to try to reason with them! Do yhu hav a ... problem with koboldz?
Mwahahah! Zuffer zhe cold, leetle goblin. We zhall zee if zhiz idea iz az guud az you zhink it is.
How does one kill a Goblin forever? Force it to become a Wizard with Sacred Geometry.You polymorph the goblin into a kobold; the gob will die naturally of embarrassment. Of courze it will. Zhe goblin will zhink, "I could hav been ziz all my life! What cruel twizt of fate zhat I was inzted trapped in zhe putrid dizkuztink ztupid brain and body of zhe goblin all my life! Curzed godz, what did I do to dezerve zhat fate?!" And zhe overwhelmink rapture of zhiz revelazion will be too much for hiz leetle heart. Zhat is okay, though. We hav clericz for zhiz. I blame Cozmo zhat zhe goblinz zhink zhiz iz a bad zhing. Of courze, what do you exzpect when you have zhe entire raze zhinking wordz will eat your zoul?
I am goink to turn ze northeazt into a znowglobe.
You'll never take me dead or alive! *sets ALL the traps*
Fire, check. Fridge, check. Bed, check. Writing place, check. Just needs a few traps and you're good to go ;)Just checked - all apartments come with fridge and stove standard ;)I'm just lucky I don't have much at all that will need moving when I do. No furniture; that's going to be an expense after a couple of months. You. You pazz. Very goot. >=)
*raises casting hand* Yez, vhat if it IZ a kobold baby? I am very curiouz about zhis anzwer.
What'z wrong wizh a lettle cold?
Releaze zhe houndz! I mean zhe raptorz, yez!
Nope, I em juzt en uninvolved obzerver. I juzt know zheze zhings from experienze.
Heh heh heh heh. You zir are doomed.
Hail zhe lowly mighty kobold zorcerer. Yu are zhe next of a vine breed. Ztand proud.
Zeen, no. Herd, yesz.You can't herd rogues, they're like cats with less hygiene and more ADD issues. Yu undereztimete zhe power of zhe [mind-effecting] zubtype.
WHO ZE HELL ZTOLE MY ROBESHave you seen a rogue in full plate around? No? Zeen, no. Herd, yesz.
♪ Die Die Die Die ♫
WHO ZE HELL ZTOLE MY ROBES
Also, I'm glad it's kobolds and not gnomes. Yez, alwayz en impruvment.
Akzent? What akzent? I am zpeakink normally, it iz all of yu whu haz a funny akzent. Feh, mammalz!
Die, die, die, die; die, die, die, die....
*Dimension Door* *fly away* *scry on cagematch from lair* Louzy ztinkink grabby-handid mammalz....
Look, zhe world'z a big place, and I'm juzt one kobold. There'z ruum for uz to be in on thiz Fimbulvinter zhing togezher.*pushes random buttons on stolen prototype weather dominator*Hey! Thats my job! *midair recover* *casts Forcecage around DemoJack and the slaadified PtWD* Yuu know, I waz goink to azk for the mazchine back, but after those zzzlaadi got their zlime all over it, I thenk yuu can ztay in there with it until it iz done becomink whatever it iz becomink. It will be entertainink to watzch and zee who winz thiz cage-fight, no?
*pushes random buttons on stolen prototype weather dominator*Hey! Thats my job! Look, zhe world'z a big place, and I'm juzt one kobold. There'z ruum for uz to be in on thiz Fimbulvinter zhing togezher.
*pushes random buttons on stolen prototype weather dominator*
I'll drink to that. *raises root beer*True, but if that's the price I have to pay for no snow, I'll gladly do so.I could do without the mosquitoes, but hey we have those here too in TN. (Thank God for mosquito hawks.)Good luck AZ! Enjoy Texas =)High temperature. No snow. High Humidity. No snow. Mosquitos. No snow. Boiled Crawfish. No snow. What's not to love? *steals prototype for his own nefarious uses*
crystal: ♫♪There no race like gnome for the holidays. ♫♪Actually, I'm pretty sure she said hollandaise. :) Mmmmmmmm....
I will send wishes for warm weather your way, my friend. Ztop ruining my vunderful cold!
Boo! Boooooo! Filthy varmbloodz zucking up all my vunderful cold! Thiz iz why I have zo mutch trouble wit ze traveling and ze vacatzioning! Vhat iz zo wrong wit vanting to be able to travel and zee de world in relative comfort?!
There'z notzhing quite like a good elf ztew after a long hard day. Especzially when zhe elf iz nize and lean and zhe onion is frezh....
My vengeancesvengeancesvengeancesvengeance shall be measured in KELVIN! *sets out reclining beach chair and relaxes on the mountain slope* Damn I love cold immunity. Wonderful weather we're having today izn't it?
~casts summon Ice Age~And, finally, GOOD MORNING FAWTLY Folk!!!! Happy Tuesday! It's gloomy in here in Philadelphia, but I hope the sun is shinning down on the rest of you!Nope, thank God. Blessedly overcast predicted for all day, about a 50/50 chance of more rain. I could live without the rain, but what're you gonna do. Supposed to be in the 70s all week, nice jacket weather; a day of accursed sunshine would ruin that. *saunters out into the cold*
It'z about damn time!!
I don't want to rule ze world. I juzt want to have a vacazion and not have to worry about ze weather being too warm for my taztes. I don't zee what ze big deal iz, but apparently ze people have a problem wit zis! What iz wrong with a bit more cold?!
"They're just kobolds." Mreeheeheeheeheeheeheehee....
Zoundz delizciouz! Leit me geit my plate.
Whoo hoo! You publish it, I will buy it! Eeeeeeeexcellent!
Too much awezome crammed into too tiny zpace. You zaid he did not want to break ze game!
I thought we were the only group in history to go, "Oh no! Kobolds! Run!" Kyah hah hah hah hah hah! Our influenzce iz zpreading!
Lets just say I've never seen people be so afraid of Kobolds before mwahahahahahahahaha. You got a zmart group. Lucky you. Don't get zoft on them.
Thats Just because you haven't been able to kill a single gnome. Your just a bad kobold.I just resisted the urge to make a jab here. Mostly because I myself am a vegetarian. :D Yez, terrible. We are very dizzapointed. |