RETA READY TO FIGHT AND KILL!
We begin, after our heroic goblins have become chiefs in their previous adventures. . .
Being a chieftain is boring. Adventures are interesting. As goblin chieftains, you have quite reasonably decided that your minions in the Birdcruncher tribe should either entertain you or bring you an adventure to quell your boredom—otherwise, there’ll be trouble! A great feast has been prepared in your honor, and goblins are scattering every which way to get things ready. While the others try to keep you satisfied, a few even went with Squealy Nord to hunt for your favorite truffles.
The goblins of the tribe have created a feast in your honor- and the secret that is supposed to be a surprise that they've created a statue for you was let slip already!
But first. . . amusements must be had!
Amusement 1: The Green Goblin
A Goblin named Munge comes out and begins to tell the tale of the Green Goblin King- who challenges others to chop his head off, but he gets to respond to their blow with the same blow.
He gets lost somewhere around the spot where the Green Goblin King has his head struck off, but oh well. . .
Munge approaches you on the stage, carrying an oversize (medium) dwarven war axe and offering for any of you to, like in the tail, cut off his head!
Giving her pet toad Spotol a painful squeeze, Reta can think of nothing more exciting than cutting off Munge's head with a big axe. She pushes away any other goblins who think they're worthy to take the honor from her.
RETA CUT OFF HEAD! RETA CHOP AND RETA BITE!
She takes the axe offered and prepares to swing.
Mogmurch watches eagerly, hoping to get raw materials for his clever new "bomb hidden in head" trick!
To chop his head off is an attack roll at -2 for the over size, -4 for non-proficient (exotic weapon), +4 for prone, and then normal damage (1d10+str x 1.5 for two handed).
Reta chuckles as she raises the axe over her head, imagining how much fun it will be to kill this weakling in front of all the others.
RETA CHOP!
STORY END WITH GOBLIN HAVE NO MORE HEAD! DWARF AXE NO GOOD STUPID. RETA STRONGER THAN CHUFFY. RETA USE THIS!
She drops the dwarven war axe, pulls out her +1 dogslicer and prepares to take another swing at Munge's exposed neck.
Chuffy knows that in the story, the Green Goblin King picks back up his head, puts it back on, and then the story got really boring and he has forgotten the rest.
Mogmurch claps and dances.
"Reta and Munge sittin' in tree
First come axe, then ask me
I throw fire, they die happy!"
Munge holds out the waraxe offering it to Reta to try. . .
RETA CHOP OFF MUNGE'S HEAD
MUNGE NO MARRY WHEN MUNGE DEAD
WHEN MUNGE'S HEAD FALL TO FLOOR
RETA PUT BACK ON AND CHOP SOME MORE!
She takes the war axe from Munge again and swings.
With a mighty chop, Reta drops Munge bleeding to the ground. . . but his head didn't come ALL the way off!
But since Munge doesn't get back up, this seems to be pretty boring now, anyways. . .
Amusement 2!
Munkle Pupsquash leads four goblin dogs (Lil’ Flaky, Grumbles, Snortlick, and Chub-Chub) out of their rickety pen and brings them to the platform in the middle of the clearing. There she regales the assemblage with the goblin folktale called “The Charge of the Most Powerful Goblins.” This story tells of a group of goblin heroes who made a brave rush at the walls of a human city. The goblins leapt the moat, scaled the walls, and burned the whole place to the ground before riding off with all of the town’s pickles!
those four heroic goblins are pretty similar to the four chieftains even!
So Munkle explains her amusement- the Goblin Dog Sprint!
There will be a series of obstacles, which you have to navigate through various (mostly ride) checks (with a -5 penalty because you have no saddles)!
First off, you must jump a puddle of mud with a DC 15 ride check- if you fail, you must try again until you pass the obstacle!
RETA DOG BETTEREST DOG! She scampers over to Grumbles and spurs the goblin dog.
GRUMBLES KEEP RETA OUT OF MUD! She kicks the goblin dog as it runs toward the puddle.
"Mogmurch best chief, and Chub-Chub super-bestest better-than-all-the-restest dog!"
"Ouch! Stupid dog! Jump better!"
"Me blow you up!"
"Mogmurch and Chub-Chub friends again."
As you go, Mogmurch falls slightly behind Reta and Chuffy!
The next obstacle, a ridge you must climb is simpler- DC 5 Ride check, but more dangerous- failure means you must make a DC 15 Ride check or take 1d4 damage!
CHUFFY BE NEXT GREEN GOBLIN WHEN RETA NEXT HAVE AXE! She squeezes the toad in her pocket before spurring on the goblin dog.
GRUMBLES JUMP BIG ROCK!
Mogmurch slaps Chub-Chub to speed up.
The goblins all keep their saddles, and Chuffy swings as Reta's mount- causing her to fall a bit behind!
As you clear the field, you come upon a set of pumpkins painted to look like halflings!
You need to make a DC 5 ride check, and then an attack role with a weapon to "kill" the halfling!
HOW CRAZY MOGMURCH WIN? HE NO HOW TO RIDE! GO FASTER STUPID GRUMBLES!
She kicks Grumbles as hard as she can and swings at the halfling pumpkin with her dogslicer.
The crazy goblin hurls a bomb at the pumpkin head (and any competitors near enough to be caught in the blast).
All three destroy their "halflings" with ease as Reta catches up to Mogmurch, with Chuffy hot on their heels!
As you come down the final stretch, only a big briar and bramble patch lays between you and the finish line!
You will need to make a DC 5 Ride check to stay on your dog, and a DC 15 ride check to successfully jump.
(failing either will trigger a third DC 15 ride check to avoid 1d4 damage)
GRUMBLES FAST
RETA BEST
NOW WE WIN SPEED CONTEST!
"Go Go Chub-Chub!"
And as Mogmurch stumbles, Reta pulls ahead and as all three rush to the finish!
Munkle rewards Reta with a jar of restorative ointment which smells like bacon!
Next up:
the Third Amusement- Burn the Dogs, Burn the Horses!
The goblins have set up straw effigies!
There are six of them in the shape of dogs (AC 13, 2 points each)
Three are horses (AC 10, 1 point each)
and one is in an Ogre shape for Pa Munchmeant (AC 10, 1 point- and can be hit multiple times).
From the platform to the effigies is 10 ft, and you each are handed a single star candle firework.
Trimple Rotmouth, Poog's recent convert to Zarongel explain, "You shoot straw, straw catch fire, Chief hits most, wins the pyre!"
You will get four shots at -6 (-4 for nonproficient, -2 for range) and the goblin with the most points at the end wins!
"Fire best, Mogmurch win!" He shoots all his fireworks at the dogs.
RETA CHOP AND RETA BURN
TAKE FIRE STICK AND DO HER WORST!
Chuffy hits one horse, a dog, and the ogre for four points!
Mogmurch hits three dogs for six points!
Reta, however, only hits two horses for two points!
As the winner, Chuffy is given an elixir of hiding!
next up:
The Fourth Amusement: Kill Gull!
In this game, one goblin holds a twine string attached to a seagull and jerks it around, while others try to hit it with thrown rocks!
"Oh no!" the goblin cook shouts, "We ate all the gulls! No birds left for game!"
But Dillbi Tenthumbs has saved the day! She has captured a vulture to use!
She gives each of you a bag of good throwing rocks, and will pull the string!
Round 1
Turn order:
1. Chuffy
2. Reta
3. Mogmurch
[ooc]Picture of Vulture on Slide 3[/url]
RETA TOSS
BIG ROCK
BIRD THAT FLY
SOON WILL DIE!
"Bomb better, but rocks will do!"
Round 1
All three goblins hit, but the Vulture is still alive!
Turn order:
1. Chuffy
2. Reta
3. Mogmurch
VULTURE LIVE LONG ENOUGH FOR RETA TO KILL!
"Die bird die!"
Chuffy hits, but his stone fails to damage the gull, and Reta again wins when her stone kills the gull!
For winning, Reta receives a steadfast gut stone (Ultimate Equipment).
The next amusement is a puzzle game. . . it has something to do with wasps?
But as you are just starting to play, Squely Nord (the pig who is now Poog's animal companion) burst through!
He is wounded and squeling wildly. Poog uses his speak with animals ability to get the story-
Squealy and three goblins went to the Bestest Truffle Field to get the special ingredient for the feast when they discovered a group of Sczarni— traveling criminals found throughout Varisia—camped
out by the trail. The goblins tried to sneak by, but the filthy humans noticed them and immediately attacked the truffle-hunting expedition. Squealy Nord only barely managed to escape, but the three goblins were killed.
If the Chieftains want truffles- they will have to go to the Bestest Field to hunt them themselves!
MUST HAVE TRUFFLES FOR BIG FEAST
RETA CHOP LONGSHANKS AND THEN RETA EAT!
The truff le f ield is close to a mile away—about the same distance a typical goblin would chase a puppy before getting bored or distracted. The goblins know the woods well enough, but they have to pick their way around brambles, boulders, and other tricky terrain, which causes
the journey to take roughly an hour.
After creeping through the woods, you come across the Sczarni camp ground. . .
Two wagons, their wooden panels exquisitely carved and vibrantly
painted, sit in this forest clearing. The first noticeable thing in the small dell is a burning campfire and three goblin heads stuck on narrow poles. Logs for sitting and gear for cooking surround the campfire, and the smell of a greasy stew floats on the gentle summer breeze.
The Sczarni bandits are in the process of cooking their dinner. One of
them stirs a big pot set on the fire, while another bandit peels potatoes and skins rabbits, tossing a scrap to one of the attentive dogs every so often.