All Hands on Deck!
Don't worry, the skittermanders are here to help!
Another successful salvage operation! You’ve just returned from an abandoned mining asteroid, and its spoils fill the cargo hold of your vessel, the Helping Hand—your very own ship! You’re still so proud of it and of the fact that your boss Nakonechkin trusts you enough to send you on lone missions.
You've been in the Drift for a little more than two days since you left the asteroid when an alert on your ship’s sensors lets you know that another vessel is approaching. You all gather on the bridge as a communication channel opens from the incoming starship. The view screen lights up with the image of a scarred, angry human woman.
“Attention, filthy vermin,” she sneers. “Prepare to be boarded by the crew of the Nova Warlock. We will take your cargo, destroy your power core, and leave you to float aimlessly through space until you die from hunger, thirst, freezing temperatures, or lack of oxygen. Whichever. It really doesn’t matter to me, as long as you die slowly and painfully.”
Gazigaz was polishing his custom-crafted bracelets to have the right shine when they meet someone. When he hears the alert he runs smiling, knowing that soon his work will be appreciated.
When he hears the message he comments:
"This are not nufrieds! Allsix on deck, allsix on deck!"
He turns on the comm unit and responds to the woman:
"That is not really nice of you. Did hunger or poverty push you on that road? You will not find friends with such behavior."
After saying that Gazigaz takes a sit at the pilot chair.
"FRIENDS!? You don’t remember my brother, Abram Silazi, captain of the Nova Witch? You humiliated him! It was a bunch of you that STOLE his rightful salvage only a year ago! While piloting a luxury cruise liner! I could not let such a slight stand, so I tracked you down. It wasn’t easy, but I'm here to avenge my brother!”
Dakoyo was using his Advanced Hearing Device to listen to different parts of the ship. The round metal piece was pressed against a panel and he hummed along with the noise coming from the other side, frankly somewhat amazed that it worked on nonliving things.
The noise of the woman's irate tirade is only enhanced by the hearing device and he scrunches his eyes closed while simultaneously jerking the inner ear transmission tubes from his ears with 2 hands and jamming 2 more hands over those ears.
"I don't remember an Abram...or a Nova Witch. Or stealing salvage. I do remember the cruise liner, though. That was a nice ship."
"But that does not matter. What does matter is this - Would the mighty and beneficent Besmara want you being so mean? Or would she want you to make nufriends with us? I think the answer is obvious."
He smiles broadly at his infallible logic.
"We got there hours before he did. It was our salvage for sure."
"I'll NOT be your nufriends or any other friend! My name is Captain Anga Silazi. Let that name ring in your fuzzy ears, for it is the name of your downfall!”
She seems to be getting really cranky!
"We all become nufriends in the end. When Pharasma judges us are we not all together? Why not skip to being nufriends, now and save ourselves some time later?" Dakoyo replies, his big, friendly smile continuing.
The infuriating offer of (nu)friendship and ignoring her fury is the final straw, the Nova Warlock starts bringing weapons to bear and it looks like things are about to get rather spicy!
The Helping Hand’s sensors begin to screech wildly as a swirling cloud of multicolored energy suddenly surrounds both ships. There is a vertigo-inducing wrenching sensation as your vessel is teleported somewhere, the strange but familiar backdrop of Drift space replaced with an unknown configuration of stars. However, alarms are still blaring, signifying total engine failure and countless other problems.
To make matters worse, the computers indicate that the Helping Hand is high above an unidentified planet and plummeting rapidly.
Gazigaz looks puzzled on the computer output and he mutters:
"Where is Quonx when you need her"
He makes a serious face and looks at the computer output. He presses enter button couple of times turns towards his friends and says:
"I think I know what is wrong, but I would prefer to hear Quonx opinion first."
"Hey! Nofair! No teleporting us!" Dakoyo accuses Captain Silazi.
As the planet below them starts to get bigger and bigger on the view screen, he looks to his fellow Skittermanders.
"Don't worry friends. I have my magic healing wands," he flourishes three of the tongue depressors at once. "After we crash I can make everyone better."
"Wheeeeere are you Aba?"
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"Nufriend pirate who's out to kill us... Have you considered therapy? I hear that it's very helpful for anger issues and relationship dysfunction!"
But then the strange spicy storm hits. "Oh my! We're crashing! We're falling! We should totally fix this!" Aba checks the computers, to see if she can identify the problem. It's so important, she types with all six hands.
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1-800-ABACALLING examines the readouts and immediately sees that the Nova Warlock is missing, but the Helping Hand’s mass and dimensions have increased two-fold, further, the plucky Skittermander realizes the two vessels are fused together, most likely by the energy cloud that brought the ships to the Material Plane.
Looking at the readouts also reveals a dozen additional life-forms aboard the Helping Hand — most likely the space pirate crew, and they’re headed toward the ship’s cargo hold!
The readouts also tell you that the Helping Hand’s engines are badly damaged and the ship will imminently crash into the planet below.
Luckily, your crew salvaged a zero-g mining vehicle that, if ejected from the cargo hold, could withstand reentry and impact. The cargo hold is just a short distance away from the Helping Hand’s bridge, but the space pirates are racing that way, so there’s little time to waste!
"Did I say Quonx? I meant Aba. I miss Quonx from time to time, he is a fine Skittermander. She always carried candies for her nufriends. Aba has only the smile :( "
The last part Gazigaz says lowering his voice.
When he hears about merging of the two ships he says: "That was exactly what I was thinking. We should go to the cargo as quickly as we can. Maybe we will befriend those pirates after all!"
With that Gazigaz walks towards the doors. After giving it some thought he polish one last time his armbands and pulls out his pistol and baton.
"You see? I told nufriend Anga to think about what Besmara would say. And Besmara has said 'you will be nufriend crews together!' Let's go welcome them to our crew. Think of the salvage we can get with so many more big nufriends to help us!"
Despite his apparent optimism, Dakoyo also draws his weapons, a battle staff and a needler.
Nako is more skeptical. She draws her doshko, tactical pistol, and grenade as she runs towards the cargo bay.
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Aba is crestfallen that Gazigaz thinks that she is not being a good teammate. "I could. Have brought a ton of candies from that Abadar Store! I swear Gaz, that I will make it up to you. But for now, those big nufriends need help! I bet they wouldn't know what to do with a mining vehicle, but I am a very good driver!"
Aba grabs her toolkits and her weapons, and then takes off after her friends.
"Hmmm...seems like nufriends are having a hard time, in there. Perhaps they need some sedatives," Dakoyo says, taking up a tactical position and brandishing his needler.
Gazigaz fixes his beard and nods to that:
"Let's go!"
The Helping Hand’s bumpy return to the Material Plane has thrown the cargo hold into disarray. Crates—some cracked open and spilling their contents across the floor—have been flung out of the cargo webbing and are scattered everywhere. A small vehicle festooned with claws and drills sits on a quartet of thruster nozzles near the airlock door.
You all see three space pirates who seem really un-nufriend-ly.
Dakoyo
Gazigaz
Nako
ABA
PIRATES!
[R1]
Nako
PIRATES!
Nako makes her way along the left side of the cargo bay.
The pirates lob grenades at the door!
Attack - Hit
Damage DC10 Ref for half
Attack - Hit
Damage DC10 Ref for half
Attack - Hit
Damage
[R1]
Aba
Gaz
Dako
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Aba enters the room. "Nufriends, you could hurt someone like that! I don't want to hurt you, but by fighting us, you are hurting yourselves!" Making an on the fly engineering check, she shoots around the corner at yellow, but the geometry of the merged ship is throwing her off a bit. Still, her aim at the pirate is solid.
"Ack!"
"Ack!"
"Ack!"
"Not nufriendly!" Dakoyo exclaims.
He ski...scurries into the room, taking cover behind a crate then reaches out with his mind to return rudeness with rudeness.
Gazigaz jumps away from the first grenade just to get the full blast of the second one and sidestep the third explosion. (not that you can dodge 1 dmg)
"Shoot the one behind the crates, his left leg is sticking out!"
He aims with his arc pistol and takes a shoot...
E
But his accuracy is a bit off due to the damage taken.
Aba gives a nasty zap to yellow bandana the pirate!
Dako gives a piece of mind!
Will
but the pirate is the strong minded type!
Gazigaz shouts encouragement, but yellow bandana pulls their leg back in - making the shot miss!
[R2]
Nako
PIRATES!
Y 13
"You should have been nicer to my friends!" Nako shouts as she moves onto the pirates's flank to attack the one there.
Nako swings for the fences, but the fences are too tall.
The pirates respond.
The red jacket pirate lobs a grenade!
Attack Hit
Damage DC10 Ref for half
Orange pants tries to step away and shoot at Nako with a pistol!
Attack VS KAC
Damage
The yellow banana pirate lobs a grenade!
Attack Hit
Damage DC10 Ref for half
[R2]
Aba
Gaz
Dako
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Aba easily jumps out of the way of the grenades, taking no damage. She moves forward towards the shuttle, right past Yellow.
"What's with all the grenades!? Don't you know how expensive they are? I could show you the catalog entry from the Abadar store! For the cost of those, you could have bought a merciful fusion! Or healing serums! You almost make me not want to be nufriends!"
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"Enough with the grenades!" Dakoyo exclaims.
To try to ensure that it's enough with the grenades, he tries to the yellow pirate.
Aba shoots wildly, the pirates were bamboozled but Aba shot the roof and not the pirate.
Dako illuminates yellow bandana with a rainbow filled with sparkles.
Will
The pirate stops and stares in wonder...!
R
O
Y - 13 & Dazed
Gazigaz shots at banana pirate
"Dakoyo cheer up, I will lend you a mirror and you will fix that hair in no time!"
Yellow bandana pirate is miraculously missed by Gazigaz, possibly protected by the magic rainbow sparkles.
The pirates two friends are a bit cross about the whole affair though.
[R3]
Nako
PIRATES!
R
O
Y - 13 & Dazed
Nako swings at the pirate a few more times.
The doshko smacks home on orange pants pirate.
It appears to really hurt!
The pirates try rallying.
Orange pants steps back and shoots at Nako.
Attack vs KAC
Damage
Red jacket shoots at Aba!
Attack vs KAC
Damage
R
O - 15
Y - 13 & Dazed
[R3]
Aba
Gaz
Dako
[R4]
Nako
Gazigaz steps into the room glance around and yell:
"Get the one with a yellow bandana! He barely moves!"
Even that Dakoyo and some crates were in the way, the shoot flew perfectly hitting the pirate with the yellow bandana and the electric charge arced on the pirate with orange pants.
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"Ouch!" Aba says, as Red's shot hits. "That hurt!" Although she would love to hit Red back, she understands good party tactics. As she watches the hurt Orange get sliced and diced by Nako, she turns her aim to Gaz's target. Better to get Yellow out of the way so that they only have one pirate shooting at them. "Good teamwork! I like how well we help each other!"
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"Thanks, Gaz! I already feel much better! Wait...what happened to my hair?!"
Dakoyo doesn't really have time to think about it, though he pats at his fur with a couple hands. As 2 of the pirates learn why you don't mess with Skittermanders, he rushes to get a good angle on the last one.
"I'll bet you can't dodge a ball...or a wrench!" he says, reaching out with some Force to levitate a nearby spanner off the ground and fling it at Ensign Red Pants.
In a devastating wave of attacks, the Pirates are rapidly informed in no uncertain terms that they are not the winners of this particular match and they all stop participating on the basis that they are no longer alive.
Whilst that is the good news, the BAD news is that the ship is starting to shake rather ominously and random (valuable!) cargo is spilling all around the hold. A large airlock is the likely exit for the mining vehicle - but there is no control panel for the airlock INSIDE the vehicle...
With the battle definitively over, Dakoyo goes around checking on the "injured." He uses one of his Magic Healing Wands (tongue depressors) to check a number of the downed pirates orifices. Mouth, nose, ears, even pulling down their eyelids with them. For efficiency's sake, he uses the same one on all three of them.
"I have good new and bad news - our nufriends are dead," he finally declares.
"We should go. Does our mining vehicle have an air lock? I can't remember," he says.