I'd like to summon a ghost and / or demon. Need advice.

I need advice on how to call forth the spirits of the dead to haunt me, summon the legions of Hell, damn myself to spiritual assault, possession, and torment by things from the Beyond, and the like. If anyone has advice or opinions on how I can do this, please let me know.

I am doing this because I am agnostic. This is not an effort to mock those who have faith, nor insult anyone's religion. It is a challenge to the belief that some people harbor that the moment they touch a Ouija board, that long-haired girl from The Ring will murder them. Occultism is nothing new, but I find it particularly tiresome in its modern incarnation.

I'm willing to spend up to maybe $10-15 on this "ritual." No animal sacrifices, anything icky or illegal, and I don't have any place to draw a pentagram. I have no problem drawing my own blood to form a demonic pact. I own a candle.

When I have the time (hopefully in the next week or so), I'll be filming this and putting it on YouTube. Sure hope no demons tear my heart out when I do it!

No pentagrams OR animal sacrifices!?! Well, I'm out of ideas.

Call me when you're ready to commit!

No pentagrams OR animal sacrifices!?! Well, I'm out of ideas.

Call me when you're ready to commit!

I was thinking of finding some derelict building to add to the ambiance, but I'm more afraid of junkies and muggers than ghosts.

F#*% s#+# up! That's what I do!!

Destroys hotel room.

Okay so I was thinking of picking one of the fellas from the Ars Goetia/Lesser Key of Solomon, drawing his seal, pledging my everlasting soul to him, then smearing the seal with blood. But I also need to invite the spirits of the dead/damned to haunt me. I could go with some random occult/witchcraft/demonology website for a good ritual, but I'm going for authenticity here. I don't want to recite something some emo kid wrote.

Paint a dainty frog and kiss a lite breeze... Oh f%+~, I've been listening to too much Tori Amos again!

Guuuuuuys you're not helping! I need advice on being possessed be demons and haunted by ghosts! Is that really so much to ask? I mean it's not like I'm asking anything weird or crazy...

...

Grinds craters together in anticipation.

Thanks for the help Captain Y. Your input has truly been invaluable.

Just get some Mozart and blast it really, really loud.

You happened to catch me on my lunch break. :-)

It's all good. I fully understand the complete nonsensical nature of this post. But I have several good friends, and every one of them refuses to use a Ouija board. It annoys me. If a piece of cardboard from Hasbro can summon the spirits of the dead, how banal of a world is the afterlife?

For laughs, this was the reply to my (same) post on Facebook from a devout Catholic friend: "What makes you think that the most dreadful demons from the darkest corners of hell have not, themselves, cast charms to protect themselves from having to possess the likes of YOU?"

I need advice on how to call forth the spirits of the dead to haunt me, summon the legions of Hell, damn myself to spiritual assault, possession, and torment by things from the Beyond, and the like. If anyone has advice or opinions on how I can do this, please let me know.

I am doing this because I am agnostic. This is not an effort to mock those who have faith, nor insult anyone's religion. It is a challenge to the belief that some people harbor that the moment they touch a Ouija board, that long-haired girl from The Ring will murder them. Occultism is nothing new, but I find it particularly tiresome in its modern incarnation.

I'm willing to spend up to maybe $10-15 on this "ritual." No animal sacrifices, anything icky or illegal, and I don't have any place to draw a pentagram. I have no problem drawing my own blood to form a demonic pact. I own a candle.

When I have the time (hopefully in the next week or so), I'll be filming this and putting it on YouTube. Sure hope no demons tear my heart out when I do it!

I can't imagine any amount of proof you will provide, no matter how scrupulously documented, will ever convince your chosen target audience. They believe what they believe in the total absence of any proof. Look at how many decades James Randi has tried to prove to people that the paranormal isn't real.

I can't talk you out of tilting at this particular windmill, but I think there are far better and more self-rewarding activities in which you can engage.

I can't imagine any amount of proof you will provide, no matter how scrupulously documented, will ever convince your chosen target audience. They believe what they believe in the total absence of any proof. Look at how many decades James Randi has tried to prove to people that the paranormal isn't real.

I can't talk you out of tilting at this particular windmill, but I think there are far better and more self-rewarding activities in which you can engage.

My goal isn't to make anyone believe or disbelieve anything. This is as much about me as anything. Frankly I've heard some pretty interesting, compelling stories about things that go bump in the night. I've even had what might be deemed an experience. But if there's a Hell, I'm already heading there with bells on. So I want to see what happens.

Well I sent ahead and made the soundtrack for my ritual (SFW). If anyone wants to use it for their own demon summoning, please feel free.

You're Welcome