PFSS (Pathfinder Society Snaps)

[Broken Prince]

Your feat selection is so poor you should retrain to prone shooter.

[Silbeg]

Your weapon is so lame Ezren lends you his cane.

[Broken Prince]

Your magical item selection is so poor it makes Bracers of Armor seem like good value for money.

Your backstory is so short it gets +1 AC and lower damage.

[Broken Prince]

Your build is so original you should name your character Copi Andpaste.

Your use of area effects is so helpful it ought to add +2 CR to every encounter.

[Broken Prince]

What do you get if you cross a Succubus with a human?

Answer:

An invitation from Zarta Dralneen.

What do you get if you cross a Lich with a Venture Captain

Answer:

Drandle Dreng

What do you get if you cross an owl with a bear?

Answer:

Either a very unhappy owl, or a very unsatisfied bear?

[Tarma]

Your attack bonus is so low Reiko tells you "Don't worry, I've got this one."

[Tim Statler]

Your HPs are low that Mites look at you with pity.

[Alex McGuire]

You're Knowledge (Geography) is so low, that when told you were going to the Sodden Lands, you bought sunscreen.

[BigNorseWolf]

your sense motive is so low

[Broken Prince]

Your perception is so low even your leopard animal companion is not spotted.

[joe kirner]

Your wizardry is so weak that when a toad took the improved familiar feat, he got you.

[Slacker2010]

Sammy T,

we need more snaps!

[Sammy T]

After I GM @redward's character on Monday, I'm sure I'll have plenty of material.

[Sammy T]

Your rules argument is such a stretch...:

...it has 10' reach.

Your Barbarian is soooooo dumb...:

...when he took the slow track, he asked where the train was.

Your CHA is soooooo low...:

...you get solo tactics for free.

Your CON is soooooo low...:

...clerics contstantly cast Gentle Repose on you.

Your muster is soooooo chaotic...:

....Hellknights can smite it.

Your build is soooooo scattered...:

...you roll 1d8 to determine the misdirection of your character.

...you already went.:

Your initiative is so high...

Your character is so broken...:

...he only gets healed by Make Whole.

Hey socially inappropriate PFS player, your joke was such a misfire...:

...you need to spend a grit point to clear it.

Bonus meta joke:

What did the Wizard with a 3 Constitution say to Paizo.com?:

"...and I thought I went down a lot!"

[Slacker2010]

Sammy T wrote:

Bonus meta joke:

This was awesome. Thanks Sammy!

I expect a return within another two months for more.

[thunderspirit]

Sammy T wrote:

Your CHA is soooooo low...you get solo tactics for free.

This obviously is about redward's character.

(Whichever one, doesn't matter.)

[G-Zeus]

Your character so ugly you turned the basilisk to stone.

Your characters so dirty he doubles for an oread.

Your character so dumb he takes reading lessons from a true primitive barbarian.

[Raymond Lambert]

Your character is so dumb, the Aspis Consortium wouldn't take him.

[Brigg]

What....the crap...have I stumbled upon?

This is the greatest thread ever!

Your character is so ugly, he's one of the new pregens for We Be Goblins. <.<

Heehee, I'm not that good at these.

[Sammy T]

Your Magus is soooooo dumb......:

......he drowned in his Arcane Pool.

Paizo, your playtest was soooooo short......:

......it rides a medium-sized mount.

Your Brawler is soooooo dumb......:

......she does yoga to keep her Martial Flexibility.

Your CHA is soooooo low......:

......your Touch AC is "Uh...No Thank You"

This scenario was soooooo on rails......:

......it's called Amtrak.

Your character is soooooo bland and non-offensive, it's rated PG......:

......for PreGen.

Your crit range is soooooo large......:

......it's where the deer and the antelope play.

Your tactics are sooooo bad......:

......the NPCs complain on the GM Forums about you.

Your pop culture references are so dated......:

......your Hunter has a pet named Didi McCall, your Investigator is named Magnum, your Brawler is named Colt Seavers, your Druid is named Manimal, your Cavalier Michael Knight rides a horse called KITT, your...

...oh man, I should really make these characters.

[Harley Quinn X]

Your build is so overly complicated, my Oracle can take it as her Mystery.

[G-Zeus]

Your party is so sub-par the monsters ask to play up.

[DrParty06]

You're Intimidate is so low.....

Spoiler:

You thought it was a good idea to waterboard an Undine.

[Ms. Pleiades]

Your monk is so MAD he counts as a Barbarian for feat selection.

[May Contain Meerkats]

Your equipment is so poor, True Primitives look on you with pity.

Your character is such a one-trick-pony, Theologians call you single-minded.

Your Bluff is so ridiculous, you could make me give Sheila Heidmarch another chance.

Your CON is so low, even Tribal Scars couldn't save you.

[Raymond Lambert]

Your Occultist's implements are so phallic, Zarta Dralneenkeeps trying to get her hands on them!

Your pyro kineticist is so hot, he gives Grand Master Torch flashbacks!
Your hydro kineticist is so wet, she gives Jennifer Beals flashdances, I mean flashbacks!
Your aero kineticist blows so much hot air, the goodyear blimp has him on contract!
Your terra kineticist is so grounded, his voltage meter reads him!
Your tele kineticisy is so unstable and violent, the barbarian keeps her distance for you!

Your medium is so internally conflicted, _everyone_ in the ward of patients with multiple personality disorder asks what's wrong with her!

Your mesmerist is do convincing, necromancers ask how they could.serve you!

Your psychic is so psyched, narcotics take him!

The spiritualist's phantom is so weak, he almost drafted the rogue before it!

[Alex McGuire]

Yo momma's so tasteless -- she got spat out by a gelatinous cube!
Yo momma's so classless -- she's playing GURPS!

[Shasfowd]

Your con is so bad, you qualify as an undead
Your int is so low, you can't understand what I'm saying!

[Hima Flametinker III]

Your character is so dumb. You gave all your gold to a disposed Mwangi prince, claiming you to be their last living relative, on a low Sense Motive roll.

[Sammy T]

Your Wizard is sooooo dumb that when he wants to heighten a spell......:

....he casts Levitate first.

Your Lore Warden is sooooo dumb.....:

......he washes his hand after using Dirty Trick.

Your Magus is sooooo dumb that when he joined the Dark Archive......:

......he asked how to turn on the lights.

Your Fighter is sooooo dumb that when he was told he was out of tier......:

......he asked where he could buy some more.

Your Rogue is sooooo dumb......:

......he falls unconscious when he Feints.

Your Sorceror is sooooo dumb......:

......he tried to clean the Dark Tapestry.

Your initiative is sooooo low......:

......you have the paralyzed condition.

Hey Paizo, this scenario is sooooo deadly......:

......that GMs issue chroni-kills.

Your GM is sooooo out of shape......:

.......he needs to catch his breath after a chase scene.

Your rules knowledge is sooooo basic......:

......we call you Red Box.

[BigNorseWolf]

Your nagaji paladin is so dumb....

He took skill focus climb to avoid falling.

[Sammy T]

Your Kineticist is sooooo dumb…:

...he puts balm on to accept burn.

Your Medium is sooooo dumb…:

...he drinks whiskey to channel spirits.

Your Wizard is sooooo dumb...:

...he wears deodorant because of his Acid Pits.

Why does everyone want to hang out with alchemists?:

Because they're the bomb!

How did the Bloatmage lose weight?:

He used Knowledge: Lo-Cal!

Why do you never see Ninjas shave?:

Because of their Invisible Blade

3 Vigilantes walk into a bar…:

...AND 3 TOTALLY DIFFERENT VIGILANTES WALK OUT.

A Shifter walks into a bar…:

And the Bartender says, “We don’t serve you kind here!”
The Shifter says, “Why not!?”
The Bartender replies, “You always change your order!”

A Mesmerist walks into a bar…:

And the Bartender shouts, “Get out of here creep!”
The Mesmerist asks, “What did I do?!”
The Bartender says, “You keep staring at people!”

An Occultist walks into a bar…:

And the Bartender says, “I’m pretty sure you’re a solid class but, honestly, there’s just too much going on for me.”
The Occultist nods and leaves.

[Sammy T]

Paizo, your site is down so much...:

...it has the Prone condition.

[Rosham Bowe]

Sammy T wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

That is a joke only a Qadiran could love.