Granted, they stop going back that far and remake 80's remakes from 2000 but atleast they're still selling the original popcorn.

I wish I had some popcorn.

Granted, however, after you eat it you discover it was found in a leaking green chemical drum at Area 51.

I wish that contaminated popcorn would give Conman super powers.

Your wish is granted! Conman has the super power of time travel! However, he uses it unwisely and PARADOXUNIVERSEIMPLODE

I wish that everybody on the Internet had to use their real names.

Granted! Everyone now uses their online usernames as their real name.

I wish my house in the real world was as nice as my house in Second Life.

You are now living in your house in Second Life. No really, you don't exist in reality, you exist on the cyber plane that is Second Life. You are now a extremely complex AI that takes up a lot of the server bandwidth. And then they shut down a year later, you die along with the game. But hey, cool house!

I wish I had people on my Steam Friendlist to play Borderlands 2 with.

You do, but most of them are jerks and insult you and your playing style. That, or they decide that it'd be more fun for them if they'd fight you over and over instead of doing anything remotally interesting.

I wish I had Borderlands 2.

Your wish is granted! You live in the United States, with 2 borderlands: Canada and Mexico!

I wish the blu-ray software on my media center PC would work right.

Granted! The Blu-Ray software now works perfectly, but no other software will load at all any more.

I wish I had a Blu-Ray player.

Granted! But you'll have to use your imagination, because now you don't have any output devices. The discs play great, though.

I wish I could work from home.

Oh, you'll work from home alright. You'll work from home FOREVER!!!!! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

I wish for a pet turtle.

Hello!

I wish nothing bad happened because I posted this.

Nope, nothing bad at all, but because you didn't wish for anything really, nothing good happened either.

I wish for a good week at work this week.

Granted! You have an amazing week! The best week ever! On Friday at 5PM, Google buys your company, transfers the top ten software engineers to the Googleplex, then disbands the company and lays everyone else off. (You didn't make the cut.)

[N.B.: I heard about the practice of "aqui-hiring" on the news this morning...)

I wish I worked for Google!

Your wish is granted! You're a contractor whose company does work for Google and therefore you get none of the awesome Google employee perks.

I wish my meeting tomorrow morning turns out the way I want it to.

The meeting goes great, but 1 hour after the meeting all hell breaks out.

I wish I would stop getting telemarketer and political phone calls.

Granted! The only people who call you have no internet and are interested in sharing lolcats with you.

I wish that my disappointment in society isn't well-deserved.

Well it isn't dessert it's only the appitizer.

I wish lunch wasn't over.

Your wish is granted! You know that one Monty Python where the guy eats so much he explodes? Yeah... that's you.

I wish my Paizo box would be delivered today!

Granted! A plain brown cardboard box with the words "Pies, so?" written on it with a Sharpie is sitting on your step. The box shakes as you approach it.

I wish I knew what was in Charlie's box.

This is what is in the box:

Charlie's Box

I hope I don't get Ninja'd before I get this posted.

What is this? This isn't corrupt a hope, that's just (kind of) evil. On that note, DO NOT CLICK ON DJ-BOGIE'S LINK!

I WISH I never saw DJ-Bogie's link.

You didn't see what was behind that link. The thought of never knowing torments your soul, and to this day you wonder: "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

I wish my cat would stop jumping up on the table.

Granted! Your cat decides that the table isn't as interesting as your face.

I wish that tomorrow goes well.

Tomorrow goes well with me. See, tomorrow is my gaming day. I play Malifaux and Warmachine and other good games as such, and tomorrow I win all of them. Everyone loves me. Although... It sure does suck to be you.

I wish that I could be a Pathfinder Iconic for my own Prestige Class: Gallant Knight.

Granted! You are the Iconic for the Gallant Knight. However, your class is so nerfed that nobody even bothers to acknowledge your existence, except for those who want to have pictures of you burned or blame you for the downfall of Pathfinder.

I wish that TV wasn't so boring.

Granted, you stop watching reality shows.

I wish that Jersey Shore would be canceled

Granted! After extensive lobbying by a super-PAC headed by DJ-Bogie, government cancels residency along all of the New Jersey shoreline, declaring it to be a national park. 12 million people demand Bogie's head!

I wish I lived near a national park.

Granted. You live near Yellowstone. While mowing your lawn one day, a herd of bison stampepe through the neighborhood and trample you. You spend the rest of your life in an iron lung looking out the window at the same scene every day.

I wish I wasn't so evil.

Now you're only Slightly evil. Granted, you still go out of your way to kick Kittens, but at least you aren't as evil as you were just 3 moments ago.

I wish I was more of a Lawful Neutral person.

Your wish is granted! You're a monodrone!

I wish there were modrons in Pathfinder.

There are morons in pathfinder, D&D, Gammaworld, Wal_mart virtually everywhere you go there are morons,,,,,,OH,,you said modrons,,,sorry. nevermind.

I wish I could finish this financial report for the bank.

Granted! The report is finished, but based on bad data, which leads to an embezzlement investigation, which ultimately gets pinned on you.

I wish I had more money in the bank.

Granted, you have tons of money in the bank. However, they've just been bought by a bigger bank that doesn't play by FDIC rules and has all their money tied up into investments in the Mars housing bubble.

I wish this cough would go away.

Your wish is granted! Your cough is cured. Someone you love dearly catches it and every time they hack you know it's your fault.

I wish that there was a reason I am still at work instead of just waiting for the clock to run down.

There is a reason, your boss just told you it is your turn to clean the toilets in the restroom.

I wish I could stop this and just go to bed.

Granted! You sleep so well you're three hours late to work tomorrow.

I wish that I'd get a raise.

Granted! You get a raise, just as the taxes skyrocket.

I wish my DM stopped banning things.

Granted! Your DM quits the game and therefore is no longer banning things.

I wish I hadn't just spilled my coke.

Granted! Your coke was actually pepsi.

I wish I could get the last 2 hours of my life back.

Granted, they replay exactly the same way over and over and over.

I wish I could give my employees a raise.

Your wish is granted! You give all your employees a raise. Revenues do not increase, margins fall, and ultimately your own paycheck takes the hit.

I wish a third party candidate had a significant chance of getting elected in this year's US presidential election.

Granted! Vermin Supreme 2012!!!

I wish I had a pony!

You get a pony. A generic, every day run-of-the-mill WILD pony. It will not let you ride it and will buck you off if you try. Also, it eventually escapes... Hey, it's in my yaRD CHASING MY CHICKENS!!! GAAAAAAAH!! YOU WILL HEAR OF THIS!!

I wish for many things. It's a pretty long list.

Granted, you get a pretty long list of things to do around the house.

I wish I had something to do.

Your wish is granted! Mow my yard.

I wish for supper.

Your wish has been granted by the almight TIRQ!!!!!!!!

You get some cat food.

I wish people like the white paint on my minis.

Your wish has been granted, mortal! The white paint on your minis is so dazzling that people are blinded. They can't tell what you actually painted, but they assume they are statuettes of Jesus. They hail you as a prophet and the bringer of the end times. People cry tears of joy and anguish at the mention of your name. Then, your cats eat your minis.

I wish times weren't so tough.

Granted! Times become super relaxed, laid back, and easy-going. Then they get beat up by bigger, meaner times.

I wish everybody in this library would quite down.

"What? How does one quite down? Sheesh, dude! You really should listen to the library signs: be quiet!"

I wish I had a hat of epic proportions...

Granted! You are shrunk down to the size of an atom and get a normal hat which to you is now a hat of epic proportions.

I wish Paizo would fix the issues of not getting updates.