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A bit of fun. I wasn't quite sure where to put this...
Folks in the border-counties still talk about Jalk Suretoe, a halfling farmer who lived just east of the Keep. The little man was always filled with schemes to get rich, none of which ever seemed to go quite as planned. Now there are some who will tell you that old Jalk’s worst scheme ever was trying to raise dire chickens. But I think if you were to ask his longsuffering wife, she would tell you that though the chickens tore up the barn plenty good, she could at least eat them when all was said and done. No, she would have told you that old Jalk’s daftest scheme was the episode with the two thousand ladders.
As was often the case, Esme Suretoe had no idea what her husband was up to until it was too late. In the case of the two thousand ladders, her first hint at trouble came with the rumbling of wagon wheels. The teamsters from the county seat had managed to stack eighty ladders to a wagon but it still worked out to 25 wagons, each pulled by a sturdy pair of oxen, coming down their farm lane one midweek afternoon.
“Jalk Suretoe,” yelled the good halfling dame, from the front porch of their house (she had been sweeping when the wagons, all twenty-five of them had first crested the hill), “You get out here right now and put a stop to whatever foolishness ye’ve dreamed up this time!”
“Sorry dear,” said her husband with his normal charming grin, as he sauntered onto the porch,“It’s after being too late for that. I paid cash I did. Bought nearly every new ten foot ladder in the county seat I did.”
“Ladders! There’s ladders on those wagons!”
“Two thousand of them there should be. Two thousand ten foot ladders.” Jalk seemed quite pleased with himself
For a moment the farmwife was speechless. Finally she managed, “Why in the name of the golden sun did you buy two thousand ladders…. And HOW did you pay for them?”
“Well I might have plundered our savings a bit,” admitted Jalk, “but don’t you be letting that worry you. If what yer brother was telling me was right, we’ll bring it back in tenfold in the end.”
“I shoulda known my idiot brother had something to do with this, what has that fool been telling you now.”
“He was after tellin’ me that explorers to the Cursed Caverns of Colista was after always wanting to take ten foot poles with them and that they pay two whole silver pieces for each ten foot pole. And they’ve been going into the caverns by the scores ever since the dark priests set up their altar in one of those caves.”
“What in the name of the sun’s smallest horse does that have to do with these ladders?”
Jalk shook his head bemusedly at his wife’s shortsightedness. “These ladders were after costing me two pennies apiece. Less actually as I got a ten percent discount for buying in bulk. And each ladder…” Jalk chuckled, “Each ladder has a ten foot pole on the side of it that I can sell to the merchants in the Keep. I’ll let them have the poles for a silver a piece, they’ll sell it for 2 silvers. I profit. They profit. Everyone wins. Ninety golden coins is soon going to be four hundred or so golden coins. I tell you, I’m just surprised no one has tried this before.”
With a clap of his hands, a huge grin and a little bounce in his steps, Jalk went to direct the wagon drivers as to where they should unload the ladders.
Now admittedly, two copper pieces does not buy you the sturdiest of ladders. Jalk had originally been going to simply smash all the rungs on the ladders but he and his boys soon discovered that with a little bit of hammer work, they could simply knock the two sides of the ladder apart from each other and the rungs would fall out unbroken.
“Even better,” said Jalk delightedly, “Bits of wood like this can be sold as kindling. An extra bonus.”
The next day Jalk had prepared a hundred of his ‘poles,’ having knocked apart fifty of the ladders. He would have liked to do more of them, but he figured that it would be easier on himself if he could talk with the merchants, show them his wares and then arrange for them to pick up the rest early the following week.
So there he was, on a bright, spring morning, his wagon loaded with a hundred ladder legs, driving into town in his best hat and smoking his biggest pipe.
The guards at the keep, who knew him by sight, waved him on in and soon the halfling entrepreneur was standing before the counter of the keeps chief shop-owner.
“Morning good man,” said Jalk cheerfully.
“Good morning sir,” said the shop-owner carefully for he had met Jalk before.
“Tell me Hujh,” said Jalk, for that was the man’s name, “Do you sell ten foot poles?”
“We most certainly do,” said Hujh, “Two silver pieces for some of the stur…”
“Good, good,” interrupted jovial Jalk, “And how much do you pay for these poles?”
“Now Jalk, I can’t be telling ye that, some will be wanting them for cost if…”
“How about if I offered to sell them to you for a silver each… would that be undercutting the competition.”
Hujh smiled broadly. “It certainly would. They’re not a high markup product for me. Or at least they weren’t. You can get me ten foot poles for a silver?”
“I sure can… How about a hundred right now for that price.”
“Well,” though Hujh, “a hundred is a lot. I only sell about half of that in a month. I don’t think I could buy more than fifty off ye at the moment.”
“Huh,” said Jalk who saw the first flaw in his plan. “Well fifty sold is better than none and you’ll know where to go next time.”
“Very good,” smiled Hujh broadly, “Ya have yerself a deal. You have them with ye?
“Have them right out in my wagon, friend,” said Jalk, “Why don’t I showya?”
The halfling led the way out to where his wagon was waiting and with a flourish and a grin, picked up the corner of the tarp covering his ‘poles’ and threw it back.
Hujh was not amused.
“Friend Jalk… those are… ladder legs.”
“Ten foot long wooden poles, the lot of them.”
“I could pay ten coppers and order a half a dozen of them myself.”
“Well not anymore, I bought all that was available. Cornered the market you might say.”
“I sell those myself… In my shop… for only two coppers a piece.”
“Think of the markup you could ‘ave been having all this time?”
“Are those pine?”
“Most likely.”
“I can’t buy these,” complained Hujh.
“You can’t sell them like this at two silvers a piece?” asked Jalk confused and beginning to worry a little.
“They’re ladder legs,” sighed the storekeeper, “…Jalk… have you ever seen a ten foot pole?”
“These aren’t?” asked Jalk
“Come with me Jalk,” sighed Hujh and he escorted the halfling back into his store and ushered him towards the back. There he pulled out a ten-foot long wooden pole. It was as thick around as a man’s thumb and capped with bronze on both ends.
“Best wooden pole on the market,” boasted Hugh, “Solid hickory. We also carry oak and locust but the hickory is quite popular. They are available with either iron or bronze caps and for an extra two coppers, you can get one with a hooked cap. They are light enough to be wielded at a distance and sturdy enough to withstand a bit of punishment. With the right string you have a fishing pole. With rope, you can make a makeshift ladder. They’ll hang laundry, set off traps and can be used to make stretchers. The adventurer’s best friend. They are not… ladder legs.”
“Oh,” said Jalk crestfallen and his mind drifted a little worriedly to the barn filled with ladders back at his place… and what his wife was going to say.
Well to make a long story short,… Jalk’s attempt to manufacture ten foot poles was a dreadful failure. But on the other hand he did have the biggest selection of ten foot ladders in the county. Jalk ended up building a little place near the keep, stocked it with his ladders and each morning one of his sons would man the booth, selling the ladders at 2 coppers a piece or six for a silver. It took him about three years, but eventually he did manage to unload the lot of them. On the other hand, it was a considerably longer period of time before his wife let him forget the whole mess.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8
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Why is the Oberoni fallacy called a fallacy and not an aphorism? Aren't fallacies generally named after what is 'false' not who observed the fallacy?
I'm only asking because I think that "Just because you can break it doesn't mean that it is broken" has great potential as a corollary to the 'Oberoni fallacy'. ;-)
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Why is the Oberoni fallacy called a fallacy and not an aphorism? Aren't fallacies generally named after what is 'false' not who observed the fallacy?
I'm only asking because I think that "Just because you can break it doesn't mean that it is broken" has great potential as a corollary to the 'Oberoni fallacy'. ;-)
It could be the Oberoni Principle. But I do like the corollary.
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Well done Wicht...a truely masterful debunking of the Ladder/pole fallacy. Which other urban D&D myths do you think need dealing with in this manner?
If any come to me, I'll give them a shot.
In the meantime (heh) the whole concept of urban myths combined with a game world seems quite... tempting.
Edit: Did you know that if you can trick goblins into eating raw rice... they'll explode when the rice expands in their stomach.... really. :)