The Ramifications of Beardless Girly-Dwarves

There is one aspect of making the dwarven women cute and beardless that no one has bothered to discuss.

For years, the typical dwarven stereotype is that of a gruff and surly guy with a gravelly voice and perpetual frown. I would like to put forth the possibility that the reason for this is because for all these years, dwarven males have been forced to be with bearded chicks that look like them.

Wouldn't you be surly too? I mean c'mon, here you see some namby-pamby, tree-hugging ranger run off with a scantily clad, smoking hot elf chick and looking over at your girl you growl as she tucks her beard into her belt. Why is sissy boy getting the hot girls while you are left standing there with little Miss ZZ Top?

Unfair I say. I'd be a surly grouch too.

So, now that dwarven men have hot mama's to go home to, will this overall have the effect of lightening their moods? Could their be an initial outbreak of ecstatic dwarves? Happy-go-lucky dwarves who are proud to show you a picture of their girl as the two of you march off to war?

This could really, really shake up the stereotypical dwarven image as they finally come out of their long, grumpy funk.

All this time I honestly thought dwarven women only had beards in Tolkien's work and a few other works either related to or inspired by his. I've never had bearded dwarven women in my campaigns, or if they were, it was downy fine (if dark) hair and/or very long sideburns.

I'd wager it's why dwarves can out drink the other races. They have to.

However, I don't give the dwarf women in my world beards anyway.

All this time I honestly thought dwarven women only had beards in Tolkien's work and a few other works either related to or inspired by his.

Is it canon that dwarfish women in Middle Earth have beards? I know that Aragorn made a joke in one of the movies, but did Tolkien himself ever say that this was the case?

This actually has some relevance to me, as during my reading of Races & Classes, I thought of the surliness of dwarves. It mentions their marriages tend to be arranged before either child is even born, and the pair grow up working side by side in the clan.

This lead me to thinking: Just imagine working next to someone who is going to be your wife, and who is already nagging. "You're using too few hops in that beer," "You'll never get your axe sharp enough unless you grind it this way," "That isn't the way you'll be baking bread once you're living with me."

New attractiveness or not, I think a great character concept would be a dwarf who has fled his own marriage. Perhaps with a claim of going off to seek his betrothed some priceless and impossibly valuable artifact or treasure from afar (likely a name he simply made up and claimed to be in some human's ancestor's castle) and then beat feet for the front door.

Also, aren't dwarf women beardless in at least 3.0, if older additions? They may have added some "hotness", but non-bearded women isn't that new, is it?

Why is sissy boy getting the hot girls while you are left standing there with little Miss ZZ Top?

Too funny.

Flashheart (from Blackadder TV series) has always been a big fan of beardy women.

'Hey nursey. Like the beard. Gives me something to... hang on to!'

If the dwarves stop being surly, will they also lose their scottish accents?

Because everyone I ever met (me included) has played dwarves with scottish accents!

Dwarves have beards just like elves have pointy ears. It is what it is. You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with it. But in the spirit of diversity and inclusion I think you should leave it alone.

Besides, real girls don't have man-beards. They just have a lot more facial hair than all you tall folks do.

...and we haven't even broached the subject of their chest hair!

I never cared for the whole beard bit, since the only time I recall reading about a bearded dwarf women was in some Forgotten Realms novel. Cant remember which one it was, Darkwalker on Moonshaes maybe, bleh.

Anyway, few people in my games play dwarves, and I never expressly said that they didnt have beards, but that the player could choose: have to shave, or no need? Its not a big deal, really.

Ramifications? Dwarven birth rates are going to sky rocket and there may be more muls in the works. Always a good thing.

Ramifications? Dwarven birth rates are going to sky rocket and there may be more muls in the works. Always a good thing.

Yep, the rise in dwarven birthrates could greatly help them out in the war of attrition against the goblins and orcs. Most campaign settings mention the abysmal birthrates of the dwarves as a reason they are slowly running out of warriors to fight the humanoids.

This could lead to a great turn around in the on-going wars.

If the dwarves stop being surly, will they also lose their scottish accents?

In 3 generations I think they will start talking in a deep "Dr. Love" type accent.

Its not a big deal, really.

To the dwarven men it is. It's a really big deal.

I never understood this whole "dwarves with scottish accent" thing. It's actually annoying that it seems to be the same in every book and accessory. I blame Bruenor Battlehammer.

All this time I honestly thought dwarven women only had beards in Tolkien's work and a few other works either related to or inspired by his. I've never had bearded dwarven women in my campaigns, or if they were, it was downy fine (if dark) hair and/or very long sideburns.

I've played bearded Dwarven women.

For myself (and I know this is different for others on this board), in the 20 some years I've played this game, I've never met a gamer who played a female dwarf. Nor have I dealt with dwarven romance. I haven't seen a lot of it in the literature either (can't think of any offhand, but I'm sure someone will correct me). Maybe now that they can be "hot", there will be more action on the part of the dwarven ladies.

EDIT: Apologies to Kruelaid - didn't see his post when originally writing my post.

For myself (and I know this is different for others on this board), in the 20 some years I've played this game, I've never met a gamer who played a female dwarf. Nor have I dealt with dwarven romance. I haven't seen a lot of it in the literature either (can't think of any offhand, but I'm sure someone will correct me). Maybe now that they can be "hot", there will be more action on the part of the dwarven ladies.

EDIT: Apologies to Kruelaid - didn't see his post when originally writing my post.

We keep our passions where they belong - behind closed doors...else there would be a whole lot more half-dwarves than half-elves.

EDIT: Apologies to Kruelaid - didn't see his post when originally writing my post.

It was hilarious. I'd recommend it for any campaign where a guy starts playing a 'hot' woman.

I've played bearded Dwarven women.

But have you ever found a miniature of a female dwarf with a beard?

Hmmmmm.

I used to play in a Planescape game with bearded dwarven women. The DM made a point of describing their beards as shiny, silky, etc.

I didn't have a problem with it then, and don't now, because different races would have different standards of beauty. But I rather like having dwarven women with beards--albeit better kept, and in my homebrew it will probably be about 50/50 or 33/33/34 (no facial hair/heavy facial hair/full beard) with more females taking better care of their facial hair and doing more braiding/pleating, etc.

FR dwarf maids sometimes have beards, I think I remember RoF (or something) saying they sometimes have a neatly groomed goatee. (Which is quite sexy.) Hey real life human females can grow facial hair so why not?! Embrace the fuzzy-femme!

Dwarven women have never had beards in any of the campaign worlds I've run.

I do find it funny that everyone seems to think that WotC has invented the idea. The female dwarves of the Scarred Lands setting were drawn without them since the beginning of 3e.

But have you ever found a miniature of a female dwarf with a beard? Hmmmmm.

I take it you are being your usual flippant self, as there are dozens upon dozens of miniatures of female dwarves with beards. Or perhaps you are referring to the cheap, flimsy plastic miniatures of which I know very little. Perhaps they have forsaken such details and diversity, but the metal minis certainly have a very wide array of bearded female dwarves.

You can see many of them for yourself at MetalMinis.com. Johnny is truly a great customer service guy and has numerous miniatures available. For a bit of humor, check out the Boobarians line, which include scantily or un- clad females of many races, including, you guessed it, bearded dwarves.

Dwarven women have never had beards in any of the campaign worlds I've run.

I do find it funny that everyone seems to think that WotC has invented the idea. The female dwarves of the Scarred Lands setting were drawn without them since the beginning of 3e.

Warhammer has always had beardless (dwarf) ladies also.

I take it you are being your usual flippant self, as there are dozens upon dozens of miniatures of female dwarves with beards.

Humorous figures do not count in my book. So as I said - I have yet to see a female dwarf figure with a beard.

Cant say im botherd about Dwarf woman without beards. However i would be annoyed if they just look like a short human female they should at least have something that makes them look somewhat dwarvish and less human.(admitadly i have no idea what that would be.)

Kruelaid wrote:

I've played bearded Dwarven women.

But have you ever found a miniature of a female dwarf with a beard?

Hmmmmm.

Yes. Alas she was chopped in half in a Rolemaster campaign. When her brothers found out they weren't too happy, let me tell you.

I never understood this whole "dwarves with scottish accent" thing. It's actually annoying that it seems to be the same in every book and accessory. I blame Bruenor Battlehammer.

No idea who Bruenor Battlehammer is.

The first dwarf I ever read with a scottish accent was Aucter (I think that was the spelling) in a magazine called Imagine that ran for 30 issues in the early 80's in the UK.

Aucter was dwarf fighter in the company of a wizard with big ears, a thief and paladin called Reg.

But have you ever found a miniature of a female dwarf with a beard?

Hmmmmm.

You're assuming you can tell a female dwarf with a beard from a male dwarf.

In my campaigns the amount of facial hair is directly proportional to the girly dwarf's charisma. The higher the charisma the less hair. This works for me as if I play a dwarf it would be a cleric, which normally have a relatively high charisma (for a dwarf).

This actually plays into the whole figure thing....when did you last see a not sexy human/elf female as a figure, same thing!!

Wouldn't you be surly too? I mean c'mon, here you see some namby-pamby, tree-hugging ranger run off with a scantily clad, smoking hot elf chick and looking over at your girl you growl as she tucks her beard into her belt. Why is sissy boy getting the hot girls while you are left standing there with little Miss ZZ Top?

You seem to be confusing human standards of beauty for those of dwarves. Many dwarves never leave their mountain strongholds, and may never see an unbearded female. For them, bearded females are the norm. They wouldn't regard beards as being more masculine nor less feminine, any more than many humans regard long hair as less masculine or more feminine. They may feel embarrassed for females of other races that they aren't able to grow facial hair, similar to how humans often regard baldness as undesirable. Dwarves value other traits in their women, qualities which the shallow human race fails to comprehend. Male and female dwarves share more equal roles in their societies than the stereotyped gender roles practised by humans, and experience a great deal of mutual respect toward each other. It is their similarities more than their differences that attract dwarves to each other, which probably explains why dwarves don't breed with other races, as humans and elves occasionally do.

Roger Moore points out in The Dwarven Point of View (Dragon issue #58, reprinted in Best of Dragon Vol III) that the dwarven birth ratio is 2 males for every 1 female. This excess of male dwarves causes many to focus on their work or seek an adventuring life instead of marriage. Though may I suggest, in light of all of the above, that same-gender relationships among dwarves to be much more common than other races are generally aware.

You seem to be confusing human standards of beauty for those of dwarves.

Nope. I'm just a shallow dwarf who doesn't want to snuggle up with bearded gals.

How very antropocentric of you.

Problem with beard is that it often hides secondary sexual signals given by mouth, especially lips, but that can be avoided with good trim...and having a beard gives just so many tools to play with. Long or short? Goatee or sideburns? Braided (maybe with beads or pearls or something)? Maybe some fascinating asymmetric cut with interesting dye job...and Moradrin knows there are some of those lucky women who have beards naturally silky and flowing and never have bad beard days...

You want to go frolic with those overblown colts who are all legs and arms with no proper figure and who have no beards like fresh born babies? A real woman would probably be too much for you, you sick pervert (none of this should be taken personally, btw).

Regarding dwarven romance, may I point people in direction of Terry Pratchett. His City Guard books deal about this subject (and dwarven culture in general) quite a lot.

Bah! Braided, beaded goatees! Ach! Thas no real woman, it's Durgin wearing his Ma's dress again.

Humorous figures do not count in my book. So as I said - I have yet to see a female dwarf figure with a beard.

The "humorous" ones were but one example. I see you did not bother to actually check but one reference provided you. Why do you, personally, insist on being so obtuse with any opinion not shared by yourself? I have seen numerous "real" miniatures (and a few "humorous" ones as well) of female bearded dwarves. They exist. Simply because you have not seen any or bothered to go look at any yourself does not mean they fail to exist. Seriously, could you open your mind for one post?

Barrow Wight wrote:

I never understood this whole "dwarves with scottish accent" thing. It's actually annoying that it seems to be the same in every book and accessory. I blame Bruenor Battlehammer.

No idea who Bruenor Battlehammer is.

The first dwarf I ever read with a scottish accent was Aucter (I think that was the spelling) in a magazine called Imagine that ran for 30 issues in the early 80's in the UK.

Aucter was dwarf fighter in the company of a wizard with big ears, a thief and paladin called Reg.

Umm - Bruenor - from the Icewind Dale trilogy that spawned Drizzt in the 80s. (What a sad day). He even has a mini now. He's been around around 20 years!

Well, the dwarf women in the PHB are beardless - did they change that for 4th? I refuse to buy the pre-release revenue generator "Races and Classes" to see.

I believe an early Dragon issue (I don't know which one, possibly around the time of Roger Moore's Dwarven Point of View article) which fleshed out the dwarven pantheon, had one female dwarf with a small braided goatee. Does anyone else remember that?

I believe an early Dragon issue (I don't know which one, possibly around the time of Roger Moore's Dwarven Point of View article) which fleshed out the dwarven pantheon, had one female dwarf with a small braided goatee. Does anyone else remember that?

Yep... Berronar. She's the wife of Moradin, as far as I remember. She's in Dragon #58 or Best of Dragon 3.

crosswiredmind wrote:

Humorous figures do not count in my book. So as I said - I have yet to see a female dwarf figure with a beard.

The "humorous" ones were but one example. I see you did not bother to actually check but one reference provided you. Why do you, personally, insist on being so obtuse with any opinion not shared by yourself? I have seen numerous "real" miniatures (and a few "humorous" ones as well) of female bearded dwarves. They exist. Simply because you have not seen any or bothered to go look at any yourself does not mean they fail to exist. Seriously, could you open your mind for one post?

I looked at the URL and I did not see any. If you could provide a specific link to an image of a real miniature then I will gladly go and look.

crosswiredmind wrote:

But have you ever found a miniature of a female dwarf with a beard?

Hmmmmm.

You're assuming you can tell a female dwarf with a beard from a male dwarf.

Ummm. Breasts perhaps? Unless female dwarves do not have them.

I do the ole Croc Dundee check.

I do the ole Croc Dundee check.

Would that be Knowledge(Nature), Spot or Search?

And that is a dangerous check to use as you're never sure what it is you will find!

I think "slight of hand."

Freehold DM wrote:

All this time I honestly thought dwarven women only had beards in Tolkien's work and a few other works either related to or inspired by his. I've never had bearded dwarven women in my campaigns, or if they were, it was downy fine (if dark) hair and/or very long sideburns.

I've played bearded Dwarven women.

I've played with Dwarven women.

It blew my mind.

The first edition DMG had a short write-up of all the races. Dwarven women were described as bearded.

I've got an old Dragon specifically about dwarven beards, with bearded female dwarves represented. It was a 1e. Dragon; can't remember the ish number off the top of my head.

The current edition is beardless. I'm good with that. The tough part is getting past those mithril chastity belts!

I do the ole Croc Dundee check.

Not me. If she looks rough enough that I have to do The Check to make sure she's not a dude....

Nope. Not gonna snuggle her. I'll go find a nice, hot, thick, beardless lass that that in no way, shape, or form resembles a stumpy biker.