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Hmm, good point. Smurf language doesn't really lend itself to sarcasm (for example, this sentence was originally tongue in cheek, which sounded downright awful when any of the words were replaced with smurf). What color do smurfs turn when they run out of breath, I wonder? 
Ah smurf it out your smurf. 
Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our smurfs kicked, pal! 
Not to worry, the new Paizo blog says it all: "Paizo signs exlcusive agreement with Mr. McFeely's Speedy Delivery service for Pathfinder distribution."
Well, I've been told I'm not as funny as I like to think I am... is that related somehow? And as a licensed chirurgeon (I have the matchbook certificate to prove it) I can do the leeching and bloodletting right here in the comfort of my own home!! Err... is that funny, would you say, on balance? No, but I never let that stop me, either. Remember, repetition is one of the core rules of comedy! ;) And when has rain ever been right, really? Well, to be honest, originally written there was, "Bob's your Uncle!," but I wanted to appeal to a wider audience.
Poster suggests that previous two posts are evidence that thread has degenerated beyond resurrection. Stick a fork in it; we're done baby!
Excellent! I'm struggling in a long-term relationship (well, we started a few days ago, really) with a parrot that has an atomic wedgie as the result of a mishap during his bris. It's impacting... well, many things in our relationship. That, and I'm straight, human, married and have two kids. HELP!! Gentle Reader, What a happy coincidence: Just this afternoon I blew the dust from my "Olde England Journal of Medicine." Apparently, you are suffering from a severe ""imbalance of the humours." I recommend you report at once to your local barber or chirurgeon for leeching or bloodletting. Before you know it, you will be as right as rain again!
BanHammer
I'll be hunted down and killed for outing this, but the entire staff has been possessed by the disembodied spirit of Orson Welles. Run for it mates!
, because they just parrot information we just gave you, The Devil you say!?!
Is that why you appear a bit... rumpled? Sadly no. Some joker decided to give me an atomic wedgie during my bris. Tragedy ensued. I also give out relationship advice, by the way! ;)
Dexter....or...Sinister? Sinister Dexter: Convictions cause convicts. Discuss.
How do you make sense of the Gleemax site? "A million monkeys with a million crayons would be hard-pressed in a million years to create anything as cretinous as Gleemax."
Gibbering....hmmm...how about meeping? Do ninjas meep? When they're not bein all quiet like... Meep!
It’s a good start, especially if the tentacles reach out and devour the stomachs of another squirrel that spits them. You might consider forming them into some sort of deviant religion, or at least have them gibber, or, as a last resort, make them sing show tunes (the horror, THE HORROR).
Toil my minions! There is no greater joy than the joy of duty!
Dearest “Tarnated in Texas,” It would appear the fine subcreatures at Chaosium have compiled a nearly complete accounting of my family tree . Sniffle, this thread reminds me of our last family reunion, when Uncle Yog-Sothoth had too much to drink and fell up a well. Good times.
Greetings and felicitations “Curious in Cranston,” Becoming a figurehead of the Cthulhu mythos is easier than one might think: Simply turn your skin inside out, survive or be reanimated (either is acceptable), and transfigure your bodily fluids into a clear gel that both dissolves flesh and grants psychedelic visions. Easy as pie!
In addition, it never hurts to exist outside of time, act capriciously towards humanity, or create your own progeny of lower “servitor creatures.”
With the introduction of 4th Edition, we’ve decided to refer to them as “kits” again. Is the abundance of half-dragon creatures due to an increase in the level of sex shown on television? Pray tell. Oh, “Shiny in Singapore,” If only that were the case. Gone are the childlike days of our virtuous youth, filled with pee pee’s and wee wee’s, before the Parrot was mandated by the court to gaze only upon PBS. In truth, the sharp increase in half-dragon creatures is directly attributable to the fact that all Dragons suffer from “Restless Leg Syndrome.” With the advent of the Requip ™ Tablet, many dragons have begun to experience “increased sexual urges,” and let me tell you, when a dragon starts to rub up against your leg, good luck swatting that 800 lb gorilla off!
FEAR THE CHICKEN! Grandpa? Lay off the cough syrup. You're scaring nona.
Gentle reader, thank you for once again taking the time to bump this thread to the prominent position of dominance over other, lesser threads, where it truly belongs. I believe the answer you seek is that the word apartment is a bastardized form of the Italian word "appartamento," which is itself derived from Latin and meaning, quite literally, "I hate my neighbors, and if they don't stop running back and forth at all hours and banging their headboard next to my kid's room I'm going to burn this whole complex down." Have a blessed day.
Does everybody have access to the RotRL players guide? before getting their Pathfinder? Or am I special? I don't have access to either. Perhaps you're special. :) This product is now available as a free PDF download: 4.2MB zip PDF.
I'd call it goooood eatin'! Always remember to floss after eating baby, no matter the species! Cleanliness is next to Queenliness, after all.
The parrot said "after GenCon," and here it is the next day, and everything's on its way. All is forgiven ;) Wise Parrot. Practically the Oracle at Delphi, I am.
Do all ogres have trouble with the square-root of -1? Dear “confounded in California,” As carnivores, it has been my experience that Ogres have difficulty with roots of any sort, square or not.
Dear “Blackmailed in Boston,” Absolutely not! This is skullduggery of the lowest sort. Instead, I recommend you gather your remaining fortunes, liquidate all assets, and send everything to: “The Paizo Parrot’s Little Golden Book of Hexes”
Drop this in any postal box, and I assure you my mind-controlled minions will rush it to me literally “post haste.” As an aside, one of the pages in a book I have recently acquired regarding binding the Tarrasque appears to be soiled. If you may have owned a similar volume in the past, might I inquire as to where it was purchased, so I might obtain a replacement?
O most wise, sagacious (and, one must add, comely) of psittacidae, why if the traffic doth move slowest - if at all - during that time, do they call it "rush hour"? Dear “perspicacious and polysyllabic in Pittsburgh,” Unfortunately, rush hour was named on “opposite day,” and the name stuck. This is also why we drive on a parkway, park on a driveway, and why candidates run for office mainly by standing around and talking.
I'd call it a baby goat. The parrot quietly marks down Heathansson for "re-education."
Dear “sleepless in Seattle,” While I find it difficult to believe that the offspring of a Halfling and Human would be a baby goat, such things are possible with dark magics, and as such, I suppose you might call it whatever you like, and smite those who disagree with you. As to your second query, sadly, the parrot lacks prehensile thumbs, and therefore must delegate paycheck autographs to a third party service.
Oh, Paizo Parrot. Why do we love you so? It could be my rakish good looks, but I'm more willing to bet it's all the mind control additives we've been doping milk with the last 20 years. Does a body good!
If I cast sleep on myself and save, how long before I can operate construction equipment? Even with the saving throw, the Stooge suggests you wait a good half hour before climbing into an industrial washing machine.
Readers, we regret to inform you that the half-orc / half-elf hybrid has encountered a "snag." Following what can only be considered a shockingly short gestation period, a large moth-like creature sporting the fire subtype emerged and destroyed the lab. All surviving lab workers have been fitted with psionic puppeteers to ensure Non Disclosure Agreement compliance, and all materials and data regarding project Genesis are now forbidden.
I believe its a Flecro :) but I will defer to the stooge for clarification. Always wise, gentle goblinoid. I believe the Flecro is actually the child of a full blooded orc and elf. A daunting prospect if ever there was one. Rest assured, when this abomination of all that is natural hatches, I pledge to give the community naming rights.
Can you catch yourself flatfooted and get an attack of opportunity against yourself? Absolutely. Remind me to tell you the whimsical tale of tell of the time I Coup De Graced myself after dropping the soap in the pen (I was framed, I swear).
Can hobgoblins and xorns interbreed, or do you have to go the "mad wizard experiment" route? Gentle Reader, there's nothing quite like a beautiful summer morning pierced by the plaintive wail of a xorn's mating snorkel. Ahhh, young love. Most people do not know this, but while Xorns find hobgoblins indigestible, they also find them irresistible! Not to mention, I think we all know what happens to hobgoblins when a little Barry White starts playing. That's magic of its own variety.
If a half orc and a half elf have a baby, what is it? Greetings Gentle Reader, and thank you for your interest in Stooge advice. We're currently loading a half-elf up with alcohol in order to get a more exact answer to your question. Inquiring minds wish to know: will it be an olf? A Horc? Answers expected in 9 months!
Andy? Yeah, we're brothers. Well, we're "like" brothers. Who don't talk. And come from different mothers and fathers. Ok we're pen pals. We met once. well ok, I think I saw him once. In a picture. I can't back that up. FINE! I'm far too lazy to even google what he looks like.
The pleasure of working for Paizo is its own reward. Expect to be rewarded twice as much next year. If he's like most IT people, Gary has an army cot in the server room and drives around with a suit in his car. All Paizo employees are company property and may be fed to the furnace if they outlive their usefulness. Retirement benefits include continued use of water and/or oxygen, at slightly reduced percentages. Work! Work! Work! There are monkey boys in the facility!
Gentle Parrot, pray tell, what is sock puppetry? Brawk! Unlike the beloved children's toy we all know, online sock puppetry consists of a single person using multiple accounts to espouse an opinion or vote multiple times, and should be discouraged.
After GenCon.
The magazine might be gone, but you still have questions! Can't get to the Wizard's website? I'm here for you. No question too big or too small. Gaming advice, life lessons.
After GenCon. |
