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Spectre

Celestial Follower's page

657 posts. Alias of Mike Welham (Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012).


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What a coincidence! I just got a job delivering pizzas at Daemono's. I tried to apply at Baba Yaga's Pizza Hut, but the manager seemed really cranky. I'm hoping I can get in the kitchen, but my trainer, The Fleshless One, I mean, Mr. The Fleshless One says that I'm much more suitable as a driver. Anyway, I recommend that you try the Die-Whyin', which has generous portions of Sacrificial Ham and Painapple.

Oh, oh, oh, and I met this girl who might be "the one". She seems to really get me. Her name is Braaaaaiiiinnnnnssssss, or something like that. I think she's from one of those exotic Outer Planes like Mechanus. The Fleshless...Mr. The Fleshless One pointed out in the employee manual, entitled Employee Suffering, wow they have a sense of humor at Daemono's, I mean who really enjoys their job, right, he pointed out that employee relationships are only permissible if one of the employees is syphilitic, whatever that means.


I think the slaads got into the power converters again.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I really should have taken the Paula Deen correspondence Cooking and Racism course.


She was the only one who interviewed for the job, though. And you said I needed help in the kitchen.


Kinda more like petrified parsnip chips.


I'll go back to the flaying box.


What the...I'm not even carrying a present!


Oh no, the smurfnibblers took away my abillitie to spell!


I don't trust any business that misspells crazzy.


AIEEEEEEE!!!!


Oh, you know what? Those might have been those smurfnibblers that got turned into rutabagas. You promised to reverse the transformation, boss, like a couple of centuries ago.


The rutabagas screamed. That should count for something.


They were big rutabagas, too. Each one must have weighed a pound at least.


I sacrificed a dozen rutabagas!


I'm Lawful Tur...Good.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Plus I was really sad that I bruised all those turnips.


I can't help it if I'm going through my tube top-juggalo phase.


I can't see anything in a mirror, boss. Remember that gypsy curse?

I really shouldn't have hit her with my celestial shopping cart...


Pinrut juice is the main ingredient.


My Harmy Bangwallers are planar famous.


Well, that's an interesting acronym. I never paid attention to that.

It stands for Turnip Terrier Indigenous Transplantation System.

You see, I wanted to get Planting Dogs for my turnips.


Oh wow, I hope I didn't cause that...


There we go!

<calls number>

Hey, boss? They're asking for a credit card number. Can I use the Celestial account?


Maybe I should contact a celestial guru. Anyone have a number handy?


I did invite one of those empyreal lords, but he said he lost his invitation.


Thanks, boss! I like it when my hard work gets recognized.


axomiatic? I was drunk when I posted that?

Yay!

You're my favorite turnip, Axomi.


<Brandishing axomiatic turnip>

Out damned slaad! Out, I say!


2 people marked this as a favorite.

*sigh*

I'll prepare a batch of methadone cookies for the inevitable, boss.


Yay! My fourteenth favorite!


I just saw a triple rainbow.


Has anyone seen my recipe folder? I wanted to make a nice rutaturradden.


The turnips are in the attic!


Pickle juice is pretty good.

By the way, I only use turnips in cider.


Did you know that a lion's roar can be heard from five miles away?

Weird...I don't usually dispense useless facts, unless it's about turnips.


Buttered, but it has to be real butter.


Is a number 2 pencil best for one's nose?


Here you can lend anything you want. Even plants. If you eat it, though, that makes it a little more difficult to return it, at least in its original form.


I'm special! Like a unique turnip flower.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Balor? I hardly know her!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Oooooooh, sparkly!


<Throws root vegetable donuts in pot>

There we go!

Oops...where'd those cigarette butts come from?


1 person marked this as a favorite.

<Covered in powdered sugar and sprinkles>

Some kid "banished" me to the Donut Field! It took me forever to get *burp* out.

Don't worry, though, I brought back plenty of turnip and rutabaga donuts for everyone!


Oh, I meant buggin'.

I was undone by Infernal Autocorrect.


And then I'll pull out the five pound turnip I've been saving just for the occasion.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I've been practicing my sure fire sexy come on too:

Hey baby, ya wanna see how bug my turnip is?


Boss, if you get into the pop music racket, I'll be a roadie.


Celestial Healer wrote:
I am feeling quite a bit better than I was a few days ago. If this continues, it will be a short cold I had to deal with.

I knew those turnip poultices would help, boss.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Celestial Healer wrote:
Celestial Thaumoctopus wrote:
{casts Heal on CH using turnip as material component}

*starts blowing turnips out of his nose*

I can use these...


The pay and benefits aren't that great, boss.

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