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Why do the right-wing and left-wing parties in Warsaw disagree so strongly?
Because they’re Poles apart.
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When Dave Rogers left 4 Commando after many years of service, he took a job in agriculture. His main job on the farm was keeping the cut and dried grass moist during hot weather to prevent fires (which meant he got rather wet as well), but he was also the only person with enough fortitude to deal with the septic tank when it got smelly, hence why the farmer used to call out:
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Spoiler:"Hay mister! Damp Marine man! Slay a pong for me!"
{stops, drops, and rolls} Ahhhh! It burns, it BURNS!!!1!
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You need a Hay Mister.
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You need a Hay Mister.
Is that what they call the weed guy in the UK? How fancy!
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What did the browser say at the bar?
Put it on my tab.
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Where did Captain Hook get his hook?
At the second-hand store.
They're the next aisle over from the raspberry berets.
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After the Wizard of Oz movie ended, why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon?
Because he was outstanding in his field and had a brain for it.
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Q: What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A: One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter.
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Q. How do you drown a Hipster?
A. In the mainstream.
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Q. How do you drown a Hipster?
A. In the mainstream.
Q: Where does a know-it-all get his water from?
A: From the well, actually.
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Q. What's the most discouraging job in the world?
A. Front desk person at a podiatrist's office. All day long you admit defeet.
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Q. When has a dad joke reached maturity?
A. When it's full groan.
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Pterodactyls are silent when they P.
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GAH!
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In this weekend's game, our characters were in a new city and were going to be there a while, so we asked the GM about renting a house.
It's a little thing I like to call AirDnD.
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Dad: “I’ll get dinner ready as soon as I find the potfer.”
Kid: “What’s a potfer?”
Dad: A pot’s fer cookin’.”
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My mother informs me that she's going to see her grandson/my nephew's Nativity play.
Mother: 'Hope it goes better than last time, when one of the Three Kings fell off the stage'
Me: 'Perhaps they were dis-orient-ed'
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My mother informs me that she's going to see her grandson/my nephew's Nativity play.
Mother: 'Hope it goes better than last time, when one of the Three Kings fell off the stage'
Me: 'Perhaps they were dis-orient-ed'
That's peak dad humor. Bravo.
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My mother informs me that she's going to see her grandson/my nephew's Nativity play.
Mother: 'Hope it goes better than last time, when one of the Three Kings fell off the stage'
Me: 'Perhaps they were dis-orient-ed'
GAH!
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ArGAH!on.
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Whenever I shift my car into reverse, I can never resist saying, "Wow! This brings me back!"
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Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
Whenever I shift my car into reverse, I can never resist saying, "Wow! This brings me back!"
That's premium dad humor, right there!
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My son likes to grill and cook on his outdoor griddle and I bought him a HUGE spatula for Christmas. I told the guy who I bought it from (online purchase) that "My son's gonna flip over this." He laughed and said he was gonna pass that on to his wife, who actually handled the FB Marketplace transaction.
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What kind of scientist studies angry birds?
An ornerythologist.
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I knew a guy who hated crime so much he became a lich so he could fight it for eternity.
That's undeadication.
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I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.
stealing this for mummys mask.
I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.
GAH!
I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.
*slow clap*
Well played. Well played.
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Dad: "When I first graduated as a veterinarian, my first patient was a cat who said, 'Meow'".
Family: "OK, so?"
Dad: "I said I know, but where?"
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"If we die, what's the point of living?"
- My 5 year old niece.
Heck, I'm 50 and asked this question as recently as this morning. My current working theory is fishsticks and making loud pretend distress noises.
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FRIEND: At my check-up today, they drew 12 vials of blood!
ME: Jebus! Who's your GP, Dr. Acula?
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Crap, I meant to post those quotes in the Quotes thread.
*loud pretend distress noises*
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All this talk of nieces and nephews reminds me of when I was in a car crash on the way to the hospital when my wife was delivering our twins. My idiot brother-in-law got there and had to do the naming.
"What did you name the girl?" I asked.
"Denise," he said.
"That's not bad, I guess. Better than I expected. And the boy?"
"Denephew."
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I heard a joke about pizza the other day. I won’t share it here because it’s too cheesy.