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Alright, just about time for bed. Decent day--keeping the PbPs running, which is big. Wrote a bit early this morning, and I'm starting to get into the "need to skip/glaze past some of the boring scenes" stage. I'm bad at letting myself do that, but I really need to cut to some of the fun stuff so I don't get burned out. Today I worked out a lot about later sequences, at least.
It also hit me earlier that even though I didn't consciously recognize it, I've been sort of trying to edge out of the smut industry lately--or at least find some alternative incomes. It's rough depending on Patreon and commissions so heavily. I am uncomfortably tempted by the WotC jobs on offer... even though I know there's no way I'm remotely qualified for them. Working in TTRPGs has been a dream of mine about as long as writing novels has been, but I didn't put in the work and other people did.
Seven tiny TTRPG credits and 7 years writing for a genre I can't put on a resume. XD
I'll still try to make myself apply, of course, because "I'm not qualified for that" is what made me sit out all but the last of the RPG Superstar contests and I know I regretted that immensely. You miss 100% of the attacks you don't roll, and all that.
It's making me pensive, though. That's rude.
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I should probably just stick to my strengths and make that ancestry/heritage supplement that's just a bunch of thinly-veiled fetish fuel concepts.
You know, like "wind-up music box-style automotons" and alraunes and lamias and that kind of thing.
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I'd apologize for the rampant oversharing but let's be honest this thread is 60% unasked for details about my life and career, 38% complaining about mutual acquaintances, and 2% gushing about other Paizo trans fems.
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I am uncomfortably tempted by the WotC jobs on offer... even though I know there's no way I'm remotely qualified for them. Working in TTRPGs has been a dream of mine about as long as writing novels has been, but I didn't put in the work and other people did.
Like I always(used to!!!!!!) say in my employment meetings, dont' do their job for them(hiring managers). Let THEM be the ones to say no to YOU. Always apply. Always. Make them do their jobs, and their their data net act FOR you. Maintain contact with them if you can and have them them explain why you weren't selected for a job/project and file that reason away mentally and use it for the next application. Collect the rejection notices you get(indeed, if you get one at all!) and use them to make origami figures.
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I am uncomfortably tempted by the WotC jobs on offer... even though I know there's no way I'm remotely qualified for them. Working in TTRPGs has been a dream of mine about as long as writing novels has been, but I didn't put in the work and other people did.Like I always(used to!!!!!!) say in my employment meetings, dont' do their job for them(hiring managers). Let THEM be the ones to say no to YOU. Always apply. Always. Make them do their jobs, and their their data net act FOR you. Maintain contact with them if you can and have them them explain why you weren't selected for a job/project and file that reason away mentally and use it for the next application. Collect the rejection notices you get(indeed, if you get one at all!) and use them to make origami figures.
Also, put on the application somewhere "Can shave an angry bear with a skid loader" I've gotten every job I've applied for when I've put that on the application, even Toys R Us was so impressed I was hired before I had the application filled out.
I put "I know a guy who can shave an angry bear with a skid loader," under Special Skills.
The need doesn't come up often in my industry, but always good for a company to have that in the back pocket.
I have the bug for TTRPGs right now, so I'm working on a concept I just had for a collection of short "dungeon prompts"--the concept and story, a room or two as an introduction, and some extra rules to help things along. Coming up with dungeon crawl settings that encourage combat, puzzle solving, skill challenges, roleplaying, and relationship development/team-building is really fun.
I have the bug for TTRPGs right now, so I'm working on a concept I just had for a collection of short "dungeon prompts"--the concept and story, a room or two as an introduction, and some extra rules to help things along. Coming up with dungeon crawl settings that encourage combat, puzzle solving, skill challenges, roleplaying, and relationship development/team-building is really fun.
check out some of the old threads on here for some stuff.
Yeah, I've always loved that practice! I'm trying to work out if it's worth trying to publish something like this or if it would be better to focus on fully developing individual dungeons. Like, the idea of a "dungeon collection" sounds like fun to write, but IDK if it would be useful enough for people to take an interest.
It's funny how vulnerable it feels to be trying something like this after such a long time mostly away from TTRPGs. I don't know if it's Impostor Syndrome or just self-awareness of my current skill levels, but the idea of freelancing is really intimidating. I let it build up in my head as a thing I can't do.
EDIT: Yeah, wow, I'm getting unbelievably shy even just explaining my concepts to Geddes. I really, really need to work on being comfortably flawed at things. It's unhealthy to only do things you've already gotten good at for too long.
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I put "I know a guy who can shave an angry bear with a skid loader," under Special Skills.
The need doesn't come up often in my industry, but always good for a company to have that in the back pocket.
I put 'I am an angry bear who has just been shaved with a skid loader' on mine, but that apparently wasn't what St. Walpurgis Catholic Girls High School was after.
Just be careful. They might ask you to demonstrate.Also, put on the application somewhere "Can shave an angry bear with a skid loader" I've gotten every job I've applied for when I've put that on the application, even Toys R Us was so impressed I was hired before I had the application filled out.I am uncomfortably tempted by the WotC jobs on offer... even though I know there's no way I'm remotely qualified for them. Working in TTRPGs has been a dream of mine about as long as writing novels has been, but I didn't put in the work and other people did.Like I always(used to!!!!!!) say in my employment meetings, dont' do their job for them(hiring managers). Let THEM be the ones to say no to YOU. Always apply. Always. Make them do their jobs, and their their data net act FOR you. Maintain contact with them if you can and have them them explain why you weren't selected for a job/project and file that reason away mentally and use it for the next application. Collect the rejection notices you get(indeed, if you get one at all!) and use them to make origami figures.
I wouldn't say I could do it if I couldn't do it. I'm really that good at driving a skid loader.
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Just be careful. They might ask you to demonstrate.Also, put on the application somewhere "Can shave an angry bear with a skid loader" I've gotten every job I've applied for when I've put that on the application, even Toys R Us was so impressed I was hired before I had the application filled out.I am uncomfortably tempted by the WotC jobs on offer... even though I know there's no way I'm remotely qualified for them. Working in TTRPGs has been a dream of mine about as long as writing novels has been, but I didn't put in the work and other people did.Like I always(used to!!!!!!) say in my employment meetings, dont' do their job for them(hiring managers). Let THEM be the ones to say no to YOU. Always apply. Always. Make them do their jobs, and their their data net act FOR you. Maintain contact with them if you can and have them them explain why you weren't selected for a job/project and file that reason away mentally and use it for the next application. Collect the rejection notices you get(indeed, if you get one at all!) and use them to make origami figures.
The trick is to wait for the bear to get out of the ski loader first.
I am truly touched by how many people keep using "they/them" for me when I'm in an argument with them. This is clearly them trying to be sensitive to nonbinary catgirls and refrain from assuming anything, and definitely not anything else.
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Yeah, I've always loved that practice! I'm trying to work out if it's worth trying to publish something like this or if it would be better to focus on fully developing individual dungeons. Like, the idea of a "dungeon collection" sounds like fun to write, but IDK if it would be useful enough for people to take an interest.
It's funny how vulnerable it feels to be trying something like this after such a long time mostly away from TTRPGs. I don't know if it's Impostor Syndrome or just self-awareness of my current skill levels, but the idea of freelancing is really intimidating. I let it build up in my head as a thing I can't do.
EDIT: Yeah, wow, I'm getting unbelievably shy even just explaining my concepts to Geddes. I really, really need to work on being comfortably flawed at things. It's unhealthy to only do things you've already gotten good at for too long.
its why I suggested you check out some of the threads(that I thought I linked but I didnt...hm. Here they are). It helps to see things posted online and get ideas from others, at least it does for me. I also get how vulnerable it can be to put your stuff out there, I have had Freehold! both on paper and in my head for years and I have yet to share it with anyone really...still working on it and the recent issues with kitchen sink campaign settings have made me make a change to the game itself, but still...vast majority of it is in my head because I'm not in a place where I am ready to share.
I actually took part in those threads a lot back in the day. (In fact, I'm still procrastinating my next Worldbuilding Exercise.) It's different doing it "casually", though, versus "professionally". I really appreciate the links, though, as well as the advice/kind words. <3
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So how does one even use LinkedIn? I've managed to avoid it for a long time by being obliviously self-employed.
Also, in all seriousness, is eight years' experience professionally writing adult fantasy something I can put on my resume? I'm really good at it, a huge portion of the writing is worldbuilding and descriptive work, and I've been managing clients and collaborations with colleagues steadily for nearly a decade now. The skillsets are relevant, and it's easily my strongest mark of writing experience... but some people are really uncomfortable with this kind of thing, and I'm worried about the work being judged for its genre.
I haven't had to write a resume in years, so this is a real re-learning process.
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Yes. I would have two versions though. Just leave out the word "adult" in one version. Unfortunately, you're completely correct that some people simply can't handle it.
Of course, you will also need to ask yourself if that person would be a good fit for you as an employer.
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I'll try to set up some sort of application tomorrow. It's exciting to see an opportunity and actually proactively work towards it, instead of hiding from it.
I've been thinking a lot today about trying to find balance on my interests, instead of allowing hyperfocus to send me careening between them, becoming intensely engaged with two and neglecting three others completely.
The big ones here are work writing, ttrpg writing and novel writing. I put a lot on my plate, and I want to be able to divide myself more evenly, more consistently. I am possibly in an Upswing lately, of course, but my hope is that I can find a way to balance myself between my pursuits even when I'm not.
I don't know. I'm constantly biting off more than I can chew during Upswings, and I need to be aware of that. At the same time, working on TTRPGs and being a published novelist have been dreams of mine since I was a kid. If those options ever become available to me, maybe it's best that the serialized writing take a backseat.
In general, it's been a really productive day. I finally got the ball rolling on finishing my Bachelor's (I have all the credits, but there's been a bureaucratic tangle for months now that I've been avoiding dealing with). I did a lot of game design brainstorming. Considering my life has been pretty untethered lately due to the sickness, I've been doing pretty well.
Anyways, have a good night, all.
Yes. I would have two versions though. Just leave out the word "adult" in one version. Unfortunately, you're completely correct that some people simply can't handle it.
Of course, you will also need to ask yourself if that person would be a good fit for you as an employer.
the dragon is wise.
I'll try to set up some sort of application tomorrow. It's exciting to see an opportunity and actually proactively work towards it, instead of hiding from it.
I've been thinking a lot today about trying to find balance on my interests, instead of allowing hyperfocus to send me careening between them, becoming intensely engaged with two and neglecting three others completely.
The big ones here are work writing, ttrpg writing and novel writing. I put a lot on my plate, and I want to be able to divide myself more evenly, more consistently. I am possibly in an Upswing lately, of course, but my hope is that I can find a way to balance myself between my pursuits even when I'm not.
I don't know. I'm constantly biting off more than I can chew during Upswings, and I need to be aware of that. At the same time, working on TTRPGs and being a published novelist have been dreams of mine since I was a kid. If those options ever become available to me, maybe it's best that the serialized writing take a backseat.
In general, it's been a really productive day. I finally got the ball rolling on finishing my Bachelor's (I have all the credits, but there's been a bureaucratic tangle for months now that I've been avoiding dealing with). I did a lot of game design brainstorming. Considering my life has been pretty untethered lately due to the sickness, I've been doing pretty well.
Anyways, have a good night, all.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My brain isn't being helpful today. I can't get myself to actually work this morning because my head won't stop obsessing over TTRPGs, but when I try to work on one of my concepts the anxiety immediately sets in and I tell myself I should just post what I make on the forums instead of trying to make it something I could put on a portfolio, because I'm too far behind on PF2 to possibly try to publish anything for it.
This keeps happening. It's the high, where I have plenty of ideas and optimism and more energy than I can handle, and then the crash. I was so excited about my novel I could barely get myself to write it. My energy around TTRPGs basically cycled between massive excitement and near-panic. I don't feel qualified to do this, I half-don't feel like I belong here anymore after my absence (and I half-know how stupid that sounds, because of course I do, I post excellent content most of the time), and I feel like I'm one or two bad posts (or mediocre publications) away from wearing what welcome I have into dust, and a part of me wants to get it over with, quit all the chats I'm in, and stop posting here. I'd rather be missed for leaving prematurely than resented for overstaying my welcome.
It's a small part of me, but I can't stop thinking about how this is the second time this has happened with Paizo, and a pattern I go through a lot overall with hyperfixations.
I went back on the Adderall about a month ago. I don't know if this is that or bipolar or what, but it feels so clearly-directed it can't just be the ADHD burnout cycle.
If I'm in some way responsible for that, I apologize profusely for that!
This is mostly an internal problem.
Things I Need To Do have this habit of swirling around my head and paralyzing me when I'm getting stressed or anxious or depressed about one. Currently I'm keeping up with PbPs okay, but today I'm lagging on the game design projects/job application, and I've been lagging heavily lately on my writing and my staying in touch with commissioners.
It exacerbates the impostor syndrome, and they feed on each other. Having so much to do makes me too anxious to start work on the TTRPG stuff, which keeps it in my head as "thing I'm not qualified to attempt". I don't like it when my brain stops working like this. I think I'm gonna try going off the Adderall again.
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Have you ever noticed how just when you're struggling with a particular emotional lesson, you'll stumble across a work of media that perfectly guides you through that lesson and helps you gain catharsis? Or you'll run into someone who seems to learn the same lesson, allowing you to counsel both them and yourself? I have a pet theory that our problems tend to be a lot more universal than we think, and it's less about finding the right solution so much as finding one of the many viable solutions that clicks with us in that moment. There's no "one perfect thing to say" when someone's struggling. There's many things you can say that can help, provided you're able to relate to their issues on some level.
Anyways, I rewatched the pottery episode of Community's first season and it made me feel things.
I'm going to work on my portfolio tomorrow, and I'll try to get a job application, and I won't get accepted because there are going to be many people better than me. And that's okay, because I'll make sure they at least have to think about it first. I'll work on one of the three publication ideas I have, and I'll publish at least one of them, and... honestly, it's going to be great, I'm very excited about my ideas. There will be flaws, though, and marks of my inexperience, and that's fine, too.
I want to take things slower. I want to lower the stakes. I can't do these day-long spirals anymore.
Gosh, this thread must seem like a real one-kobold soap opera/after school special next to the House of Respite or Ramblin' Man. Sometimes none of my loved ones really have the energy to help me, or even know how, and I need to be heard by someone without feeling like a burden. Journaling helps.
Even though the bone-chilling thought of making a public record of my mental health struggles feels very Zoomer in the worst way. XD
Anyways, bedtime. GF and I are relaxing our mutual isolation since we're both feeling better, so I'll stop having to handle all this at arm's length from her, which will help.
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Have you ever noticed how just when you're struggling with a particular emotional lesson, you'll stumble across a work of media that perfectly guides you through that lesson and helps you gain catharsis? Or you'll run into someone who seems to learn the same lesson, allowing you to counsel both them and yourself? I have a pet theory that our problems tend to be a lot more universal than we think, and it's less about finding the right solution so much as finding one of the many viable solutions that clicks with us in that moment. There's no "one perfect thing to say" when someone's struggling. There's many things you can say that can help, provided you're able to relate to their issues on some level.
Anyways, I rewatched the pottery episode of Community's first season and it made me feel things.
I'm going to work on my portfolio tomorrow, and I'll try to get a job application, and I won't get accepted because there are going to be many people better than me. And that's okay, because I'll make sure they at least have to think about it first. I'll work on one of the three publication ideas I have, and I'll publish at least one of them, and... honestly, it's going to be great, I'm very excited about my ideas. There will be flaws, though, and marks of my inexperience, and that's fine, too.
I want to take things slower. I want to lower the stakes. I can't do these day-long spirals anymore.
Gosh, this thread must seem like a real one-kobold soap opera/after school special next to the House of Respite or Ramblin' Man. Sometimes none of my loved ones really have the energy to help me, or even know how, and I need to be heard by someone without feeling like a burden. Journaling helps.
Even though the bone-chilling thought of making a public record of my mental health struggles feels very Zoomer in the worst way. XD
Anyways, bedtime. GF and I are relaxing our mutual isolation since we're both feeling better, so I'll stop having to handle all this at arm's length from her, which will help.
also the mwangi expanse book is SO GOOD HOLY S#!+
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My New Year's Resolution is to care less. I'm aiming for an about 60% reduction in caring. I set every challenge's stakes at "either I'm perfect or I'm a piece of trash". I don't even want to say how much time I spend checking to see if posts I make get Favorites. It's insane, self-destructive behavior. So I'm going to try to start not caring so much about when I mess up. Because, like, geez.
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Have you ever noticed how just when you're struggling with a particular emotional lesson, you'll stumble across a work of media that perfectly guides you through that lesson and helps you gain catharsis?
It's why I watch anime, yes.
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And speaking of anime...
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... okay, so I discovered this morning that I haven't been talking the Adderall for almost a solid month.
I didn't notice because my partner started filling my pill counter for me, and she didn't know I'd gone back on it.
So that's a bit of a twist in all this!
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Oh, heavens, I posted last night's screed three times. Sorry about that.
This thread has been a little too Sad Monologue lately for my liking. What's everyone up to?
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I went into town to buy some bits & bobs. The charity shop (what US folks would call a thrift store) had a book about the Ismaili assassins of the middle ages, and a big old compendium of English legends, so I bought them both.
I did some gardening, and also painted my two-handed sword black to prepare it for being turned into STORMBRINGER, then did some exercise, then played the guitar and phoned my partner for a chat.
That's super cool! My girlfriend and I are thinking about reburbishing an office chair we got from the garbage. It's surprisingly not that hard to refurbish one.
Saw the Eternals tonight. I enjoyed it. It was a deeper, more emotional, less combatty film then the other MCU pictures. I get all the criticisms, I do, but it is still its own thing and some really good performances.
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TFW you realize the only writing credits you can put in the portfolio are from the early Trump years and they aren't remotely up to your own standards anymore.
The good news is, that's excellent encouragement to try to get some more recent stuff published sooner rather than later.
Bearing many shared characteristics with moths and butterflies, the dopterinne are a people cursed for their reckless explorations with magical energies they cannot control. Illusion magic wafts from their wings like dust in the wind, and divination magic leaks from their antennae like steam from a kettle. Though the dopterinne are known for their delicate natures, many still choose lives of adventure, still drawn to danger in their pursuit of power, knowledge, or simple excitement. The dopterinne know quite well that their cultural practices are inclined towards self-destruction. They just can’t help themselves.
Today I worked on the ancestry collection I want to publish, which will include mothpeople, beepeople, the fiendish equivalent to gnomes, a new construct race of life-size wind-up dolls who serve as prisons for demonic spirits, and some others. I also worked on drawing together publications I can use for the portfolio. I feel pretty decent about it.
I still don't really understand portfolios, and I sent a bunch of probably-dumb questions to some people clarifying about them, but I'm sure I'll understand enough by tomorrow to at least put something together. The stakes are low.
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Today I worked on the ancestry collection I want to publish, which will include mothpeople, beepeople, the fiendish equivalent to gnomes, a new construct race of life-size wind-up dolls who serve as prisons for demonic spirits, and some others. I also worked on drawing together publications I can use for the portfolio. I feel pretty decent about it.
I thought 'the fiendish equivalent to gnomes' was goblins? :)
Today I worked on the ancestry collection I want to publish, which will include mothpeople, beepeople, the fiendish equivalent to gnomes, a new construct race of life-size wind-up dolls who serve as prisons for demonic spirits, and some others. I also worked on drawing together publications I can use for the portfolio. I feel pretty decent about it.I thought 'the fiendish equivalent to gnomes' was goblins? :)
Nope! Gremlins!!!
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I more meant as in "ex-fiends still struggling to adjust to life on the Material Place". Basically, they were trickster devils who got caught up in the "trickster" part of their job description and drifted away from the "devil" part to the extent that Asmodeus had to kick them out. :P
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I more meant as in "ex-fiends still struggling to adjust to life on the Material Place". Basically, they were trickster devils who got caught up in the "trickster" part of their job description and drifted away from the "devil" part to the extent that Asmodeus had to kick them out. :P
I can see Asmodeus being all put out with them. "Yes, fine, it's 'funny,' but where's the cruelty? The suffering? The perpetuation of misery? These are just harmless pranks, which is *not* what I made you for!"
"Also, I distinctly did not give you permission to sing songs about how much you *enjoy* your work. Honestly, your attitude isn't going to work out around here. You're bringing the whole place up and I can't have that. This is Hell. We have standards!"
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"What's this about making a bet with a fiddler? What does this have to do with the corruption of innocence?? oh my not-heavens please put down the panpipes and answer me you f*!+ing weirdos"
I can see Asmodeus being all put out with them. "Yes, fine, it's 'funny,' but where's the cruelty? The suffering? The perpetuation of misery? These are just harmless pranks, which is *not* what I made you for!""Also, I distinctly did not give you permission to sing songs about how much you *enjoy* your work. Honestly, your attitude isn't going to work out around here. You're bringing the whole place up and I can't have that. This is Hell. We have standards!"
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Started on the resume today. It's been a long time since I've had to think about a resume. I'm pretty happy with it, but I'll give it another couple passes tomorrow and turn to the cover letter.
My portfolio's gonna be a little awkward. Sucks to have every published work of mine so far be in my deadname. But, well, I'm pretty used to it.
I'm doing well. Got a decent amount done today and yesterday. Things feel very stable, which is probably a sign that my upcoming "we need to talk" I've been putting off having with Bellevue Girlfriend is going to go badly to balance things out.
Good night, all!
Oh, last thought: Is it just me, or is Pathfinder way less fanservicey nowadays than they used to be? I feel like I'm always asking this. I have mixed feelings about it, but I'm not even sure if it's just in my head. Maybe I'm desensitized.
Oh, last thought: Is it just me, or is Pathfinder way less fanservicey nowadays than they used to be? I feel like I'm always asking this. I have mixed feelings about it, but I'm not even sure if it's just in my head. Maybe I'm desensitized.
Can you elaborate? I'm not sure what you mean.
Oh, last thought: Is it just me, or is Pathfinder way less fanservicey nowadays than they used to be? I feel like I'm always asking this. I have mixed feelings about it, but I'm not even sure if it's just in my head. Maybe I'm desensitized.
it is.
The lack of cheesecake is part of what makes me less interested in Pathfinder Second Edition.
