Ive beeen playing and watching table top rpg games for several months now and ive heard some wrather.....interesting quotes during from various campaigns. Some funnyx some odd and some bring up several questions. Id like to know some of your favorite quotes from any campaign youve played in or watched. Here are some of mine:
"I am ypur god now. Eat of my fruits. Long may i reign" (rip molly)
"Desna has asked that you make a young boys dreams come true" *laughter insues* "thays the perfect quest for kora"
"Ask him where hes hiding his secret doors" (rip ymp) *just a side note he actually found one*
There have been some funny ones but all the ones I'm thinking of require context. for example
DM: "The wemic is asleep...."
PC: "uh, but wasn't he charging the enemy last round?"
DM: "yes, yes he was, but he's asleep now"
Context: I had a player who struggled to stay awake late at night. After several sessions of this happening, instead of grinding things to a halt to wake up said player and catch them up on what was happening (only for them to doze off again 10 min. later) I ruled that if a player fell asleep and it was their turn then their character was also asleep. Said player was playing a wemic, in game it was decided that the wemic suffered from narcolepsy. Generally, it wasn't too big of an issue, but in this particular combat the bad guy was running away and the player had taken off after him. Instead of catching him the wemic fell asleep during midcharge.
This has resulted in so much infamy that locally it's now referred to as wemicing.
Had a friend who wrote some of our groups best quotes:
(Also to note for the 'kupo' parts, I was allowed to play a custom made Moogle, and well... yeah... that happened)
>"Forget the spells, just swing that staff!"
>"OH NO THAT WAS A LOAD BEARING GOBLIN"
>"I speak for the trees" "Well I speak for the lions" "You just make the Lorax as your next character 'I'm making a druid' 'why?' 'because I speak with trees'"
>[whispering] "I don't know what that is, kupo"
>"You have knowledges out the wazoo, you can tell us everything about it" "Maybe"
>"I'M GONNA BE CARRIED....away.....by the water."
>"It's a door, you can't get past it!" "What about now?" [slides a $20]
>“I WILL PAY YOU IF YOU LET ME PET YOUR PUPPY, kupo!”
>“We captured this undead scum!” “THAT’S RACIST, kupo!”
>"If it's a portal, and I'm right, and you fall into it, you're gone." "Don't worry about that."
>"THE OOZE IS GOING THE DISTANCE"
>"I'm gonna scream in Infernal into the hole 'f*** off' " [From inside the hole] "I HEARD THAT"
>"Holy s*** I can roll a two"
>"HOLY S*** THE ROCK GAINED SENTIENCE" "IT BECAME FRIENDS WITH THE OTHER ROCKS" "Tired me was about to ask, what language would rocks speak" "Terran?" "Nah they speak Gnome"
>"WE DEFEATED THE EVIL JELLO!"
>“IT’S A HOLE, KUPO!”
_____________________
Also from a separate campaign, an argument between our Halfling Witch and my Kobold Bard:
HW: "I don't think we've properly met; My name is [----], and I'm dating a god."
KB: "Mmmm.... no.... you're far to short for that." [Walks Away]
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Most of the better ones I've heard (or dropped) over the years have been lifted from other sources... the examples below include quotes from many appropriated sources, including Preacher, Farscape, and a political cartoon from Finland about the Winter War.
Some work fairly well without context...
"This plan is so bad it has to be ours."
"I still say we won, dammit!"
"This? This is a branding iron. And you're gonna remember this next bit until the day you die."
"There ain't worse than me in all of Hell. Go and look."
Others need more detail:
"Well that's takin' a hell of a lot for granted."- Said by the party's alchemist when someone else said, "okay, after we take out the dragon, we'll do ____"
Also, there's this old thing.
In a 4E game, another player was a arcane PC who who liked to set everything on fire. Since they had good fire resist, they often would set fire to an area that included them. He also played a smaller race.
Once, when this happened, I bust out with:
Someone call 911, 'cause shorty's burning
Of course, the song was currently popular.
/cevah
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From a Call of Cthulhu game back set in WWII around 2002 or so. Party was the last survivors of some sort of hideous creature from beyond that was approaching fast. Cornered at the bow of the ship it looked like curtains for us. Then a German U-Boat surfaces and one of the players shouts, "It's the Nazis! We're saved!"
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The paladin: "I'd rather not see our good friend rise as some sort of undead abomination... we'd better stuff him down the toilet."
The paladin: "I'd rather not see our good friend rise as some sort of undead abomination... we'd better stuff him down the toilet."
I need more context this is amazing.
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The rogue had just been killed by a ghost/specter/some sort of undead on a mountain pass.
We were... level 7 or so. We had no way to resurrect him or put him to rest permanently, but we had this magic mirror the size of a french door that lead to a extra dimensional house. Sort of like a permanent mirror hideaway.
Half the challenges in that campaign came from the question: but what do we do with the mirror? We'd drag it with us on a sled, strap it to a golem with padding and try to tumble down a mountain, tear up the floorboards of a house to hide it from thieves...
Point is, the bathroom inside had essentially a pit toilet. The closest the bard got to identifying what was at the bottom was that it was either A) a portal to the astral plane, or B) a sphere of annihilation.
So, rather than deal with a fellow party member that may or may not have risen as an undead, the paladin ended up stuffing the rogue's body down the toilet with a broom while the rest of the party watched on in horrified fascination.