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Hello chums! I've written a funny fantasy book for all, it's about goblins and is available now at amazon - huzzah!
"A woman who knows everything and is never wrong, and a goblin king who cannot abide being corrected join forces to try and save the goblins from being squashed by naughty giants! Join award winning writer Richard Pett in this funny fantasy novel about the most cowardly, selfish, weak and vicious little blighters that live in the Great Forest..."
Once upon a time, there were no goblins.
Most goblins agree this was an unacceptable state of affairs; far too quiet and not enough violence. Not nearly enough violence. And without anyone to start all the fires or eat all the stuff that needed eating, boring too! And who would want to live somewhere boring? So, then there were goblins!
But now, some naughty giants want to squash all the goblins and bring back those terribly boring days.
A mysterious and frighteningly well-informed Wise Wench, an udder-obsessed Goblin King, and a pair of reluctant and, frankly, repulsive goblin "heroes" stand in their way.
Let the chaos begin!
Goblins! - The Adventure of the Wise Wench - is available for your immediate enjoyment at the sites below, as are the opening chapters which are absolutely free, huzzah! If you enjoy them, think what a fine and totally unexpected early Christmas gift the novel would make for you, and be an ideal start to reaping extra goodies in the coming weeks.
She's available here.
And in the place of the Very Special Lady.
Thank you for looking, hope you enjoy and get ready for some side splitting goblin naughtiness!
Mnaaarr!
Rich
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Purchased!
Thank you Joana! Hope you like it and would do me the pleasure of reviewing. Hoorah, watch out for those pesky giants!
Yarp!
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The forest is being felled by giants as we speak JoelF847, I’ll post when they’ve stripped the bark and etched the runes, and thank you!
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All Sharks' Eve. My new favorite holiday.
Where all goblins rightly give thanks to the gods that sharks do not have legs.....
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Finished it yesterday! It made me nostalgic for my We Be Goblins! PC. I'll be recommending the book to all the people I played We Be Goblins! with.
Huzzah! Really glad you liked it! Any reviews gratefully received Joana and thank you very, very much!
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I, too, am looking forward to the dead tree version of this. o wo I haven't read as much of your stuff as I'd like, Mr. Pett, but The Blight is fantastic and this sounds like you've continued the (crazy) fun. XD
Thank you for your support Rednal, I really appreciate it.
I'll post something up here soon, the proofs are being worked on and in the meantime some reviews have started coming in which is awesome. And thank you about the Blight, I'm really, really proud of that bloated lady. You might be interested to know that I have a trio of adventures growing on my computer under a line I'm calling 'around a crooked corner' that'll also include strange and disturbing events and encounters. They are very Blight, in fact they're very, very Blight - I'll be putting some suggestions for Blight campaign locations and tie-ins. The first is called Crooksmile, again I'll flag it up once something is available.
Huzzah!
Rich
And as Joana rightly pointed out on other posts, please be aware that Goblins! is not anything official from Paizo, they have their own awesome fiction which I'm sure you've tried, and if not please have a look, they have some fantastic stories.
This is just Pett goblins, which my lovely chums at Paizo were good enough to let me make a mention of here.
Mnaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr!
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Just a quick update, the draft print version is ready, just need to give it final approval so hopefully before the weekend is out those puppies are heading back to papa. Once I have them I’ll post a link to purchase, huzzah!
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Huzzah! I'll feel much better having a physical copy to read. XD
Also, I may want to see what happens if I put it next to The Blight on my shelf. Who knows what might ooze up between them?
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Excellent! My daughter has already read my Kindle version, and my son has started it, but I know other people who only read physical books.
Great stuff, I'll post up here as soon as I know anything. In the meantime if anyone has read it and would be kind enough to do a review that would be awesomely helpful. There are as amazon boasts over 1 million kindle books, getting my poor little goblins noticed is the biggest challenge they face and reviews are up there as super helpful.
Huzzah!
Rich
It'll definitely be eaten Rednal, just not sure who would eat who;)
Joana, something useful if you don't mind a question. Al Rigg (an excellent chap) who edited it is a big Geordie without kids (so far) and we've not got kids so we've tried desperately to remove anything that might cause offence, but we're just 2 British blokes, could you give me your thoughts about how wide the age-range is if you get a mo? That would be super-helpful as I'll flag that up in the blurb.
Many thanks.
Rich
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Goblins cannot read!
They need to wait for the paper versions so that it can be properly set on fire!
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Joana, something useful if you don't mind a question. Al Rigg (an excellent chap) who edited it is a big Geordie without kids (so far) and we've not got kids so we've tried desperately to remove anything that might cause offence, but we're just 2 British blokes, could you give me your thoughts about how wide the age-range is if you get a mo? That would be super-helpful as I'll flag that up in the blurb.
Many thanks.
Rich
Sorry for the delayed response! The holiday season is getting to me.
My kids are fifteen and twelve, so not that young, but I didn't run into anything in the narrative that concerned me from a "parental guidance" perspective. I think that anyone too young for the book would be so because they weren't on a reading level to keep up with the story from a narrative basis.
I'd say if a kid can read Harry Potter or watch The Princess Bride, Goblins! would be absolutely fine. Maybe age 10 and up? Middle-schoolish?
That’s fab thank you Joana! It’s really helpful to know and perfect timing as I’ve a weekend chasing reviews so I can give a bit more info, huzzah!
Rich
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They’re here...more later...
They’re here...more later...
Have any burst into flame yet?
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Do you know Lord Fyre, there has been the oddest smell of smouldering at Pett Towers lately...
Huzzah! I have a signed, limited edition of the first print run available for posting right now! One little goblin has even run as far as Brazil, so do whiz over quick if you want a copy of the first print run. Dash as fast as you can to here! and shout...
Mnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
The Goblins are Spreading! Goblins are now found as far afield as India, Australia, Canada and the USA. Quite a few of you lovely folks have been sending some spiffing feedback, thank you kindly, but please do put up reviews in as many places as you can, reviews spread the word and increase the number of goblins! Goodreads is good, Amazon is better!
I've literally a half handful of first edition prints left, so if you want one of the first, please whizz me an email at crookedplace@hotmail.co.uk, more information on this page.
Beware Queen Quench!
Huzzah!
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Some of my favourite quotes from reviews so far...
' I'd expected a few giggles but Goblins! The Adventure of the Wise Wench has some real laugh out loud moments'
'Pett leaves the door wide open for a sequel -- indeed, the Wise Wench at one point confuses this quest with one that she and Urgh will be on in the future -- and if it comes to be, I will be first in line to read it.'
' I was persuaded to read it because it has footnotes. I am enchanted by footnotes in fiction (I quite like them in text books too) - think Terry Pratchett, or Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell.'
'Any book featuring the line “Bring me the nasal siege pliers” is surely worth investigating'
Thank you everyone who has taken time to review Goblins so far, I'm looking forward to seeing more soon.
Huzzah!
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Wooooooooooooooooot!!!!!
Proper Dead Tree Burnt Version is here !
At last! The Great Mole has spoken and commanded she be a book with proper pages too. Goblins! the paperback is now available, the Great Forest has been felled (and burnt quite a bit to be honest, heh heh) in readiness. Please share, please order, please get your fins and shark costumes ready for All-Sharks Eve!
Huzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
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Purchased for my husband who doesn't read on screens!
Purchased for my husband who doesn't read on screens!
Mnaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr!
Thank you Joana!
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And four more for gifts for my gaming group.
Wooooooooooooot!
Ah thank you kindly Joana, made my day!
Rich
Hello chums,
just a quick reminder that Goblins! The Adventure of the Wise Wench is now available on print on demand at Amazon for $12.50 in the US and £9.50 in the UK.
The little replusive squirts are selling very nicely, thank you to everyone who is supporting this 'grotesque' and 'mad and hilarious' book, as the reviews are saying.
Huzzah! Thank you kindly everyone!
Rich
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My husband finished the book when we were on vacation last weekend. I believe that makes Goblins! the second book everyone in the family has read. (The first was The Martian, the classroom edition for my kids. It's a great story, but there's no way I'm handing that book to a kid; it has more F-words than Alien 3.)
Hoorah!
Blimmey and Alien 3 is properly swearbloated...
Hope he liked it Joana!
Rich
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Gosh, during a promotion this weekend those pesky goblins managed to sneak into the top 20 sword and sorcery chart at amazon, huzzah!
And now Spain has been infested by one of the little blighters!
Yarp.
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Hooorah!
Just to let you lovely folks know that you can now borrow the wickedly funny Goblins! The Adventure of the Wise Wench novel through kindle unlimited for free!
Huzzah!
Huzzah! Please post a review or two if you have a mo mariopepper! And thank you very kindly.
Really great to see folks feverishly reading Goblins at the kindle library, where of course the wee beasties and their demonic poultry, beatific glove puppets and the endlessly correct (in his own mind at least) Goblin King await further discovery, please do head over and enjoy if you’re a member and have a happy goblin Christmas, yarp!
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Really great to see folks feverishly reading Goblins at the kindle library, where of course the wee beasties and their demonic poultry, beatific glove puppets and the endlessly correct (in his own mind at least) Goblin King await further discovery, please do head over and enjoy if you’re a member and have a happy goblin Christmas, yarp!
But the Goblins will BURN the Kindle Library.