Blistering Invective examples?

[crashcanuck]

So I've fallen in love with the spell Blistering Invective for my PFS Inquisitor but I want to have something prepared in case my usual GM asks me to roleplay the tirade that is associated with the spell. Anyone have a good example? Links or text are welcome.

[Captain Morgan]

I think to use it for greatest comedic effect you need to pull a Night Watch and not actually use any profanity (listen to me you worthless sons of mothers!) or invest in a buzzer that will make "bleep" sounds on demand.

[Wasum]

Google: Battle Rap

[Kris Verschaeve]

Look no further than this classic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FplVJuHl0p8

[Charon's Little Helper]

Remember that you only get a few seconds.

I'd suggest fire based threats/puns.

"I'm too hot for you!"

"Mess with me and you'll get burned!"

"Out of the frying pan..."

"You make my blood boil!"

"You're fired!"

[quibblemuch]

"Billions of billious barbecued blue blistering barnacles!"

Also, anything R. Lee Erney says in Full Metal Jacket.

[DebugAMP]

As captain morgan said, get a buzzer to make a long BEEEEP sound, but also get a black card with 'CENSORED' written on it in white text and hold it over your mouth.

Usually when I use blistering invective I decide I'm going to do it at the end of a turn and give myself the round of combat to decide on my tirade.

[Rysky]

Channel Donald Duck.

[quibblemuch]

Rysky wrote:

Channel Donald Duck.

Or an entirely different (NSFW) duck. A Duckman, if you will..

[Kryzbyn]

I play an inquisitor of Osiris in Mummy's Mask, and just used this spell for the first time, against a cultist. He was interrogating him and he got all smug, which irritated my character...
"You cultists. You work towards things you can't possibly grasp, and accept the most horrible things to be done to you in the name of some dead pharoah. You unleash mindless undead in your wake and threaten the innocent citizens, and you DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU'RE DOING IT! YOU ARE A DISEASE! ORISRIS SEES! OSIRIS JUDGES! OSIRIS CLEANSE YOU FROM THIS WORLD!"

Funny thing...he took max damage and almost died from it...

[Torbyne]

While its funny to think you are just swearing as normal, the spell goes off and is done in three seconds. i always imagined that meant it was a magically condensed jumble that only your enemies could unpack and to anyone else they would react as if they just heard a much longer and sense making tirade but they couldnt remember anything specific you just said. I doubt think many people could come up with something that would do justice to magical swearing that sets things on fire. and even then, it would probably lose its impact the 8th time you said it.

[Claxon]

R Lee Ermey

[Cavall]

Anything from Cartman's mouth in the Southpark movie

[Mr_Outsidevoice]

"Kal, son of Jor-El! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!"

"You just opened up a frothy keg of whup-ass"

"You are not worthy of my mercy"

[Sarabel Hieronymus]

You so stupid, you had to take Skill Focus Linguistics to understand this joke.

[Sarabel Hieronymus]

Your eidolon so ugly, it makes a four-armed mutant sahuagin look like a movanic deva angel.

[The Shifty Mongoose]

What religion is your inquisitor? If it's Sarenrae, you could just howl out something like, "SUNBUURRRN!!"

If you're a skald, you could always just yell, growl, or strike a chord and your foes become your own pyrotechnics.

[andygal]

You so ugly when you were born the midwife slapped your mother!

[Davor Firetusk]

I always enjoy the challenge of trying to customize a good insult to the circumstances.

[crashcanuck]

The Shifty Mongoose wrote:

What religion is your inquisitor? If it's Sarenrae, you could just howl out something like, "SUNBUURRRN!!"

If you're a skald, you could always just yell, growl, or strike a chord and your foes become your own pyrotechnics.

He's an Inquisitor of Ragathiel

[Just a Mort]

Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!

[Ventnor]

crashcanuck wrote:

The Shifty Mongoose wrote:

What religion is your inquisitor? If it's Sarenrae, you could just howl out something like, "SUNBUURRRN!!"

If you're a skald, you could always just yell, growl, or strike a chord and your foes become your own pyrotechnics.

He's an Inquisitor of Ragathiel

You could try screaming "I AM VENGEANCE! I AM THE KNIGHT!"

[The Shaman]

"How does it feel to have all that evil inside of you? All their power, all their souls, a thousand souls to burn. Look into my eyes, your soul is stained by the blood of the innocent, Feel their pain!"

"When you spilt innocent blood, it was my father's blood... and I am here. A spirit of vengeance... fighting fire with fire."

[The Shifty Mongoose]

Perhaps something like, "Burn with the fires of Heaven this time!"? Or simply, "Redeem or die!"?

[PCScipio]

"You will perish in flames!" -Louis Tully/ Vinz Clortho :)