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I know, I know… Another thread asking for help with problem players or problem GMs. There should be a whole sub-forum dedicated to just this.
Anyhow.
I just moved long distance. Luckily, I was able to find a group that role-plays days after arriving at my new home. Score! However, there are some really bizarre dynamics in the group, and I was wondering of my wise forum friends could help me out.
The first issue - and for me, the hardest to grok - is that game night involves everyone associated with the group. One player has a spouse, an elderly parent, and 4 children (aged 12 to 18). Only he and one kid play. However, the whole crew comes to game night. Another player only plays board games, but still shows up at game night and brings his significant other and her child, neither of whom play any game at all. Every member of the group has this sort of thing going on to some extent or another.
I'm the new guy. I realize that. But they want me to DM, and for me, all of these additional people are a huge distraction/mood killer. Add to that the fact that the game is going to be held at my house, where I feel extremely rude not playing the part of proper host. (Let alone not having anything fun for kids to do.)
I plan on having a discussion tomorrow with the group as part of my "session 0" with the goal of establishing desires for and expectations of a game, but I'm not sure how to broach this topic specifically. Is there a nice way to say "All right guys, you have to limit camp-followers to the absolute minimum"?
The next issue is preference of game. There is one player that will be joining us who hates, HATES, HATES all things D&D, and she considers Pathfinder to be nothing but D&D with a new name. Further, she feels even more strongly about the use of minis and maps in the game. The other players are either ambivalent toward minis and maps or prefer them, but the group has been playing for several months without these props to mollify the player. (note: I use both in my game, and I'm not willing to budge on this issue.) I strongly suspect that the player is not going to enjoy the game, but she insists that she wants to play even though it is a setting, system, and style she won't like. Any words of wisdom for this?
What I do know:
• Obviously there are going to be differences of expectation and desire (hence tomorrows talk)
• The best option is to discuss things in a mature and open manner
• There's no pleasing everybody
What I don't know
• How to discuss the family/extras issue while making clear that it's not the player's families I mind and without completely shutting the player off (the guy with the largest number of non-players at the sessions has an awesome family and I enjoy them all when I'm not gaming. His boys are hilarious.)
• How to get a bunch of introverts to be honest and forthcoming with their desires for the game
• How to reach a compromise with the player who wants to play but despises everything my game represents
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In the end, I'm mostly just grousing and looking for a place to focus my anxiety (I'm a socially awkward introvert myself, after all). Any wisdom pertaining to dealing with such a gaming shock, however, would be greatly appreciated.
This I submit to you all, oh wise and powerful players of Pathfinder!
This is my greatest gaming fear; having to find a new group should my group of nearly 30 years disband. I've seen too many groups like this; full of camp followers, like you said. They are distracting. Very much so. And the guy who only plays board games. Why is he there? And the woman who refuses to play D&D at all-you just need to tell her that the primary game is D&D or Pathfinder and she can either play or not.
I'm more introverted than extroverted and it would be hard for me to confront anyone, but there seems to be a couple of folks here that are just guaranteed to be disruptive and unhappy with anything you do. And the non gamers will get bored and become distracting. My advice is to sit the whole group down, explain what you expect, and remove the chaff from the wheat. You're not invested in them as long time friends and I predict misery and anguish if you don't get some new folks in there who want to play and have fun with it.
Let me get this straight:
1. You are joining an existing group and they want you to immediately GM.
2. They also want to meet at your house and bring 8+ people not involved in the game with them.
3. One of the players hates the idea of Pathfinder and the other group members work around it.
How sure are you that you want to be a part of this? I'm sure you can meet other people in your area through your friendly local gaming store or online forums that won't present any of these issues let alone all three.
It is your game and your house, so it is your rules in both cases.
Be firm. You have all rights to reject any extras and say that because of your work and effort of being GM, you expect them to bring all food and drinks for the session .
If they won't compromise, they only wan't hang there with your sustenance.
Dude, don't even bother. The deck is stacked against you and nothing but grief will come of this nightmare scenario. And if you bring your grievances to the table they WILL resent you (especial because one of the issue is family). Even as a player I would bail.
What I don't know
• How to discuss the family/extras issue while making clear that it's not the player's families I mind and without completely shutting the player off (the guy with the largest number of non-players at the sessions has an awesome family and I enjoy them all when I'm not gaming. His boys are hilarious.)
Just tell him that. Flat out - 'Your family is awesome and I enjoy spending time with them but game night just isn't the right setting.' Maybe you could work out some kind of 'family day' outside of game night for everyone to visit (if that becomes important)
• How to get a bunch of introverts to be honest and forthcoming with their desires for the game
Your game hater will likely try to talk over most of them. Don't let her. If she interrupts stop her cold and say "I'm sorry [name] but [other name] was speaking/had a point to make/wanted to add something. Thanks." Then look away from her and towards the person she interrupted.
• How to reach a compromise with the player who wants to play but despises everything my game represents
You likely can't and she will be a constant irritant. Just a prediction based on previous experience but one I would stand by.
Good luck Shining One - I don't envy this group you've found they seem like a lot more work than I would be willing to put in (especially for having just joined and they want you to DM). Please let us know how things work out tomorrow.
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Maybe most of these problems could be solved by you asking not to start GMing immediately. Say that you are not really secure enough to manage that so soon, given that you are the newcomer. This way, choosing the game system and the house where everything will take place is not up to you anymore. Show up as a player for some months, and see how things work out for you. If the situation seems tolerable, perhaps solutions will present themselves after you get to know the group as a whole and the people as individuals better. If the dynamic doesn't work for you as a player in somebody else's house, then the chances of it working with you as GM in your own house are rather minimal.
So I think the best course of action is to apologize, clarify you are not up to the task of GMing right away, and see how things work out from there. As it stands, it sounds to me like you might be taking too much of a plunge into uncertain waters.
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Thanks for your help folks. :-)
So good news, the person with the family that comes along was amenable to not having them come along. The bad news is he has to talk to his wife to make sure it will be all right in the future.
The group was good with my insistence that they not bring new players in the future without letting me know - also a big win. (This phenomenon was mostly from a player who is brand new to roleplaying games, and so perhaps doesn't understand that the GM plans for a certain number of people.)
Sadly, the player who hates all things D&D was not at the game yesterday because her son was sick, which means that I still didn't get to have a discussion with her. She and her husband both play, and I fear that if she decides not to play, she'll forbid him from playing as well. C'est la vie, right? :-(
