A Brit, a Frenchman, an American, and his lawyer were having lunch at the terrace cafe of a mountainside resort.
The Brit said, "In England, we make the best beer in the world! Our beer is so excellent and plentiful, that I can afford to do this!" He tosses his glass of English ale over the railing, where it falls a thousand feet to the valley below.
The Frenchman said, "In France, we make the best cheese in the world! Our cheese is so excellent and plentiful, that I can afford to do that too!" He tosses his plate of French cheese over the railing.
The American says, "I can do that too!" and pushes his lawyer over the railing.
sorry
Here's a Canadian one
Canada could have had the best of three peoples - American business sense, British culture and French cuisine.
What did we end up with?
American culture, British cuisine and French business sense!
OK - so more of a multi-cultural joke but...
Apologies if this one's a repeat:
What's the difference between heaven and hell?
In heaven, the chefs are French, the mechanics are German, and the police are British.
In hell, the cooks are British, the mechanics are French, and the police are German.
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The version I heard of that one is:
They say that in heaven, the French are the chefs, the British are the police, the Germans are the engineers, the Swiss are the bankers, and the Italians are the lovers.
They say that in hell, the English are the chefs, the Germans are the police, the French are the engineers, the Italians are the bankers, and the Swiss are the lovers.
Dan Savage on why the United States is so messed up about sex: "Australia got the convicts, Canada got the French, and we got the Puritans."
Boobs are good.
Dan Savage on why the United States is so messed up about sex: "Australia got the convicts, Canada got the French, and we got the Puritans."
so America came in second...
That comes from a radio show called Morning Side with Peter Gzowski. He's probably one of the most recognized Canadian radio personalities and his radio show was probably the most loved radio show for years. Both Peter and the young lady who came up with that quote (Heather Scott?) are dead now I believe.I'm transgressing the 49th Parallel here a bit, but out of appreciation instead of malice.
I read in an article about a Canadian radio station or newspaper (I can't remember which) that ran an ad soliciting a Canadian equivalent to the expression "as American as apple pie". Out of thousands of entries the winner was" "As Canadian as possible, given the circumstances". Brilliant in my opinion
Gzowski? Very Canadian name. As long as one looks for Canadian of Polish descent...
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Dan Savage on why the United States is so messed up about sex: "Australia got the convicts, Canada got the French, and we got the Puritans."so America came in second...
Oh c'mon - the French aren't *that* bad!
Gzowski? Very Canadian name. As long as one looks for Canadian of Polish descent...That comes from a radio show called Morning Side with Peter Gzowski. He's probably one of the most recognized Canadian radio personalities and his radio show was probably the most loved radio show for years. Both Peter and the young lady who came up with that quote (Heather Scott?) are dead now I believe.I'm transgressing the 49th Parallel here a bit, but out of appreciation instead of malice.
I read in an article about a Canadian radio station or newspaper (I can't remember which) that ran an ad soliciting a Canadian equivalent to the expression "as American as apple pie". Out of thousands of entries the winner was" "As Canadian as possible, given the circumstances". Brilliant in my opinion
Lots of Polish immigrants in Australia as well, our highest mountain is called Mount Kosciuszko, Polish people are considered brave (serving beside Australians in North Africa in WWII) and hardworking a lot of immigrant s came out after the war and worked very hard. We get perplexed by the Polish jokes made by Americans.
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Lots of Polish immigrants in Australia as well, our highest mountain is called Mount Kosciuszko, Polish people are considered brave (serving beside Australians in North Africa in WWII) and hardworking a lot of immigrant s came out after the war and worked very hard. We get perplexed by the Polish jokes made by Americans.
There are a lot of Polish jokes in Germany as well, casting the Polish generally as a lazy, thieving lot. One goes like that: Why does a russian car thief has to steal two cars if he wants one? Because he has to cross Poland on his way back... The sad thing about that is that there are really eastern european car thieving gangs, stealing certain car models here and bringing them to whereever to take them apart and sell the parts. IIRC, the VW Bus/Transporter (minivan) is a main target.
Yeah, in early to middle nineties it was bristling trade. It became less and less profitable later so it slowly receded but never stopped.
Lots of Polish immigrants in Australia as well, our highest mountain is called Mount Kosciuszko, Polish people are considered brave (serving beside Australians in North Africa in WWII)Paweł Strzelecki explored and named lots of Australian areas.
And Polish, Canadian, Australian and/or New Zealand troops were often sent to hold/attack area together.
In the US at least, ethnic jokes about about people of European ancestry tend to be aimed at the most recent wave of immigrants. Such jokes are usually about the out-group being stupid, naive, backward, or awkwardly ignorant of mainstream culture. Many of the same jokes that were told about the Polish in the 1960s had been told about the Irish in the 1920s, or the Germans in the 1890s. With changes to immigration patterns in the 1970s, large numbers of European immigrants stopped arriving, and some of the jokes just ossified aimed at the most recent identifiable group (I.e. The Poles).
Actually, where I grew up, the target of jokes were the French Canadians, as there had been a very large immigrant population in the 1930s, 40s, and 50s.
Ethnic jokes targeting non-whites, though, are qualitatively different. They tend to be much nastier and extremely racist.
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And a joke...
Five former US presidents are aboard a sinking ship.
Ford says: "Hey! What's happening?"
Reagan says: "It must have been the Russians!"
Carter says: "We should save the women and children!"
Nixon says: "Screw the women!"
Clinton says: "Do we have time?"
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I kinda like black people jokes that tend to center on the stereotype of them being "ahem" gifted.
So here's one. Two black dudes went to a party and had a lot of beer. As they were crossing a river on the way home, and on foot, they decided that it would be an awesome, fun thing to pee off the bridge. So they started peing.
"Damn" says the first one:"The water is awfully cold this night".
"Yeah" says the other one:"And there are some sharp rocks on the bottom".
Also, a Serb joke i always laugh at.
They bring presidents of several countries onto a plane and decide to fly them over their countries to see if they can feel it is their country by sticking their hands out of the plane and touching something.
American president is first. He sticks his hand out of the plane waits a few second and says "this is America",
"How do you know?"
"I just touched the torch on the statue of liberty".
French president sticks his hand out of the plane and nods "This is France"
"How do you Know?"
"I just touched the top of the Eiffel tower".
Serbian president sticks his hand out of the plane and nods "This is Serbia"
"How do you know"
"They stole my watch".
Late Cold War. Americans are sending a super-spy, intelligent, capable, trained, taught Russian with perfect accent, knowing the area and customs. He drops on a parachute in the middle of Russia, hides the parachute, switches to local clothing and goes to nearby town.
Despite all those preparations passing Russians welcome him saying "Hello, comrade American spy." "Welcome comrade American", "Good day to you comrade American spy".
Finally he gives ups and asks what betrayed him. "Was that the accent?" "No, it's perfect" "Were those the clothes?" "No, no, they are perfect."
"So what betrayed me?" "Well, comrade American spy, there are no black-skinned Russians".
Mr Gorbachev and Mr Reagan are meeting at a summit. Russia is in trouble, numbers red across the board.
"Say, mr Reagan... We do have a problem you could help us with. We can't afford condoms, and the factory broke down. Could you help us?"
"Of course. We could airdrop them."
"Just one thing... Russian men are... Well-endowed."
"Okay... How well endowed?"
"No less than eighteen inches."
"Very well, mr Gorbachev, you will have them."
When the airdrops came, the condoms inside were indeed eighteen inches long. And across them was stamped an american flag and the word "Small".
Why did we banish all chickens from our country?
Cause they walk on three fingers.
Three Dalmatians are sitting under a fig tree.
The first one says: ''Aah, they are beautiful.''
Second one: ''If only one fell into my mouth.''
Third one: ''Dear, who's going to chew them for you?''
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Also, a Serb joke i always laugh at.
They bring presidents of several countries onto a plane and decide to fly them over their countries to see if they can feel it is their country by sticking their hands out of the plane and touching something.
American president is first. He sticks his hand out of the plane waits a few second and says "this is America",
"How do you know?"
"I just touched the torch on the statue of liberty".
French president sticks his hand out of the plane and nods "This is France"
"How do you Know?"
"I just touched the top of the Eiffel tower".
Serbian president sticks his hand out of the plane and nods "This is Serbia"
"How do you know"
"They stole my watch".
Interesting. I know this joke was told with Italy, or more specific Milano (then the centre of the European black market) during the '50s.
And the same joke is told in many other countries as well - I heard it about Poland, Ukraine and Russia and some other countries.