If your backyard is 200 square paces, and has 25 small pine cones per square pace embedded in the lawn and under the turf, which take 10 to 20 minutes per square pace to locate and remove, do you clear the pine cones before mowing? Clearing just the pine cones which might catch in the mower blades takes five minutes per square pace.
Because reasons, the following are apparently Not Open for Further Discussion as possible solutions: Establishing a tiger preserve; the use of fire, poison, heavy construction equipment including backhoes and excavator-diggers, any sort of laser or other coherent collimating radiation, radiation in basically any useful or glowing form, any lawnmower bot based on internal combustion powered chainsaws; any solution based on technologies provided by the people who come through the forest on the other side of the fence; any solution that involves strapping anything good (technically "dangerous") to the two-year-old; the importation or use of livestock which require any food except pine cones; the creation of livestock which find pine cones irresistible; establishing a leopard preserve.
Of course you remove all the pine cones, and put them in the
unused, left over cardboard boxes from either A.) your new speakers,and/or B.) recent IKEA furniture purchases. Place the pine cone full
boxes close to a corner in your yard (close enough so from a distance
people would say, "That box full of pine cones is in the corner of your
yard"); but walk up close and you would still be able to comfortably
stand in the actual corner of your yard.
Then, and now, mow your yard. As you mow contemplate the boxes full of
pine cones and wonder if they somehow represent generation,
dissolution, plenty, wealth, agriculture, periodic renewal and
liberation. Be careful not to fall asleep while mowing.
Roman soldiers would gather the bloody weapons of their fallen
enemies. A huge pyre would be built and the weapons would be
sacrificed to a goddess to whom captured weapons were sacrificed
(obviously). The fire would be wonderful. Imagine burning your pine
cones, but do not. Oh no.. do not burn them.
Put your lawn mower away. It has faithfully earned it's Ops (in this
sense, meaning "riches, goods, abundance, gifts, munificence, and plenty")
and it shall dream of high vaulted walls surrounding family-warm sheds.
Sheds in which the shovels and hoes, and that one broken rake join in
harmony singing late night drinking songs set to modern melodies.
Those boxes. The ones you filled with all the pine cones. [ note: at
this point I could actually compute an estimate of the number of pine
cones from your problem description. But, I won't. ]
Move them from the near-corner of your yard to the center of the yard.
Fashion the boxes into a Henge shape -- perhaps mimicking the
Gregorian calendar of celestial events, or perhaps Celtic stuff.
Come to think of it, I don't care.
Realize as the sun rises and sets, and the moon waxes and wanes, that
Cronus is watching you from "somewhere" and he is smiling while
imagining the sweet harvest all those pine cones represent in *some*
time, in *some* place. And, realize you now possess all that brilliant
life (in the form of baby tree eggs.)
Finally, remember you have to mow your lawn again in two weeks.
Or this one, to pull behind your hugh-mongous tractor.
Bonus-wise, their utility is not limited to pinecones, but also includes dog 'problems', bones, small animals, insects, toys, pets, and neighbors.
It also makes julienne fries!
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Ask Uncle Limey.
Uncle Limey says:
"Take the lawn up, put the pinecones under the lawn, then put it down again. Get your whole family to come round and roll on it to level it out, and voila - problem solved. Or just get more pinecones, add them to the pinecones already there, and have pinecones instead of lawn."
Necromancy?
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll it be?" The skeleton says, "A beer and a mop."
42.
Wait. No. Wrong QuesTion. NevErMind. CarRy On.
SIDEWALKS ARE FOR BIKES
Also walking people, presumably.
Where do the little bugs come from?
Well, when a mommy little bug and a daddy little bug love each other very much...
What does a minivan need with a mattress?
One of the football jocks or cheerleaders from high school could tell you, PMG.
SIDEWALKS ARE FOR BIKES
Also walking people, presumably.
Or walking dogs. They complain less about the leash.
Clarification required - are we talking about the sound it makes or the light it gives off.
However, the bat is most seriously upset because that's his lunch getting fried just out of reach of his tiny mouth.
Is the owl upset about the bug zapper?
The owl loves the bug zapper, but the bug zapper doesn't feel the same way. That's why it's upset.
How many towed toad toes could a towed toad toe truck tow if a towed toad toe truck could tow towed toad toes?
Toto know.
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That this exists is... awesome.
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How many loafing loofahs' loaves would love to loath Lolth'S LARPing if loafing loofahs' loaves could loath LARPing Lolth? Buffalo.
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How many toes could a tow truck tow if a tow truck could truck toes?
Reading stories to the boy again? :D
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How many Buffalo buffalo could a Buffalo buffalo buffalo, if a Buffalo buffalo could buffalo Buffalo buffalo?
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How many Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo could a Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo if a Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo could buffalo Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo?
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42.
Can you harden annealed copper by putting it in a paint shaker?
I don't have a paint shaker, so I'm going to go around duct-taping old pennies to chihuahuas and see if that works.
What if the sun was sentient?
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What if the sun was sentient?
If?
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What if the sun was sentient?
Then I would very much like to know why my sacrifices to Shamash have met with no response it all.