Ouch, feel better soon, if you can.
Also, I put up a recruitment, sort of, more of a discuss this, thread for a game that will involve many Queer topics, I anticipate, so look for it if you are interested.
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Thanks to Lissa and KSF for the info. I'm not sure what the problem is. Perhaps the best route is to simply to use the legal name/status for now (however complex), and then make use of the insurance to get the proper counselling/medication.
But it's still frustratingly hard for her to deal with. Practicality over doing what is more just or right has always been a problem for my family.
Still, she's had to go on and off hormones and gotten them from sources I'm not sure about, and insurance will be helpful.
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Yeah, self-medicating scares me. I'm on the board of the local equality center and have volunteered myself as a contact for when people call us about trans* issues. It sends a shiver down my spine every time someone tells me they've been self-medicating. It's important to get tests done regularly to make sure you're not damaging your liver and kidneys.
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Yeah, self-medicating scares me. I'm on the board of the local equality center and have volunteered myself as a contact for when people call us about trans* issues. It sends a shiver down my spine every time someone tells me they've been self-medicating. It's important to get tests done regularly to make sure you're not damaging your liver and kidneys.
Well, I can see it. I am not a doctor, so grain of salt and such, but...
Most of our medications aren't terrible on the liver, thank goodness. Premarin maybe if that's the only kind of estrogen you can get but I've been routinely told by at least two physicians that other oral estrogens aren't too tough on the liver but if you can get patches or shots, it's way better(mine is a shot). And all estrogens increase clotting which increases the chance for stroke, heart attack or other problems caused by blood clots in the circulatory system.
Spironolactone has a few problems but one of it's bigger ones is that it is a potassium sparing diuretic which could leave you with potassium buildups in the body. That can be kind of dangerous. Generally, as long as someone isn't overdosing or taking premarin, I don't worry too much about self medication but if they can get to and afford to see a doctor, there is no excuse really. Those tests can easily reach into the hundreds of dollars without insurance though. I get why some people feel the need to skip it. I don't advise it, but I get it.
Testosterone is another matter, especially with the relative ease of obtaining anabolic steroids. They have a host of side effects.
Perhaps the best route is to simply to use the legal name/status for now (however complex), and then make use of the insurance to get the proper counselling/medication.
That's what I've done (though not through Obamacare, just through my work insurance).
But it's still frustratingly hard for her to deal with. Practicality over doing what is more just or right has always been a problem for my family.
For myself, I view it as a temporary situation until I get my name legally changed later this year. But I was still in the closet when I started, so that might have made it easier for me to deal with. And now that I'm out, I'm in a very welcoming environment, at work and elsewhere (I'm in a very liberal city), so it doesn't affect me much if someone knows my old male name. I know that's not the case for everyone. But maybe viewing the use of her old name as a temporary thing could help, especially if she can make active plans for the legal name change.
Sorry she's having such a tough time with it.
Still, she's had to go on and off hormones and gotten them from sources I'm not sure about, and insurance will be helpful.
I'll echo Cori's caution on that. I'd be careful about risking my liver, and about getting blood clots.
And Lissa's info corresponds with what I know.
One other aspect, according to the doctor who's treating me, is that the risk of blood clotting from HRT goes up once you're over 40. (Which for me means she won't prescribe progesterone.) And as far as spiro goes, you can do a quick search online to figure out which foods are higher in potassium, and which one needs to be careful about (two of the biggies are potatoes and bananas, but there are others.)
Blood tests are definitely important. If she can't afford tests that monitor estrogen and testosterone levels, she should at least get tests that monitor liver and kidney function. (Estrogen and testosterone monitoring aren't covered by my insurance, but liver and kidney monitoring are, so I get that done every three months, then meet with my doctor to talk about the results. Just had my latest done a couple of days ago, and am waiting for the results.)
In my limited experience, the testing and doctor's care is more expensive than the hormones themselves, and the different forms of hormones (injection or patch or pill) vary in cost. I'm currently paying around $13 a month for sublingual estradiol tablets, which is affordable.
If she's taking estrogen in pill form, she should check to see if she can take them sublingually, letting them dissolve under the tongue rather than swallowing them - this bypasses the digestive system and cuts down on the impact on the liver. And both the patches and the shots, as Lissa says, have a lower impact on the liver.
I'd definitely recommend doing whatever it is she needs to do to get a doctor's supervision. And if she can, find a doctor with experience treating trans people.
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Self medicating is bad.
I also learn more stuff on trans issues everyday.
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I also learn more stuff on trans issues everyday.
Just taking the opportunity to thank the participiants on this thread for giving me as a straight man the chance to learn post by post and day by day and to get a sense of what (sadly this what often being walls build by a still not caring enough society) (or at least a fraction of what)some/many LGBT people have to face each day.
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Self medicating is bad.
I'm not saying it's good. But I am saying that I understand it and the alternative is often worse. It's like watching your body rot slowly as time goes on and a lot of transwomen can't handle that. Testosterone is an extremely strong substance and it wreaks havoc throughout much of your life and it's many of it's effects are irreversible. It's not uncommon for transgendered women especially to commit suicide after their hormones are taken away. When you aren't making much money and your choices: are see a doctor and get bloodwork done every 6 months to a year for ~$300-$500 depending on what exact tests your GP needs you to take or to get them from places where they are legal over the counter medications for less than a $100 for a 3 month supply or just don't do it, the latter is an extremely difficult choice.
Especially since most doctors have no clue about how to treat and are uninterested in take the time to learn. You have to bring them information in many smaller communities that don't have someone who is familiar with transgendered HRT and they have to be willing to treat it which many GP's are not but they will refer to specialist for more money. Also, the standards of care, which many physicians who are knowledgable about the process, requires at a minimum a therapists recommendation which a therapist won't give you until you've going to them for $125 a pop for several sessions. Often, the poors only choice is to self medicate if they can't find a therapist familiar with Gender Dysphoria, sympathetic, and working on a sliding scale. Some therapists are convinced we can be cured through therapy and won't write you a letter. Many will self medicating to avoid that expensive first step as a doctor is generally obligated to prescribe and monitor if self-medication is going on. But it's super frowned upon for obvious reasons.
I also learn more stuff on trans issues everyday.
I used to do a lot of outreach and I'm an introverted nerd so I studied the crap out of everything back in the day so that I'd know mostly what I was talking about. =P
Amazing. I have not worked with the trans issues at the second job too much, so everything here is educational.
Amazing. I have not worked with the trans issues at the second job too much, so everything here is educational.
One of the many reasons I love my coworkers. :-)
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To back-up what Lissa said: Yeah, if you have the resources to see a doctor, please god see a doctor. You'll probably need to educate them entirely on the subject, but it's better to have a little medical oversight than to try transitioning completely alone.
But never, ever turn up your nose at people who can't afford a doctor or a therapist or any of the other hoops. Some of us were young and homeless without resources or money or hope and the choice is literally "mildly dangerous hormone therapy" or "suicide."
To back-up what Lissa said: Yeah, if you have the resources to see a doctor, please god see a doctor. You'll probably need to educate them entirely on the subject, but it's better to have a little medical oversight than to try transitioning completely alone.
But never, ever turn up your nose at people who can't afford a doctor or a therapist or any of the other hoops. Some of us were young and homeless without resources or money or hope and the choice is literally "mildly dangerous hormone therapy" or "suicide."
I agree with all of that. Always be mindful and understanding of others' circumstances.
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When you aren't making much money and your choices: are see a doctor and get bloodwork done every 6 months to a year for ~$300-$500 depending on what exact tests your GP needs you to take or to get them from places where they are legal over the counter medications for less than a $100 for a 3 month supply or just don't do it, the latter is an extremely difficult choice.
Agreed.
Especially since most doctors have no clue about how to treat and are uninterested in take the time to learn. You have to bring them information in many smaller communities that don't have someone who is familiar with transgendered HRT and they have to be willing to treat it which many GP's are not but they will refer to specialist for more money. Also, the standards of care, which many physicians who are knowledgable about the process, requires at a minimum a therapists recommendation which a therapist won't give you until you've going to them for $125 a pop for several sessions. Often, the poors only choice is to self medicate if they can't find a therapist familiar with Gender Dysphoria, sympathetic, and working on a sliding scale. Some therapists are convinced we can be cured through therapy and won't write you a letter.
It definitely helps to arm yourself with information, and to prepare to be a self-advocate when necessary.
There's some good info online these days, if you know where to look. One thing I found helpful was reading through WPATH's Standards of Care. (On the other hand, vet your sources, particularly in regards to currency, and be careful about getting bad info.)
Edit: Removed some TMI. And adding a couple of things:
WPATH is the Word Professional Associaton for Transgender Health. And this is another trans health resource my doctor pointed out to me, the UC-San Francisco Center of Excellence for Trangender Health.
If you find yourself dealing with doctors or therapists who don't know much about transgender health, both of those sites might help them educate themselves. And this bit from Lambda Legal might help if you find yourself needing to argue with someone about the need for treatment and transition.
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(On the other hand, vet your sources, particularly in regards to currency, and be careful about getting bad info. Some incorrect info I read from an outdated book, back when I was 21, delayed my transition considerably, which in turn led to a long period of depression and some suicide attempts. That was back in the early 90s, when there wasn't as much info readily available.)
It's true. Much of my work was in the late 90's early 2000's and it's somewhat dated. The SOC got updated sometime within that area to include the self medication clause and has since been updated in other ways I'm not studied on. It gets a lot of criticism some of it rightfully applied and others just angry that they have to prove themselves to someone who may not be helpful and will shame them in order for them to get what they need. Another good resource, in case anyone needs one, is the TS Roadmap. It's been around for a long time but Andrea James is pretty outspoken in the Transgender community along with her good friend Calpernia Addams. I don't always see eye to eye with Andrea and we've had our disagreements but TS Roadmap was one of the best resources I've ever seen. She and Calpernia have put together some videos and things for young trans girls to help with the basics that most transgender women are most terrified of when just starting out. I've never seen them but Cal is an excellent person and I'm pretty sure they are great resources for what they are.
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One more resource, maybe not so much for specific info (though there is some in there), but just to hear another trans woman speaking about her experiences, that I found helpful earlier in my transition, and back when I was in the closet, is SamanthaZero34's channel on youtube.
I should add that the presence of the LGBT community on this board was helpful too in that regard, in the last couple months before I was able to begin HRT, and the first month or two after I began and I was waiting for the changes to kick in. So thank you to the trans people (and other LGBT people) who post here. And to the other supportive people as well (including the Paizo staff).
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Well, one resource she has is the Whitman-Walker clinic in DC. It's been pretty helpful.
She's plugged into the community, more or less, but that has also made her very resistant to capitulating on the name issue. Not that I blame her. People should have the right to name themselves; it's basic human autonomy.
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Well, one resource she has is the Whitman-Walker clinic in DC. It's been pretty helpful.
She's plugged into the community, more or less, but that has also made her very resistant to capitulating on the name issue. Not that I blame her. People should have the right to name themselves; it's basic human autonomy.
Most states should allow to change your name for no reason at all. It takes some effort, knowledge, time and money to do it though. But once done, you just go down to the Social Security office and get it changed. I used a form letter that I found on line. Filed it with the clerk for around $75. The clerk put it in the paper it's required 5 days or whatever. I got a court date 3 weeks later, met with the judge, he asked me if I was changing my name to try to escape a crime or something and then he signed the letter and I took it down to be notarized and I got give notarized copies and 5 plain copies. Took the notarized copies to the Social Security office and the DMV and got everything fixed up. It was difficult finding the form but I did some searching and found something.
Well, one resource she has is the Whitman-Walker clinic in DC. It's been pretty helpful.
]She's plugged into the community, more or less, but that has also made her very resistant to capitulating on the name issue. Not that I blame her. People should have the right to name themselves; it's basic human autonomy.
Happy to hear she has a good trans-positive health provider. That's a huge help.
Looks like Whitman-Wakler has a free Name and Gender Change Clinic run by these folks every other month.
Edit: And it looks like the next ones are this Tuesday, January 14th, and Tuesday, February 11th, from 6:30 to 7:30 pm.
And I agree this shouldn't be as much of an issue as it is, and that it should be a basic right.
Edit: And as Lissa indicated when she ninja'd me just now, the name change should be readily achievable.
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Well, one resource she has is the Whitman-Walker clinic in DC. It's been pretty helpful.
]She's plugged into the community, more or less, but that has also made her very resistant to capitulating on the name issue. Not that I blame her. People should have the right to name themselves; it's basic human autonomy.
Happy to hear she has a good trans-positive health provider. That's a huge help.
Looks like Whitman-Wakler has a free Name and Gender Change Clinic run by these folks every other month.
Edit: And it looks like the next ones are this Tuesday, January 14th, and Tuesday, February 11th, from 6:30 to 7:30 pm.
And I agree this shouldn't be as much of an issue as it is, and that it should be a basic right.
Edit: And as Lissa indicated when she ninja'd me just now, the name change should be readily achievable.
I'm sure this is in part a money issue. I don't think there should be a fee at all, or its should be less than a freaking benjamin. But maybe that's just me. It should no different than a driver's license or some other ID fee, nor should it require a judge to sign off on it. It's cheaper to get married.
Like most trans people (and now, after this article, should I be saying trans*?), she's never had it easy financially, employment-wise, in court, or basic respect-wise, but you all know this). She has to conceal her gender from (some of) her family, none immediate, thank the gods. At least she doesn't live in a lot of other countries.
I hope my daughter grows up, and we grow old in, in a better world.
I'm sure this is in part a money issue. I don't think there should be a fee at all, or its should be less than a freaking benjamin. But maybe that's just me. It should no different than a driver's license or some other ID fee, nor should it require a judge to sign off on it. It's cheaper to get married.
Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. I was talking this over with a friend at work, and he pointed out that when he and his wife got married, she was able to get her name changed for free and with little hassle.
I hope my daughter grows up, and we grow old in, in a better world.
Me too.
And Jeff, from the various trans-related things I've seen you post here, including this conversation, you seem like a good brother for a trans person to have. Support from immediate family can be a huge thing, if it's there. So good on ya for that.
And again, best wishes to your sister.
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I'm sure this is in part a money issue. I don't think there should be a fee at all, or its should be less than a freaking benjamin. But maybe that's just me. It should no different than a driver's license or some other ID fee, nor should it require a judge to sign off on it. It's cheaper to get married.Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. I was talking this over with a friend at work, and he pointed out that when he and his wife got married, she was able to get her name changed for free and with little hassle.
I hope my daughter grows up, and we grow old in, in a better world.Me too.
And Jeff, from the various trans-related things I've seen you post here, including this conversation, you seem like a good brother for a trans person to have. Support from immediate family can be a huge thing, if it's there. So good on ya for that.
And again, best wishes to your sister.
Well, thanks. Though it's nothing to do with gender, of course, it's just being family. I know that people get ostracized by their family when they come out, but it's emotionally incomprehensible to me why anyone would to that to their sibling or child.
Well, I'm just going to try and say this as best as I can -
I am in the process of starting a game New Game
My intention is going to be to include a new rule based on comeliness (something I will work with the players to define)
I am going to try and push the boundaries on what I know about gender identities and sexual preferences for this game.
I may come back here and ask some questions to help me do this strange thing, but basically I am going to try and address certain stereotypical behavior by showing it as I think most people have an understanding about AND at the same time try to break down those stereotypical behaviors by showing what we don't really know at all.
What do you folks think about my idea?
To back-up what Lissa said: Yeah, if you have the resources to see a doctor, please god see a doctor. You'll probably need to educate them entirely on the subject, but it's better to have a little medical oversight than to try transitioning completely alone.
But never, ever turn up your nose at people who can't afford a doctor or a therapist or any of the other hoops. Some of us were young and homeless without resources or money or hope and the choice is literally "mildly dangerous hormone therapy" or "suicide."
The reality of the issue is when it comes to self-medication is more whether it's not "mildly dangerous" but rather accidental suicide due to an unknown/unexpected reaction to a medication, or a planned suicide because one is not getting the treatments, care and support one needs.
It is f$#~ed up and wrong that sometimes that is the choice that many people transitioning face. Let me be clear, I am not going to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do. I trust whatever choice anyone makes in this regard is the educated choice they make as what is best for themselves.
But I am going to note that the choice to self medicate is one that can lead to unexpected and sudden death, and that should not be underplayed, handwaved away as "mild," or otherwise discounted in any way.
If anything, it should highlight the stressful and truly, actually rather than "mildly" dangerous situation most transitioning transpersons are in and emphasize why they need more support and why we need to urge insurance companies, health care providers, and other such individuals to get educated on the situation and be able to provide real support, assistance, and affordable medication and health care, so no one has to face that kind of decision again.
And on that note, if anyone has suggestions for lobbies, action groups to support, or legislature to keep an eye out for to promote or oppose, I would love to have them.
Rereading this this morning I realized I left out an important word: "potentially" -- as in "potentially something that could lead to death."
I also want to be clear I am only speaking out of concern and hope to find ways to make things better so that this isn't an issue at all some day.
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It's official.
I HAVE A THIRD JOB EDITING QUILTBAG EROTICA FOR A PUBLISHER BASED OUT OF ARKANSAS!!!!!!
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It's official.
I HAVE A THIRD JOB EDITING QUILTBAG EROTICA FOR A PUBLISHER BASED OUT OF ARKANSAS!!!!!!
Congrats!
{jots down notes for fan-fic version of "The Hentai (Manga) of Eli" in the wastelands of Arkansas with Freehold as the lead :)}
What on earth is quiltbag erotica and do I even want to know?
quiltbag=another variation of LBGT
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Queer/Questioning Undecided Intersex Lesbian Trans* Bisexual Asexual Gay. It's an updated and more inclusive umbrella term (than LGBT or GLBT) for everyone who doesn't self-label neatly into a hetero cisgender role.
As a precursor to the question I'm about to ask, my best friend came out a year or two ago, and my sister came out just a couple months ago. When I asked them, my sister said she knew from a young age; sometime in middle school. My friend said he didn't realize it until our late 20s, and he can't pinpoint any particular moment of epiphany.
So I'm curious about other LGBT folks: How long did it take you to realize you weren't 'normal,' and was it a single moment of epiphany or a gradual realization?
So I'm curious about other LGBT folks: How long did it take you to realize you weren't 'normal,' and was it a single moment of epiphany or a gradual realization?
Gradual.
I knew I wasn't 'normal' in fifth/sixth grade. But I was determined that I could be normal if I just tried hard enough. That didn't work out so good, but took a long time for me to admit and accept that part of myself. So that part was gradual.
Are there any youtube gaming sessions of LGBT gamers, playing an ongoing campaign? It might be a cool way to connect through the universally of gaming, and see just how normal the game is, no matter what their rating on the Kinsey Scale.
Plus, there can never be enough good D&D campaigns on youtube!
So I'm curious about other LGBT folks: How long did it take you to realize you weren't 'normal,' and was it a single moment of epiphany or a gradual realization?
Very gradual. Back in the 90s there were very few even remotely sympathetic or realistic depictions of non-heterosexuals on TV or other media that I consumed. It took me the better part of a decade for it to even cross my mind that having sexual thoughts about other guys might be an indicator of gayness and a year or two after that to progress from
"Ok, I have a gay side and that's fine" to "You know what? No straight side here at all. Never has been."A friend coming out as bi helped a bit, since suddenly I had someone to talk to about these things. At roughly the same time, I received my first exposure to the political aspects. ("There are laws against this? Why?!") Slightly later on, toward 2000, I read a sexuality FAQ that helped quite a lot too.
It's official.
I HAVE A THIRD JOB EDITING QUILTBAG EROTICA FOR A PUBLISHER BASED OUT OF ARKANSAS!!!!!!
Congrats!
{jots down notes for fan-fic version of "The Hentai (Manga) of Eli" in the wastelands of Arkansas with Freehold as the lead :)}
That sounds awesome, but I really don't want to be
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So I'm curious about other LGBT folks: How long did it take you to realize you weren't 'normal,' and was it a single moment of epiphany or a gradual realization?
It took me a long time; LGBT issues tend not to be part of table-talk for most families in my part of the world, I think, so for the longest time I didn't have the vocabulary to identify myself, to say nothing of actual contact with other LGBT people. In my case, it was a gradual realization punctuated by moments and periods of intense discomfort, with one bit of stark horror.
Since I was and am painfully shy in person, for most of my childhood I dealt with assigned genders as well as I could and assumed my misgivings were part of the way things were, while other people, as usual, just kept it together better than I did when they had to deal with the limitations on what girls or boys were supposed to be. Things got a bit clearer as a teenager when the effects of puberty were at best confusing (and more frequently sickening) to me, but without a name for myself I cultivated androgyny as a stop-gap measure. I only learned about trans folk when I started uni and my brother started CEGEP (I guess public prep school would be a more or less reasonable way to describe it for non-Québecois(es)), as my brother met a trans friend. I had a lot of trouble adjusting to university life, so it took me years to satisfy myself that I wasn't just making up an excuse for my failures. I've just slowly started my transition and coming out in the past year.
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You make a good point about vocabulary. I had a lesbian aunt in my family and her partner always came to dinner with us. And when I was young, my mother watched donahue, which was like Jerry Springer only positive and less sensational. It had some interesting topics of discussion but that's when I learned there was an option for what I am.
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I've always known I wasn't "normal." I just took 35+ years to accept it.
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So I'm curious about other LGBT folks: How long did it take you to realize you weren't 'normal,' and was it a single moment of epiphany or a gradual realization?Gradual.
Sort of both. A very young epiphany, followed by rejection and shame and spending a decade or more working through that shame. Maybe three or four. I remember going through this phase where lying was the worst thing in the world, and one of my uncles came over for a visit who I'd never met before, and I was hiding and crying because it felt like I was lying when they introduced me as a boy. I didn't really understand what that meant, though, and my parents and the kids in the neighborhood had already taught me that being a girl was the worst thing ever, so I kept trying to hide it. I was already trying to figure out how plastic surgery could make a male into a female when I saw my first trans woman, and my mother explained that people like that existed and were "very confused." A year or two later I remember my father coming home and saying some genuinely awful things about a trans woman they'd hired as a receptionist at his office. I spent a few more years burying it, but once puberty started my brain just screamed "f$+& no, I cannot work like this!" Basically the second I turned 16 and got my license, I'd go shopping and go out to coffee houses as me instead of pretending to be guy like I had to at home and school, and once I moved out of my parents' house at 18 I stopped ever pretending.
The lesbian thing followed a similar path, because my parents and peers also taught me that being gay was terrible. So even after I transitioned I tried very hard to be a straight girl. It didn't help that I'm a little bit bi, and there are some guys who genuinely make me melt. It tooks many years of trial and error before I finally admitted that yeah, I like girls a lot better than I like boys, and that doesn't make me any less of a woman.
A friend coming out as bi helped a bit, since suddenly I had someone to talk to about these things. At roughly the same time, I received my first exposure to the political aspects. ("There are laws against this? Why?!") Slightly later on, toward 2000, I read a sexuality FAQ that helped quite a lot too.
Judging by how many folks seem to go through a gradual realization, a FAQ seems like it could help a lot of people. Is it 'net accessible, or in a book or pamphlet or something?
Epiphany at a very young age.
Sort of both. A very young epiphany...
If you don't mind sharing, what triggered your epiphany? I won't mind if it's too personal to share over a 'net forum.
The lesbian thing followed a similar path, because my parents and peers also taught me that being gay was terrible. So even after I transitioned I tried very hard to be a straight girl. It didn't help that I'm a little bit bi, and there are some guys who genuinely make me melt. It tooks many years of trial and error before I finally admitted that yeah, I like girls a lot better than I like boys, and that doesn't make me any less of a woman.
I'm...I'm having a very surreal moment. I once heard a straight guy use "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" as a pick-up line, and I never expected to hear anything similar again. And not facepalm.
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If you don't mind sharing, what triggered your epiphany? I won't mind if it's too personal to share over a 'net forum.
Like I said, around three or four one of my uncles came over for a visit who I'd never met before, and I was hiding and crying because it felt like I was lying when my parents introduced me as a boy. I didn't really understand the larger context, or that that was even a thing that happened. I don't know if I ever really had thoughts like that before that point; that's just the earliest one that sticks out in my mind.
I'm...I'm having a very surreal moment. I once heard a straight guy use "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body" as a pick-up line, and I never expected to hear anything similar again. And not facepalm.
Yeah... you hear that joke as a trans or intersex woman. A lot. So, so much. Trans lesbians and trans gay men exist, and usually take a lot of crap from the gay community for it. You'd be amazed how fast a cis lesbian will jump from flirting to throwing punches the moment she finds out you're trans.
The honest truth is I just didn't think about my sexuality that much until I transitioned. I found myself repulsive (and stinky) and didn't want anyone to love the awfulness that was that mask I had to wear.
A friend coming out as bi helped a bit, since suddenly I had someone to talk to about these things. At roughly the same time, I received my first exposure to the political aspects. ("There are laws against this? Why?!") Slightly later on, toward 2000, I read a sexuality FAQ that helped quite a lot too.Judging by how many folks seem to go through a gradual realization, a FAQ seems like it could help a lot of people. Is it 'net accessible, or in a book or pamphlet or something?
It was on the internet at the time. I no longer recall what it was titled or where it was. I only remember that it had a discussion of homosexuality in early Australia in addition to the usual stuff.
Later on I read Is it a Choice?. Despite the name, it's actually a very positive, helpful FAQ in book form. By that time I just knew all the stuff already so it wasn't very helpful.
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As a precursor to the question I'm about to ask, my best friend came out a year or two ago, and my sister came out just a couple months ago. When I asked them, my sister said she knew from a young age; sometime in middle school. My friend said he didn't realize it until our late 20s, and he can't pinpoint any particular moment of epiphany.
So I'm curious about other LGBT folks: How long did it take you to realize you weren't 'normal,' and was it a single moment of epiphany or a gradual realization?
A combination of both really. Let me explain my experience.
Around age 11-12, an epiphany of sorts. The first time I recall being attracted to women or images of women in the media I simultaneously felt attraction mixed with an intense jealousy and self-loathing because I'd been born male and it didn't feel right to be in the body I had. A scales falling from my eyes moment, so to speak. I was missing body parts that I should have, and I had body parts that I shouldn't. I remember going to sleep night after night hoping that this time I'd wake up and things would be correct. That never changed, but for years I completely buried it as best I could; keep thinking you're a straight cis-male, because to be otherwise would be bad, or something like that. What would your family say? How would friends react? That sort of thing.
At the same time between a combination of not realizing that transition was ever an option* I knew and social expectations and pressures to be a normal cis-male and I suppose self-delusions born thereof, it took me twenty years to actually reach a point where I realized what I should have realized when I was 11-12. Had I come to that realization at the time, chances are that I would have already transitioned by now.
*(for -me- that is, because Lord knows I knew it existed and I kept looking up information on it without actually cluing in on what that meant)
My life is in such a place now however that even if I don't ever transition, just being cognizant of that fact, and being with someone who knows and accepts that about me (and is in much the same boat from the opposite side of things), makes it alright. It's still very complex, and it still feels alien and uncomfortable to look at my reflection in the mirror or at myself, and it likely always will, because the body I have doesn't match the brain structure.