Most Ridiculous Wish

[DΗ]

So I'm in a Pathfinder: Greenskins campaign, wherein the GM disallowed the standard races, and has us playing as Goblins, Hobgoblins, Bugbears, and Orcs (with a couple grippli as well).

Our hobgoblin wizard (yes you heard correctly) had, in 5 levels, never taken a point of damage.

Right now we've been helping some desert-goblins and djinn drive a chelish army out of their desert.

Last session, the hobgoblin wizard set off a trip, and took 2 or 3 damage (at level 10). He uses a wish. Not to heal himself, but to change history so that he got out of the way and never took the damage to begin with.

Its hilarious.

Do you guys have anything silly/stupid that a player has wished for in your games?

[Foxdie13]

I never used the spell in my games but I heard a friend telling me a story about a dwarf who asked to have the power to change water in beer. Then he challenged the archmage guild leader that he was able to cast a spell that even him would not know. He accepted and said: if you can pull that trick, you will become one of us.

Thats the first time he saw a dwarven fighter accepted in a mage guild.

[Ravingdork]

Once had a player have his character use a wish "to win, at anything and everything, all the time."

I also remember hearing a story of another play group that was as ridiculous as it was hilarious. It went something like this:

.
.
Bob: I wish for the ability to bring Dylan back to life.
GM: Alright.
Bob: ...
Dylan: ...
GM: ...
Bob: Well?
GM: Well, what?
Bob: ...? Oh! I bring Dylan back to life.
GM (to Dylan): Your character springs back to life.

From that day forward, Bob had the power to bring Dylan back to life whenever he died, but only ever just Dylan.

[Tiny Coffee Golem]

Love this thread. Dotting.

[Noir le Lotus]

An old story, in a campaign where the DM was too generous with his players.

DM : "in the treasure of the now dead dragon, you find a ring of 3 wishes !!"

Fighter (for himself) : "Again ?"

Fighter (to the DM) : "I take the ring and use it right now !!

I wish to be smarter !
I wish to be smarter !
I wish to be smarter !

DM : "Now your intelligence has raised from 10 to 13."

Fighter : "How stupid I was to wish such a thing !!"

[Adamantine Dragon]

Wishes.... Some GMs tend to use wishes as ways to jack over a PC, so I've avoided wishes. But then again, most of my campaigns never get high enough for wishes to come into play.

Back in the 2e days (before feats) my brother's monk wished to be "ambidextrous" and from that point was able to double his attacks. That turned out to be rather overpowered.

The best wish a character of mine ever used was to undo a crazy GM "reward" for my ranger. After completing a difficult quest, the reward turned out to be a blue gem set on a pillar. After defeating all the evilness guarding the gem, my ranger reached out to recover the gem, since that was the goal of the quest.

GM: "The gem melts into your hand."
Me: "Um... it's gone?"
GM: "Your hand turns blue and the color moves up your arm."
Me: "Oh crap! I put the gem back!"
GM: "The gem is gone. Your entire body is now blue. You notice that you are now hovering above the floor."
Me: "What, hovering? Like I can fly?"
GM: "Yes, but all your clothes and gear fall to the ground."
Me: "What about my sword?"
GM: "As you think about your sword, a bright blue blade emanates from your hand."
Me: "So... I'm now a blue flying dude who can make swords appear from my hand? What about a shield?"
GM: "A round blue field appears around your forearm."
Me: "Um... so I'm sorta like a Blue Lantern dude then?"
GM: "Very good!"
Me: "Do I still have the wish I was granted by the genie but haven't used?"
GM: "Sure, what do you wish for."
Me: "I wish the damn blue gem would leave my body and go back to the pillar."

The GM was deeply disappointed. He had envisioned an entire campaign of our party converted into superheroes roaming the galaxy like a cosmic Justice League.... I just wanted to play D&D....

[Taanyth Tuilinn]

Noir le Lotus wrote:

An old story, in a campaign where the DM was too generous with his players.

DM : "in the treasure of the now dead dragon, you find a ring of 3 wishes !!"

Fighter (for himself) : "Again ?"

Fighter (to the DM) : "I take the ring and use it right now !!

I wish to be smarter !
I wish to be smarter !
I wish to be smarter !

DM : "Now your intelligence has raised from 10 to 13."

Fighter : "How stupid I was to wish such a thing !!"

I would have given him a rank each in nobility, planes, and dungeoneering.

[Kantrip]

Many years back I'm DM'ing a game and the party is on a ship far out in uncharted oceans seeking a fabled island. As an encounter, a massive whale attacks the ship and starts ramming into it. (Think Moby Dick).

The always overconfident fighter announces he's drinking a potion of water breathing and jumping overboard while the rest of the party is discussing what to do about the situation. The whale swallows him and starts diving to the bottom of the ocean.

Fighter: I'll cut my way out. Shouldn't take more than a minute.
DM: You'll be a thousand feet under water by then.
Fighter: I have water breathing.
DM: You'll also have incredible water pressure crushing you.
Wizard: I think I can do something...
Fighter: Don't need help. I've got this. I've got one charge left on my wish ring.
Wizard: Be careful how you word...
Fighter: Yeah, yeah, I know that... So the whale is taking us to the bottom? Ha! I'm using my last wish. I wish we were on the ship!
Other players: NO!
DM: OK, you're back on the ship. You and the whale.
Fighter: What? I didn't wish for the whale... oh, I meant, "I wish I was back on the ship! Just me, not the whale!" Yeah, that's what I wish.
Other players: You said "we". Nobody else was in the water, just you and that whale.
DM: The wish has already been granted. The whale thrashes about (dice rolls), the main mast snaps... the sails collapse, the whale is tangled in the lines and is wrecking your ship. You've got a 100 foot whale atop an 80 foot ship! The crew is in a panic, the captain is screaming for someone to do something! The ship is in danger of capsizing! And you're still inside the whale.
Wizard: I'm going to cast...
Fighter: Save your spells for a serious problem. I start hacking my way out. See how he likes that!
DM: Oh, he doesn't like it at all...

After some fun, the party finds itself, along with the surviving crew members, sitting on a small reef with nothing but ocean in every direction, trying to gather enough from the debris of the ship to make a raft.

Wizard (Looking at fighter): I really, really wish I had a wish ring. I know what I'd wish for...

[CrackedOzy]

PC: I wish to go up a level.
GM: You are now on the roof.

[Aiken Frost]

Huahuaha, great topic. Dotting for the fun.

[Dosgamer]

I had a player lose his hand to green slime back in the day and later on the party got access to a lamp with an efreeti in it. The efreeti granted them a wish.

Player: "I wish to have my hand back."
Me: "The efreeti smiles and disappears in a puff of thick smoke. Your hand materializes out of thin air in front of you and falls to the ground."
Group: <laughs hysterically>

He had it reattached shortly thereafter, but it was fun messing with him.

[Alwaysafk]

Our group has been seeking wishes to obtain a certain item, "The Eye of Winter" an item that a certain pirate queen has in her possession. By possession we mean her eye socket. So far she's only had to make the one fortitude save, but soon...

We also have in our possession a tiny god-child that has Limited Wish as an at will spell like ability.

[Liam Warner]

Adamantine Dragon wrote:

Wishes.... Some GMs tend to use wishes as ways to jack over a PC, so I've avoided wishes. But then again, most of my campaigns never get high enough for wishes to come into play.

Personally I run wishes on a good/neutral/evil scale. If your wish is granted by a being who's either good or actually inclined to help you e.g. a wizard you did a favour for they'll try to twist the wish so you don't suffer consequences e.g.

Paladin: "I wish that I had a holy avenger."
Bzaap the long lost holy avenger Cleovetl is summoned from the long lost dungeon of Maarg where it lay forgotten under a pile of debris.

If its granted by a neutral force such as a wing of wishes it will try to grant it in the simplest possible manner e.g.

Paladin: "I wish that I had a holy avenger."
Bzaap the holy avenger Eiwsa is summoned from the belt of the nearby head of his order.

If its granted by an evil being or one who doesn't like the person getting a wish e.g. a captured outsider forced to grant the wish it'll trying to twist the wording to screw you over e.g.

Paladin: "I wish that I had a holy avenger."
Bzaapp the paladin is teleported to hell where you stand upon the holy avenger Weiosde . . . and the body of its former weilder who tried to slay Asmodeus demon god of the 9th level of hell, who incindently is turning an angry eye on you for intruding on his domain.

As for wishes never really came up in my games as the group's weren't high enough and the one time we got a ring of 3 wishes we were at first level and no one in the group realized what it was before it was taken from us. However here are two that I've read about which were entertaining.

1) After the party had just defeated a red dragon and were recovering its treasure.
Barbarian holding a ring: "Wow that's a lot of gold hey I bet all dragons have this kind of stuff, I wish we could fight more dragons." The group was teleported to the council of wyrms.

2) After the group had rescued a genie it offered to reward them with one wish each.
Fighter: "Hey cool I wish I was married to her." points to another PC.
Other PC: "Oh god I wish I wasn't married to him."