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In lighter news, our latest Windows update:
(1) Broke my docking station's network adapter
(2) Re-enabled wireless yet again.
I swear, our IT department could be staffed by monkeys.
EDIT: Naked monkeys.
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I remember those days as well. I saw plenty of "requirements" that could only be met if you were on the original dev team for a product.
*** True Story: Java was introduced in 1995. When I was job searching in 2003 more than one company listed, "At least 12 years in Java experience required."
is THAT who they were looking for?
Wow. I just thought the people putting the advertisement together were idiots.
No, they weren't actually looking for that, but the only way for an applicant to fulfill the "required skills" some of those positions were listing would either be having developed it or as NH mentioned, time travel in the more extreme cases.
Part of the problem is bad management expectations. Some of it is utterly clueless HR. Some of it is just utterly clueless company as a whole who have no idea what they actually need.
That aspect is far less of a problem than it used to be, but inaccurate requirements still exist. They just aren't as patently or obviously ludicrous.
Except when they are. Like a list of requirements or job duties that each should or could be a full-time position on their own and they've lumped 10-15 of them into a single position.
In lighter news, our latest Windows update:
(1) Broke my docking station's network adapter
(2) Re-enabled wireless yet again.I swear, our IT department could be staffed by monkeys.
EDIT: Naked monkeys.
If it makes you feel better, our IT team continually updates one of our databases during work hours (usually at PEAK activity times) and breaks it every other day. Which of course, makes my job way harder than it needs to be. Why they couldn't do that some other less horrible time, who knows..I am quite sure they dont.
ack!
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I remember those days as well. I saw plenty of "requirements" that could only be met if you were on the original dev team for a product.
*** True Story: Java was introduced in 1995. When I was job searching in 2003 more than one company listed, "At least 12 years in Java experience required."
is THAT who they were looking for?
Wow. I just thought the people putting the advertisement together were idiots.
One doesn't exclude the other...
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You're mostly right. We saw ads requiring TWENTY years in Java, making the requirements impossible to satisfy without time travel.I remember those days as well. I saw plenty of "requirements" that could only be met if you were on the original dev team for a product.
*** True Story: Java was introduced in 1995. When I was job searching in 2003 more than one company listed, "At least 12 years in Java experience required."
is THAT who they were looking for?
Wow. I just thought the people putting the advertisement together were idiots.
Then you rock up with your years of programming experience and find out what they ACTUALLY wanted was someone who'd worked on an Indonesian island for a decade or two...
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Or...
Did we say Java?? Oh. Sorry. We meant COBOL. Where are you going?
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It turns out they have Pathfinder puzzles now! I ordered the Gods and Magic 1,000 piece puzzle (wish it was 1,500 but whatever) and it apparently shipped today, so I guess I know what I'll be doing Thanksgiving weekend.
The other thing that some management teams do to test the 'hunger' of applicants is put deliberately bogus job requirements in the ad.
Then they can sort out who's full of excrement straight out of the shoot, who doesn't have 'just that one requirement', and those who are in on the scam and give whatever answer is needed and get the job because they are who the job position is being held open for.
If I hadn't been passed up several dozen times back in the mid-90's due to similar shenanigans I wouldn't even mention it.
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The other thing that some management teams do to test the 'hunger' of applicants is put deliberately bogus job requirements in the ad.Then they can sort out who's full of excrement straight out of the shoot, who doesn't have 'just that one requirement', and those who are in on the scam and give whatever answer is needed and get the job because they are who the job position is being held open for.
If I hadn't been passed up several dozen times back in the mid-90's due to similar shenanigans I wouldn't even mention it.
Gorram Shenagoats...
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That's why I put "Can shave an angry bear with a skid loader" on every application, and it helps that I use the person who originally told me that as a reference and then the other guy who originally agreed as another reference (we all still work together, but for a different company, 16 years later).
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Or...
Did we say Java?? Oh. Sorry. We meant COBOL. Where are you going?
What, no love for Fortran or Pascal?
Sadly, my own knowledge of programming language peaked at LOGO.
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In lighter news, our latest Windows update:
(1) Broke my docking station's network adapter
(2) Re-enabled wireless yet again.I swear, our IT department could be staffed by monkeys.
EDIT: Naked monkeys.
I would be more surprised if those were a bunch of zoot suit wearing monkeys.
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
You're mostly right. We saw ads requiring TWENTY years in Java, making the requirements impossible to satisfy without time travel.I remember those days as well. I saw plenty of "requirements" that could only be met if you were on the original dev team for a product.
*** True Story: Java was introduced in 1995. When I was job searching in 2003 more than one company listed, "At least 12 years in Java experience required."
is THAT who they were looking for?
Wow. I just thought the people putting the advertisement together were idiots.
Or you could have eaten two or three devs competing for that position and bring their combined experience to the table.
There was an experiment years ago, when a scientist taught some kind of flatworms to travel through the maze, then chopped them and feed them to their untrained colleagues and 'lo, the well-feed flatworms showed improved skill at finding their way through the maze...
I've seen managers trying to justify the ludicrous requirements with, "Oh, I want to ensure my candidates are people who are willing to take risks and aim high!"
No. You want to ensure that your candidates are willing to LIE TO YOU, their immediate supervisor, in order to get what they want.
Is that really what you're seeking?
My decision to go the grad school route over starting a career was made during the penultimate stage of a job I was seeking postbac; I was negotiating which skills would be "required" and which were merely "preferred in the ideal candidate". When I backed out because it was clear to me they didn't know, they then sent me a 'thank you for trying' email followup and then moments later they sent me the CV for the three candidates they wanted to move forward with in the final round of in-person panel interviews. The text of the email started with, "Dave*, please set interview times for the final candidates. See attached docs."
* My name isn't Dave.
At one of last week's interviews my manager accidentally gave the candidate control of the Zoom meeting when she left instead of handing it over to me. Fortunately, the candidate was good-natured about it and made sure she ended the meeting without running amok on my manager's account.
Things happen. But emailing other people's resumes out? Nope. That's pretty horrifying.
Fair eve to you there John (gotta switch it up now and again, spice o' life and what not)
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Speaking of all that job requirements, IT in particular: I just saw a fitting meme.
"To replace programmers with robots, clients will have to accurately describe what they want.
We're safe."
I've seen managers trying to justify the ludicrous requirements with, "Oh, I want to ensure my candidates are people who are willing to take risks and aim high!"
No. You want to ensure that your candidates are willing to LIE TO YOU, their immediate supervisor, in order to get what they want.
Is that really what you're seeking?
My decision to go the grad school route over starting a career was made during the penultimate stage of a job I was seeking postbac; I was negotiating which skills would be "required" and which were merely "preferred in the ideal candidate". When I backed out because it was clear to me they didn't know, they then sent me a 'thank you for trying' email followup and then moments later they sent me the CV for the three candidates they wanted to move forward with in the final round of in-person panel interviews. The text of the email started with, "Dave*, please set interview times for the final candidates. See attached docs."
* My name isn't Dave.
I bet you have a relative named Dave though, everyone is related to a Dave (or David).
Time to traverse to ye olde essentiale workeplace.
I've seen managers trying to justify the ludicrous requirements with, "Oh, I want to ensure my candidates are people who are willing to take risks and aim high!"
No. You want to ensure that your candidates are willing to LIE TO YOU, their immediate supervisor, in order to get what they want.
Is that really what you're seeking?
My decision to go the grad school route over starting a career was made during the penultimate stage of a job I was seeking postbac; I was negotiating which skills would be "required" and which were merely "preferred in the ideal candidate". When I backed out because it was clear to me they didn't know, they then sent me a 'thank you for trying' email followup and then moments later they sent me the CV for the three candidates they wanted to move forward with in the final round of in-person panel interviews. The text of the email started with, "Dave*, please set interview times for the final candidates. See attached docs."
* My name isn't Dave.
EXACTLY what a Dave would say!
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What wrong with LM's brain, episode 1,834:
Yesterday was the anniversary of Jonestown. Which meant that a lot of my super-political friends were talking about cults, brainwashing, and "drinking the Koolaid".
And all my brain care about is not the rise of fanaticism in our political landscape, or the families of the 900 dead. It's "For cripes sake, people! It was FLAVOR AID! Not Koolaid!"
This worries me.
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What wrong with LM's brain, episode 1,834:
Yesterday was the anniversary of Jonestown. Which meant that a lot of my super-political friends were talking about cults, brainwashing, and "drinking the Koolaid".
And all my brain care about is not the rise of fanaticism in our political landscape, or the families of the 900 dead. It's "For cripes sake, people! It was FLAVOR AID! Not Koolaid!"
This worries me.
That explains why the Kool Aid Man didn't burst through the wall and save everyone! Thank you, all these years I'd thought he dropped the ball on that one!
Though I'm going to have to find some other fictional spokesman to send death threats to.
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Try Snap, Crackle, and Pop. They like it.
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* My name isn't Dave.I bet you have a relative named Dave though, everyone is related to a Dave (or David).
At one point in high school we had six Daves in our house, just to prove it could be done. (And yes, they were all friends we hung out with.)
Cap and Limey get cookies.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
What wrong with LM's brain, episode 1,834:
Yesterday was the anniversary of Jonestown. Which meant that a lot of my super-political friends were talking about cults, brainwashing, and "drinking the Koolaid".
And all my brain care about is not the rise of fanaticism in our political landscape, or the families of the 900 dead. It's "For cripes sake, people! It was FLAVOR AID! Not Koolaid!"
This worries me.
On my way to work I listen to a lot of reddit stuff, and today's was variants on "What misbelieved piece of history still lingers?" This one should be on there.
I bet you have a relative named Dave though, everyone is related to a Dave (or David).
Is this a Kids in the Hall reference? If not, it is now.
Well a good afternoon to you there John!
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Try Snap, Crackle, and Pop. They like it.But, I don't want my pop to snap and crackle.
Cod liver oil helps maintain healthy joints, then.
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I am going grey - of course I am, because that's what happens to males of House Longears as they progress through middle age, and I don't mind at all - but why is it basically complete on the back of my head and still a vibrant mahogany hue at the front? Looks odd.
Or maybe it's just petrification of the brain, which would explain a great deal. It won't stop me enjoying my cookie, though. Ha hey!
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I bet you have a relative named Dave though, everyone is related to a Dave (or David).I've seen managers trying to justify the ludicrous requirements with, "Oh, I want to ensure my candidates are people who are willing to take risks and aim high!"
No. You want to ensure that your candidates are willing to LIE TO YOU, their immediate supervisor, in order to get what they want.
Is that really what you're seeking?
My decision to go the grad school route over starting a career was made during the penultimate stage of a job I was seeking postbac; I was negotiating which skills would be "required" and which were merely "preferred in the ideal candidate". When I backed out because it was clear to me they didn't know, they then sent me a 'thank you for trying' email followup and then moments later they sent me the CV for the three candidates they wanted to move forward with in the final round of in-person panel interviews. The text of the email started with, "Dave*, please set interview times for the final candidates. See attached docs."
* My name isn't Dave.
I'm not.
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The General got a new job! Working for the UW. Which means since it's still for the state she keeps the sick days and vacation time she's accumulated over the last 8 years and she's getting a raise.
Also I finished another job, which makes 3 I've finished in the last 9 days.
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I'm not.I bet you have a relative named Dave though, everyone is related to a Dave (or David).I've seen managers trying to justify the ludicrous requirements with, "Oh, I want to ensure my candidates are people who are willing to take risks and aim high!"
No. You want to ensure that your candidates are willing to LIE TO YOU, their immediate supervisor, in order to get what they want.
Is that really what you're seeking?
My decision to go the grad school route over starting a career was made during the penultimate stage of a job I was seeking postbac; I was negotiating which skills would be "required" and which were merely "preferred in the ideal candidate". When I backed out because it was clear to me they didn't know, they then sent me a 'thank you for trying' email followup and then moments later they sent me the CV for the three candidates they wanted to move forward with in the final round of in-person panel interviews. The text of the email started with, "Dave*, please set interview times for the final candidates. See attached docs."
* My name isn't Dave.
Yeah, but if you have any Welsh relatives then you'd probably never know for sure.
"This is your cousin Tffydh'gagh'Dav'hagh'adahd, It's pronounced like David!"
The General got a new job! Working for the UW. Which means since it's still for the state she keeps the sick days and vacation time she's accumulated over the last 8 years and she's getting a raise.
Also I finished another job, which makes 3 I've finished in the last 9 days.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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The General got a new job! Working for the UW. Which means since it's still for the state she keeps the sick days and vacation time she's accumulated over the last 8 years and she's getting a raise.
Also I finished another job, which makes 3 I've finished in the last 9 days.
Sorry, I've gotta quote Hamilton.
HERE COMES THE GENERAL! RIIIIIISE UP!
And her right-hand man!
Seriously, big congrats to you both.
:-)
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Last day before a vacation week, AND the biggest little troublemaking turd-flinging-monkey in my class turned six today, so the kids were completely Spocking insane.
I did not dribble anyone. I did not even yell. I kept my cool like a veteran Spocking BOSS.
And then I took Hermione across town to ballet rehearsal, got groceries, and fought traffic back to our side of town for 45 minutes, so now I'm icing my back while I wait for the pizza to finish baking and I have a five dollar bottle of wine from the Italian deli to open.
Meanwhile, Eve could use some good thoughts. She just applied for a job she is perfect for, but it's a small and close-knit town and she's still an outsider. And her self-esteem is even worse than mine.
Well, that sounds like a top job. Good luck and success to you, and best wishes to Eve.
Wishing Eve nothing but the best and you both self esteem of levels undreamt of even by me.
Good luck Eve!
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Only LM can understand how hilarious this is: Impus Major just received a formal warning from Games of Berkeley for making an employee uncomfortable.
So, I grilled him for details: He, Talky, and Impus Minor were at the store a few days ago. Talky was carrying an axe. Which is kind of stupid right there, but he does work at an axe-throwing place, so he was just taking his work home with him. But there's the whole, "Don't carry weapons openly in Berkeley," thing.
So, the store clerk probably wasn't all that happy with them already, but she was doing her best, first showing them the unopened Magic cards and then leading them to the pre-opened high-value cards. At which point Impus Major said, "No, Talky! You're spending too much already! And you! Stop tantalizing my friend!"
And apparently the word "tantalizing" was enough to get them a formal warning and the whole, "If it happens again, you're banned," talk.