I've begun to consider the possibility coffee might be Colombia's secret plan to dominate the world.
The piggies are coming! They're coming for the eggs!
You mean the Secret Extra-Terrestrial Invasion? They are the proof.
I've got it on good authority that a cabal of genetically enhanced super pigeons are plotting to seize control of the world's bread factories.
When the aliens do come we are sooooooo toasted....
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What do you mean "when"?
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Lawn maintenance companies have long been engaged in a secret battle for dominance of the suburbs with concrete companies.
Nirvana confirm that Kurt Cobain is dead, not on Peruvian TV
All the better to hide the truth: that he's actually been serving as our ambassador to an alien race who really liked his music.
Pigeons can read — sort of, study finds
The next step, of course, will be to genetically enhance these intelligence traits so the birds can distinguish between individual humans. Then they'll be equipped with various cybernetic enhancements and weaponry, and used as biomechanical assassins.
Steven Seagal said on some foreign news program that the mass shootings in America are government engineered. Yes, a washed up hack actor has all the inside info. smh.
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Nirvana confirm that Kurt Cobain is dead, not on Peruvian TV
All the better to hide the truth: that he's actually been serving as our ambassador to an alien race who really liked his music.
I guess someone had to...
<ba dum tish>
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Steven Seagal said on some foreign news program that the mass shootings in America are government engineered.
My God, the 2nd Amendment is social programming!
And Steven Seagal is the Prophet showing us the way!I'm not sure which of those statements should scare me more.
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Panera axing artificial ingredients, extra sweeteners from kids menu
What they don't tell you, is the "all natural ingredients" really are natural......naturally occurring on the alien planet known as Xychomin V! That's where the founders of Panera are from.
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I've begun to consider the possibility coffee might be Colombia's secret plan to dominate the world.
In other news, people are now working longer than they've ever worked before. In other, other news, people are now taking longer to pay off their mortgages than they've ever done before.
"Want your own house hey? Buckle down kid, you got at least 30 years of 9 to 5 before you can afford a vacation again..."
In other news, we're no longer seeing anyone between the age of 25 and 55, and in other other news, people older than 55 apparently don't put up a fight against government and injustice as much as people in their prime.
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Nazi “time capsule” from 1934 found, opened in Poland
Damnit! They're going to wake The Sleeper up and we don't have a real Captain America to halt its rampage.
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Michigan quintuplets work first jobs together at McDonald
Don't be fooled. They're not quintuplets. They're clones. McD's has finally perfected the technology. I guess they'll probably dispose of all their monstrous failures now.
Michigan quintuplets work first jobs together at McDonald
Don't be fooled. They're not quintuplets. They're clones. McD's has finally perfected the technology. I guess they'll probably dispose of all their monstrous failures now.
Have to feed those cloned chickens, cows and pigs something. Vive la Soylent Green!
Have to feed those cloned chickens, cows and pigs something. Vive la Soylent Green!Michigan quintuplets work first jobs together at McDonald
Don't be fooled. They're not quintuplets. They're clones. McD's has finally perfected the technology. I guess they'll probably dispose of all their monstrous failures now.
I'm people!
The real reason LSU finally fired their head football coach is because scientists at the university finally perfected their own cloning process. I'm guessing in a few weeks or months, once the clone has matured, they'll introduce the world to head coach Mick Nabas.
All of Charlie Sheen's problems over the last two decades can be laid at the feet of alien invaders. They consider him to be a big threat to their plans....
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All of Charlie Sheen's problems over the last two decades can be laid at the feet of alien invaders. They consider him to be a big threat to their plans....
Charlie Sheen was going to get the role of Iron Man, before his implosion, which was orchestrated by a time-travelling Robert Downey III, safeguarding his inheritance.
The residents of Dimension W are getting very close to perfecting the technology they need for their invasion of Earth. They hope to harness human emissions as a new source of energy to power their empire. They just have to find a way to neutralize the smell first.
I've been getting reports of people suddenly finding themselves craving KFC every spring. Since we know it can't be because the food is good, I've begun researching the chain's work with subliminal messaging.
The insidious Zarc International is using their evil Angst Ray to stir up negative emotions, thus increasing product sales.
The sun is actually a member of an alien species called the Caleban. This insidious creature is the secret power behind the most successful solar energy companies. His goal is nothing less than regaining all of humanity as his worshippers.
The sun is actually a member of an alien species called the Caleban. This insidious creature is the secret power behind the most successful solar energy companies. His goal is nothing less than regaining all of humanity as his worshippers.
As a follow-up, this same alien has been running a global campaign against nuclear power, which it sees as a threat to it's eventual dominance.
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The sun is actually a member of an alien species called the Caleban. This insidious creature is the secret power behind the most successful solar energy companies. His goal is nothing less than regaining all of humanity as his worshippers.
*All* suns contain intelligences, that travel from star to star via solar radiation (at 'only' lightspeed, so it can take them many years to reach their destination stars) in bursts that we call 'sunspot activity' every dozen years or so. A few stars reach a critical peak of emigration, and develop into quasars, emitting constant 'evacuation beams' as the trillions of sentiences within them join the mass exodus to 'anywhere but here.'
They are more or less puzzled that one of the rocky bits orbiting the planet is emitting electromagnetic radiation, primarily in the form of radio waves. Everybody knows that life can't evolve on these blobs of crude energy-starved matter that float around their burning homes. It's been quite the shakeup for them, like us discovering deep sea life huddled around volcanic vents, somehow surviving outside of the life-giving light of the sun.
What we think of as uranium is actually a sentient mineral from the planet Uranus. The planet's ruling council has been sending its spies and assassins for decades, slowly preparing the way for a full scale invasion. Fortunately for the human race, their teleportation machines are inaccurate over such long distances, and invaders continuously arrive deep underground, thus delaying our inevitable doom.
The old TV miniseries (and later regular series) V was actually written and developed by a secret cabal of resistance leaders fighting against a secret invasion by Lizardmen from the planet Muzrak. They've been infiltrating various countries on Earth for years, encouraging explosive population growth as a way to feed their hungry larva.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is actually the product of a secret cabal of Italian chef-scientists, using the idea of the creature to create a global society of loyal followers, all the better to help them eventually rule the world.
There's a 12 year old SUPER GENIUS currently on the run from the Powers That Be, due to his vast experience in turning uranium into safe building materials. His research could lead to homes that power themselves, and that's something the Powers That Be can never allow.
I have it on good authority that a farmer in Kansas solved the world's energy crisis years ago, when he developed a safe, efficient, and cheap way to turn marijuana into a fuel 100 times more potent than oil. The insidious Big Pot had him locked away in an asylum and stole all his research.
What we commonly think of as a battery is actually an artificial birthing crèche developed by a race of other-dimensional electricity beings, then introduced to Earth via carefully chosen human ambassadors. The energy beings have long been engaged in a war with another other-dimensional race, this one composed of sentient water, and needed a safe place to hide their larval children away from the depredations of their enemies.
There's a shady a&!##*# in a Ford Fusion who's been following me. He's an agent of either the government or the Nebulons from Planet 23. He tries to stay out of sight, just around the corner, thinking I can't see him. Little does he realize, the squirrel in the tree across from him is giving me updates.
The game Angry Birds was originally going to be titled Angry Herds, and it would have been about zebras getting revenge on lions. However, the marketing director was a Detroit Lions fan and purposely misquoted the name when presenting it to investors. They liked the idea so much, the developers were forced to run with it or lose their funding.
The recent spate of clown sightings is actually part of a very long running campaign of infiltration by an Octopus-headed alien race (and not the cool, Cthulhu kind). They have been quietly influencing popular culture for decades, in order to increase the collective fear of clowns on a global scale. The current rash of incidences are being conducted by their human collaborators - craven fools who have been falsely lead to believe they will have positions of authority under our future Tentacled Overlords. The aliens will use the increased fear and mistrust to instigate a global revolution. Once they've conquered us, the spleen harvesting will commence.
A secret cabal of food conglomerates have been attempting for years to develop a way to accelerate growth of plants. Recently, their scientists had a breakthrough, but in almost the opposite direction. They developed a Shrink Ray.
So, now their new plan is to shrink a majority of the world's population, thus immediately increasing the global food supply. Of course, the "Elite" will be allowed to remain normal sized, so as to guide the masses along and make sure we tiny people all stay safe.
Doppelgangers are a real thing, but not in the way you think. In truth, they are biomechanical probes, manufactured by an alien race using human DNA. They seed these look-alikes in various countries, often in positions of power and/or influence, using them to both gather intelligence and recruit allies to betray the human race when the invasion commences. I have it on good authority the basketball player Patrick Ewing is one of them. It's rumored that the aliens accidently placed his doppelganger in the same country, as the spouse of a powerful politician, but I haven't been able to confirm that.
The Space Pirates from the planet K'Castun Lar Ebil are coming to steal our water. First they're going to use their ice ray to freeze the oceans, then their harvester bots will cut the ice oceans into huge chunks for warp transport back to their homeworld.
Inspired by the film Superman Returns, the British Society of Geomorphology has been using it's knowledge of geographical development to build The LAND DOMINATOR, and ingenious device that will allow them to not only transform inhabitable lands into something more arable, but will also allow them to create more land at will. The cabal plans to use this power to achieve world domination through control of all landmasses.
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The AI developed by the military to help devise new, more efficient training processes has secretly begun it's plan for eventual world domination. It's already succeeded in establishing a global communications network, now it's working on connecting energy grids across the globe. Once that's accomplished, there'll be no stopping it!
I'm pretty sure Bolivia is up to something, just as soon as I'm able to infiltrate South Korea I'll be able to figure out what.
Not many are aware of this, but there are really only about 3000 or so actual humans left on earth. The rest are either shapeshifting alien menaces, or robots created by various Future AI Overlords.
A secret cabal of sci-fi fans is devising an insidious plan to get people to want to live deep in the world's deserts, in hopes they will eventually develop into a Fremen society as seen in Frank Herbert's award-winning Dune novel.
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Scientists are very close to being able to give animals the powers of the comic book hero The Flash. Once they've succeeded, our energy problems will be solved. Everything will be powered by turbines driven by super-speed hamsters and gerbils running in specially designed wheels.