My fault. Since last friday I've been writing ideas for the company website and trying to deal with French artisitic directors who don't know functionality from a hamburger.I was only joking, I was just missing my Z-day fix.
I'll have you up and running (literally) in just a while.
My fault. Since last friday I've been writing ideas for the company website and trying to deal with French artisitic directors who don't know functionality from a hamburger.Tell me about it. Different things to deal with, but similar amount of busy-ness I reckon...
Ditto. My schedule is changing rapidly, and I don't know what my posting schedule will turn out to be ..Have patience with me if I drop off a bit.
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Hey Moth, I'm gonna be at Good Games Sydney again this Saturday for a WoW CCG Tourney. I'll be there around 11.30 and be there all after noon ('til at least 5). Feel free to drop by for a visit if you're free. =)
Cool. My weekends (and weeks) have been a bit crazy lately, but I think I'm freeish this weekend. I'll aim to stop by.
My Schedule is the opposite, the shop goes dead now until the new year and the economic downturn is not encouraging people getting married so no one is walking through the door.
I'll have you up and running (literally) in just a while.
The significance of that comment has only just sunk in.... GULP!!!!
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Hey Moth, I'm gonna be at Good Games Sydney again this Saturday for a WoW CCG Tourney. I'll be there around 11.30 and be there all after noon ('til at least 5). Feel free to drop by for a visit if you're free. =)Cool. My weekends (and weeks) have been a bit crazy lately, but I think I'm freeish this weekend. I'll aim to stop by.
Ah bugger, I forgot all about this!
I'm stuck at home for a bit, maybe I can make it round in the afternoon...
Guys, daughter sick again, Please DMPC me as needed. Thanks
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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Hey Moth, I'm gonna be at Good Games Sydney again this Saturday for a WoW CCG Tourney. I'll be there around 11.30 and be there all after noon ('til at least 5). Feel free to drop by for a visit if you're free. =)Cool. My weekends (and weeks) have been a bit crazy lately, but I think I'm freeish this weekend. I'll aim to stop by.Ah bugger, I forgot all about this!
I'm stuck at home for a bit, maybe I can make it round in the afternoon...
Hey that's no problem. I wasn't trying to twist your arm or anything. Just if you were free and in the area... =)
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Hey that's no problem. I wasn't trying to twist your arm or anything. Just if you were free and in the area... =)Hey Moth, I'm gonna be at Good Games Sydney again this Saturday for a WoW CCG Tourney. I'll be there around 11.30 and be there all after noon ('til at least 5). Feel free to drop by for a visit if you're free. =)Cool. My weekends (and weeks) have been a bit crazy lately, but I think I'm freeish this weekend. I'll aim to stop by.Ah bugger, I forgot all about this!
I'm stuck at home for a bit, maybe I can make it round in the afternoon...
Yeah, that's cool ... obviously I didn't make it...
The bugger was that if I'd remembered about it in time I probably could have dropped by - but I was looking after my son solo that day, and by the time I'd noticed the thread, he'd woken up from his nap, we'd had lunch, done some grocery shopping, negotiated buying him a toy car (he eventually settled on a red '69 Mustang - good taste for a two year old), went to the park and had afternoon tea - it was past 5!
Guys, daughter sick again, Please DMPC me as needed. ThanksHey Patrick, hope your girl's doing ok now?
Still dicey, but better. Thanks for the kind thoughts
Not too long now before you get to the dangerous side of Vancouver. I thought some of you were dead for sure in the marina.
They're here...
Now I am all on tender hooks.
I'll try to level soon. Tonight if I can manage it.
I've had a bad case of Acute viral nasopharyngitis for the last two days
I just hope my body is not getting into character........
I've had a bad case of Acute viral nasopharyngitis for the last two days ** spoiler omitted **
I just hope my body is not getting into character........
I had it for two weeks. Throat, nose, then lungs....
I call it mini-SARS.
I've had a bad case of Acute viral nasopharyngitis for the last two days ** spoiler omitted **
I just hope my body is not getting into character........
I had it for two weeks. Throat, nose, then lungs....
I call it mini-SARS.
I hope I don't get it for two weeks, I am self employed and I am not allowed to have sick days, I am only allowed to ring in dead.
Braaaaiiiins!!!!
p.s. One of those poor people on top of the hotel isn't me is it? :-)
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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I call it mini-SARS.
Stupid SARS. Totally Fncked up our Honeymoon. =(
We were supposed to go to Mauritius for 2 weeks, but our connecting flight was through Hong Kong. Our airline cancelled all their filghts into Hong Kong and the only way we could get through was if we took another airline the shaved 4 days off our stay i Mauritius and had us staying over in god knows where.
So instead we stayed in Australia and went to Hayman Island, which was really nice and all, but we spent twice as much staying in the country and going to a 5-Star Resort than what we would have flying half-way around the world and staying in a 5-Star Resort. Plus we only stayed for a week.
Go figure. (Twice as much for half as long... I'm pretty bad at maths but that just doesn't add up to me!)
I've had a bad case of Acute viral nasopharyngitis for the last two days ** spoiler omitted **
I just hope my body is not getting into character........
I had it for two weeks. Throat, nose, then lungs....
I call it mini-SARS.
I hope I don't get it for two weeks, I am self employed and I am not allowed to have sick days, I am only allowed to ring in dead.
Braaaaiiiins!!!!
p.s. One of those poor people on top of the hotel isn't me is it? :-)
I only took two sick days. The rest of the time I took it to work withme and spread the joy.
Don't worry, it's on its way.
I only took two sick days. The rest of the time I took it to work withme and spread the joy.
Don't worry, it's on its way.
At least work is pretty quite at the moment, I don't want to ruin any weddings by passing it on to the bride.
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At least work is pretty quite at the moment, I don't want to ruin any weddings by passing it on to the bride.I only took two sick days. The rest of the time I took it to work withme and spread the joy.
Don't worry, it's on its way.
Hope you get better soon man.
Judd is levelled by the way. On my way to check the game thread...
Nice piece Flash! I did my ersatz editing under the spoiler here:
DISCLAIMER
I am a very rusty editor. I also edited for a newspaper, which is a bit different than novels. Please take all my suggestions as that only. I may be talking completely out of my arse, and I want to restate that it is an excellent start. A few things jumped out at me, and I don't want you to think that I am being overly critical.
deep throbbing reverberated throughout the ship as it reverted to RealSpace. As the crew started to awaken from their stasis, the throbbing subsided until the regular hum of the engines could be heard steadily bringing the battered freighter back to cruising speed.Could split the previous sentence into two separate ones to keep the length down
New Paragraph Captain Vencarik pushed the lid of his stasis capsule up and got groggily to his feet, slowly stumbling towards the console across the room and its hypnotic pattern of blinking lights. He made sure that everything checked out, before moving with ever increasing dexterity into the next room andPossibly switch 'towards' for 'and' the comfort of a nice sonic shower. All over the ship, similar routines were being enacted as the slumbering behemoth kinda vague ..maybe add in descriptor for ship with behemoth?was slowly brought back to life.
New Paragraph
Deep within the bowels of the ship, another awakening was occurring. Hanging from an access walkway in a rarely-visited section of the engine pod, a large bulbous object was beginning to pulse with smooth motions along its surface. Accompanying one such pulse, a seam appeared in the rough outer shell of the object and a trickle of a thick mucous-like substance fell dripping to the floor 50 feet below. A long thin claw pushed its way through the crack, steadily lengthening it until it ran the entire length of the object. The thin claw was pulled back inside, only to be thrust back out moments later, joined by 7 other identical claws. The claws turned and gripped the shell, forcing it open until it was large enough to fit a large ape through. The claws were once again withdrawn and nothing happened for several moments. Then, without warning possibly replace the three previous with 'suddenly?' or just drop the 'then'?the head of what most men could only describe as a nightmare was shoved through the gap. The claws once again gripped the edges of the shell and the creature pulled itself from within to hang from the bottom of its Chrysalis and survey its surroundings.
New paragraph
The thing was a sight to behold kinda subjective sentence, the decription will give the readers that impression. It is always better to try not to give readers their impressions.. It was rail thin and stood a little over ten feet tall. A bit passive .. maybe something like 'its rail-thin body stood a little over ten feet tall?Its arms were 6 feet long and ended in large hands, each with three long dextrous fingers and an opposable thumb again a bit passive ..I am a big detractor of 'was'. Perhaps 'its six-foot-long arms ended in large hands' for the beginning of the sentence?. Cruel claws tipped the end of each finger and it was obvious obvious to whom?from the way it hung easily from its perch that there was great strength in those spindly arms. Its body was long and skinnyalready established earlier in the para and two equally long legs sprouted from a swollen abdomenI would advise slicing this sentence in two, making the leg descriptor separate, possibly even dumping the first part as redundant. Feet which looked like they could also be used to grab hold of something also ended in claws, although not as long as those on its hands maybe tighten this up with the descriptor 'shorter clawed feet' at the beginning. A prehensile tail swung lazily back and forth behind it, the tip holding a barbed stinger that dripped with a virulent green liquid. Large leathery wings sprouted from its shoulders and unfurled, casually beating the air as if to test it.
New paragraph --not technically necc ...but big print blocks make people not want to read. My rule of thumb is, if it CAN be made into a new paragraph ..do itThe creature’s face was a picture of horror. kind of subjective, but this sentence works for me in mood building A large fang filled maw stretched from one side of its head to the other, seemingly splitting the head in two. Its nose was simply two vertical slits sitting just above the mouth and where its eyes should have been were simply two inky pits. The creature’s black leathery skin was covered in short coarse hair, especially dense around its genitalia and totally lacking on its chest and stomach.This last bit is very tightly written. Nice description, a lot less passivity. One thing--you used 'simply' twice in the sentence describing the nose and eyes. Possibly dump 'simply' from either one or both of its positions.
New paragraph
After hanging there testing its strength and taking in its environment for a couple of minutes, the creature suddenly dropped from its perch and plummeted towards the floor. The wings caught an updraft of air and sped the creature off into the blackness of the engine bay, in search of food. good start for the story, makes me want to find out what happened after it flew off
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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Nice piece Flash! I did my ersatz editing under the spoiler here:
DISCLAIMER
I am a very rusty editor. I also edited for a newspaper, which is a bit different than novels. Please take all my suggestions as that only. I may be talking completely out of my arse, and I want to restate that it is an excellent start. A few things jumped out at me, and I don't want you to think that I am being overly critical.
Thanks Pat. Some good points that really stand out once you stick them right in my face. A lot, if not all of those suggestions will be going into it when I start writing the next section.
Man, Passive Voice is a real bastard to try and steer clear of isn't it.Oh, and please be as critical as you like. If I didn't want it I wouldn't have asked for it. =)
Last thing I got edited was by Rone Barton (The Jade). It was the Spawn of Dajobas creature contest for Sinister. It was really helpful, so I am very keen to have my work looked over to help me improve.
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Man, Passive Voice is a real bastard to try and steer clear of isn't it.
Hee hee. I only lost my love for run on sentences and passive voice when I was being taught at the Defense Information School. Talk about a tough crowd! Maintain a 70 avg or become a truck driver. They also took off 3 pts/per for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Believe me, those 3 pters added up quick. Yikes. It was trial by fire.
Flash:
Nice intro. Good imagery.
Biggest thing to work on (No technical commentary needed, thanks Pat): Repetition like 'throbbing' and 'pulse' stand out a little. And 'object'. Sometimes it's good to develop stuff like this. For example by having the pulse turn to rippling you avoid the rep and allow the image to develop. Dynamic is good, you're already doing dynamic but the reps hold it back a bit IMO.
You've probably heard this before but 'show don't tell' really works some cool into your writing. Hard to do off the cuff. Again you're already doing it but I think you could do more. (I'm guilty too, bro) For one example: take 'mucous-like' and call it a thick fluid then describe what it does, how it moves, how it sticks to this or that in a creepy way that leaves no doubt in my mind that this is the afterbirth of a hideous monster.
So number 2 is more showing.
And I'd make the monster the hero. j/k.
Dude, do you have a PBP?
I write professional stuff, but I enjoy PBPing more. Different games, different style. Good practice. I'd go crazy writing money stuff if I couldn't come in here and write wacky netaphor on Z-day.
ALL DMs ARE EVIL
Enter stage right.
You're not one of the dudes we're about to shoot are you?
Just don't sneeze or you might pull the trigger!
That would be the shortest character ever.
P.S. I am still dying from my "cold", I am tempted to believe it is your mini-SARS now.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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Flash:
Spoiler:
Nice intro. Good imagery.Biggest thing to work on (No technical commentary needed, thanks Pat): Repetition like 'throbbing' and 'pulse' stand out a little. And 'object'. Sometimes it's good to develop stuff like this. For example by having the pulse turn to rippling you avoid the rep and allow the image to develop. Dynamic is good, you're already doing dynamic but the reps hold it back a bit IMO.
You've probably heard this before but 'show don't tell' really works some cool into your writing. Hard to do off the cuff. Again you're already doing it but I think you could do more. (I'm guilty too, bro) For one example: take 'mucous-like' and call it a thick fluid then describe what it does, how it moves, how it sticks to this or that in a creepy way that leaves no doubt in my mind that this is the afterbirth of a hideous monster.
So number 2 is more showing.
And I'd make the monster the hero. j/k.
Dude, do you have a PBP?
I write professional stuff, but I enjoy PBPing more. Different games, different style. Good practice. I'd go crazy writing money stuff if I couldn't come in here and write wacky netaphor on Z-day.
Thanks for the input Kruel.
One thing I have been thinking of:
I haven't given the ship a name yet in the story. I am debating whether or not to edit the first paragraph do so. I am thinking that I do want to introduce the name, but perhaps later in the story might be a better time. I do have two ideas on how to do so, but your (or Pat's) thoughts on whether I should do it now or later would be appreciated.
Another question for you guys:
When you write a story, how much of it do you have fleshed out beforehand? I have bits and pieces mapped out in my head, but the majority of the story is created as I am writing and then edited for consistency on the go. Is this a valid (or smart) way of doing it, or should I sit down and really plan how and where I want the story to venture before writing more?
Once again, thanks heaps you guys for your time and effort in helping me. I haven't really written anything since High School (where I really enjoyed Creative Writing). My Year 11 English Teacher wanted to enter one of my stories in a Young Writer's Contest, but I never took her up on it. I always wish I had.
While you're working on your writing, it never hurts to re-write something 3 or 4 times.
I made it into the creative writing program while studying Brit lit and the write > critique > re-write process they follow did a lot for me.
Every story (of the not too many actually) I ever wrote ended up:
You're not one of the dudes we're about to shoot are you?Just don't sneeze or you might pull the trigger!
That would be the shortest character ever.
P.S. I am still dying from my "cold", I am tempted to believe it is your mini-SARS now.
Two weeks it took. I started commuting on my bike again and the first 5 miles still see my diaphragm trying to force out my lungs. And that's after three weeks.
Two weeks it took. I started commuting on my bike again and the first 5 miles still see my diaphragm trying to force out my lungs. And that's after three weeks.
Great, I am meant to be go-karting for a mates birthday tomorrow, I hope I don't sneeze in the helmet.
I don't think I have ever slept so much.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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That would be the shortest character ever.
I had a Character a couple of months ago.
I spent heaps creating him (background, stats, equipment, etc...) as I usually do.I was late for the session and the others had encountered an Ogre and his wolf pets. They had kept my Character at the back for the 2 rounds I missed and then I got there.
I moved him (forgetting about the Ogre's reach) and got hit for 17. Then I took a swing and hit the Ogre. Then the Ogre hit Amon (my Khopesh wielding Mulhurondi Fighter/Rogue) and Critted him for 28, killing him instantly (reducing him to below -10: he had his head chopped clean off according to my DM).
So I lasted 1 round maybe 2 (I'm not sure if the Ogre's attack was in the next round) and was there for all of 15 minutes before I spent the remainder of the session creating a new Character.