When beholding the tranquil beauty and brilliancy of the ocean's skin, one forgets the tiger heart that pants beneath it; and would not willingly remember that this velvet paw but conceals a remorseless fang. -Herman Melville, Moby Dick
|
Wash: "Everything looks good from here... (beat...playing with plastic dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive."
(as Stegosaurus) "We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... 'This Land'."
(as T-Rex) "I think we should call it...your grave!"
(Stegosaurus) "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
(T-Rex) "Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"
|
|
Beer belly blues... what color are my new shoes...
'cause my feet & belt buckle are things I rarely see.
My problem is not my glands,
it comes poured from aluminum cans,
and Pabst Blue Ribbon's been awfully good to me.
...and honey when you buy my shirts, make sure they're triple-XLs
4 or 5 people I know at work have started calling me Orson Welles...
I've got endorsement offers from Michelob Light & Strohs,
and Junior Samples family called, and they're savin' me his old clothes.
Beer belly blues... what color are my new shoes...
'cause my pants & my zipper are things I rarely see.
My Momma says I'm big-boned...
I'm built like a Jim Walter home...
and Old Milwaukee's been awfully good to me.
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Yeah, I used to be a lean 175, now I'm way over 3...
It's gettin' to the point where my own wife don't wanna slow dance with me,
'cause I like to eat and watch TV, and knock out a case or two...
even people like Sally Struthers say that I need to lose a few.
Beer belly blues are somethin' that I can't lose.
If Richard Simmons saw me, he'd cry, and hold my hand.
Yeah, but I couldn't touch my knees if I was sweatin' to the oldies,
and Old Milwaukee's been awfully good to me.
Yeah, Pabst Blue Ribbon's been awfully good to me...
Yeah, yeast in general's been awfully good to me.
Jayne: "You can't change that by gettin' all...... bendy. With the light... from the console... it'll lift you up... like little... angels?"
*THUD*
Wash: "Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?"
Simon: "I told him to sit down."
“There are only two kinds of people who fail: Those who listen to nobody, and … those who listen to everybody.”
– Thomas M. Beshere Jr. in The Official Explanations
"Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand."
- George Eliot
Heaven lasts long, and Earth abides
What is the secret of their durability?
Is it because they do not live for themselves
That they endure so long?
-Lao Tzu
“A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts.”
– Herbert Victor Prochnow
"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
- Arthur Carlson
"It's a trick; get an axe!"
"Patience my ass; I'm going to go out and kill something."
-Vlad Taltos, Issola, by Steven Brust
:) !!
War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.-Georges Clemenceau
“Be not afraid of going slowly but only afraid of standing still.”
– Chinese proverb
"You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you."
"You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die."
~ Inigo Montoya and Westley, The Princess Bride
|
"Many orthodox people speak as though it were the business of sceptics to disprove received dogmas rather than of dogmatists to prove them. This is, of course, a mistake. If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time."
- Bertrand Russell
I do begin to believe I'm being insulted. ;)
"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
- Arthur Carlson
LOL. WKRP!
“The holiest of all holidays are those kept by ourselves in silence and apart, the secret anniversaries of the heart, when the full tide of feeling overflows.”
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe." Frank Zappa
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes. -Mark Twain
Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not. -Ursula K. LeGuin
"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism." Carl Sagan
"I have known many gods. He who denies them is as blind as he who trusts them too deeply. I seek not beyond death. It may be the blackness averred by the Nemedian skeptics, or Crom's realm of ice and cloud, or the snowy plains and vaulted halls of the Nordheimer's Valhalla. I know not, nor do I care. Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content. Let teachers and priests and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content."
Conan
“In science, one can learn the most by studying what seems to be the least.”
– Marvin Minsky
“A nation which never looks ahead is in for rude awakenings.” – John Galsworthy, Nobel laureate for literature, 1932
|
My favorites:
Every generalization is false, including this one.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes time and annoys the pig.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
A quote and weird news:
– James Heckman, Nobel laureate in economics, 2000
A quote and more weird news:
- Charles Schulz
A quote and yet more oddities:
"I will begin to speak, when I have that to say which had not better be unsaid."
- Cato the Younger (95-46 BC), replying to criticism that he was silent.
|
|
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an 'Escalator Out of Order' sign. Only an 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
- Mitch Hedberg
"It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."
- Jack Handey
"If I am reading this graph correctly, I would be very surprised."
- Stephen Colbert
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
- attributed to Groucho Marx
And my personal favorite:
"Would you hit a woman with a baby? No I'd hit her with a brick."
- e. e. cummings
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields
“I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and that I believe our education, such as in South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should our education over here in the US should help the US, or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future.”
- Miss South Carolina Caitlin Upton
Some Shaw and some weird news:
– George Bernard Shaw