Got an email today that had this little tidbit in it.....
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Heh heh.
wow that is harsh; funny, but harsh.
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Here are three good ones:
Me: What's the soup du jour?
Waitress: The soup of the day.
Me: Great.
Me: Do you use real eggs, or those EggBeaters(tm) fake eggs?
Waitress: I think they use forks. Let me go ask them.
This one was my fault. Just keep in mind that this is 10:00 in the morning.
Waiter: Would you like to see our specials?
Me: Nah. Just give me a slice of toast and a Mountain Dew.
The guy looked at me like I was a space alien.
My coworker tonight brought over to my cube a package of Kraft "Stoned Wheat Thins," to which I glibly quipped, "Whoa dude, check it out, a cracker eating a cracker!"
*Disclaimer:
I'm seeing a lot of edible absurdity up in here.
Oh, I'm sure someone must make a vegan fakemeat pastrami. Not to worry, ol' friend.
Oh, I'm sure someone must make a vegan fakemeat pastrami. Not to worry, ol' friend.You're a vegetarian? I'm so sorry to here that....
I'm becoming a vegetarian, I've given up pig (good-bye, bacon!)and turkey (yuck. I never liked turkey. That's why I gave it up first). When I gave everything up at once, I got a horrible headache. I think of it as an omen.
I'm becoming a vegetarian, I've given up pig (good-bye, bacon!)and turkey (yuck. I never liked turkey. That's why I gave it up first). When I gave everything up at once, I got a horrible headache. I think of it as an omen.
Fantastic, my man. Many sudden, drastic changes in your diet can have a knockdown effect. Dunna worry, lad. If you need any advice on vegetarianism anywhere along the way, don't hesitate to write: ronebarton@gmail.com
On to the absurd. Back when I dared go to Chinese restaurants (those days are long over) I was at a place in NY and ordered a dish made with fake chicken. Problem was, I got to the bottom of the dish and there was a big chunk o' white meat. I called the waiter over, gently blasted the establishment and never took my business there again.
Four years later I'm eating in a "vegetarian" Chinese restaurant in Teaneack NJ and one of the waiters recognizes me. He recounts that evening perfectly in a thick Cantonese accent and laughs like it was so funny, them getting caught out like that.
Then he brought me my fake chicken dish.
:|
They should just offer an entree called "vegetarian suprise," and then when you bite into your first hunk of beef fat the staff throws their hands up and rings out chorally, "Suprise! It's not vegetarian!"
I know it's not PC, but I like to imagine them actually shouting supplies!
A dog I don't know all that well seemed to have the hots for me, and he proved it when he climbed behind me on the couch last week and bit the back of my neck hard enough to break the skin to try and secure himself some of this sweetness.
I've had a similar...encounter. My sisters run with "the dascheund crowd" in that they own a dascheund of their own and many of their friends own one as well. So they're dog sitting for a friend's dog, Lilly, as well as their own male dog, Ollie. I'm over for dinner because I still lived in the city at the time and apparently Lilly was in heat and wanted nothing of what Ollie had. So, she goes for me.
I could not pet this neurotic, sweater clad dascheund with huge crazy eyes each of a different color without her grabbing my wrist and going to town. She often didn't even wait for me to pet her, just grabbed my arm and went for it. My sister would grab her and she would stare at me with the most intense longing I've ever seen. And if Ollie saw the attention she was giving me, he had to run over to fight over it. I was a dascheund battle ground. Still have nightmares. *shudder*
mmmmm.......pastrami melt.
Aww, fartknocker. I forget youse a vegetarian; I didn't mean to be messing with you.
What exactly is pastrami? I've never gotten a straight answer from anyone. Is it horse? Rat? Dog? Regenerating living asteroid fallen to the Earth at the beginning of civilization, worshipped by lost cultures before being split apart for mass consumption across the globe?
"Suprise! It's not vegetarian!" :|
Reminds me of when we went to Applebee’s with a coworker (lot of vegetarians in the Ann Arbor area), and he ordered a ham and cheese something or other, hold the ham. So sure enough, it comes with ham. He takes it in stride, sends it back to the kitchen politely. Sandwich returns….turned over. As if he’s not going to fricking notice it still has HAM on it, bwahahaha.
I know it's not PC, but I like to imagine them actually shouting supplies!
Always nice to see a fan of UHF. You want to talk un-pc, watch the outtakes. :)
What exactly is pastrami?
It’s supposed to be saltwater soaked beef brisket from the belly button area. Is it always…well, no (don’t buy from the butcher with the horse head over the door).
huge crazy eyes each of a different color
Heterochromia? Funky. I know in Dalmatians that's supposed to be a sign of deafness in one ear, not sure about other dogs.
I've had a similar...encounter.
Please send a picture of your sexy forearm. I'm outta porn.
(lot of vegetarians in the Ann Arbor area)
I went to a great veggie restaurant there called Sevas. Wonder if it's still in operation. I recall they had nothing organic available back then. Struck me as strange.
Always nice to see a fan of UHF. You want to talk un-pc, watch the outtakes. :)
That Weird Al Yankovic movie? Now you have me curious to see those outtakes.
Oh, I'm sure someone must make a vegan fakemeat pastrami. Not to worry, ol' friend.
Why, in fact they do:
http://www.lightlife.com/pastrami.html <-- Only one of many fakemeat companies here to serve YOU!
Eat to your heart's content.
~The Czarina~ (Who went to a college very heavily invested in veganism with a side of vegetarianism. Who also loves meat with an unhealthy ardor all her own.)
Why, in fact they do:
http://www.lightlife.com/pastrami.html <-- Only one of many fakemeat companies here to serve YOU!
Eat to your heart's content.
Funny you say that, that product actually gives me heartburn. Thanks for looking for me and for finding that site. I'm busily perusing. :)
(Who went to a college very heavily invested in veganism with a side of vegetarianism. Who also loves meat with an unhealthy ardor all her own.)
As a writer, I'd be curious to know what constitutes proof of this meaty love?
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Here are three good ones:
Me: What's the soup du jour?
Waitress: The soup of the day.
Me: Great.Me: Do you use real eggs, or those EggBeaters(tm) fake eggs?
Waitress: I think they use forks. Let me go ask them.This one was my fault. Just keep in mind that this is 10:00 in the morning.
Waiter: Would you like to see our specials?
Me: Nah. Just give me a slice of toast and a Mountain Dew.The guy looked at me like I was a space alien.
Waitrons like that get a tip like this--a quarter in an upsidedown glass of H20.
Got an email today that had this little tidbit in it.....
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Meant to comment on this. Love it.
As a writer, I'd be curious to know what constitutes proof of this meaty love?
You've never seen me around a steak. ^_~
Visions of the WB Tasmanian Devil...
"Bwollulla Bwoogiddy Brawrrr!
You've never seen me around a steak. ^_~
As a writer, I'd be curious to know what constitutes proof of this meaty love?
Hooray! A woman after my own heart. :D
Careful, she's meat crazy. She may actually be after your own heart.
Careful, she's meat crazy. She may actually be after your own heart.
Actually, I think I'm crazy to be on this thread.
Careful, she's meat crazy. She may actually be after your own heart.Actually, I think I'm crazy to be on this thread.
Almost. You're crazy and hanging by a thread.
Careful, she's meat crazy. She may actually be after your own heart.
*nom nom nom*
Don't worry, 'tis only the flesh of mine enemies...*adds more pepper*
*nom nom nom*
Almost. You're crazy and hanging by a thread.Careful, she's meat crazy. She may actually be after your own heart.Actually, I think I'm crazy to be on this thread.
Maybe, if I leave this thread now...oh now! i have to hurry or--
Gurgle...
Careful, she's meat crazy. She may actually be after your own heart.That's what Ed Gein's mother said about her son: a man after my own heart.
Yeah, he really got under her skin.
Aw man, now I'm going to have to see it again.
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"Suprise! It's not vegetarian!" :|Reminds me of when we went to Applebee’s with a coworker (lot of vegetarians in the Ann Arbor area), and he ordered a ham and cheese something or other, hold the ham. So sure enough, it comes with ham. He takes it in stride, sends it back to the kitchen politely. Sandwich returns….turned over. As if he’s not going to fricking notice it still has HAM on it, bwahahaha.
Back in high school, about one in twenty of the cafeteria's grilled cheese sandwiches would not have cheese on it. In other words: toast. Un-f~~#ing-believable.
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Waitrons like that get a tip like this--a quarter in an upsidedown glass of H20.Here are three good ones:
Me: What's the soup du jour?
Waitress: The soup of the day.
Me: Great.Me: Do you use real eggs, or those EggBeaters(tm) fake eggs?
Waitress: I think they use forks. Let me go ask them.This one was my fault. Just keep in mind that this is 10:00 in the morning.
Waiter: Would you like to see our specials?
Me: Nah. Just give me a slice of toast and a Mountain Dew.The guy looked at me like I was a space alien.
OoOOOooOooo... I like this...
I went to a great veggie restaurant there called Sevas. Wonder if it's still in operation.
Still there, it's three miles from where I work.
I went to a great veggie restaurant there called Sevas. Wonder if it's still in operation.Still there, it's three miles from where I work.
Good to know! Thanks!
Back in high school, about one in twenty of the cafeteria's grilled cheese sandwiches would not have cheese on it. In other words: toast. Un-f#@!ing-believable.
How is it people can't even handle the simple jobs?
1. preheat oven.
2. locate bag of tater tots in freezer. (the cold closet)
3. rip bag.
4. pour tots onto tray. (make sure the tray was not just in the preheating oven or you might get *burnt)
5. place the tot covered tray into the oven.
6. overcook tater tots.
*see school nurse immediately
Now was that so hard?
...I need to leave this thread.
So long as you don't cleave this thread.
You've never seen me around a steak. ^_~
As a writer, I'd be curious to know what constitutes proof of this meaty love?
Mmmmm, steak.
A few years ago, a few grilfriends and I got drunk and went to the store to buy meat. We bought all kinda, bacon, sides of beef and pork. Then we proceeded to grill and eat it. Best. Night. Ever.
You've never seen me around a steak. ^_~
As a writer, I'd be curious to know what constitutes proof of this meaty love?Mmmmm, steak.
A few years ago, a few grilfriends and I got drunk and went to the store to buy meat. We bought all kinda, bacon, sides of beef and pork. Then we proceeded to grill and eat it. Best. Night. Ever.
My best night ever? I won a boatwright contest in St. Thomas for Mia Kira, the mahogany skiff I built by hand. An hour after I left the ceremony I saw a local kid drowning offshore and saved his life. I then drove my soul mate Kira Fitzpatrick back to our cabana to make love until dawn the night before she left for the peace corps. She died en route in a plane crash but we couldn't have connected more brightly than we did that balmy, epic summer night.
But your thing sounds good too...
I am so kidding. My best night ever? Maybe tonight. Who knows? Depends what's on.
You guys do know I made that whole thing up, right?
I try not to cast palls, if avoidable, but I admit to a secret penchant for tossing guys named Paul off bridges when no one is looking.
Alright, the annoying insane jabber is too much. I'm leaving this thread (no offense, Postmonster or Gary Teter)
What did we say?
I prefer not to dwell on it, as thinking any more on the matter woukd drive me insane.
Actually, too late!
This isn't an observations of the absurd, but what the hay...
Last time I was in a doctor's office (tick bite) I was left there alone for 40 minutes. When the doctor finally deigned to enter the examination room I was earning an Oscar playing dead, with my eyes rolled and slightly crossed and my limbs hanging flaccidly off the table. He screamed aloud. I guess he never saw Harold and Maude.
*Whacks little green rock called 'Jade' with lich-king powers*
Look out, Vecna!
::Watches from the bracken hill, amidst the fern and briar, wondering at the drooling dragonling's sanity and motivation as it clangs its weapon against the ornamental gemstone in a mad fervor.::
*Whacks wolf again*
It comes as no surprise to me that Google reads everything that comes into my Gmail account. If I'm emailing back and forth about a drawing commission, there will be artist websites advertised above and to the side of my inbox window. If I just ordered a D&D book from Paizo, D&D ads will be on the computer. But, today...
"Learn how to kiss a girl so that she melts in your..."
...
...what the heck do they know about me?
Worse yet, what is wrong with me that the first word that popped into my head was "oven?"