on Sumerian wax tablets, he unleashed a
raging storm of libidinous ghost harpies across
the Capitol Building, causing congressfolk to lustfully
vote on pay increases for themselves, which
angered the Raging Pecker, a super villain
with booze-based superpowers. He decided to
sever one limb from each legislator, which
led to a filibuster of enormous proportions.
The filibustering senator was named Lawrence Rockemsockemssen,
squaring off against heavyweight champion Tipp O'Scales!!!
Filibustering involved title matches these days, since
beating up people is wholesome and fun
for the whole family. The Pecker's latest
signature move was called "the burning cocktail,"
which starts like a chokeslam, but ends
with a leprechaun in a leotard reciting
the Bhagavad Gita to his opponent's charbroiled
left achilles tendon. It could be countered
with "Raiden's Babe-ality", which started with a
thirteen episodes of powering up and ended
with a ninja in a diaper reminiscing
about the entirety of his childhood. When
the dust settled, all the lunatics would
start arguing with each other very vociferously,
trying to determine who among them would
become the Republican nominee for the Presidency.
Meanwhile, an idiotic troll had bequeathed several
hundred thousand dollars to the nominee with
the best butt tattoo. The candidates all
dropped their trousers, inadvertently showing the nation
their bits and all were disqualified. New
nominees had to be flown in from
The Peoples Republic of Leonard, a small
moving desert island off the coast of
New Atlantis, a different moving island, had
crashed into a THIRD moving island earlier
that day, causing a massive traffic jam
in the island carpool lane. Islands had
become much more migratory during mating season,
and the males put on elaborate displays of
volcanic eruptions and flocks of brightly colored
Cloud Elementals, frolicking through the trees while
tambourines and elephants are playing in the
Great Migration Waterways of the Moving Islands.
NaKika, the Octopus God, disturbed by all
the amorous goings on, decided he would
feast upon the souls of occasionally wicked
which taste similar to innocent souls, but
with more of a rich shoyu ramen
flavor with some added BBQ sauce tang.
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