The Five Word Game!

[Heathansson]

Fisher Price Sea Monkey Torturquarium

[Vattnisse]

(Tiny Torturer™ implements sold separately)

[Heathansson]

and Frank Burns put on

[drunken_nomad]

strips of BJ Honeycutt's skin

[Heathansson]

to do his Xipe dance

[drunken_nomad]

to impress Traci Lords's mama.

[Heathansson]

Hot Lips wasn't so impressed

[Celestial Healer]

with the dance, and said

[Heathansson]

"I've seen better moves on

[Vattnisse]

The Lawrence Welk Show; those

[Heathansson]

Billy Idol's Polka Jam players

[Celestial Healer]

make your moves look like

[Heathansson]

drunken tapirs playing chess." Frank

[Vattnisse]

Fazetta's paintings of these scenes,

[drunken_nomad]

blurred the line between reality

[Vattnisse]

and fanciful fiction, as they

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

portrayed Lovecraftian horrors and nightmarish

[drunken_nomad]

visages of psycho ex-girlfriends screaming

[Spyder]

"why don't you still call"

[Aberzombie]

me? Don't you love me?"

[Heathansson]

The Florida Gators are #1.

[Celestial Healer]

Heathansson wrote:

"The Florida Gators are #1,"

said the mentally defective werewolf

[Heathansson]

,"fried angel wings are tasty."

[Celestial Healer]

Then he ate the painting.

[Heathansson]

Meanwhile, in other news, Gandalf

[Vattnisse]

recently chose to change careers

[Heathansson]

to be a lumberjack in

[The Eldritch Mr. Shiny]

the wilds of New Jersey

[Heathansson]

and chop down lots of

[Vattnisse]

ents, whom he'd secretly detested

[Heathansson]

because they made fun of

[drunken_nomad]

his choice of Hydrox cookies

[Celestial Healer]

and his use of Depends

[Heathansson]

not to mention what really

[Celestial Healer]

galled him the most, the

[Heathansson]

smug, snotty, bratty, beligerant way

[Vattnisse]

in which ents boast about

[Heathansson]

the immense size of their

[Vattnisse]

beards. "Their chatter is naught

[Heathansson]

but the singsong of chainsaws

[FlashMan]

attached to the right arm

[Heathansson]

Of Peregrine Took, played by

[Vattnisse]

Andre the Giant. The chainsaw-wielding

[drunken_nomad]

hobbit snorted live fire ants

[Aberzombie]

using a mithril straw, then

[Heathansson]

poured tabasco sause up his

[Aberzombie]

nostrils while performing a headstand.

[Vattnisse]

Finally, he drank Doctor Pepper

[Heathansson]

again, through his nostrils, and

[office_ninja]

declared, "I'M THE LIZARD KING!!!"