I thought I would start a critique thread for the latest issue. The intention is to provide a space to comment objectively on the recent issue’s adventures in a constructive and friendly way. My own contribution to this topic will include an (x/10) rating of each adventure based on how much I enjoyed reading the adventure and how well I envision it in play.
My hopes are that we can use these criticisms – good and bad – to improve our writing and our understanding of that “perfect adventure” we all strive to create. It can also serve as feedback for the editors.
As fair warning, this is coming from someone whom has not yet gotten a proposal accepted.
The Beasts of Aulbesmil (2/10)
It is hard to place the type of this adventure. On the surface, it seems like a murder mystery, but the entire town already “knows” that Cloten has something to do with their problems – mystery solved. It could be an urban adventure but there are precious few NPCs with little to distinguish them apart but for name and few places to visit. That leaves us with a wilderness version of a dungeoncrawl. That is certainly a genre that deserves to be written, but there is nothing in this adventure that makes me want to play it.
Cloten was not given much personality to speak of and is not satisfying as a villain. The part with the orcs feels detached and unnecessary. The climax (fighting Cloten) will have likely already occurred before the PCs see the orcs or the even the owlbear and I doubt that those encounters would prove satisfying for my players. The story is also surprisingly linear barring the red herring of the owlbear. Though it tries to give the PCs the illusion of choice, it is a bit too transparent.
I view this adventure as a gritty murder case in a rural setting. As such, the adventure would have tracked better and maintained its gritty tone by dropping the fantastic and extraneous (i.e. the owlbear and the orcs) and expanding the options in town (i.e. more NPCs with deeper personalities). Cloten could have been better accommodated with more personality and a more drawn-out fight that builds to the revelation of his affliction.
I will say that I appreciate that this adventure is generic and uses only OGL material, as far as I can tell. In the end though, I felt unsatisfied due predominantly to dry writing and a plot that is not compelling. I simply was not ever excited while reading this.
The Hateful Legacy (7/10)
I have to admit that I was *very* excited by seeing the giant scorpion and dinosaur fight on the opening splash. Unfortunately, that led to minor annoyance, as there was no such fight detailed in the adventure. This is a solid, well-written adventure. I have only a handful of minor criticisms and one larger complaint.
To start, this adventure takes place in Greyhawk and gives us a rich but dense background. This will supply a barrier to entry for many, but the adventure is otherwise relatively generic. The bibliographic details of the sourcebook for much of the history is included and is *greatly* appreciated and I hope that this trend continues. More problematic is that the prepackaged adventure hooks seem unnecessarily entangled in the setting. In my mind, the hooks should be the *most* generic part of an adventure: there are more words in the hooks that I do not understand than in the background!
The adventure is in three parts if you consider Zorgus separately. The encounter with Zorgus is quite thrilling and serves as a great first encounter. This leads into the cliff dwellings of the ogres. This is the bulk of the adventure and is solid. The end follows with the Kazgorva confrontation. A criticism arises here with regard to the presence of the ogres. Since Kazgorva took such great pains to erase his once allied giants as is mentioned in the background, why would he, and his servant Zorgus, suffer the presence of the ogres now? I could not find a rationale expressed anywhere, but I may have missd it. The same goes for the harpies toward the end. These relationships seem inconsistent with Kazgorva’s reason for existing.
The final fight with Kazgorva and Urgush is well done; the encounter and antagonists are well developed and interesting. My only minor quibble is that Urgush is the same power level (CR) as Kazgorva where my sensibilities demand that this mere *servant* be less powerful than his master (especially since Urgush is smarter and prettier). Of course, the adventure ends with the looting. A major part of that is a new minor artifact that has little, if any, use to the PCs and no connection with the adventure, so I have to wonder why it was included.
So far, this has been a very solid adventure with only very minor complaints. My *big* criticism of this adventure is a compound one. This is a site-based adventure. There is nothing wrong with that as long as there is a compelling reason to be there. I will admit now that I prefer adventures that are event-based or at least partially so. Unfortunately, the adventure also gives me the feeling that the important stuff has already been done and there is nothing left of import for the PCs to do. The Hateful Wars are over; the armies destroyed; the deadly, hurricane-force gas locked away; and Kazgorva perished only to spend his days in undeath languishing in a mud bath and not bothering the world. There is no history-making here for the PCs, just damage control (if used as written). All of this likely reflects more on my taste in adventures than anything else and simply means that I would have to change a quite bit prior to use.
Overall, this is a very good adventure. In my opinion, it is overly mired in its own details and it lacks a certain empowerment for the PCs. However, it is well written with some well-developed antagonists, a solid flow of action, and a *great* use of environmental hazards (geysers and the deadly gas).
The Prince of Redhand (10/10)
Wow! This is the adventure I have been waiting for. It is of course an installment of the “Age of Worms” adventure path. Though it is difficult to evaluate separate from the overall story, I think that this is a great adventure on its own and owes no greatness to its association with the AP, which I think is an important distinction to make.
The more customary portions of the church, the Well, and Ilthane’s lair all have motivations tied to the previous parts of the AP. That said, they are all short, exciting, and concisely achieve what they are intended to achieve. Well done.
That leaves us with the party. This is where the adventure *really* stands out. This portion is easily tailored to any campaign as the partygoers can talk about whatever you want them to. The real gem here is the mechanic of the party – a series of “party games” – and the concept of the Authority Points. This is a great opportunity for some lengthy roleplaying. I was taken aback at first by the decadence and perversity of some of the party-games until I realized that that was how I was supposed to feel. However, maybe some mention should have been made on PC opposition to games such as the Corollax shoot and the cockatrice fighting. There is a bit on how the prince would react if offended though which is very important.
The NPCs are beautifully developed and unique. The party is splendidly open-ended: the PCs could be poisoned by the prince, they may disrupt the party and be hunted down by the Angels, or they could close the party having a wonderful time. I am curious to put my players through it just to see how the party goes.
I will close by saying that this adventure is *very* well written. The words flow smoothly and on pace. This was a true pleasure to read.
------------------
I encourage you to provide your own review or to simply respond to mine. Please take these comments as they are given – as friendly criticism – and forgive me if I offend. I can only hope that everyone can someday review my own published work. :)
Cheers.
I would like to second all of deClench's comments. I felt almost exactly the same about the issue: "Beasts" was largely dull and underdeveloped, "Legacy" was interesting and exciting, but seemed to have some logical inconsistancies that would need some DM-cleanup, and "the Prince" was a refreshingly unique event-based adventure filled with compelling characters, a truly weird gala, and some concise yet thrilling combat before the festivities.
Yes, Beasts of Aulbesmil. What happened here? This adventure is the kind of thing that makes people in the Black Hole thread wonder why they're not getting in.
Also, it seems like a lot was cut from this adventure. It gives a comparatively large background to the small amount of game encounters, and leaves possibilities at the end that seem like they were actually developed and then cut.
A tad late but I'm going to throw my pennies into this debate.
In general I think DeClench is spot on with many of his statements I think he's a bit harsh on The Beasts of Aulbesmil. Its got some points in its favor - its not linear for one thing. Lets also keep in mind that its merely 8 pages long. There is not a lot of room to work with here, so its not fair to completely compare it with a 30 page adventure - its a lot harder to make a great adventure in 8 pages. I liked the attempt to connect the wilderness and the town. In some sense it kind of reminded me of TEARS FOR TWILIGHT HOLLOW Lite. Still I generally agree that this adventure really feels badly stripped down. There was real potential here for a full fledged murder mystery with connections between a small town and the nearby wilderness - it'd take 20 pages but it might have been worth it.
I'm beginning to think that two fleshed out adventures in Dungeon a month might suffice some of the time we can have the 3rd adventure be more optional - either don't have it at all (more space for the other two adventures) or have either a fleshed out Critical Threat or a 3rd adventure but only if it really does all fit. I think a lot of us would really like a good monstrous murder mystery type adventure and this 8 page version kind of takes up the slot for the next 6th months without really managing to satisfy the craving. Come to think of it the problem is the background for Alaster. Maybe the real solution is to just expand out some other feature or let two adventures suffice when one is going to have a big feature section like Diamond Lake or Alaster. I mean I think we can think of something like Alaster being a full fledged adventure - even though I'm not running AoW I'm not about to begrudge the inclusion of a good town or city. In fact I might be even happier if we call it the third adventure for the issue and include in it more then just whats needed for AoWs. Throw in some sub plots and other features to help make the setting come alive and it benifits not only AoW players but anyone who wants to use the town in their campaign.
I'd rather that then trying to stuff another little adventure into the cracks - I mean if you have a spectacular 4 page adventure, Great! By all means put it in - but if were likely to be underwhelmed then make the most of the featured setting or let other adventures fill up the space or add another Campaign Workbook, Critical Threat or whatever. I always want the best content possible from Dungeon and I'm willing to see the '3 adventures per issue' standard bent (hell snapped in half is fine if the end result justifies it) if it means better content.
The Hateful Legacy
I too was mad about that splash page - That scene just f&~+ing rocked! But we never get to actually see it in the adventure. Definitely must remedy that if I ever run this.
I really liked the opening for this adventure - that Ogre Lair was truly cool and well thought out. I loved the way it existed on so many different levels - thats my kind of encounter.
I liked the valley setting - but the gas kind of confused me - I was left with the impression that the gas occasionally filled the whole valley floor killing all the animals that could not climb out. Not sure I loved that idea that much. This whole thing kind of begs for the 'Lost Valley' treatment - but its actually kind of barren. You get into the Lost Valley after a pretty interesting encounter at its entrance and then its nearly empty. There are only 5 kinds of encounters in the whole valley - kind of small considering that there were about 10 or so separate encounters just to get here.
Really this adventure could have used those 8 pages from The Beasts of Aulbesmil to expand out the plot and make the Valley a little more interesting. I mean we have a great set up. A Lost Valley begs to be full of Giant Scorpions and huge Carnivorous Dinosaurs - just like that splash page. On top of these trophy worthy monsters we have a background were multiple armies died and all the possibilities inherent with that, undead, ancient magic - treasure being collected for Pterodactyl nests etc. etc. Finally this adventure has some interesting geological events. Conceptually its a winner but the adventure itself just feels somewhat incomplete.
Finally The Prince of Redhand
... WOW ...
In general I think DeClench is spot on with many of his statements I think he's a bit harsh on The Beasts of Aulbesmil. Its got some points in its favor - its not linear for one thing. Lets also keep in mind that its merely 8 pages long. There is not a lot of room to work with here, so its not fair to completely compare it with a 30 page adventure - its a lot harder to make a great adventure in 8 pages. I liked the attempt to connect the wilderness and the town. In some sense it kind of reminded me of TEARS FOR TWILIGHT HOLLOW Lite. Still I generally agree that this adventure really feels badly stripped down. There was real potential here for a full fledged murder mystery with connections between a small town and the nearby wilderness - it'd take 20 pages but it might have been worth it.
I'll defend my stance. First, though this is the first issue I've reviewed, I've been reading Dungeon for a while, and I can honestly say that this adventure is one of my least favorite in all. Compared to the body of work from Dungeon that I'm familiar with, I stand by my evaluation for this one. Second, too speak generally, "too short" should never have to be an excuse for an adventure. I very much believe that short adventures can be just as phenomenal as longer ones. These are, of course, only my opinions.
Glad you shared your thoughts! :D
Gosh.
I loved the challenge of writing this adventure. I've played in a few party scenes in adventures before, but there never seemed to be any real menace behind it all, and somehow it seemed a pale immitation of 'real' adventure despite some well thought out NPC's. This is why I wanted this party to have purpose - hence the authority points, and some menace - hence offending the prince, and I'm really glad that it's been so well received.
I'm looking forward to hearing from people on how the thing runs and hopefully it will provide a colourful, dark, twisted evenings entertainment for everyone that plays it, but please someone do post a thread when you get that far.
Now, back to the Weavers, where did I put those Styes notes?...
I'll defend my stance. First, though this is the first issue I've reviewed, I've been reading Dungeon for a while, and I can honestly say that this adventure is one of my least favorite in all. Compared to the body of work from Dungeon that I'm familiar with, I stand by my evaluation for this one. Second, too speak generally, "too short" should never have to be an excuse for an adventure. I very much believe that short adventures can be just as phenomenal as longer ones. These are, of course, only my opinions.Glad you shared your thoughts! :D
Well something like reviewing has got to be one of the most subjective endeavors one can engage in - and reviewing D&D modules is probably more subjective then say reviewing music albums (OK maybe not more subjective then that).
For me if I actually finish the module its a good long way to being a winner in my books. I'm lazy and I've more adventures that I need to read or reread for my campaign then I can manage in this lifetime - so if I'm not at least somewhat interested I get a few pages in and then I just skip it, in fact the moment I start to get bored with the whole adventure I skip it.
This one was short enough and had an interesting enough premise that I never stopped reading. I guess I also liked it in the sense that it gave enough of a foundation that I can work with this. I can see myself using this adventure as a basis for one of my own design - sure I've got to triple its size in terms of adding more content but theres something here to work with - if I take your idea's in your first post I'd probably have a pretty good adventure really.
I guess I'm just forgiving of adventures that provide interesting concepts even if I have to work on them - A Hot Day in L'Trel ranks way up there in terms of brilliant adventures in my books but there is almost no way one can get a great adventure out of it if they play it purely as written.