Snarky Poodle's page

828 posts. Alias of Celestial Healer.

Silver Crusade

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I have been sending almost weekly emails to Customer Service since March 6. It has been almost 2 months, and I have sent 5 emails in that time.

This is just to request a refund of my PaizoCon ticket, purchased in 2020. I know how badly some folks wish they could go this year. It saddens me that I am apparently still in Paizo’s headcount for the Con. My badge shows as active for 2022.

But I am especially disappointed given how I have been an enthusiastic supporter of Paizo over the last 16 years, spending thousands of dollars on your products, only to be treated like an annoyance undeserving of the courtesy of a single response.

What happened?

Silver Crusade

I had never really paid attention to the fact that the harpy illustration in the Bestiary was male, but now that I am seeing this artwork for the miniature, I am living for it.

I should figure out a way to use more harpies.

Silver Crusade

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I wanted to make a thread, too.

Haven't decided who to put on my list, but definitely not Sebastian. I feel like my folding would never be good enough for him.

The invitation to Lord Wallingham's estate was not especially remarkable. The rural lords tend to take a protective watch over the lands and peoples in their charge, and some menaces call for adventurers. Still, the request was fairly vague. It stated only that there is a "disturbance" that he would like seen to, with a promise for more details upon your arrival as well as appropriate remuneration for your efforts.

The quickest route to Wallingham Manor is along the Highlands Rail Line, beginning at the capitol and stopping at the villages and small towns along its route. With the wonders of modern technology, one could be to Wallingham in a mere three hours - and for no more than a scant 2 silvers.

The old post road offers a more scenic view of the rolling farmland and wooden cottages that dot the countryside. By carriage, the ride would take 3 days - 2 on horseback if one pressed for speed.

Wallingham Manor sits atop a rise overlooking the village of Markshire. Its tall windows and stone terraces look out upon sprawling gardens, displaying all manner of brightly colored flowers and shrubs. In these waning days of summer, great care has been taken to keep the grounds from drying out. The manor itself is one of the more stately you have seen in the countryside of Leyland, displaying an immaculate state of repair and bustling with household servants.

As each of you arrive, an imperious butler by the name of Longworth greets you at the door.

Please state in your opening post how you made the journey to Wallingham Manor, in additionl to any other details you would like to provide. You can, of course, be coming from wherever you see fit. It need not be the capitol; I only use that as a point of reference.

Silver Crusade

Male Celestial Cleric of Myself 10/Radiant Servant of Me 10

Welcome to my new campaign. The setting is the kingdom of Leyland, a free and proud country, going through turbulent social changes.

A brief write-up on the campaign setting can be found here.

This write-up is deliberately brief. The campaign world is not fully detailed. You are, in a way, "alpha testers" of the ideas for this setting, as the concept continues to evolve.

You are all heroes who have been called upon by Lord Wallingham. He summoned you to his country estate to investigate some vague "disturbance." He is known as a noble and honorable man who cares deeply for the welfare of his people.

Character Creation:

4th Level.
Ability scores: 20 point buy.
2 traits.
Standard wealth by level.
HP: max at 1st level. Beyond that, you can choose to roll or take the average (rounded up).
Races: All races described in the write-up are fine. For anything else, you will need GM permission, as I may not have decided on how that race integrates into the world.

Dark Archive


Silver Crusade

I've been finding one element of the haunt rules a bit frustrating as a GM.

As written, haunts tend to have rather low HP totals. The PCs in my haunt-heavy campaign have generally been finding it more expedient to neutralize the haunts with positive energy then investigate how to actually put them to rest. Occasionally they do so out of curiosity or for roleplay reasons, but when they have some other goal ahead of them, they tend to shut them down with channeled energy, cure spells, and disrupt undead so they can move on to the next thing.

It's a legitimate tactic and, frankly, generally more expedient, but I think it loses a little something.

Any tips on how to make haunt encounters more unique and flavorful?

Silver Crusade

I think there's something in the water down there.

Silver Crusade

It's a great way for any guy to cut costs...


Silver Crusade

Inspired by the "Overheard at the Paizo Office" thread...

Though neither abstruse nor sublime
My limericks are a good time
You're good with your rolls
And handling trolls
But can you Paizonians rhyme?

Dark Archive

Please no trolling or flaming.

I'm hoping we can civilly discuss that you are all idiots.

My proof

Silver Crusade

There is clearly no rush on this, but is there any insight on why I can't post in the thread Untitled III? When I click "submit post" it goes into the "preview" and doesn't actually submit. Clicking "submit post" again does nothing: still in preview. (Clicking "preview" also goes into the preview, so it's the same.) I also tried switching aliases, but nothing I type there ever posts.

It's the same regardless of what web browser I use: Internet Explorer on my work computer, both Safari and Firefox on my personal Mac, and Android on my phone. And it's only that one thread.

I bring this up because:

1. If it's some type of board bug, it could effect someone else in some other thread.

2. The Untitled thread is a place for deep conversation and philosophical reflection. Yup.

Silver Crusade

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Male Celestial Cleric of Myself 10/Radiant Servant of Me 10

The village of Breden and the surrounding countryside have been terrorized by a series of disappearances. Most folk are afraid to go out alone, especially after dark. The superstitious townspeople have circulated all sorts of outlandish rumors about what may be plaguing their village, but until recently no one knew for sure. Just yesterday, however, a trio of local hunters scouting the land for game stumbled upon a horrific stash of human corpses in the vicinity of Lord Gilbraith's tower.

Lord Gilbraith was already widely feared for his cruelty, with some speculating he is some sort of demon in disguise. More educated travelers know he is merely a man, but the rumors have only intensified due to the exsanguinated state in which the corpses were found.

Father Sanville, a highly educated village elder, had the opportunity to examine the bodies before they were interred. He found that they were killed through mundane means, probably an ordinary blade, consistent with the view that Gilbraith is as mortal as he seems. However, he also caught wind from one of his brethren abroad that Gilbraith has been inquiring into methods of extending his life. Lord Gilbraith believes that by enacting some sort of ritual in which he drinks an innocent victim's blood, he can transcend mortality as a vampire and spend eternity expanding his power. Father Sanville knows of no such ritual and suspects what he is trying is impossible, but that is no comfort to the families of those he has slain in his attempts.

The matter has gained fresh urgency as a young woman named Lenna was abducted while tending her garden at the edge of the village in broad daylight. It appears that Lord Gilbraith will be making another attempt at immortality tonight, and his reign of terror must be brought to an end.


Nathaniel and Angalia:
Nathaniel's sister Lenna is known for her good nature and love of gardening. She has a particular fondness for lilies, although she has a talent for tending all sorts of blooming things.

Last night, your sleep was disturbed by a horrible dream. You were standing in a field, but all of the plants were brown and dead, save a single bloom standing by itself. As you approached, the flower began to bleed. You wrapped your hands about it, and then a scrap of cloth, but it only bled more, covering your hands and the ground at your feet.

When you learned of Lenna's abduction from her garden, you wondered if there was a connection.


Lord Gilbraith resides in a short square tower perched on a low, rocky rise. He is known to employ a small band of hired blades to do his bidding and serve as his bodyguards. It is probably these who abducted most of his victims. His tower has two known entrances: the front door and a smaller cellar door around the left side of the tower. Its only windows are set in the top floor, about 60 feet off the ground.


Evening is fast approaching, and Father Sanville fears what the darkness may hold for young Lenna. The weather is damp and cold, but this errand cannot wait.

Before you, on a short rise, looms Lord Gilbraith's unadorned stone tower. In the deepening twilight, you can make out the soft glow of light from the tower's upper windows. For the time being, you can see the tower clearly, although you suspect that will not last, as a thick fog is slowly creeping across the hills.

Silver Crusade

Male Celestial Cleric of Myself 10/Radiant Servant of Me 10

Hi. I forgot to mention an important rules change.

In keeping with Ravenloft traditions, neither alignment detection nor undead detection will work properly. If you belong to a class with those abilities, we can come up with alternate class features.

Spells that raise the dead will have a risk of the target coming back as undead instead. There will probably be a caster level check involved. I will post firm rules on that soon.

What are you looking at?

Some of us need a little help staying regular.

*sets out a pie*

I made it myself.

*waits for more drow*

Get your Spam right here! 31 flavors! 25% off if you buy five or more! Get some for your whole family!

Silver Crusade

I've seen enough people discussing it here and there on the boards to become curious about what kind of stuff we would get in a thread about it.

What are you listening to that's tickled your fancy recently? What concerts have you seen?

I've had Tchaikovsky's 5th Symphony on the brain lately. Tchaikovsky's music has a "sweep" to it that seems to carry the listener on with it.

Thread title:
I had half a mind to put Classical in quotes in the thread title. I mean it in the generic sense of the word, which I generally hesitate to do, since it has a much more specific meaning. Feel free to discuss early music, Romantic music, contemporary music, or anything else here.

Not many people go to this sub-forum, which makes me inclined to give this thread about a 40% chance of making it past 10 posts...

Silver Crusade

It's Chopin's 200th birthday. If you're not familiar with his music, get familiar with it.

Silver Crusade

In the spirit of political sharing, I have decided to share my views.

I believe that internet messageboards are a terrible forum for political discussion.

I believe that most political threads are redundant and repeat the same points over and over.

I believe that the Off Topic Discussion forums are better and even more meaningful when they are full of idle silliness.


Silver Crusade

I'm working on an assassin for a PbP, and I want to make sure I'm doing it right.

The way I read it, some assassin powers have the implement keyword and others have the weapon keyword. This leads me to the conclusion that those with the implement keyword use any enhancement bonuses from my magical ki focus and any feats that improve powers using that implement (such as implement expertise). Powers that have the weapon keyword would use the enhancement bonuses of a magic weapon and of any feats that improve my ability to use that weapon (weapon expertise, weapon focus, etc).

Is that right, or am I missing something?

Silver Crusade

I'm hoping the literati/theater buffs of the OTD boards can help me with this one. I am co-producing a Shakespearean-themed revue, and I need to choose a Shakespeare monologue.


It needs to be short, preferably under 2 minutes. (No "Friends, Romans, Countrymen...")

I'm 28. So no Lear/Prospero/etc.

Nothing so heavy and/or iconic that people are going to have expectations I couldn't possibly meet. (No "To be or not to be" or "Is this a dagger I see before me?")

No Romeo and Juliet, Henry V, The Taming of the Shrew, Much Ado About Nothing, or A Midsummer Night's Dream because those are already being featured in the revue.

Possibilities: I am considering Shylock's "revenge" speech from A Merchant of Venice or the opening of Richard III, but I'd like more options to consider.

Silver Crusade

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This is the thread for the refugees of "Forums are Way Too Long!!!"

Even though we know longer have a post goal, some of us liked having a place to chat about... well... anything.

So here it is.

By the way, I'm eating chocolate and it's delicious.

Silver Crusade

I read a little Lovecraft when I was young, but recently I've wanted to get back into it, and truly experience the origins of some of my favorite beasties. I've been reading some of the short stories, including rereading The Shadow Over Innsmouth.

My question for the boards is, what are the must-reads?

Silver Crusade

This is a thread for fans of Vomit Guy.

I love the way he brightens up any thread he posts in.

What are your favorite Vomit Guy stories?

Silver Crusade

I was poking around people's profiles, and I realized that I don't do that nearly enough. I highly recommend it.

Did everyone know that Aberzombie has a profile for every one of his aliases? It's true. Vomit Guy's was... inspirational.

Silver Crusade

I will start.

I miss the classy murder mystery shows from the 80s and early 90s:

Murder, She Wrote
Diagnosis: Murder
The Father Dowling Mysteries

(I'm sure I'm forgetting some.)

They just don't make them like that anymore. What shows do you wish were still around?

This is the place where we try to amass brains for Aberzombie. It's a "used brain drive" so to speak.

So stop by and drop off your unwanted brains!

Silver Crusade

If a troll was starving, could he cut off his arm and eat it, knowing that a new one will grow in its place?

I have a feeling I'm going to regret this.

Silver Crusade

So, I just got around to reading up on 4e druids... I've been impressed with pretty much everything in the PHB2, but I feel like they missed the mark on this one.

What made my head hurt in particular is that "Living Gate" paragon path, which is all about opposing aberrations, but provides precisely zero abilities related to aberrations. I just can't fathom what the flavor text has to do with the abilities that the path provides. Can someone see the logic here that I am missing?

Silver Crusade

*shameless bump*

Silver Crusade

Okay... The thread on the Dragon board about the picture of Lidda in the final issue got me thinking...

Who would you consider the best looking of the iconic characters?

Silver Crusade

I have to say, when I first noticed there was a feature article on arcane plants, I was expecting it to be pretty dull. I just want to say that I found it fascinating. I think the ideas will fit well into almost any campaign, even if it's as a background detail. Way to go!

Silver Crusade

Heathansson wrote:
If you could fight any historical figure, who would you fight?
Gary Teter wrote:
OK, let's take the Fight Club stuff over to off-topic....

I'll start. William Henry Harrison. He was sickly.

Silver Crusade

The sidebar on page 66 of issue 353 (in the Volo's article) refers to "Black beasts of bedlam" apparently not included in the article. I'm really fascinated by that name, though, and wish I could have seen what they're all about.

Silver Crusade

Being an accessory book junkie, I couldn't help looking this over.

There's some very interesting stuff here, but I'm greatly intrigued by the Rules Compendium. That seems really odd. Are they running out of ideas?

Elder Evils, Exemplars of Evil, and the Dungeon Survival Guide also seem a little unusual. I can't even speculate what those crazy people are up to.

What I would have expected to see, and did not, was a fourth warrior-themed book for the follow-up Complete series.

Anyways, just wondering if anyone has any thoughts. I like looking forward to new material.

Silver Crusade

The paladin thread got me thinking (and I don't want to threadjack)...

There seems to be a common trend of paladins clashing with other, non-good party members. It seems like not a lot of people play LG (apart from paladins, some clerics, and probably some monks).

Does anyone have any experience with staunchly LG wizards, rogues, or other classes without alignment restrictions?

What about other unusual class/alignment restrictions? I'd love to hear some stories.

Silver Crusade

The paladin thread got me thinking (and I don't want to threadjack today)...

It seems like a lot of parties have run into issues between paladins and other non-good characters. It seems like not many people play LG unless they have to (paladins, some clerics, the occasional monk, maybe).

Does anyone have experience with staunchly LG wizards, rogues, or other characters with no alignment restrictions?

What about other unusual alignment/class combinations? I'd love to hear some stories.

Silver Crusade

Did anyone think the Core Beliefs article was rather Greyhawk-heavy this time around? I know Wee Jas is a Greyhawk deity, and her background from that campaign setting is certainly interesting, but I was expecting to see some material on how to adapt her to other campaigns (she is a core deity after all).

The article never got away from her connections to Suel humans, and discussed her relationships with a number of non-core deities. Again, not a problem in and of itself, but I think there should have been some material on how to run her if all those other things are not part of your campaign.

Any thoughts?

Silver Crusade

Anyone seen it yet?

Silver Crusade

The thread on the D&D General forum about the guy who killed his coworker with a sword reminded me of something I wanted to share with all of you.

There's a store in a shopping mall where I live that sells swords.

Swords... In the mall.

Every time I walk past it, I am forced to contemplate, "If you buy a sword at the mall, how exactly do you carry it? Do you put it in a bag under your arm so no one knows what it is? Do you wear it on a scabbard at your waist? Perhaps you request that the store ship it to you so you're not faced with that conundrum."

The mystery was revealed one day in that mall when, waiting for my mocha at Starbucks, a fellow walked past with a large sword IN HIS HAND. Wielded, so to speak. Carried in front of him as if it was the most natural thing in the world... As if a kobold could be waiting around the next corner and he wanted to be ready because he doesn't have the Quick Draw feat.

I wonder what the mall cops think about that.

Silver Crusade

I need opinions. Could a Spirit Shaman benefit from the Spontaneous Healer feat? The feat description says the cure spell needs to be on their class list (which it is) and that they then spontaneously cast cure spells as a cleric does, but the mechanic for clerics involves replacing a prepared spell with a cure, and spirit shamans don't prepare spells, per se.

How would you Paizonians rule?

Silver Crusade

Was my subscription (purchased in late August) entered early enough to get Dragon 348, or does it start with 349? I'm planning on picking 348 up on the newsstand, but I want to make sure it's not just late or something.

Silver Crusade

So, I was reflecting upon the Fiendish Codex, and wondering when they were making the Celestial Codex, when I realized, no one (myself included) would ever spend money on that book (well, a few people with unusual campaigns and money to burn...).

So I got to thinking: what other books should WotC never make? Serious or funny.

P.S. If you think they should make a Celestial Codex, I'd be interested to hear it...