Limericks


Forum Games

Silver Crusade

Inspired by the "Overheard at the Paizo Office" thread...

Though neither abstruse nor sublime
My limericks are a good time
You're good with your rolls
And handling trolls
But can you Paizonians rhyme?


Your limericks are funny, its true
But in all the hollaballoo
You mustnt forget
the best limericks yet
Are from "I'm sorry, I havent a clue"....

(mornington crescent !)

The Exchange

Limericks... Limericks... we don't need no steekin Limericks....


Oh, yes we do.

I knew a half-ogre, half-orc
Who smelled of old Stilton and pork
Soaked in sewage and fried,
Who unhappily died
While picking his nose with a fork


Fourth of July is the day.
Time that Goblins come out to play!
So if you isn't green,
You mustn't be seen
For Goblins now enter the fray.
copy-pasta'd from my other post

Scarab Sages

There once was a woman from Reno
Who swallowed some acids amino
With a strong smell of must
Her flesh turned to dust
And all that was left were neutrinos!


I'm not sure where I ripped this one off from, but it remains the only limerick I know. I'll have to write a few of my own!

Said the vicar to old Bishop Pryce:
"My wife's just had twins! Ain't that nice?"
But the Bishop said "Father,
In future I'd rather
You abstained, or were not naughty twice!"


I dug this thread up out of its grave
I thought it deserved to be saved
There is nothing much better
Than rearranging letters
To show that I'm ill-behaved


1 person marked this as a favorite.

The brave Dwarven fighter turned pale
As his lovely young bride sadly wailed:
"Though impressive in length
It lacks vigour and strength
After 49 pints of strong ale!"

I know of a girl in the Shackles
Whose pants are so hot that they crackles
So cast Resist Fire
Before you come nigh 'er
Or she'll burn off yer block and yer tackles


I used to find slashdot delightful
but my feelings of late are more spiteful
my comments sarcastic
the iconoclastic
keep modding to plus five (insightful)

Scarab Sages

In airports you can't joke about bombs
What, do they think they're our moms?
How about a new gimmick?
May I tell bomb limericks
without TSA breaking my thumbs?

Scarab Sages

Said a young Southern man named Roy Jones,
“I'm a rock connoisseur to my bones.
I can pick out my winners
while eating my dinners:
I like Meatloaf and Limp Bizkit, but Korn pwnz!”


My interest in lithographs thrives
I bought plates from Currier and Ives
But don't you dare use
My plates for refuse
That's how I lost three of my wives


1 person marked this as a favorite.

They went up to young Amadeus.
"Oh, Maestro! Pray, what can you play us?"
He said, "I've concertos
Cantatas and scherzos
"But this little tune's one of Slayer's!"


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Everyone admired the wit of old Jack
Even the stoniest of faces he could crack
The jokes were laden with curses
And he wrote such horrible verses
But he did it with a juggling monkey on his back


1 person marked this as a favorite.

A lonely young lady in Harrow
Tried consoling herself with a marrow
But she gave up at last
Since the marrow was vast
And her [censored] exceedingly narrow


For John, being a lawyer was his pride
Their guilt criminals could not hide
But he was long-winded
And juries rescinded
"We'll wait for the movie!" they cried.

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

There once was a lady from Cheliax
whose fetish was male hemophiliacs;
but what made her was frustrated
such men couldn't be mated
when she kept draining blood from their tallywhacks.


I once fell in love with a Scot
Her freckles were such lovely dots
But she was given to drink
And caused me to think,
"Don't give frying pans to sots."


A singer, Beyonce, was seen
With a bunch of perspiring Marines
Such tone! And such timing!
Hold on - is she miming?!
Call Milli Vanilli - they're clean!


The time between limmericks is a bit protracted
Writing one is hard, they're often retracted
But here's a little clue
That might help you
Popular ones use the word [redacted].


I sing of the noble Achilles
Whenever the weather was chilly
He'd laugh at the ice
Slap his muscular thighs
And wrap cotton wool 'round his willy

And

Have you hear of that naughty Marquis
With an unhealthy thing about pee?
He goes out to the park
Where dogs frolic and bark,
Disguised as a lamp post, or tree...


There once was a young man from Sparta
Who swallowed a ton of tomatos
And, with rigorous training
And heaving and straining,
Succeeded in s**tting passata

EDIT: This one only rhymes if you use the UK pronunciation of tomatos...


There is nothing at all quite so fancy
As a little thread necromancy
The topics got old
And got lost in the fold
Much like actor, John De Lancie

Not really. He looks like he keeps busy.

Silver Crusade

A halfling fighter in combat en masse
found a kobold with levels in his class
the two of them dueled
but with their talents pooled
the two of them could have kicked @$$


I am the NECROMANCER!

A busty young lady on Oldham
Said to me, when I asked, could I hold 'em,
"Hold what? Are you barmy?
This is all origami!
Pull the tab labelled 'B' to unfold 'em!"

I know a young fellow in Leeds
Who, to achieve potency, needs
To be reamed with a mango
While dancing the tango
And reciting the Nicene Creed

A young man from India's shores
Said 'Bedamned both to teeth and to claws!
The right place for a man
's in the a** of Shere Khan!'
*Tumultuous cheers and applause*


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I know a young lady in Riddleport
Who, so rumour has it, can piddle port
And by twisting her nipples
Concoct other tipples
Which she squirts in your glass with a liddle snort.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

There was once a man from Singapore
Who ended his limericks at line 4
When asked why this was
He said it was because


There was a Varisian lass
So adept at shaking her a$$
That her gyrating rump
So firm and so plump
Turned the young boys into men en masse


There was once a man from Dundee
who ended his limericks at line 3
When asked why this was


There was once a man from Timbuktu
Who ended his limericks at line 2


There was once a man from Verdunn


I don't think I can tell you the one about Emperor Nero.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

A rabbi who lived in Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said 'Oy Vey!
If you keep on this way
The Messiah will come before you!'


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I went to see Percy Bysshe Shelley
He said, "Can you handle this jelly?"
Then twerked, wound and flexed
'Til the prunes took effect
With results unhygenic and smelly


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I sing of the old Duke of Buckingham
Whose ladies said, when he'd done f###ingem
"Your Grace, though your barlses
Aren't as grand as King Charles'
You could still fit a whole roasted duckinem"


1 person marked this as a favorite.

The notorious Lady de Winter
Once slept with the dramatist, Pinter
As he unzipped his fly
She exclaimed, with a cry,
"Hell, that isn't a dick - it's a splinter!"


There was a young man who loved goats
He'd shove his [REDACTED] down their [REDACTED]
In the end, the goat's [REDACTED]
Would be sore, cracked and swollen
When asked "Are they willing?" he says "Totes!"

The Exchange

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

A paladin said to the witch:
"Stop claiming innocence, b%%!~!"
He ignited the pyre,
man, that was a big fire ...
with his fall he'd walked over a bridge.

Grand Lodge

There once was a man of great power
Who stepped in to a magical shower
It reversed all time,
And gave back his dime,
Which he used to pay for a flower.

Liberty's Edge

A young lass with flaming red hair
Agreed to a streak, on a dare
We all saw from that traipse
That her rug matched her drapes
And her chest, all the trove she could bear


I had forgotten this thread existed
Can't say that I really missed it
But why the heck not?
I'll give it a shot
And put myself down as 'unlisted'


There once was a man from Absalom
Who came up with such a nifty con
He'd sell a Starstone guide
And when the client fried
The gold he kept weighed a ton.


A dragon who dwelled near Hermea
Once said to his girlfriend, "My dear,
Your breath, though it's sweet,
Has a great deal of heat
And has melted the end of my 'spear'"

A female fighter called Kate,
Squeezed into a set of boob-plate,
When foes stared at her t!!@,
Dealt them critical hits
At an almost incredible rate.

Liberty's Edge

A pirate from Tidewater Rock
Was blessed with an enormous [ ;-) ]
He sailed 'round the Shackles
Proudly waving his tackle
And looking for places to dock

Liberty's Edge

A drunkard approached on his own
Took the test, and survived the Starstone
Now divine, who to trust?
Here's the Goddess of Lust
Saying, "Hey soldier, throw me a bone!"

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