Don't get me started on 2000. They took an ideal gaming system and turned it into a dumbed down casual thing for video game kids with short attention spans. Selecting "feats" and assigning "skill ranks"? That's something out of Final Fantasy. Base Attack Bonus? Well if you can't handle THAC0 kid, your parents should have a word with your math teacher. Crafting magic items? Hah, congrats, you teenagers wrote so many letters to TSR complaining that your Dungeons Master doesn't hand you out candy that it worked.
Sadly, millions of true gamers were abandoned and betrayed by this. Luckily I had enough AD&D to last me a lifetime and I could just sit back and watch as this whole edition change thing blew up in publisher's face and they came back crawling to producing AD&D few years laters.
Restrictions. Anathemas. We can't have those, they will be used by power-crazy Mister Caverns do punish and pull us True Gamers down. Why oh why can't we just have Artificial Intelligences controlling the opponents and the environments instead of those oppressive, antagonistic flesh-things who run games only to control, punish and limit under the flimsy pretences of "telling a story" and "making it fun for everyone"?
IT'S NOT FUN FOR EVERYONE IF I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING I WANT!!!!!!
The alignment restriction of Paladin is an example of arbitrary limit on player options, of inviting Mister Cavern to be a douche, paying homage to outdated 'traditions' of the genre, curbing essential civil liberties and generally I'd love to travel back in time and make sure whoever came up with the idea was never born in the first place.
So true. Throwbacks to the XX century should rest in peace. They could never optimize their way out of the shopping bag anyway. Give me a game where I can destroy human lives by posting builds on forums that display my absolute powergaming superiority over other sentient beings.
But but but I was watching some anime last night and the badass ninja was jumping between his enemies with no problem at all and why that's not in Pathfinder!!!!!1one11eleven
And and and when he swung his swords the enemies exploded and then he shouted HIYAAAA and a demon meteor fell from the sky and kill all bad guys and lol he was like level 4 cuz that was episode 5 of the series and whai dat not in game?
Matthew Morris wrote:
TYPICAL PAIZO CUSTOMER, POLLUTING THE GENE POOL OF OUR SPECIES!
James Sutter wrote:
Thanks, everyone! And don't worry--the fact that this book coincided with John Carter was a nice bonus, but this book was conceived long before any of us knew that movie was in the works. :) More products about Golarion's solar system will depend entirely on fan demand...
I mean, SERIOUSLY.
I HATE dwarves. They are a silly race of drunken idiots who would never go out of their alcoholic stupor to achieve anything IRL.
I HATE elves. They are band of effete pony lovers who can't get their balls straight, you know why? NO BALLS.
I HATE humans. Just look at them. Ridiculous. How can they even walk straight?
I HATE halflings. Look, seriously, Tolkien should have just sued your socks off for knocking off his work.
I HATE gnomes. Get your stupid anime out of my pristine, cherished pseudo-medieval European fantasy and now.
I HATE half-orcs. My aunt Petunia read about them by accident, and you know what? I've had a lecture about how young 30yr old boys like me shouldn't learn difficult words like "rape" yet. Thanks for nothing, Piazo.
I HATE half-elves. No really, can you even imagine how they come to exist?
I HATE Druids. Tree-hugging? Really? OLOLOLOL. Am I supposed to play that? No, really? And animals? Is this pokemon, or a traditional fantasy game? Gygax would laugh at you.
I HATE Barbarians. Again, what's up with you writers? That oversized sword? Rage? RAGE? What do you know about RAGE? My uncle John can come and punch you in the face, then you'll see what rage is.
I HATE Fighters. Look now... This is a fantasy game. Am I to be serious bringing a baurdich-gosamme or some other stupid French word to a magical battle?
I HATE Clerics. Clerics should be sitting in temples and going yadda yadda, NOT running around in chainmail hitting folks on the head with maces. Have you ever seen a priest do so? Me neither.
I HATE Bards. The mere thought of some silly prancing boy with a lute makes me laugh. Sadly, the designers thought otherwise...
I HATE Paladins. Two words, Paladin alignment. Nuff said.
I HATE Sorcerers. Lobotomized poor man's Wizards, olololol.
I HATE Wizards. Glorified Sorcerers yet still inferior to spontaneous casters in every way. Charisma as primary stat, UMD on skill list and no stupid spellbooks for me, every day!
I HATE Rogues. Rolling buckets of dice for sneak attack while my buddies are stuck rolling 1 die for damage is NOT GOOD BALANCE!
I HATE Rangers. Cheap World of Warcraft knockoffs who even can't pick my fave animal (crab) as a companion. Also, they can't pick guns as weapons. WTF?
I HATE Monks. Friar Tuck called to say what Monks really look like. Eastern poisoning of my fantasy continues.
I HATE Alchemists. Look now, an alchemist is a guy who sits in his labs and brew Cure Light Wounds potions, not some turbo bomber.
I HATE Oracles. Lame. LAME, GEDDIT! Duuuh, you folks are too dense to read my brilliant jokes.
I HATE Inquisitors. I've played WH40K and I know what an Inquistor is. Let me tell you - he's an Imperial badass in power armor. The fact that Games Workshop didn't sue Paizo for use of the name yet is beyond my comprehension.
I HATE Cavaliers. I mean, if I wanted to play a knight I'd go paladin, right? I'd just agree with my GM that he is a Paladin of Sodomy and we would be a-ok, no need for a new class for that.
I HATE Witches. I mean, I'm OK with girl witches, but can you imagine a man in a pointy hat with a broom? Is this some kind of joke?
I HATE Ninjas and Samurai. I think I've said this before: GET YOUR EASTERN CRAP OUT OF MY FANTASY.
I HATE Gunslingers. Take the above sentence and replace EASTERN with WILD WEST. Geddit?
I HATE Maguses. Eldritch Knight was perfectly fine, why the hell a new class for gishes? And let me tell you - gish players are the worst type. They constantly try to woo each other at the table. NO THANKS.
I HATE Summoners. Pokemon+Final Fantasy+lots of math. A traditional gamer's nightmare.
That was a totally serious post, BTW. Nothing works me up like some close-minded SCA neckbeards.
I dislike every class that is in any way connected with that ridiculous thing called "Europe". Really, how am I to take seriously some idiot in plate armor? Who's swinging some barbaric piece of metal only incidentally called "a sword"? European swords were a a pale shade of what glory Japanese smiths could bring forth with their katanas. It doesn't fit with my anime-inspired vision of fantasy at all, and I would really prefer for all those "western" elements to be excised forever. Sadly, there are far too many folks out there who are hung up on their outdated "sword and sorcery" ideas, or even worse, that Tolkien guy. Sheesh. Bring on my guns and katanas!