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Another one from the vaults:
'Rock and Rule'
I still watch this and 'Wizards'.
I saw Laibach credited in the trailer.
Spider Goblins are listed in the 3.0 edition 'Creature Collection', a 3rd party product by Sword and Sorcery Studios. Checking the book, I realized its 'Spider-eye Goblin'. My apologies for the error.
I would like to see Bugbear, Morlock, Wyvaran, Gnoll, Centaur, Hobgoblin, Ogrekin, Ratfolk, and Strix, please. Edit: and Spider Goblins, if possible.
132. Because my ex-wife sucked the life out of me in the divorce.
Men At Work
B-a-l-a-n-c-e, Balance. Highlander, Ramirez sings/says this while MacLeod balances on the rowboat.
88. Ramitall Inn - a very small establishment, but popular among travelers.
What about drop bears?
"Gaggles," of course. ;) I think a 'murder' of harpies would be a more appropriate term.
When I mention my military service in Iraq, no one believes I was there in 1991.
I would like to see something a bit more dwarf-centric. Either a group establishing its own clan territory (sort of Kingmaker with beards) or the retaking of a sky citadel.
145. The worst fears of several physicists are realized when the atomic bomb test in Alamogordo, NM ignites the planet's atmosphere. All life on the surface of Earth is extinguished.
99) Admiral Kimmel is warned to move the Pacific fleet out of Pearl Harbor on 5 Dec 1941. The Japanese air raid causes damage to facilities, but no major ships are lost. The battleship-focused US fleet is battered and loses the battle of Midway. This causes the war in the Pacific theatre to shift in favour of the Japanese until Col. Doolittle flies a B-25 from the deck of USS Hornet, dropping an atomic bomb on Tokyo in early 1946
94) Bowing to public outcry following the sinking of the Lusitania, President Woodrow Wilson leads the US into The Great War in 1915 95) Under pressure from the Irish immigrant population, President Woodrow Wilson intervenes in the Irish rebellion of 1916, bringing the US into the Great War on the side of the Triple Alliance. 96) While in Mexico, searching for Pancho Villa, 1st Lieutenant George S. Patton is killed by 5 banditos. 97) Deciding it will win more favour with England and France, Adolf Hilter focuses the Nazi party against communism, rather than Jews. In 1936, Germany, Finland, and Poland invade Russia, supported by France and England 98) King Edward VII refuses to abdicate. His Nazi sympathies cause England to ally with Germany against France in May 1940.
"That was quite possibly the best impersonation of a plate of beans negotiating its way out of a otyugh's digestive tract I have ever heard." "Were your parents too closely related for a legal marriage?" "Off my stage, this instant! And don't drag your knuckles along the way." "I speak several languages, and I doubt there are enough expletives in all of them combined to describe what you are doing to this play." "Hold up your hands! Up! Hmm, you do have thumbs after all." "What fiend replaced my actors with these shaven monkeys?" "As a point of interest, how many of your ancestors were ogres?" "This, people, is what happens when siblings are allowed to marry." "I am going to have you killed. I am going to have your whole family murdered. I am going to have your ancestors rotting corpses exhumed, and then take the whole wretched lot of you to the border and throw you across it so you can no longer contaminate my beloved Cheliax." "The spawn of Lamashtu are running amok, ladies and gentlemen." "I would have someone lance that boil at the end of your neck, but I'm afraid it's your head."
"The syphillis has eaten through to your brain" "I shall strangle you, have a priest raise you from the dead, just to be able to kill you a second time." "To judge by what you're doing to my play, you used to be a butcher, yes?" "Lunch, everyone! The ham is already onstage." "When you are through chewing the scenery, could you possible attempt to act?" "Are you ill? Hemlock cures everything, you know." "Use the thing between your ears, and I do not mean your nose!"
I took the liberty of combining the entries into a single listing, and the list wound up with 105 items, due to duplicate numbers. Certain themes were used repeatedly [i.e. dancing], so I grouped those together by type, and added a few new items. Let me apologize in advance for anyone's work I've altered in order to fit in the list. I hope no one gets too upset that I edited their entry. And now, the list: What are the goblins up to? 1. Making rope out of human hair. A coil 1d100 feet long is already complete. 2. Boiling up a pot of mud and gravel stew. 3. Singing. Roll 1d6:
4. Playing poker with blank cards. The printing on the cards is visible only to creatures with darkvision. 5. Dancing. Roll 1d6:
6. Playing tenpins with a skull and some legbones. 7. Interrogating a rat tied to a tiny chair. "I'm gonna ask you one last time: Where is the cheese?" 8. Building a house of cards with the deck #4 above. 9. Discussing the pros and cons of sexual congress with a wide variety of other monsters and races. 10. Eating meat pie. The pie might be stirge, or it might be pixie. The goblins can't remember what they put in it. 11. Debating the crisis of succession that would arise from the untimely demise of the current goblin king. 12. Shining shoes of various sizes (kobold to ogre). They all radiate faintly under detect magic but have no known powers. 13. Three words: bunny eating contest. 14. Sewing filthy rags into patchwork tunics. If a completed tunic is worn it protects as +1 padded armour. If the garment is cleaned the magic fades. 1d3 tunics have been completed. 15. Drawing obscene graffiti on the dungeon walls. Roll 1d12 for their chosen medium.
16.Arguing vehemently over the proposition that cannibalism should be kept strictly in the family. 17. Strip chess tournament. There's a 1 in 6 chance at least some of the goblins are already in the all-together. Not a sight for the faint of heart. 18. Pickling sliced shrieker. 1d20 jars are done. 19. Dress up. The goblins are… (roll 1d4):
20. Throwing trash at a tied up dog. 21. Having a fermented urine drinking contest. 22. Cooking a horseleg on an open fire. 23 Playing swords with broken chairlegs. 24. Having a fight over a straw-doll. The doll ripped, and now one of the goblins is drawing his dogchopper to kill the one who ripped it. 25. Goblins are gathered around, eating another goblin’s corpse. 26. Goblins play hide and seek. One is counting, "3...4...7...2...10!" 27. Goblins playing with blocks...made from feces and mud. 28. Throwing cards from #4 above into a helmet. None are going in since they forgot to remove the head... 29. Fighting each other, just a mass of legs and arms and weapons, half-concealed by kicked-up dust, with a few bodies lying around. If interrupted, they don't even remember how it started... 30. Playing 'pin the tail on the donkey' with a tied up halfling. Drunken or just dizzy goblins are staggering around blindfolded, poking randomly with knives. The winner is the one who stabs the halfling and not one of the other goblins. 31. Having an arrow-catching contest to determine who gets to be leader. Things aren't going well. 32. Listening to a rousing speech that has them on the verge of changing their entire culture. 33. Seeing who can dribble snot or saliva out of their mouth, make the longest string, and then suck it back up without breaking. One goblin is cheating. 34. Playing "Keep Away" with knives. 35. Fighting over a broken spyglass, each arguing that only he knows how to fix it. 36. Peeing contest. Roll 1d4 to determine what type of competition:
37. Taking turns making up dirty limericks that don't rhyme. 38. Poking a fire with a stick. 39. Throwing small animals against a wall, and screaming with glee. 40. One goblin has somehow managed to dye his head purple, and the others are trying to make him tell how. The purple-headed goblin doesn't remember, but claims it has something to do with the latrine. 41. Throwing dogslicers at a crude target made of a human or dog torso. 42. "Troll on a board" is being devoured by goblins, regenerating while the goblins attempt to eat until they pop... 43. Goblin juggling three rats. The show ends with the three rats going "plop, plop, plop," into its toothy maw. The juggler grins, with 2 tails and a rat head hanging out of its teeth. 44. Goblin doing a pantomime of a local king, it's crown made of rat bones, the other goblins are throwing rotten food at him...a sign of great respect amongst goblins. 45. Goblins trying to catch a giggling goblin child running around in the buff. 46. Goblins playing ball with the head of a goblin dog lover. 47. Blood-soaked goblins playing jump rope with horse intestines... 48. Hungry goblins wait for the goblin chef to serve the freshly roasted puppy. 49. Goblin juggling knives. The show ends with the three knives going "plop, plop, plop" into the juggler’s toothy maw...as it falls over dead. 50. There were some goblins who lived in a shoe...of a storm giant. 51. Goblins playing catch the kitty cat. The goblins are covered in scratches, the cat is beyond insane... 52. Goblin Hard Head Contest! Goblins are taking turns running full-tilt into a stone wall, head first. The current players are surrounded by the unconscious forms and corpses of previous players. 53. Goblins viewing the paintings in their fecal finger paiting museum. The goblins are gesticulating and making additions to the art. 54. Goblins making a sculpture of a dog out of a barrel of lard they stole during their last raid. 55. Having an Otyugh-feces eating contest. PCs must make a DC 20 Fort save or be sickened. 56. Playing 'Wish Chicken'. Two goblins grab a live chicken by a leg (traditionally, they grab different legs but sometimes there is confusion on this part). The goblins then pull the chicken until the chicken tears in two parts. The winner is the one that has the biggest piece. The prize is (duh) the biggest piece; the goblin got his wish. Variants include ‘Wish Frog’, ‘Wish Cat’, and the goblins’ favourite: 'Wish Dog’. 57. Goblin stew. goblins are "taking a bath" in a large cauldron, while others slowly add wood to the fire. 58. Slip ‘n’ slide. goblins run across the room and slide on a pile of offal and refuse. 59. Cataloguing. One goblin is trying to inventory everything they got in their last raid, so she's having other goblins break open the wine casks, food bags and other boxes to see what's inside. The mess created is ruining everything. 60. Goblin martial training. A group of goblins are trying unsuccessfully to hit a fake human in the distance, with half a dozen spears broken around the target. Onlookers are laughing and taunting the poor aim of their fellows. The catch: whoever actually hits the fake human target has to retrieve all the spears, becoming a live target for the others to throw more spears at. 61. Goblin darts. The goblins take turns sitting on a ballista while their teammates aim and shoot them at a target on the wall. 62. Exploring the uses of sovereign glue. Roll d12 to see what gets stuck:
63. Goblins jumping rope...with razor wire. 64. Big "who-can-shout-Lamashtu-the-most-often-the-fastest" contest 65. Anatomy Bingo with prisoners. 66. Blindfolded fencing. 67. Insult contest (PCs are asked to join). 68. Goblins dancing around a hole chanting, “SEVEN! SEVEN! SEVEN!” If anyone approaches to ask what they're doing, the goblins rush the guy, toss him into the hole, and start chanting, “EIGHT! EIGHT! EIGHT!” 69. Playing ‘pin the ears on the elf,’ with real elves. 70. Napalm sticks to kids. A horrible accident involving a barrel of alchemist's fire has just occurred in this chamber. 1d6 goblins are running in random directions, on fire. They are shrieking in pain between bouts of laughter and squeals of delight at the fire. Any goblin moving toward the PCs may make an overrun attempt against the PCs in an attempt to escape, provoking an attack of opportunity. The goblins have a +2 circumstance bonus to their Combat Maneouvre Bonus (Pathfinder beta rules, pg. 150). If successful, any PC who is overrun must make a DC 12 Reflex save to avoid catching on fire. Failure results in the PC suffering 1d6 fire damage per round until the flames are extinguished. DC +2 for each goblin that makes such a bull rush attempt. The DM may opt to just have the goblins run around, and not endanger the PCs, if she feels the party might not be ready for such a potentially dangerous encounter. 71. Know thy enemy. 1d6 goblins are attending a seminar on human, elven, canine, and equine anatomy. Crude figures are drawn on the wall as a visual aid, with the speaker providing tips as he points to the drawings:
72. Mortuary Science. A goblin shaman is teaching her apprentices the fine art of making shrunken heads. There are 1d10 heads of varying creatures in various stages of being prepared [de-boned, sewn shut, being stuffed with hot sand, being smoked over a fire]. For extra horror, have one of the PCs recognize a head! Perhaps there's a functioning Hand of Glory somewhere in the room. 73. An idea so clever, your foot falls off. Two goblins are in the room. One sits on the floor with a foot propped up on a rock. The second goblin is about to trim the first goblin's toenails...with a scythe. 74. Chicken fight. Six goblins are in the room. Three of the goblins are mounted on the shoulders of the other three. Each pair is trying to knock the others over by kicking, punching, biting, and pelting each other with live poultry. Each goblin has 1d3 subdual damage from fighting. 75. Two goblins are scraping a goblin dog with backscratchers and collecting the flaky dandruff in bowls. Over to the side, two goblin "chefs" are mixing the bowls of flakes with some form of rancid, cottage cheesy substance, whipping the mixture into a batter, and using it for breading chicken, fish, rat-on-a-stick, and crust for goblin meat pies. 76. Body art. One goblin is being tattooed, pierced, or branded by his peers, either willingly or otherwise. Anatomical specifics are for the DM to determine. 77. Medical treatment. One goblin is being restrained forcibly, while another goblin performs a dubious medical procedure. Suggestions: tongue splitting, tooth sharpening, reattaching a severed limb, or my personal favourite: trepanning. 78. Firestarters. The goblins in this room are making torches for their next raid. They have several stout pieces of wood, a barrel of pitch, and strips of cloth. Another pair in the corner have flints, iron nails, bits of fur and dried grass for use in tinder kits. These goblins are singing as they work:
79. Pull my finger. The goblins are engaging in a flatulence contest by various methods (roll 1d4):
80. Getting ahead. A guillotine is in the centre of the room, its blade is in position to be dropped. There is a goblin face up in the tray, positioned perfectly beneath the blade. He has one hand raised, a finger pointing to the release mechanism above, and is shouting triumphantly: "Boog sees the problem!" 81. Worth their salt. A group of goblins stare, drooling, at an enormous salt lick stolen from a nearby farm. 82. Lunch. A goblin sits in the room, pulling a long, gooey booger from his nose. Upon seeing the PCs, he devours the nose nugget greedily. 83. Hair club for goblins. A grizzled veteran goblin is giving pointers on scalping technique. Several members of the audience have fresh head wounds from the speaker's demonstrations. 84. The daily grind. There is a grinding wheel and several dogslicers and horsechoppers in the room in varying degrees of completion. The goblins are using the wheel to put edges on their weapons. 85. Just hanging around. One goblin has been caught in another's trap and is suspended from the ceiling with a rope by one foot. If the PCs free the hapless goblin, he will lead them safely to where they can help him exact revenge on his captors. 86. Bobbing for sewer rats. A group of goblins are standing around a large kettle filled with drowning rats and are trying to catch the rats with their teeth. 50% chance the fire under the kettle is lit. 87. Deep in his cups. One goblin has fallen into a large vat or barrel of wine, ale, or moonshine and is drowning. He fights off the other goblins as they attempt to rescue him. 88. Goblin dentistry. Two goblins hold a third while a fourth ties a string from the restrained goblin’s lower left canine to a door. The door is slammed, and now the poor subject has a dislocated jaw. 89. Orcish for Beginners. A group of goblins are having a language lesson, comparing Orcish swear words. 90. Archery contest. 5 goblins are taking turns shooting at a target, held by another goblin...who is quite dead. The other goblins are roaring in laughter. 91. Goblin cocktail party. The goblins are all dressed up in their best clothing, drinking moonshine out of high-stemmed glasses and snacking on beetles in tomato sauce. Much hillarity results as the beetles try to escape, leaving sauce stains everywhere. 92. Pinata Party. Similar to ‘Just hanging around’ above, except the goblin suspended from the ceiling is being beaten by club-wielding goblins all wanting to break him open. 93. Catching bats, butterfly net optional. 94. Goblins worshipping… (roll 1d8)
95. Goblin fireworks. The goblins are burning pinecones, ‘oooh’-ing and ‘ahhh’-ing at the pretty colours. 96. Daycare. Goblins prod a caged goblin child with a stick. Other caged goblin young are stacked nearby. 97. Workshop. The goblins are assembling various traps they intend to place around their camp. They have scavenged and repaired a surprising number of bear traps, crossbows, and other items for use. 98. Smoking room. Several goblins, impressed by the human custom, try to get the hang of smoking a pipe. Lacking tobacco, they are trying to smoke anything that will burn (or at least smoulder a bit). Suggestions: leaves, pine needles, fungus, toenail cuttings, animal fur, dung. Treat everyone in the room as having Concealment (20% miss chance) until the smoke clears (2d6 rounds normally, less with some sort of assistance). 99. Distillery. A would-be goblin brewer is trying his grubby, little hand at making beer or moonshine. At the DM’s discretion, the goblin may have succeeded, or might have made a batch of poison. 00. All of the above! Wow, that survived cut-n-paste better than I'd imagined. Hope everyone likes it. |