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JonnyTurbo wrote:

Goblin King Mask

*...I don't like this one. Here's why: Once per day the wearer gets to permanently polymorph someone into a goblin (which is fine in and of itself, as that's what baleful polymorph does). But, it automatically charms them and performs a mass charm monster against any other goblinoids within 30 feet? That's a bit odd...and extreme. How long does that charm effect last? Because, eventually, it should wear off. And what's your polymorphed goblin buddy going to do to you then?

*...The later language about every 3rd day inflicting a cumulative -1 penalty on Charisma (up to -6) on a non-goblinoid who wears the mask is kind of harsh and unusually specific.

*...Because of the popularity of Paizo's goblins, wondrous items related to them often seem to be a favorite wondrous item submission. Some have made it through to the Top 32 of prior years. I don't think this one measures up. Vote to Reject.

*...The mechanic of the baleful polymorph doesn't connect to the mechanic of the mass charm.

*...This item requires a touch attack AND a save. That seems wrong to me - it should be one or the other. Reject.

*...And for the low cost of 70,000 gp!

Thank you very much for the time you guys are taking to let everyone know where our submissions went wrong for the judges. It is an incredible amount of work. I have read every critique and have learned a ton.

So, the moral of the story is:
1. Next year streamline the submission. Keep what it does simple with a very cool effect.
2. It should be an item that every PC would want to use.

Thanks again. This is an amazing contest!

I wanted to comment on Neil's post about what makes an item Superstar.

#1 for me was "is this an item that would see regular use in a large number of games".

Too many of the items I reviewed were either so hyper-specialized that you would need to have exactly the right kind of character to make them worthwhile, OR they were items that you would only use once (or might even never be used "on screen", just in backstory).

The objective of Superstar is not to prove that you're clever. It's to prove that you're commercially clever. You need to think about making something that has equity value to Paizo.

There were way too many items I classified as "plot devices". Items that were designed to advance a storyline, not be a utility item for a character or enhance/make interesting a villain. Wondrous Items aren't supposed to be plot devices. They're supposed to be gear that are used regularly.

I feel like this advice would have helped me most in my choice of submission this year, and will certainly influence what I submit next year.

Thanks

Please let me know how this faired. Thanks for putting on such an amazing contest!

Goblin King Mask
Aura strong enchantment, necromancy and transmutation; CL 15th
Slot head; Price 70,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This wide and ungainly mask, made of bone or hard wood, is fashioned into the likeness of a ferocious goblin’s face wearing a crown of chains.
Once per day, after the mask has been worn for at least 1 hour, the wearer may attempt to permanently polymorph any small humanoid creature into a goblin with a successful touch attack (Fort DC 19 negates). Goblinoid subtypes within 30 feet of the wearer, at the moment he performs a successful polymorph, can be charmed for 15 days (as the spell charm monster, mass, Will DC 22 negates). The newly polymorphed goblin is automatically charmed as above and gains the following attributes: –2 Strength, +4 Dexterity, –2 Charisma, darkvision and base speed of 30 feet.
Any creature not of the goblinoid subtype wearing the mask begins to take on the facial features of a goblin. Every 3rd day of consecutive use causes the wearer to permanently take -1 Charisma (up to -6), but +1 (up to +6) on Charisma checks and Charisma-based skill checks as they relate to dealing with goblinoid subtypes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Baleful Polymorph, Bestow Curse, Charm Monster Mass; Cost 35,000 gp

I have three. I've been tweaking them for weeks. I thought that the first one I made was going to be the one I submit if I am accepted, but after a lot of editing two of them seem to keep fighting for my winning slot. My first one got left on the wayside.

I am very excited about tomorrow!