| HolloFox |
disclaimer "innuendo's are through out the game"
I was playing in a campaign as an CN Elven female sorcerer (catina dryer, sorry for the bad joke)(went with fire magic) with a Neutral Male gnome fighter (to start off with neither characters new each other). [this was a long campaign so I'll be skipping parts]
We were both in an INN called the sleeping dog, my character obviously having nothing to do was having a couple of drinks. Across the room she see's a couple of dwarves playing drink smash (drink smash is where you take turns hitting each other and drinking). So naturally she joins in. First few rounds I go terribly well beating up this dwarf then BAM, the elf gets a massive wollop to the face. being drunk she takes its offensively and about to starts a fight. This gnome interjects by pushing the elf aside and going to the dwarf with a knife at the balls "I may be short but all I need to do is slice it off". the dwarf backs down, The gnome then goes to the elf and brings her to her room and say "do you want me to give you a hand?", being drunk the elf failed the listen check and replied with "sure i'll give you a head?" (innuendo), when the gnome and elf gets to the room the elf passess out on the bed and the gnome takes a different bed for the night. The following morning towns gaurdmen make a raid into the room stating that the dwaves playing drink smash have just been murdered and that we're the last ones seeing them. Naturally we denied all accusations and the towns guards found it suspicious that a gnome and an elf are together, they dismissed it. both of us felt no longer wanted in town we went to travel to the gnome's home town. on the way out there were a lot of people who looked at the couple weirdly. The elf taunted at the people "stop looking at us or we'll make sure you end up like the dwarves", towns guardsman come around the corner taking this as a confession and come to attack us, The elf hurls the gnome over the guards then burning hands the guards setting them all on fire. We run for it to get out of town. A days travel and we get to a village, we rest there, steal from the inn we just rested at and burn down the inn, this happened several times cause naturally we had conflictions so we just burnt the village down.
we finally get to the gnome's home town and the elf is now wearing a cloak due to the various comments on the elf and gnome party, while arriving the gnome said "okay, this time we're not burning down this town", elf: "sure, but I'll better be able to steal some loot from somewhere atleast"
When we approached to the gnomes manor we find out he's actually from a noble family and that his father died. Sadly since he became an adventurer his younger a&~!#$! of a brother inherited everything. It became our mission to get into the manor, murder the gnomes brother and ransack the whole place. Since I haven't been seen with the gnome yet I go to the front guard and talk to him to see if I can get any information. This guard was yet another a&$*#+& so he was on the top of my vendetta list. So we went to the nearest supply store and got some of the following items:
5 buckets of flammable dragon oil
gloves of fire resistance
So we arrive back at this manor carrying 5 buckets of flammable oil. I call out to the guard insultingly from his post, he comes, so I throw 2 buckets of dragon oil on him and burning hands him. He screams and burns to death the most horrific way possible, from there the gnome chucks a bucket of oil onto the front gate and I get the 1 for the sides, I burning hands the gate and melt it down and write some foul language with the melted gates into the floor of the court yard. The gnome's brother and 4 guards come out. This is what the gnome's been waiting for. we killed 3 of the guards easily and we're left with the one guard and the brother. I put charge of burning hands onto my gloves then I geas the brother to make him give me his war axe. During the brothers turn he gives me the axe, so I naturally accept it, touch him and release the burning hands charge burning him and taking the axe. at the end we killed the brother but the final guard managed to kill the elf and the gnome.
We wake up to an alternate world where we have all our loot gone, in rags and find ourselves in a torture room, The elf has her ears missing (minus 1 to cha permanently), and the gnome has a missing spleen. Turns out we have to enter an arena with no gear fighting knights while chained together. (this hindered the elf due to gnome's movement speed). So during the fight we managed to disarm some knights and get 2 swords and 1 shield, I pick up one sword, the gnome picks up the sword and shield, we were still inhabited by movement speed. from there I pick up the gnome as the shield slot. so now we were one mobile elf/gnome sorcerer/fighter running around burning people and stabbing them. then lions were released, saved by a hippogriff, get dropped off at a dragons den, we break our chains and run south to the nearest town.
This town we were accepted by a church. We had to find a way to earn money so we discovered that this town had a demand, WATER. we travelled west and find ourselves a lake but it was too salty. we ended up finding there was a distillery around the corner but the price of water there was ridiculous. so we ended up infiltrating the distillery, going to the back dock, destroying all exports, killing the owner and his wife to remove all opponents first. unfortunately we burnt down the whole distillery. we managed to salvage some parts though. we were able to distil water. We go back to town to find somewhere we could get some barrels, it cost us almost all our money for barrels, a donkey and a cart. we went back down to the lake and spent a week distilling water, from there we travelled back up and needed to try and sell it to make profit. 3 days and we didn't sell some water. 4th day a man of wealth came along and bought all of our stock, not knowing we sold it and then we were issued a fine for illegally trading water without a license. turns out it was Poseidon and owner of town, so we ended up having to do a quest for him. We had to kill the priest who took us in and we'd be pardon of all crimes done in town and obtain a license to sell water. So we did what naturally came best to us by now. We locked the priest up with everyone out of the church and burnt it down. Then after that we had build another church because Poseidon. The last term that Poseidon gave to us was that every 5th barrel had to be donated to the church. 10 weeks later we had hired 10 people doing trips back and forth working for us selling 4 barrels each to our buyer and every 5th barrel donated to the church. making about 10k a week.
with all this money we bought an inn which would produce income and a home for the main characters. then some godly s@~~ happened forcing us out of town to head west and save the world. (basically gm got annoyed that we were being lazy)