Chef Justice's page

2 posts. Alias of Nervous Jester.


Dear Ask a Shoanti,

A messenger from a rival quah arrived yesterday, announcing his chief would be coming to visit. Despite our differences, I prepared a feast for my guest following the recipe of our shaman (my mother's father). Wearing only a loincloth, I walked into the Cinderlands and wrestled the largest aurochs I could find for hours until finally breaking its neck with my bare hands.

I then carried the beast back to our camp where I mixed its blood with fermented milk to create a delightful punch. I then cleaned the aurochs and roasted it in a deep pit filled with heated stones, sand, and some ashes of my ancestors. On the day of the feast, the tastiest organs were ground up, spiced, and boiled in the creature’s own fresh intestines since no feast is complete without a complementary dessert.

After eating of the meal, our guest, the rival chief, said that the aurochs tasted like burnt scrub rat, the dessert like the feces of an elderly mule, and the punch reminded him of the weak urine of a Korvosan.

After I beat him to death with the still smoldering skull of the aurochs, something occurred to me.

Since tradition demands I must now marry his daughter, must I marry the eldest daughter or can I choose from among all of his daughters? My first wife and I much prefer the second daughter who shows exemplary strength and wisdom.

And if I must ask for the hand of the eldest, is the second daughter still allowed to fight her for the right to the marriage (as my first wife did) or does the tradition of Rosz (killing a guest who insults a meal made according to a shaman’s directions with a remnant of that meal) supersede her claim to engagement by combat?

Thank you for your time and answers.

Yours in pride,

Partially Sage in Rosz Marrying Time

P.S. Your uncle fought and died well. We look forward to having you as a guest at the wedding.

Vic Wertz wrote:
You're still using The Better Joy Cookbook? Dude, The Lucky Joy Cookbook kicks it to the CURB. THE CURB, I tell you! All you gotta do is look at Basic Fried Chicken. Flour-Egg-Flour will change your life. Fluffy, crunchy, stays on the chicken. I wouldn't use The Better Joy Cookbook to line my catbox.

Oh please. They totally stole that recipe from The Happy Lucky Cookbook that came out last year. How did you even miss it; it won the freakin' Oven-gins Award for Best RPG (Recipes Pleasing Gastronomes). There are more options out there than your Joy-Joy cookbooks, you know.