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holy s$@& post my s$@#
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Chapter I: Burnt Offerings
The coastal town of Sandpoint has faced few trials and dangers over the course of its forty-two year history, but unfortunately, that is all about to change. Unknown to the town’s founders, they chose to build their community over the ruins of an ancient stronghold once used as laboratory and prison, a place where horrific experiments and unholy explorations into what divides man from monster took place. These are the Catacombs of Wrath, a place where arcanists explored and perfected the stolen arts of life shaping and flesh warping, one of several such sites used by Runelord Alaznist’s apprentices during Thassilon’s height, When Thassilon fell, these catacombs went dormant, but the one buried under Sandpoint was not fated to stay that way.
Part I: Festival and Fire
For five years, the faithful of Sandpoint have attended church in temporary structures erected after fire destroyed the previous temple, and while their new religious leader was helpful, kind, and wise, church wasn’t the same. Now, the new cathedral is finally done. All that remains is for the Swallowtail Festival to renew the site’s blessings from the gods and it will be as if the Sandpoint Fire had never occurred.
In the clearing before the newly constructed Sandpoint Cathedral the citizens of Sandpoint have been hard at work for hours, several merchants have set up tents to vend their wares of food. All manner of clothing, local crafts, souvenirs, and beverages can be had for a price. Other folk have arrived early to gain positions near the podiums and the tables beyond. Tables loaded with a picnic buffet await nearby, the enchanting aroma drifts over the square.
The Swallowtail Festival finally begins scheduled and the turnout for the opening speeches is quite respectable. A stage has been set up in front of the cathedral and a woman with short auburn hair stands in the center. Behind her sit four wooden chairs, three of them occupied. The square before the church is crowded now as Mayor Deverin walks on the stage. As the crowd notices her, the chatter begins to die down and eyes turn to the stage. She smiles and begins to speak.
“Good morning everyone.” The attractive and personable woman welcomes the crowd with her usual friendly attitude. Her excitement is obvious and proves contagious as she welcomes visitors and locals alike. “I see everyone’s arrived. Even Larz Rovanky has left off tanning hides to be here. I’m sure his workers are glad it’s not their hides getting tanned, at least not today.” When the chuckles died down and Larz stops glowering past a reluctant smile, Mayor Deverin continues.
”It's wonderful to see so many of you here to join us on this proud day, and I'd like to extend my welcome to the many new faces I see in the crowd. As Mayor, I’d like to extend welcome to you on behalf of the town. I hope you all are enjoying your stay here in Sandpoint and I sincerely hope that you're having a wonderful time. Our town has much to offer and I hope we can consider you as new friends. Spend some time in Sandpoint and you’ll grow to love it like we do. And even if you don’t spend much time please, spend your money!”
Several of the merchants give a vigorous applause, and the Mayor lets the crowd settle before continued over the remaining chuckles. “And to all of the old faces I see, thank you for coming and thank you for everything that each of you has done to keep this town strong. Thank you especially for all the time, sweat, and love you've put into building this fine cathedral. Sandpoint didn't seem complete without a church. We've always had heart. The true heart of Sandpoint is you, her people. But now we have an expression of that heart, and we built it ourselves!”
"Anyway, I can smell the lunch our tavern keepers are cooking already. A round of applause to Ameiko, Garridan, Cracktooth, and Jargie! I'm sure Father Zantus can spare an extra prayer that they don't burn anything before we get to eat it." More cheering erupts: the enticing aromas drifting over the crowd are overwhelming. "Now, since you have three more of us to stand there through, I'm going to sit down. Today as mayor I am declaring a town order to have fun! This is my favorite time of year!"
The crowd responds with a roar, and it’s a while before the Mayor could continue over the applause. “Without further ado, let me welcome our dutiful Sheriff, Belor Hemlock to the stage!” She indicates a dark-skinned, bulky man, clearly of Shoanti descent, wearing his armor and armed with a prestigious looking sword. Sheriff Hemlock nods and steps forward onto the stage.
"Thank you, Mayor. First off, let us have a moment of silence." He bows his head and begins speaking, "Let us remember the memories of those friends and family members who lost their lives in the tragic blaze that made our new cathedral necessary. Cherish those memories and may the blessings of our Gods see them happy and well in the Afterlife." He raises his head and stands in silence for a moment scanning the crowd.
"Over the next three days all instances of wrong-doing will be dealt with swiftly and to the fullest extent of the law. No exceptions. As the sheriff of Sandpoint, I, Belor Hemlock, would also like to welcome everyone to enjoy themselves today, and you may or may not be aware of the planned bonfire at the beach tonight... it looks to be a promising festival. Do trust that I will be monitoring the level of safe conduct late into the evening. I am trusting our fun will lean to the side of caution. If you are a militia member, remember where your duties lay, and help Sandpoint keep the peace. Thank you." With that the sheriff steps back awkwardly and beckons with his hand, for the next speaker to approach.
The next speaker is quite a contrast to the Sheriff; he is brightly dressed, sports a well-groomed goatee, and seems to be thoroughly enjoying the day. As he reaches the center stage he loosens his collar a bit, winks into the crowd and starts to talk: "Well, thank you Sheriff for that uplifting oratory. Don't worry I doubt there will be any fun for you to stress over today. If things get out of hand you can ask Ameiko to take the stage and put us all to sleep with one of her stories." The crowd responds with a combination of chuckles and offended heckles.
Without a beat Ameiko shouts from her merchant tent "What about the story of your last flop at the theater? I'm almost done with my newest ballad, I call it Cyrdak the Unimpressive! Who wants to hear?" The crowd responds with laughter and cheers.
After the noise finally quiets Cyrdak continues with a forced smile as if nothing happened, "We can all agree, this is our time to celebrate! I know this town has been through some hard times, but we don't lay down easily. Look at what we've accomplished!" He motions towards the church. "And I'm telling you, they spared no expense with this place. Father Zantus' chamber pot? It's solid gold and comes with a singing choir standing nearby. It's no doubt our neighbors and nobles put a pretty copper into the construction of this joint. And to think they wanted nothing in return, but to enlighten us and our taxes for many lifetimes to come. But worry not about your coin purse, I've heard from father himself that the gods are getting their gold together to help pay for this place. But don't take it from me, let me hand the stage off to the man who's in charge here. But before I let him get things going I'd like to take this opportunity to extend my personal invitation to each and every one of you to the new production of "The Harpy's Curse" starring the world-famous Magnimarian diva Allishanda as Avisera the harpy queen! It's all premiering tomorrow evening and continuing throughout the next two weeks at the Theater. Come see it, it will be fabulous! And now join me in a bit of applause for his holiness himself, Father Zantus!"
The crowd cheers as Cyrdak motions Zantus to the center stage. The young priest looks noticeably abashed at the reception set up for him. He wears the traditional ceremonial robes of a priest of Desna and a shiny silver holy symbol about his neck. He smiles and tries to calm the crowd down, eventually speaking when the applause has subsided: "Ahem, thank you. Thank you Cyrdak. And thank all of you for coming to join us on this most Holy day. Today ushers in the new Fall season. A season I have always thought was named appropriately, as today was the day Desna fell from the heavens during battle with Lamashtu. Though all the world wept for the loss of the goddess, and of dreams, it is said that she survived. She was discovered, on the rocks of a beach, by a blind orphan, forgotten and cast aside by the rest of the world. Though the orphan didn't know who she was and could do little for the wounded goddess, she still stayed by her side, holding a vigil on the beach, tending to her as best she could and praying to her god, Desna. When other followers had abandoned Desna, the orphan empathized and held hope in her faith. Through the care of this orphan Desna recovered and revealed herself to the blind woman. In return Desna transformed her into an angel and offered the girl ascension to Desna's palace in the heavens. It is now there and forever that they shall remain."
Father Zantus motions toward the newly finished cathedral, the sunlight glittering off the stained glass windows. “This story reminds us that tragedy is just a setback, not an end. Though our place of worship was destroyed, and our previous priest, Father Tobyn, perished in the flame, we have preserved as Desna would desire, and built anew. Today is our day of new beginnings. Our day of ascension. Friends of Sandpoint, I declare the Swallowtail Festival officially underway!"
An acolyte throws off the canvas of a nearby wagon, revealing thousands of swallowtail butterflies...the Children of Desna. He opens the cages and the crowd begins to applaud as butterflies flutter in every direction through the crowd, and eager children begin chasing them.
Moments later Father Zantus and the others step off the stage and the crowd begins to disperse to enjoy the festival. Numerous games and contests take place during the day, including sack races, games of hide-and-seek, weight-lifting challenges, balance beam contests, tug-of-war events, and the like. Lunch is provided free, at the expense of Sandpoint’s taverns. Each brings its best dishes. It soon becomes apparent that the darling of the lunch is, once again, Ameiko Kaijitsu, whose remarkable curry-spiced salmon and early winterdrop mead easily overshadow the other offerings, such as the Hagfish’s lobster chowder or the White Deer’s peppercorn venison.
I eat peppercorn venison
Goni goes to talk to the seemingly unimportant Ameiko, who in no way could possibly affect the story.
I go to try my hand at the weight-lifting competitions. I muscle my way through the crowd to the center, as they do not seem to be very receptive to a woman entering their competition. I push the big-looking f+&$er who just went aside and demand a weight to lift.
I would also like to participate in a piece of good sport! Let us exuberantly demonstrate our athletic prowess! Splendid! Here here!
I challenge this woman to a weight lifting competition No way a woman is stronger than me
Dick moves over to the weightlifting competition and looks around to size up the other men.
Oh you challenging me foo? You wanna go? Oh are you challenging me? I could bench you. Bring it on.
Jubei notices a man sizing up the other competitors and goes to greet him with peppercorn venison in mouth "Hello good sir" Jubei tries to say while being muffled by the meat in his mouth.
Greetings, commoner! Did you hunt down this fine specimen of meat yourself?
*ehem* did you not challenge me, dick? (refering to Jubei, not Dick)
"Why no I did not, however I do enjoy killing things" Jubei says to the man. "Hi my name is Jubei, what is your name?" Completely ignoring the woman he just challenged.
Aelinniel Bloodmoon walks through the crowd of children catching butterflies and makes her way to the peppercorn venison stand.
My god, a woman! This is no place for you, good madam. Run along now and help out with the cooking.
Jubei bursts out in laughter at the mans quip! Excellent good sir!
I punch Dick in the face. hard. Wanna say that again?
DM SHE HIT ME NO PVP HELP HELP HELP
Anyway, you seem like a sporting fellow sir. How about a bout at the old weights, eh? A little friendly competition?
I'll take you up on that challenge good sir. Let us show a woman how it's really done! Jubei walks over to the weight lifting competition and signs up.
I scoff at them, put my hands on my hips, and watch disdainfully.
Hup hup! Let's go gentlemen! We'll do deadlifts. Lets start with 200lbs. Let me do some warm up calisthenics.
Sir, I do not cook, I am a servant of Calistria, and I can easily take you, fool
Everyone cooks
(to Aerlinniel) Right? These guys are pathetic. They look like they've never worked an honest day's work in their lives.
As you flaunt your prowess towards each other, a bystander turns over to you and says "Well if it's strength that you want to prove, there is a competition of strength just over there. I hear there's even a coin prize for who ever is stronger..." as she then points over to a little tent with a small crowd around it, including some "larger" men.
We don't work like you working women, thats for sure. Ho ho!
Jubei walks over to the tent and finds the angriest looking m#&$!~&&!!@$ and pushes him out of the way.
I introduce myself to Aerlinniel I'm Lialda by the way. Care to join me in the competition? Put these guys in their places?
Watch where you're going string bean Jubei says to the man with a grin on his face.
As Jubei pushes the man over, the man doesn't budge an inch, and instead begins to scowl at him. "And what do you think you're doing?"
You better move aside and let a real man through
(to Lialda) we could take these men without using any of our strength. My name is Aerlinniel Bloodmoon, servant of Calistria, and what is yours?
I'm Lialda Strongarm. I'm just an adventurer from a faraway land, passing through. I do tend to rely on my strength though, and I fully intend to brandish it here
The man stands tall and firm, and towers over Jubei. Standing easily over half a foot above, he glares down at Jubei. "And who are you to say you're a real man half pint? You seem to be real at being small..."
well, if we are ever in a fight and you find yourself losing strength, I can heal you to continue the fight. I walk over to the weight-lifting stand with Lialda by my side.
I walk with Aerlinniel That would be great. You and I, we should stick together
I take in the scene of these the half-wits exchanging words with a massive man. I chuckle to myself Oh this will be fun
You better get steppin or my boy Dick Plow over here is gonna have a few words with you Jubei points at Dick Plow
As Dick approaches with his vulgarity, the man steps back as he puts his hands in the air as if he were to keep a clear path in front of him. "My apologies. Feel free to prove your strength."
The vendor steps up and speaks towards the new guests. "Welcome, welcome! I'm glad to see you attempt to test your mettle and brawn against one another. For just a simple price of 50 copper, you can test by punching into these here magic circles and it'll inform us on how strong you are!" Just off to the side of him, there sits a circular board with rings similar to a bulls eye, each ring in a different color. "Just remember though, for it to read accurately, you have to punch it directly in the center..." he finishes with a coy smile.
Well that confrontation was not as entertaining as I had hoped. Also, this seems like a scam...
I shout at Dick and Jubei Have fun wasting your money! I'm gonna go get me some of that free food