"Speaking of entertaining, Jester, can you do anthing that doesn't amount to just a lot of irritating fracas?"
Fester stops singing and turns to Darius. "Sure. In addition to my beautiful voice and incredible mimicry abilities, I can juggle, and I can tell jokes." He demonstrates by tossing his clubs into a rhythmic pattern and juggling all three of them.
"You call that clumsy fumble juggling? Please." Darius sneers, before bending down and picking up a handful of pebbles from the ground.
... and proceeds to make an equally clumsy showing.
"... I'm not even practiced in such a thing, and I can do just about the same." He adds, trying to save face.
Grub stops his cavorting about the campfire and looks up into the sky in response to the announcement. Then he points to Lunk and shouts. "Giant-man right!! Grubyub hear voice now!!"
Back where the gnome and human are still talking, the goblin catches the juggling act and jumps up and down with grotesque enthusiasm. He tosses the burning log he'd been whipping about back into the fire and dashes over. Along the way he grabs at the hand of the many-colored Frogman and points at Fester's juggling act. "Ooohoo! You cook firemakers and toss like Festerjester and Fancypants man?"
He doesn't even wait for an answer. The diminutive green creature's mind is alive with the possibilities of fire dancing in giant circles. He skitters back and forth as memories of Svetlanarama the Fire tosser bound back and forth in his little goblin mind. "Oohooo Grubyub have big fun watching Svetlanaramarana tossing her fires!! She one who teach Grub to hit with a torch when he don't have his horseychopper!!"
On the edge of the firelight, a small furry creature is sitting back comfortably on his haunches surveying the goings on. His grayish-brown, well manicured fur and his black bandit-like mask marks him clearly as a raccoon. In his fore paws, he's fiddling with a shiny object he just procured from Grubyub's pack.
The goblin glances over, the item in the raccoon's paws catches the light of the fire and the Grub's eye. "Oyoyoy! Sparkly get outta Grubyub's pack!!" He runs over and shews the raccoon away, but the little animal only backs up a few steps, just out of reach of the goblin, still holding the item in one paw while shaking his other at Grubyub in defiance. The creature chitters away in raccoon at the goblin.
"Bah, keep it!"
Drysten walks up to Darius and Fester. You guys are doing it all wrong. Watch me and my knives. Drysten pulls the three knives from his belt and starts juggling them.
Drysten competently flips the knives in the air and then throws them into a nearby tree. He takes a bow with a flourish. "Amatuers"
"Hmpf. Mere luck. I'd wager you couldn't do that a second time."
Darius turns his attention to Duncan.
"Good to see we've got at least some more muscle on this group," he comments.
"Too bad that's all this one brings along."
"Heh, you big people always skip little ones, not know what you missing..." He whips out one of his daggers and flings it at the tree to pin alongside Drysten's blades.
"...until something stuck in throat!"
He trundles over and grabs his dagger from the tree, the raccoon watching him go, then diving into the goblin's bag when he's at a sufficient distance.
Drysten sneers at Duncan's turned back and then walks over to the tree to grab his own daggers. Not mere luck... just mostly luck.
Dunc watches the juggling, he nods respectfully to the sky voice when it announces the delay. Seeing the skill with which people are tossing knives Duncan gets excited.
"OOH OOH I WANT TO TRY THAT!! He thinks for a second, and having nothing else to throw he reaches behind his back and pulls his great sword, hurling it end over end into.....
...the tree apparently.
The sword passes through the tree as if it was butter, splitting it down the center. Duncan looks pleased with himself."Uh, does that mean I win?"
Darius goes wide eyed at the sight. His jaw drops wide open.
"... Impressive." He says, forcing himself to regain his composure, but still visibly impressed.
"That is quite the impressive sword you have there... Duncan, was it?" Darius looks the larger man up and down, seemingly looking for something.
"Is that the only weapon you're taking along? I would have expected a man of your weight and size to bring along a hammer or some form of club in addition to a sword. One would certainly hate to face a skeleton or some other similarly blade-resisting creature with only a sword. Have you thought of that?"
Oddly enough, given his own tirade, Darius himself seems rather devoid of any extra weapons.
Duncan points at the tree."What skeleton? I would just hit it as hard as I could. Hit anything hard enough and you can cut it." Duncan walks over and retrieves his sword; dusting it off, he lovingly wipes the blade with an old rag.
Fester says, "Pshah. I can top that."
He hurls a dagger that has appeared as if from nowhere towards another tree.
Instead of hitting the tree, the blade ricochets off the rock at the base of the intended target and comes hurtling back towards the group. The blade imbeds itself in the tree behind Darius, missing his ear by mere inches. Curiously, Darius recognizes the markings on the dagger as being one of his own.
The gnome doesn't flinch as the dagger strikes home. "See? Let's see ya do that with that hunk of metal you call a weapon," he says to Dunc.
Darius Quint plucks the dagger out of the trunk, unimpressed, and reloads it in its wrist sheath.
"Funny guy. I know we're in a bit of an out-of-world place here, messing about the fourth-wall and whatnot, but I would advise you to check your head: I think an entity from out of this world has been leaking knowledge into it."
Fester sticks his tongue out at Darius, oblivious to any hidden meaning in the swashbuckler's words.
Drysten retrieves his daggers from the tree, hears Duncan's call, turns, and bolts out of the way.
Drysten watches in awe as the sword goes through the tree. Do it again, Mister, do it again!
When Duncan seems reluctant to do it again, Drysten wanders over to where Darius and Jester are talking. Darius, have you ever met a man named "Char"? You sound like him. He was always handing out adventuring scrolls and making sure people are prepared. Actually, I think I still have one of his scrolls in my pack. Here, Fyn.
Drysten pretends to rifle through his packs but really opens up the saddlebag and takes out the one scroll inside. He hands it over to Darius.
The 10 Rules of Adventuring:
A Divine Inspiration from Sarenrae
Penned by Gorlan "Char" Vaher
1. Never split up an adventuring party
2. Always bring potions
3. Always have more than one weapon handy
4. Only take off your armor when you are sure no one is around and even then have a shield handy
5. Kick an enemy while he is down
6. If you are hurt, do not proceed; seek healing and come back
7. If a fellow adventurer dies, his equipment is fair game.
8. Any idea that the party does not unanimously agree on is a bad idea
9. If a zombie horde is just milling about and not paying attention to you, do NOT attack it
10. Remember to use your priest well, and of course donate generously to their cause.
11. Casters shall never proceed when drained of magic
12. Always carry silver
13. Always carry a nonlethal weapon
14. Always go left.
15. Make adventuring more fun, when possible
16. Always stay in the present
17. Never miss a chance to offer advice
18. Let the person with the shield open doors
19. Always carry extra food
"Definitely good wisdom. I've personally learned from other sources."
Fester produces a document from his pouch and folds it deftly into the shape of a swan. Or vaguely resembling a swan, at any rate.
He then unfolds the document with much flourish and hands it to Darius.
"Ooh Ooh, granny had rules too. She said I should always remember them. Um, uh now how did they go." Duncan scratches his head for a second. "OK here goes. Rule one, when an entity of the eternal darkness asks you if you are a god you say yes. Rule two, if you don't see a body then it isn't dead, always find a body. Rule three, there are no innocents, only varying degrees of guilt. Rule four, all magic comes with a price. Rule five, you don't have to be the fastest, just faster than the slowest. Rule six, if you have a plan hand it to an idiot, if he can find a loop hole that you missed no matter how unlikely it is someone would do it toss out the plan. Rule seven, never sign anything you can't understand, it is always a trap. Rule eight, always bring a towel. Rule nine, always marry the ugly girl, you will be happy for the rest of your life. Rule ten, never meddle in the affairs of dragons, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. I think that was the important ones." Duncan beams with pride that he could remember all of them.
And we're live!
And with that development, I'm off for GenCon. I'll be out starting tomorrow until about Mondayish, and I don't anticipate being able to check in during that time. So, feel free to react to this new wrinkle, and I'll see you all soon!
I, as a player, am lost as to whether this castle greyhawk is a tourist attraction, or an actual dungeon masquerading as a tourist attention.
Both sir, no worries though. Once we get into the actual dungeon levels I think you will be..... well ok you will be just as lost, but for completely different reasons.
It is. Trust me, you haven't begun to see weird, yet.
Duncan and Fester have the right of it. Anyone with any lick of sense should be confused by what's going on in Castle Greyhawk's ground level. Just play along with whatever you think your character would do. This is first and foremost a comedy, so don't worry overlong about terrible repercussions of poor choices. Your character already made the worst decision possible - coming to this Castle Greyhawk in the first place. It's only up from here!
Well, OK, down, technically, but you get my drift.
I will be unavailable from October 19 through the 27th. I am celebrating 25 years of wedded bliss in Disneyworld!
Congratulations, Fester. Or, should I say, since I've just found out... Sir Karse?
Always interesting to realise that two characters in two campaigns you're in are the same player and you didn't know.
Yes, congratulations, Fester! Enjoy the parks! I'm not sure if WDW does it, but I know that the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland gets a Nightmare Before Christmas makeover every Halloween season. We demand a report!
Fun. You'll be in my neck of the woods. I live over near Kennedy Space Center, about 45 minutes east of Disney.
A Reminder: I am going on vacation starting Sunday until the next Sunday (the 27th). I most likely will not have the ability to check in during this time, much less post. Please GMPC me during this time, as required.
"Have good time Festerjester! Bring Grub back plenty horsey meat from toonland!! Kill mouse and bring Grub ears!"
Have fun!
Happy Silver Anniversary, Fester! Here's to many more!
Hello funny people,
If you are interested, I am running a Discworld Campaign. Think of it as halfway between this crazy and normal pathfinder crazy. I have really enjoyed this quest so I figured I would point out mine in case anyone (DM Madcap included) is interested.
Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends! Bountiful harvest to the rest of you! And of course, Happy Hanukkah if it applies.
Hanukkuh Sameach. And happy thanksgiving or harvest.
Happy regular Canadian thursday, everyone!
He said friends! - Drysten. Happy Thanksgiving and harvest as well.
I forget, when is Canadian Thanksgiving, Darius? Is it earlier or later than ours?
We celebrate it on the second monday of october, so earlier.
Well Mr chops can at least wish me a happy Hanukkah since he isn't doing thanksgiving right now.
Hakkah Hanuppy... Or something like that, anyway.
Have a good time. ^^
Grubyub says if dog missing, he didn't do it!! Now no ask questions and eat!!
Everyone still around? Or did we take a break for the holidays?