Standback's page

Not bad timing, Landon - Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins tomorrow evening; it's normally a two-day holiday, but this year it comes out three days (Thurs+Fri are holiday, and then Saturday is the sabbath). So we'll be having a quick lull anyhow :P

Hi guys,

Just wanted to peek in and make a couple of notes on the game so far. Primarily, I owe y'all an apology, because I've been ridiculously slow to respond, and also I forgot how ridiculously slow play-by-post games can be. I didn't anticipate that starting out with a character-heavy intro would play out in the somewhat stretched-out manner it has; I'm sure you're all raring to be past the intro and into the action, and I think both combat and character will be doing a lot better once we're past the initial hump.

Bearing that in mind, I'll try to speed up any prep we have left. You can start considering whether there's anything else in particular you'll want inside the village before you set out. And I encourage PC banter as a great way to establish character and pass the time :) And I am sincerely making every effort to up my own pace.

Cheers,

Ziv

Yahn, Groflek, two questions - (1) Are you travelling "plain", or is there any element of disguise? How do passerby see you? (2) Is there anything in particular in Heldren that draws your attention first? What's the first thing in town you'd like to do?

Soon enough, Arthorion's path trails into a large village. The first structure appears to be a sawmill, and the elf can clearly see humans bustling about dragging lumber to and fro.

But as they continue towards their goal, a tall figure stations herself in the middle of the road, by the sawmill and clearly positioned at the very entrance of the village. By the time Arthorion and Zeldax are near enough to see the individuals distinctly, a full contingent is assembled - three humans and a elven woman. They mill in place, all but the elf whispering among themselves. They make no move towards Arthorion as of yet, but their attention is clearly focused upon him and his companion.

This is not Arthorion Aegas's first failed attempt to cross into Irrisen, but it has proved by far the most disasterous. His memories of the sudden pursuit are vague and bloody, and his last recollection was falling broken into the snow.

When he awoke, Zeldax was lapping at his face, his entire body kept vacillating between complete numbness and searing pain - and he was somewhere utterly unfamiliar. A forest, with a bright sun shining above, but without a hint of warmth. The place was cold, cold as Irrisen, though it looked anything but.

Although eager to nurse himself back to health, getting out of these unnatural woods was also a priority. Over the course of several days, Arthorion dragged himself through the forest, growing only more concerned when a heavy snow began to fall. Soon he was clear of the woods - and past its edges, the chill was gone.

Though it took him some time to recuperate, Arthorion is now fully himself again. He has determined that he has arrived, somehow, in Taldor; there is a small village just a few miles north, but he has not yet ventured to enter it. Meanwhile behind him, the forest grows colder and more menacing with every hour.

Arthorion, what's your next step?

The sleepy village of Heldren has rarely seen so much excitement or concern. First, hunters from the nearby Border Wood spoke of unnaturally cold weather, descending upon the forest at the very height of summer. Heavy snow followed, and those who returned speak of an uneasy presence in the woods - as well as new, dangerous predators. No one knows what this event means, but the town's soothsayer, Old Mother Theodora, claims dark times lie ahead.

The unnatural weather was itself enough to attract the attention of Groflek and Yahn, tempting them into a short detour on their path. The half-orc insisted, saying a two-day journey was more than worthwhile just to see some snow again.

But as they drew near, the news from the village grew more dire. The story being told is that a noblewoman, the Lady Argentea Malassene, was travelling on her next leg towards Oppara. Her caravan stayed safely beond the edge of the forest - until strange, wintry creatures swarmed out of the woods, and dragged her away into the forest. In Heldren, the two travellers find a fearful townsfolk, their eyes constantly drawn towards the snowy forest, and their minds towards the question - what next?

Just for me to get in the intro posts, is all. I'm writing 'em up now.

That works fine for me. Just give me the job offer and I'm sure I'll take it.

Well, personally, I wouldn't start off with the job offer. I'd start off "in the present," having already gotten him out of the Thanelands and through some warmer climes (or, well, at least some of that route. I need to check the map; our little group is very diverse...). Start off in media res, as it were, with the two PCs already together.

I do love a good in media res.

Pedro, I've got a couple questions about Arthorion's background. Two major points: Firstly, it's only Elvanna's direct children, the first generation, who are taken with Baba Yaga. Further descendants become Jadwiga. So unless Naryanne was actually Elvanna in disguise... :P
Secondly, I'm a bit uncomfortable positing a character "whose quest has taken him to all corners of Irrisen, and often beyond." Irrisen is remote, tightly guarded, and bloody dangerous. Someone questing through it for two decades should either be way past level 1, or else extremely dead.

I'm going to ask you to rethink this last part. Maybe something a little more modest, like Naryanne disappeared while pregnant and Arthorion's been trying for twenty years just to get into Irrisen. Or maybe Naryanne was massively terrified even though there was no reason for her to be - what did she know? What was different about her and her child? I'm cool with open-ended mysteries like this. Or, really, anything else that ties off this corner.

This is background, and I don't see any reason this should delay our starting posts. Just mull it over and let me know.

Ok! I've been refreshing my memory with the various characters - we've got a kickass team here, and I'm really looking forward to this! All we need to do now is come up with a bunch of lovely excuses to wrassle y'all over to Heldren, a sleepy little village in Taldor. Now your characters are intriguing enough that that's quite a challange... oh, hey, wait, RPG challanges are something us lot are pretty good at, right?

Joseph, Landon, let me run this one past you - how about we set Groflek up as one of Yahn's very first cold-weather clients? At first I was thinking, Oy, how's a half-orc with a polar bear gonna get anywhere in Taldor,, and then I thought, Huh, we actualy do have somebody who kind of does that for a living... How does that strike you? I think it'd be an awesome opportunity to work in a "preexisting" dynamic between some of the characters. If you like this idea, try to come up with some sense of what Groflek might be travelling for, and what measures Yahn might've taken to smooth their journey (we're just first level, so they aren't necessarily much good yet...)

Pedro, I'm thinking of working your character intro right into the opening scenes of the plot. I don't want to give away any major spoilers, but between you and me, this campaign has something to do with

Steven, I'm not entirely clear on Shalewigg's motivations to go adventuring or to be nearby. You've got less background and detail so far, so I'd love to hear what you'd suggest.

Of course, if anybody has other suggestions (for your PC or anybody else), go right ahead. Every player gets to decide for their own PC, and I'm really open to anything you're happy with.

Oh, sorry, all. Steven's in massive crunch mode right now, but he'll be back with us in just a couple of days. Sorry for the delay, but this show is almost-almost-almost on the road :)

Umm, I think we still need a character sheet from Steven, right?

Awesome ,folks!

As far as I can see, we still need some crunch from Steven and some fluff from Pedro, and then we're --*gasp*-- good to go!

I thought we'd kick off with four. Honestly, a PbP with five participants is already going to be sluggish - I think a fifth player might be more than we can handle. (Plus, the AP itself is nominally designed for 4 PCs).

Are people generally happy with a toothy, orc-y, arctic-y druid?

I, for one, am ridiculously pleased with one :)

Same Page:
As explained, Same Page isn't a poll; the answers below are my summation of people's answers and my own playstyle into our very own Statement of Purpose.

• Good play isn’t a win/lose kind of thing.

• Player characters are expected to work together. Major conflicts might erupt, but you’ll patch them up given some time.

• The GM preps a set of events – linear or branching; players run their characters through these events. The GM gives hints to provide direction.

• Generally, characters should pursue their goals and motivations, including unwise choices. However, both the overall goals and the individual choices should be chosen with an awareness of the GM's story.

• Doing the smartest thing for your character’s survival sometimes isn’t as important as other choices.

• The GM's approach to the rules is to follow them in almost every circumstance. However, the GM reserves the right to ignore or modify the rules if he feels it necessary. If this happens, the GM will explicitly note the deviation.

• Game-changing moves like an established PC siding with the enemy is something that the player should discuss in advance with the GM, and possibly the entire group. Game-changing moves allow deeply meaningful choices, which improve the game dramatically; however, coordination with the GM or the group is necessary to ensure that the game remains enjoyable for all (plus, it allows for better dramatic effect!).

• In a sudden/complex combat scene such as a bar fight, the GM will decide whether or not a map is necessary, and in any case will provide a description of major details. If no map is provided, then attention to precise position will be fuzzier, giving both players and GM a fair amount of leeway. Players may invent additional appropriate details if they wish; the GM has veto right over such details.

• In order to really have fun with this game, all the players should at least be fairly familiar with the rules. Expertise in specific mechanics and setting are not required. The GM has the final word on any rules arbitration.

• All the Same-Page factors for character creation are salient and very helpful, and worth spending effort on. The two which are absolutely crucial are that characters are built to face challenges using the mechanics and stats, and that they are given strong motivations and an immediate problem or crisis.
  

If anything here looks problematic to you, now's the time to say so. :)

@All: I'll be summing up the Same-Page responses ASAP. Thanks!

I also realize I haven't mentioned: you may or may not recall that I'm shomer shabbat, which basically means that for a 25-hour period between Friday and Saturday each week, I'm completely offline. Shouldn't be a problem, but it does mean that the game speedup on weekends will be somewhat limited :P

@Landon: I think we've got at least rough directions for the other players; now's a good time to figure out what kind of PC you feel will fit in :D

@Joseph: Returning to the Gralton Infiltrator after all these months, I find myself pleasantly warmed by the notion of a class concept which goes "quiet, sneaky, inconspicuous, BOMB." :)

I trust your math; I'll be going over the details in more... detail so I can be sure I'm familiar with everything, so I might have more questions afterwards.

For the moment: you've written Knowledge(arcana,local); that's two separate skills, right? And, key question: Where do you see Knowledge(local) as being local to? I don't see the River Kingdoms nor Galt figuring heavily in the campaign; I also don't subscribe to the "Knowledge(local) applies to everywhere" school. Let me know what your take is on how you'd expect the skill to be used; we'll figure out what we want for it.

Additionally, I really really want every character to have some kind of hook to Irrisen. I'm really wide open on what kind of hook this could be, but I don't think you've given me any leads there :P Give it some thought? If you'd like suggestions from the group, just say so :)

Taldor worries me least. Do the rest, and we'll find an excuse to bring the band together :)

@Pedro: 20-point buy sounds good to me.

@Joseph: A full-caster party could be interesting in a few levels. Starting at level 1, they'd probably get massacred fast :P

@Steven: Can I ask for the same-page questionnaire from you?

@Landon: Any-- nah, nothing yet. :P

@All: Any thoughts about character concept/personality beyond your class choice? As I said, I want to see connections to Irrisen - of some sort or other.

Hmmm. An Infiltrator + a Manipulator sound like taking the game in much more social/intrigue direction than I think the AP is geared for. Now, I myself prefer this style! But, it'll take some re-tooling.

Is this the style of game we're interested in? Or are effective combat skill a must?

Hey all!

Yes, it's Reign of Winter.
We haven't established party configuration yet - the field's wide open.
Joseph - a Gralton Infiltrator might be at some disadvantage in the frosty setting, but if that's the way you want to go, I'm open to it. I'll want to know your larger character concept before yaying or naying. See my comments in the discussion thread.
Chris - aww, sorry!

Pedro, Joseph, come on in :)

We've got at least one open space in the game. First dibs go to any past-or-present Top 32'ers. Any takers still reading here this time of year? :)

Sam, thanks for getting back to us :D

Have a terrific trip - and do get in touch with us when you get back :)

Hrmph. Haven't heard back yet from Nick nor Sam - serves me right for waiting until the Guildhall started rusting...

Anybody got any contact info for them? I think I found Nick on G+, but I didn't get a response from him there either so far. Sam seems somewhat active here, so I hope he'll pop in soon.

Originally, it was you, Sam, Landon, and Nicholas. We'll see if everybody's still in :) Sent you the PM - see you in-game!

OK, folks! Let's get this ball rolling! And we'll be starting out with two things:

Item One: Character creation. We'll be starting with 1st level characters.

I'm hypothetically open to using your R2 archetypes, but this is going to be a snow-and-ice themed campaign - so River Kingdoms archetypes that don't give you any advantage there might be tougher to handle, and, frankly, less fun to play, if the archetype will feel constantly out of its element.

I'm going to ask you for one extra element as well: I'd like each PC to have some sort of connection or interest in Irrisen. Feel free to interpret this as creatively as you like :)

Right now, what I most want is your fundamental character concepts - so we see that the group meshes together reasonably, that we don't have too many ninjas in the group, that I know what archetype you're using, etc. etc.

So post here in the discussion thread. And we'll discuss :)

Item Two: Expectation management.

Two things here. One is, I want to re-iterate: I'm not too experienced with Pathfinder. Certainly not in a PbP setting. I hope this won't be too disruptive, but DO feel free to comment/PM me if you think I'm reading the rules wrong, and DO expect me to turn to y'all for advice :)

Secondly, we're a bunch of people who don't know each other, and we may have different expectations and playstyles. I just stumbled across the Same Page Tool, and I think it'd be really good for us to devote a little conversation that way, too. So please read up on that link, and then come back here and let us all know what you're expecting, what you're open too, and what's important to you.

Opening the discussion thread.

THERE.

I opened a thread.

I'd really like to get back to running the game I promised, though. I'll get back on it in the next couple of days.

OK, so "A couple of days" may have mutated into several weeks.

This Monday we'll get started character creation, so start mulling over you character concepts!
Expect PMs from me over the weekend.

Hey...what happened to Ziv? Let's play!

Yo Steven!

I'd really like to get back to running the game I promised, though. I'll get back on it in the next couple of days.

Steven, I really enjoyed this proposal :) There was a lot I liked here, but two things really stood out for me.

One was the innovative concept of casting this as a one-shot adventure, playing PCs who are members of the Golden Watch. That's a really interesting direction to take a Pathfinder module, and I love it. One-shots often provide the opportunity for somewhat better storytelling and for trying out unusual stuff, since it doesn't need to connect into whatever grand campaign or into established PCs. That's bold, and could be a very interesting direction.

The second thing I really liked was the way you didn't wait until the climax in order to reveal Flinn's treachery. You've got a strong theme of betrayal of trust and of driving people to despair; if you'd hidden the treachery until the very end, it simply wouldn't have been a major part of the story. It's very easy to hold a "surprise" until the very end, and the story doesn't make any sense until you get there, but that makes for a dull, frustrating experience for the players. Your approach will make for a much better game - the PCs pitted directly against a known traitor, the conflict clear and understood. Well done.

I'm a bit concerned that the "play as the Golden Watch" option sounds better than it actually works. I'm not sure if you mean here for the PCs to play as the existing Watch members - Igneous, Brenda, possibly Dern - or for the Watch to be significantly larger, with the PCs as additional members. Either way, it seems to me that playing the earlier acts as Watch members would require major adjustments. The entire "introduction" to the Watch doesn't quite work; Igneous and Brenda don't seem necessary as quest-givers if the PCs are equally involved and concerned; it becomes even more unclear why Dern is the only one Flinn's targeted "early"; and there are additional points which simply don't seem to flow smoothly under the assumption of the PCs as Watch members. If your take the prize, I urge you to consider this point during development and editing - re-read the entire sequence, and make sure everything works well in both play flavors (or explicitly suggest how to run both alternatives).

The one thing that really really bothered me was the "Golden Watch" naming. As James said, this seems like an awful and anachronistic pun - a golden watch for retired adventurers. Customers will be making the connection, even though nobody anywhere on Golarion actually associates watches with retirement. You might want to keep the watch element since you use it elsewhere and elsewise, but please do something to distance it a little. :P

BTW, I had my eye out for the iffy phrasing issues that bothered me in your R4 - and came up empty. Way to go :D

The Top 4 have fielded an exceptional batch of adventure pitches, but what I found odd was that every single one of them seems to have gotten a minor ding on the "bonus location" requirement:

• It’s frustrating that the first truly interesting sounding adventure site, Blackdamp Hollow, is indicated to be a “bonus location.” A place like this deserves to be a main location of an adventure! I would rather have one of the cities in the adventure be the bonus location and have Blackdamp Hollow be a fully-detailed encounter area.

• I would have liked to see the bonus location, the awesome mine dungeon, worked more into the adventure. I think you missed an opportunity there.

• This adventure’s bonus location should be the girtablilu campsite the PCs visit early on, not “the Stray Archway.” The Stray Archway is a place the PCs have to pass through, after all, and serves as the main adventure site’s front door. It’s not bonus at all.

• Hope’s Hollow is cool, but I’d rather see a place like this feature as a non-optional location in the adventure. If this adventure’s set in Cassomir, its “bonus location” should be a short gazetteer about that city that summarizes the information from “Cities of Golarion” while also providing new info, such as new rumors or the like.

• The bonus location for this adventure needs to be associated with the adventure somehow. If we do end up setting it in Nex, a great bonus location would be a gazetteer of Quantium itself... but that’s a can of worms I’m not sure I’m ready to open. One obvious nomination would be some notes on what the Seventh Veil actually is. Another possibility is to present the Material Plane manor as this location.

I'm not cherry-picking here; that list is every single judge comment with the word "bonus" in it. That's zero-for-four, leading me to conclude that We Do Not Yet Grok Bonus Locations.

Can judges and/or developers expand on what a bonus location "should" be - what they were expecting, and why the R5 pitches didn't meet that? (Or do some judges think they did, and just not mention it?)

Very cool concept, really interesting execution. Attention, Paizo: This is exactly the kind of product I'd love to see - particularly with the new full 64 pages, which can give you room and breathing space to give new rules and extra guidance on running something new and complicated.

Because here's the thing: I like my adventures to be new, weird, and complicated. That's what I look for most in new material - that's the stuff I can't duplicate myself.

There's a lot here I really like, including the theme and the major NPCs. My biggest concern is that the overall product, when actually played through, may feel somewhat incoherent. From the player's side, this feels to me like a whole lot of bouncing around randomly, without much sense of direction or clear goal. I'm going to reread and see how well I think it holds together. But at any rate, it'll be a really tough choice between this and Steven's "Golden Watch."

Kudos on a marvelous run and an excellent entry!

Guys, I apologize, but I'm gonna need to duck out for the coming week. It's Pesach (Passover); pretty much every other day is shabbat or a holiday, keeping me AFK, and the rest of the time is festively overscheduled as well.

Can somebody take over Ezren for me?

"Memo to self," Ezren mutters, anachronistically, "Invest in an enchanted crossbow sometime, why don't you?"

Attack 1: 1d20 + 6 + 1 ⇒ (12) + 6 + 1 = 19
Damage on hit 1: 1d8 ⇒ 2
Attack 2: 1d20 + 6 + 1 ⇒ (5) + 6 + 1 = 12
Damage on hit 2: 1d8 ⇒ 2

Scott Fernandez:

I feel you wander to the edge of disaster sometimes. The yellow tongue hulk while an amazing monster was a detail or 2 shy from over the top, the forecaster was just a little gonzo, and the encounter could have been a disaster if not for your strong writing and fun twists. Your stuff has an edge but while a strength it is also a potential weakness.

Honestly, this is what I love about Scott's work in this contest. He's proved really, really good about pushing the envelope - and at the same time, knowing how far it can be pushed. The combination of near-gonzo with pro chops and attention to detail is precisely what I consider most Superstar of all :)

Can somebody recap precisely where the PCs and the two foes are positioned? I've lost track. Thanks :)

Yeah, I went ahead and commented on the entry's thread.

We've been PbP'ing this encounter. We're still mid-battle, but I wanted to comment on what I've seen so far, so voters will have a chance to see reactions.

What I like a lot is the premise of battling a cocktail in a drug den - it's a good setup that makes sense and provides for an interesting battle. Once we got to the battle, I'm totally with this entry. OTOH, I felt that the setup was problematic - it feels like an implausible scenario: Axia is being sought by the PCs for failed romance and she's a wanted android and she's involved with the monstrous drug den, and everything explodes within one minute of one another. The gearsmen's entrance, and the assumption that they free the cocktail, feel especially railroaded - in our playtest, before I read the encounter details, I had my character dimension door Axia to safety as soon as danger struck, since she was presented as our crucial objective; after that, the gearsmen breaking the tank "just for the heck of it" didn't seem very believable.

That criticism said, there's a lot to recommend this entry, and I think plotting is a skill that's very open to improvement with time and editing. Best of luck!

Nicholas, I think you've done marvelous work throughout the contest, and I was a bigger fan of the argopelters than most, and I was specifically looking forward to seeing them used in R4. Nonetheless, the argopelters were not a popular monster, and most of the criticism against them was that they were uninteresting and unexciting.

Tackling an "uninteresting" creature can be Superstar showmanship. But it needs to be treated accordingly - focusing on bringing out the creature's strength and potential. Other entries might be able to content themselves with "merely" building a solid encounter surrounding their chosen monster - no mean feat! - but in picking something that's been explicitly called out as unexciting, you really want to justify your choice.

Which is why I'm particularly dismayed at the sense that the argopelters are fairly afterthought-ish here. You literally could have substituted any other jungle monster, and chosen any forest monster with no great difficulty. There are other R3 monsters whose insertion would have a clearer, more unique effect on the encounter, since their special niche and behavior is clearer and more widely-appreciated.

You've stumbled on showmanship, Nicholas. Tsk-tsk.

Can you give me an estimate how long it'll take Ezren to climb down off the roof? I'm debating whether it's worth burning my use of Arcane Bond for the day for another dimension door... From the entrance to the curtain looks like a move action to me; the question is how long does it take Ezren to get down off the roof.

Ezren crosses the distance to Axia (a move action along the west side of the tank, I don't think anybody's positioned to threaten an AoO but I could be wrong). He casts dimension door, reaching out to touch Axia, and bring her along with him. "You three can fend off these buggers for a minute more, right?"

Absent context for the area, I'm going to say we teleport up to the roof.

Ziv, I'm still up for playing, and playtesting after Thursday.

Well, I'm planning my game only after the playtests are done (because I really need a least a teensy-weensy bit of experience before I run one).

Playtests, OTOH, I'll play in as many as others are willing to throw me. I'm in curaigh's now, and motteditor seemed like he was going to start one, but that didn't get off the ground - I'm not sure he got more participants than you and I.

Michael, you get big props from me for great execution of a high concept. You found a cool way to base your encounter around an R3 monster, and tie it into the Golarion setting in a way that makes sense but is still interesting and unexpected. To me, that says you can take the many restrictions inherent in writing game modules, and come up with exciting, original material within those constraints.

I'm not really seeing the big issue with is-a-location/isn't-a-location. It would have been nice if you managed to hype up the general location a little more, but the location is also pretty clear to me as-is, and has obvious potential for interest, originality, and playability. You made clear what the location was, you made its relevance clear, and you detailed its central encounter. It might be a small location, or a focused one, which is fine by me. (It might not have been seen as inspiring or interesting or fun to play by some, which is also fine by me.) As far as I'm concerned, you're good.

This encounter makes me sad.

Encounters that provoke strong emotional reactions make me happy :)

I'm afraid this encounter really didn't grab me. Mostly nothing here felt very fresh to me - most major elements (ancient temple, statues are actually monsters, spell-trigger trap...) are very familiar, and your use of the leechroot was solid but firmly rooted in the original description. It feels to me like a typical mix-and-match encounter; this round is your first opportunity to show me plot and adventure-building, and I'm left underwhelmed.

That's just me, though, and it seems clear I'm in the minority :)

What I do what to point out is that you've got a lot of really clunky phrasing scattered throughout. This bothered me a lot; some were jarring and some were outright unclear. I don't think I felt this in any of your previous entries; I don't know what to make of this observation, but I hope you'll find it helpful. Here's a lot of the cases that bothered me:

• The most well-recorded of these hidden temple complexes is Ssel Asha, but word of the site only survives because recent encounters reveal a possible location. I don't see how this makes sense. "Recorded" means somebody was there. When was it recorded if its location isn't known? If its location wasn't known but the records still existed, then word of the site should exist due to the records. Perhaps you meant something on the lines of: The most well-recorded of these hidden temple complexes is Ssel Asha, but interest in the site has only sparked recently, due to encounters suggesting a possible location, or perhaps Recent encounters suggest a possible location for Ssel Asha, provoking more interest and research in the temple than others of its ilk have received. Honestly, I can't really make this out.

• These naga ceased communion with their elven and cyclopean counterparts at the demand of Istrothel, a charismatic spirit naga who overtook and renamed the temple, remaking the site and its inhabitants into a dark reflection of their former practices. Convoluted sentence with half a dozen subjects. Straighten it out; split it up. Consider: Istrothel, a charismatic spirit naga, overtook the temple. She severed the naga's communion with their elven and cyclopean counterparts, and reshaped the temple into a dark reflection of its former self.

• with the whole being defended by powerful phantasms and necromantic magic "the whole thing" is very casual phrasing, and jars against the proper, formal tone of the rest of the prose.
  
• In recent months, news from the Echo Wood has become very strange. Rangers and remote settlers tell traders (and pirates) of bizarre monster sightings – eyewitness accounts of creatures unknown to the region. "Very strange," "bizarre," "unknown" - these are weaselly descriptions that don't provide any actual detail. If you're going to spend time telling us about the concern and the eyewitness reports, then you want to give us at least a smattering of the actual description - something specific, something that sets this apart from a hundred other "oh, no, there is a [SOMETHING] in the forest!" sightings.

• Neither country reports closure regarding the strange phenomena, but both report human casualties. "reports closure" is a very odd phrasing. And obviously if it's not over, there are still casualties. Consider: Both countries report continued casualties, and no conclusion in sight.

• The thing operates only when stimulated Ow ow ow this phrase hurt my brain. Choose good words, Steven! "Thing," "operates," and "stimulated" are all awkward and unspecific. The undead plant attacks only when it senses a victim,, or for that matter The office stapler correctly staples pages together only when firmly pressed closed.

• The complex beyond the shrine has illusory holes in the floors and walls (marked by a circled X), each door leading to another shrine area, a naga nest or other dangerous location. The curved tunnels cause no injury... They aren't "illusory holes," they're real holes, which I assume are disguised by an illusion. (You also mention "illusory defenses" somewhere earlier; same problem.) They aren't doors - you just called them holes - maybe they're trapdoors, but that's not what you just said. What curved tunnels? You just said the doors lead into specific areas; you haven't mentioned any tunnels to get there. What you meant was The complex is trapped with numerous holes, hidden by illusions. Anybody falling into the hole slides down curved tunnels, which deposit him in another shrine area, a naga nest, or other dangerous location. At least, I think that's what you meant.

Sorry to be so critical and nitpicky, but I hope my criticism is clear and helpful. I've loved your work so far, and even if I didn't like your entry this round, I'd still love to see you up in the finals - and hey, it looks like you're doing well so far :D Hope this helps, and all the best!

I've posted Ezren's char sheet on my alias page for handy reference.

OK, folks, I'm gonna go read the encounter and get myself up to speed. I thought we were waiting for an intro, but now I see we've kinda got one, and Scott's assuming we know what's going on :)

Shabbat is coming in, so I'll be incommunicado until this time tomorrow. But then I'll be ready to dive right in :)

Who's Axia?

I'll make this simple and stick with the Ezren wizard pregen. I haven't read the encounter yet.